Angelica

I feel a general sense of not being well today. I miss Steve, I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way he made me laugh, and how we wasted our time together. He said the kindest sweetest things, and then would be thrown off because I didnt expect him to say them. It was cute. I need a smoke, but alas, no lighter, not alot of people that I work with smoke, I guess. Its my fault, really, I shouldnt have left the thing at home. I feel like I have been robbed of an opprotunity. I feel like it was taken away from my roommate. I feel like I will never be able to lose any weight with her around, I feel like I will never be able to breathe when shes around. I feel like I got in way over my head with my roommate and now, after 2 years, my debt is paid. I can leave. We started this out as a 6 month thing, and now its been 2 years of me wasting my time. I feel like shes done nothing but taken from me This of course, I know isnt true. Its not that all of her is bad, or that everything she does is evil, but she had a direct correlation to Steve and I deciding not to continue. I want to punch her in her fat mouth. Its a totally perverted relationship, and I havent been able to speak this out loud before, because if I had, I would have had to immediately end the situation. I think shes in love with me. I know this sounds crazy. I really honestly thinks she wishes I were a man, she wishes she could marry me. This sounds arrogant, I realize, but, her actions, shes so terribly jealous, and mean spirited when it comes to men in my life. Its so strange. Compounded by the fact that she jokingly asked me to put her kids on my insurance at work, and call her and I life partners. WTF

I feel a general sense of not being well today. I miss Steve, I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way he made me laugh, and how we wasted our time together. He said the kindest sweetest things, and then would be thrown off because I didnt expect him to say them. It was cute. I need a smoke, but alas, no lighter, not alot of people that I work with smoke, I guess. Its my fault, really, I shouldnt have left the thing at home. I feel like I have been robbed of an opprotunity. I feel like it was taken away from my roommate. I feel like I will never be able to lose any weight with her around, I feel like I will never be able to breathe when shes around. I feel like I got in way over my head with my roommate and now, after 2 years, my debt is paid. I can leave. We started this out as a 6 month thing, and now its been 2 years of me wasting my time. I feel like shes done nothing but taken from me This of course, I know isnt true. Its not that all of her is bad, or that everything she does is evil, but she had a direct correlation to Steve and I deciding not to continue. I want to punch her in her fat mouth. Its a totally perverted relationship, and I havent been able to speak this out loud before, because if I had, I would have had to immediately end the situation. I think shes in love with me. I know this sounds crazy. I really honestly thinks she wishes I were a man, she wishes she could marry me. This sounds arrogant, I realize, but, her actions, shes so terribly jealous, and mean spirited when it comes to men in my life. Its so strange. Compounded by the fact that she jokingly asked me to put her kids on my insurance at work, and call her and I life partners. WTF

I LIKE nice guys. They just don't seem to like me :hurray: I think esp. for myself, that a nice guy, who can devote his attention and time to a woman is an amazing thing. I also think someone having the balls to ask me out, well, thats nice too. Having said that, I realize its a sensitive subject, and I'm just trying to give you another side of the situation that is felt by SOME women.

'My ups, my downs, my high and my lows?' My situation with Steve is over. Its a long drawn out explination, I am pretty much, well, its not a good day for me. I'm taking this one day at a time. One day. One hour, ten minutes :biggrin: at a time. Having gotten the bad news out of the way, the good news is that both my mother and I were promoted, which is funny, we dont work in the same industry, but we are both going to have to do alot more travel. 2 minutes at a time I had an egg and a sausage patty for breakfast. -A

'My ups, my downs, my high and my lows?' My situation with Steve is over. Its a long drawn out explination, I am pretty much, well, its not a good day for me. I'm taking this one day at a time. One day. One hour, ten minutes at a time. Having gotten the bad news out of the way, the good news is that both my mother and I were promoted, which is funny, we dont work in the same industry, but we are both going to have to do alot more travel. 2 minutes at a time I had an egg and a sausage patty for breakfast. -A

Just sayin.. Heartless Bitches International - "Nice Guys = BLEAH!"

So, I just wanted to say, whomever mentioned Lump Crab meat on this board a few weeks ago is awesome, and totally correct, that stuff is GREAT. 45 Calories per serving, 10 grms of Protein, its a nice little Breakfast for the people who can eat in the morning. I dont cook, I dont know anything about flavoring things, I barely know how to use a microwave, so can anyone give me suggestions on how to jazz it up a little bit and keep it as low cal as possible? -A

That song, love like this. Okay - I like it, and I realize, and my music snob friends tell me all the time that I listen to shitty music, I get that. But that new Natasha Beddingfield song is awesome. Okay, so the weight loss, shea, well. Look, I'm fuckin up. I realize that, and I feel like shit about it. I'm TIRED of feeling guilty. My life has to change. So, for the past two days, I have drug myself out of bed on time, I have worked out. I havent done the Power 90 yet, because I have to clean my room :biggrin: But I will do that tonight to be prepared. My life is going to change. Realizing that my eating habits were formed over a life time, and will take more than 3 months to fix and change, I am taking this one day at a time. Slow and steady wins the race, I am motivated to write down the things I eat so that I can keep track of them, I keep striving for a perfect day.

