rhodywoman

Well Crap.. yes..I hadn't realized that its been well over a year since my last visit here.. and it seems that I should have been visiting a whole lot more often.. because not only did I fall off the wagon - but I rolled into a raveen that lead to a cliff - and here I am hanging by a mere branch.. with all 340lbs of me.. I can blame no one except myself for the weight gain.. I've gained a total of 43.3 lbs.. I've been completely out of control - and of course recently (within the last 2-3 weeks I've been trying to get back to basics.. I've forgotton how to eat, how to control my poritons, I've forgotten good food choices, and definitely "forgot" the importance of daily exercise/activity - so here I am - trying my best to un-do all that I've done within the last year or so..
 
Take care my friends..
 
 
Just me -
 
Bea

When i made the call to the bariatric clinic in February I wasn't sure how this journey would turn out. I wasn't sure if my insurance would cover it, I wasn't sure if my family was going to accept it, I wasn't sure how long it was going to take. As the days progressed to weeks and then to months, I'm finally at the tail of the process and the beginning of the real adventure but it seems things have s l o w e d down considerably.
 
I flew through the initial part of the process and everything went swimmingly until the sleep study which was a bit of a delay. Then my pre-op appointment was still several weeks from then (and still several weeks from now). So now I wait. And as they say: And idle mind is the devil's playground! I find myself going a little wild in my waiting time. I was so focused at the beginning of the process but now that i have a few weeks to go I'm eating things just because i know I can't eat them for a while. I think I've gained some weight and that can't be good since in my pre-op they may require me to lose more weight before surgery.
 
I've decided that today is the day. Not tomorrow, not Monday, but TODAY I'm going to start making sure I have my water in, eating things that will help along this road, and really re-focus because I don't want to go this far and then discover that my surgery will be delayed because I wanted to indulge myself.
 
I've spent the last 30 years indulging myself and it's time for a change.
 
I'm going to weigh myself today and set a 10 pound goal for my pre-op appoitnment on August 18th. I'm going to accomplish this by drinking water, walking, and planning my meals and sticking to the plan!
 
Did anyone else go completely off the rails during this time frame?

When i made the call to the bariatric clinic in February I wasn't sure how this journey would turn out. I wasn't sure if my insurance would cover it, I wasn't sure if my family was going to accept it, I wasn't sure how long it was going to take. As the days progressed to weeks and then to months, I'm finally at the tail of the process and the beginning of the real adventure but it seems things have s l o w e d down considerably.
 
I flew through the initial part of the process and everything went swimmingly until the sleep study which was a bit of a delay. Then my pre-op appointment was still several weeks from then (and still several weeks from now). So now I wait. And as they say: And idle mind is the devil's playground! I find myself going a little wild in my waiting time. I was so focused at the beginning of the process but now that i have a few weeks to go I'm eating things just because i know I can't eat them for a while. I think I've gained some weight and that can't be good since in my pre-op they may require me to lose more weight before surgery.
 
I've decided that today is the day. Not tomorrow, not Monday, but TODAY I'm going to start making sure I have my water in, eating things that will help along this road, and really re-focus because I don't want to go this far and then discover that my surgery will be delayed because I wanted to indulge myself.
 
I've spent the last 30 years indulging myself and it's time for a change.
 
I'm going to weigh myself today and set a 10 pound goal for my pre-op appoitnment on August 18th. I'm going to accomplish this by drinking water, walking, and planning my meals and sticking to the plan!
 
Did anyone else go completely off the rails during this time frame?

When i made the call to the bariatric clinic in February I wasn't sure how this journey would turn out. I wasn't sure if my insurance would cover it, I wasn't sure if my family was going to accept it, I wasn't sure how long it was going to take. As the days progressed to weeks and then to months, I'm finally at the tail of the process and the beginning of the real adventure but it seems things have s l o w e d down considerably.
 
I flew through the initial part of the process and everything went swimmingly until the sleep study which was a bit of a delay. Then my pre-op appointment was still several weeks from then (and still several weeks from now). So now I wait. And as they say: And idle mind is the devil's playground! I find myself going a little wild in my waiting time. I was so focused at the beginning of the process but now that i have a few weeks to go I'm eating things just because i know I can't eat them for a while. I think I've gained some weight and that can't be good since in my pre-op they may require me to lose more weight before surgery.
 
I've decided that today is the day. Not tomorrow, not Monday, but TODAY I'm going to start making sure I have my water in, eating things that will help along this road, and really re-focus because I don't want to go this far and then discover that my surgery will be delayed because I wanted to indulge myself.
 
I've spent the last 30 years indulging myself and it's time for a change.
 
I'm going to weigh myself today and set a 10 pound goal for my pre-op appoitnment on August 18th. I'm going to accomplish this by drinking water, walking, and planning my meals and sticking to the plan!
 
Did anyone else go completely off the rails during this time frame?

Up until Saturday it was a hope. It was a prayer. It wasn't quite real. I was on the way and doing my best to maintain a level of calmness because if I didn't get approved for surgery I didn't want to be upset. I would've been upset anyway but I certainly would have been MORE upset had I gotten excited, told everyone I knew, and then didn't get approved.
 
When my surgeon's coordinator told met that she was submitting my paperwork for approval I asked her how long is the "usual" turnaround for my insurance. She said it's been as short as 2 days and as long as two weeks. She called me as I was leaving for vacation. I was happy that all of my insurance work was officially done before I left. I went on vacation feeling like I accomplished something.
 
Not 24 hours later my happiness and feeling of accomplishment was eclipsed by the anxiety of the wait. Did I make it? Why would they NOT approve me? They don't approve people every single day so maybe there was something they could use to deny me. Ugh. I tried to put it out of my mind and just enjoy myself but it was hard.
 
When we returned from vacation I waited for the phone call. It's been a week now. Still no call. On Friday I told my husband that I didn't think that I was approved. He asked why would they deny me. I thought maybe we haven't had this insurance long enough, maybe I need to try something else, maybe, maybe, MAYBE. I went to bed Friday feeling a little defeated.
 
On Saturday when I checked the mail there was a letter from my surgeon's office. I wasn't expecting a letter. I was approved. All of a sudden it seemed like stress and pressure of 30 years of battling my weight were finally released and I cried.
 
I should have known that it's always darkest before dawn. Always.
 
I'm approved. I'm ready. This is going to be the fight of my life... FOR MY LIFE. I know it won't be easy. I know that it won't be pretty. I do know that it will be absolutely worth it and now it's going to happen.
 
Why didn't they call? She didn't want to bother me on vacation.
 
Another lesson in just letting things happen as they should.

Up until Saturday it was a hope. It was a prayer. It wasn't quite real. I was on the way and doing my best to maintain a level of calmness because if I didn't get approved for surgery I didn't want to be upset. I would've been upset anyway but I certainly would have been MORE upset had I gotten excited, told everyone I knew, and then didn't get approved.
 
When my surgeon's coordinator told met that she was submitting my paperwork for approval I asked her how long is the "usual" turnaround for my insurance. She said it's been as short as 2 days and as long as two weeks. She called me as I was leaving for vacation. I was happy that all of my insurance work was officially done before I left. I went on vacation feeling like I accomplished something.
 
Not 24 hours later my happiness and feeling of accomplishment was eclipsed by the anxiety of the wait. Did I make it? Why would they NOT approve me? They don't approve people every single day so maybe there was something they could use to deny me. Ugh. I tried to put it out of my mind and just enjoy myself but it was hard.
 
When we returned from vacation I waited for the phone call. It's been a week now. Still no call. On Friday I told my husband that I didn't think that I was approved. He asked why would they deny me. I thought maybe we haven't had this insurance long enough, maybe I need to try something else, maybe, maybe, MAYBE. I went to bed Friday feeling a little defeated.
 
On Saturday when I checked the mail there was a letter from my surgeon's office. I wasn't expecting a letter. I was approved. All of a sudden it seemed like stress and pressure of 30 years of battling my weight were finally released and I cried.
 
I should have known that it's always darkest before dawn. Always.
 
I'm approved. I'm ready. This is going to be the fight of my life... FOR MY LIFE. I know it won't be easy. I know that it won't be pretty. I do know that it will be absolutely worth it and now it's going to happen.
 
Why didn't they call? She didn't want to bother me on vacation.
 
Another lesson in just letting things happen as they should.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

I wasn't going to go here.
 
I really wasn't.
 
But I can't seem to shake it and when I can't shake something I usually have to write it out.
 
I know that everyone will have opinions of weight loss surgery and I'm finding out that I really don't want to hear it. I know that I've failed in the past, I know that surgery can be dangerous, I know that life is going to change considerably for me, and I know that it's a completely different life than the life that I've led. I also know that most of the people who are concerned are coming from a loving place, no matter what the conversation makes me feel like when it's happening.
 
But if it's one thing that I've noticed it's that the most challenging conversation and the biggest naysayers are my friends that are overweight... and it' hurts.
 
I've tried to place myself in their shoes. I remember when I knew nothing of weight loss surgery and I considered it to be a "cop out." I even thought it was the "easy way out." One thing I never thought was that it was an opinion that I would share with someone who was having the surgery! Now that I've spent the last year reading everything I can, working on my food addiction, and learning about the procedure I understand just how wrong I was... but at least I was wrong to myself.
 
In the meeting with my nutritionist the other day we were talking about what's been the hardest thing for me at this time and it was (overwhelmingly) dealing with the people who have negative opinions about this. As I was speaking the images of the people I was talking about kept running through my mind and I noticed the theme. They were all of my friend's that are overweight/obese.
 
Of all of my friend's I'm quite possibly the biggest. Some are close to my 320 lbs but most are hovering around 250. Are they threatened by my potentially weighing less than them in the future? Are they concerned about my passing the "fat torch" to someone else? Will my loss make them feel worse about themselves?
 
I did Ideal Protein last year and I lost 75 lbs and I had to go over in my mind how our relationships were affected by that loss. I guess I was so busy just trying to make it through that I didn't realize how little I saw of them during that time. I think it was self-imposed because I didn't want to subject people to my diet or make them feel badly about eating in front of me. Maybe they thought I became distant as I was losing weight.
 
Has anyone gone through this?
Were your heavy friends supportive or missing through your process?
How do I maintain friendships but work on my health?

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

So as it turned out the prescription drugs I was prescribed for pain were absolutely useless. I didn't sleep for nearly 48 hours and had tons of anxiety and quite a bit of pain. After talking to the Doctor and the nurse I went to liquid children's tylenol. I had reservations about this working, but in face, it does. I doubled the dose as told to and it works. I'm now trying to take less of it. I have since spoken to others who have had the same problem. Once I started the tylenol I was able to sleep with ease.
 
I'm now able to spend a least a small portion of time on my sides which I couldn't tolerate at first.
 
Yesterday I was out and decided to push myself to walk the full 30 minutes. I was so pleased with myself when I finished and really it wasn't all that bad. Today I'll repeat that. I have a dog that loves to walk, and this week I'm dog sitting another dog.
 
I'm trying to up my protein by continuing with the shakes and chicken broth.
 
Rhodywoman sent me information on a book called "The Binge Eating and Compulsive Overeating Workbook" I recommend the book too. I'm interested in discovering the psychology of binge eating and compulsive overeating and why I have lived with those for so long.
 
It's a beautiful bright sunny cold day here in Ontario. I wish you all happiness today.
 

We're in a new office building & have see-through windows in conference rooms, with the exception of a frosted window strip going through the middle of the window walls so you can't see the people when they're sitting down around the table.
 
So, I'm walking down the hall, passing one of the conference rooms & check out the reflection of a thin figure going by. I actually stopped myself in my own tracks realizing, "Holy shi*, that's ME!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
I don't mean to sound conceited in any way, shape or form, but I actually looked nice. I can't believe I didn't even recognize my own reflection.
 
It's taken me 1 1/2 years to get here, but guess what, I AM FINALLY HERE!!!

Many of you can probably relate to the seemingly never ending yo-yo dieting of a fat person. As I sit here and get pretty retrospective as I await my first introductory meeting at the surgeons I can't help but thinking about the journey before this journey. The many attempts at losing weight over the years and I've learned a few things about myself in the process.
 
From when I was twelve years old I have a memory that I won't likely forget. I was putting on a little weight and I had to go to the doctor for my annual physical. After they weighed me and took my vitals I had to bring my physical paper and chart to the next room. On it was 148 lbs and the notation "grossly overweight."
 
Grossly overweight. It was bad enough that gross was already a term with negative connotation having it used in the 80's made it worse. Gross was a Valley Girl slang term that was as overused as "twerk" and "YOLO" are overused today. When I saw it my heart hit the floor. I had to hand this paper to a doctor and he will also know my totally gross status. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't crawl into a hole and I didn't die. I did, however, crawl into a bag of cookies and gorged. That moment may just be the very first time I took a negative situation that gave me a bad feeling and numbed it out with cookies. It wouldn't be the last.
 
Using food as a coping strategy only made matters worse when the general population likes to celebrate with food. So now food is great if I'm happy, sad, angry, mad, or any other emotion. So then food became not a fuel source but an anchor. An anchor that has weighed me down -- literally -- for 30 years.
 
I know that I'm not going to be successful with any form of weight loss until I change my attitude toward food and last year I purchased a book titled: The Binge Eating and Compulsive Overeating Workbook - An Integrative Approach to Overcoming Disordered Eating. I started to read it and answer the questions and then I put it down. I probably told myself I was too busy (I wasn't) but honestly I didn't enjoy uncovering all the emotion behind WHY I eat. I put it on a shelf for several months.
 
Picking it up again when I decided that I was going to look into surgery it really hit me that my problem is more that I tend not to feel my feelings because I fear I may be ruled by them so instead I tend to swallow them... usually chased with ice cream. Like I said earlier until I understand my eating and the emotions from my eating this will be another trip on the yo-yo train and I'm not going to have a major surgery, redesign my insides, and then go back to my old habits. It's time. I'm not twelve anymore but I am truly grossly overweight and I'm sick of it. It's time to do the work.
 
QUESTION: Do you eat your feelings? If you did would exploring it further have helped you on this journey after surgery?

Many of you can probably relate to the seemingly never ending yo-yo dieting of a fat person. As I sit here and get pretty retrospective as I await my first introductory meeting at the surgeons I can't help but thinking about the journey before this journey. The many attempts at losing weight over the years and I've learned a few things about myself in the process.
 
From when I was twelve years old I have a memory that I won't likely forget. I was putting on a little weight and I had to go to the doctor for my annual physical. After they weighed me and took my vitals I had to bring my physical paper and chart to the next room. On it was 148 lbs and the notation "grossly overweight."
 
Grossly overweight. It was bad enough that gross was already a term with negative connotation having it used in the 80's made it worse. Gross was a Valley Girl slang term that was as overused as "twerk" and "YOLO" are overused today. When I saw it my heart hit the floor. I had to hand this paper to a doctor and he will also know my totally gross status. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't crawl into a hole and I didn't die. I did, however, crawl into a bag of cookies and gorged. That moment may just be the very first time I took a negative situation that gave me a bad feeling and numbed it out with cookies. It wouldn't be the last.
 
Using food as a coping strategy only made matters worse when the general population likes to celebrate with food. So now food is great if I'm happy, sad, angry, mad, or any other emotion. So then food became not a fuel source but an anchor. An anchor that has weighed me down -- literally -- for 30 years.
 
I know that I'm not going to be successful with any form of weight loss until I change my attitude toward food and last year I purchased a book titled: The Binge Eating and Compulsive Overeating Workbook - An Integrative Approach to Overcoming Disordered Eating. I started to read it and answer the questions and then I put it down. I probably told myself I was too busy (I wasn't) but honestly I didn't enjoy uncovering all the emotion behind WHY I eat. I put it on a shelf for several months.
 
Picking it up again when I decided that I was going to look into surgery it really hit me that my problem is more that I tend not to feel my feelings because I fear I may be ruled by them so instead I tend to swallow them... usually chased with ice cream. Like I said earlier until I understand my eating and the emotions from my eating this will be another trip on the yo-yo train and I'm not going to have a major surgery, redesign my insides, and then go back to my old habits. It's time. I'm not twelve anymore but I am truly grossly overweight and I'm sick of it. It's time to do the work.
 
QUESTION: Do you eat your feelings? If you did would exploring it further have helped you on this journey after surgery?