That song, love like this. Okay - I like it, and I realize, and my music snob friends tell me all the time that I listen to shitty music, I get that. But that new Natasha Beddingfield song is awesome. Okay, so the weight loss, shea, well. Look, I'm fuckin up. I realize that, and I feel like shit about it. I'm TIRED of feeling guilty. My life has to change. So, for the past two days, I have drug myself out of bed on time, I have worked out. I havent done the Power 90 yet, because I have to clean my room :redface: But I will do that tonight to be prepared. My life is going to change. Realizing that my eating habits were formed over a life time, and will take more than 3 months to fix and change, I am taking this one day at a time. Slow and steady wins the race, I am motivated to write down the things I eat so that I can keep track of them, I keep striving for a perfect day.

Things are swimming, my dears. Starting low carb, its sort of strange, but I figure its like, the best idea for someone who hasnt reached complete restriction. You get the protein you need, right? So its only day one, hour 4. I am itching for a fix I have started the day out with crab meat, which is nice, 45 calories per serving, and 10 grms of Protein. Head Hunger is killing me. I just keep shoving food into my face. So, we are back to the question that I now have to ask myself everytime I am about to put something in my mouth. 'Is this really going to carry me closer to my goals, or farther away'. I have been doing well with the fast food thing, and that is pretty much working itself out of my life. Now I am struggling with the overeating, and the portion control that I know I will have the next time I get my fill. I can feel it, but its still difficult. I figure that since the low carb diet kinda kills your appetite, this might be perfect until I reach my sweet spot. The low carb diet sort of works like this, and I know this because I have been on one for quite sometime on and off. I have found the quickest way to jump start MY weight loss is to do something that they call 'Meat and Eggs' over at Lowcarb.ca. Basically, youre eating just that, meat and eggs for the first few days, you really shouldnt take it longer than 5, and you take your vitamins, and drink only water. This does something for getting rid of something that is harmful to you, except I cannot remeber all the details. THEN, I like to take it straight into induction. I will note that normally when I do the meat and egg thing, I lose like 10-15 pounds in 3 days, which is likely all water anyway, so pfft. I work vegetables into my diet, and like to hover there for months at about 30 - 40 carbs a day, then carb creeeeep sets in on me, and I forget just how many carbs I am consuming, and the whole thing starts again, EXCEPT, this time, leave the carb creep off the end of the story. I am focused, I have an incredible person in my life who believes I am worth this, so I am going to believe it too. I am going to give this an honest to God effort, and stop messing around and playing around with my life. Yeah, I am a little frustrated with myself today but thats besides the point. -A

Things are swimming, my dears. Starting low carb, its sort of strange, but I figure its like, the best idea for someone who hasnt reached complete restriction. You get the protein you need, right? So its only day one, hour 4. I am itching for a fix :redface: I have started the day out with crab meat, which is nice, 45 calories per serving, and 10 grms of Protein. Head Hunger is killing me. I just keep shoving food into my face. So, we are back to the question that I now have to ask myself everytime I am about to put something in my mouth. 'Is this really going to carry me closer to my goals, or farther away'. I have been doing well with the fast food thing, and that is pretty much working itself out of my life. Now I am struggling with the overeating, and the portion control that I know I will have the next time I get my fill. I can feel it, but its still difficult. I figure that since the low carb diet kinda kills your appetite, this might be perfect until I reach my sweet spot. The low carb diet sort of works like this, and I know this because I have been on one for quite sometime on and off. I have found the quickest way to jump start MY weight loss is to do something that they call 'Meat and Eggs' over at Lowcarb.ca. Basically, youre eating just that, meat and eggs for the first few days, you really shouldnt take it longer than 5, and you take your vitamins, and drink only water. This does something for getting rid of something that is harmful to you, except I cannot remeber all the details. THEN, I like to take it straight into induction. I will note that normally when I do the meat and egg thing, I lose like 10-15 pounds in 3 days, which is likely all water anyway, so pfft. I work vegetables into my diet, and like to hover there for months at about 30 - 40 carbs a day, then carb creeeeep sets in on me, and I forget just how many carbs I am consuming, and the whole thing starts again, EXCEPT, this time, leave the carb creep off the end of the story. I am focused, I have an incredible person in my life who believes I am worth this, so I am going to believe it too. I am going to give this an honest to God effort, and stop messing around and playing around with my life. Yeah, I am a little frustrated with myself today but thats besides the point. -A

Uhhh.. Youre kidding, right? Starbucks coffee, Mashed Potatoes, Cheesecake and Ice Cream.. Take a look at the list of foods you are eating, and ask yourself if they are 1. food that would be beneficial to a weight loss plan, and 2., Food that your doctor approved to eat. I'm not trying to be rude, or snarky, but maybe you should consider some options that are less carb rich, more Protein rich and have fewer calories, combine that with some exercise and I bet you'll see the scales change really quickly! Good Luck

I am really excited about my band. I was disenchanted for a while, until my doctor lit a fire under my ass, and I started working out. Now all the sudden, I am working to accomodate my band, versus thinking it should accomodate me. I am staying focused, we all knew this wasn't a magical solution from the get go, we'd have an easy time, but nothing worth having is easy to get. I am losing about 10 pounds a month, which, to be honest with you, is a helluva lot more than I ever lost before. I have had my second fill, and have really nice restriction, I could probably have a little bit more of a fill, but I am working with what I have right now. Other than that, since I have lost this weight, I am getting up earlier, I can run up stairs again. Its nice not to be invisible to men anymore, and I feel a million times better. No hair loss as of yet, either. Question, does anyone still have an ache in their port sometimes?

mmm.. I got my fill on Friday. I am in heaven. Restriction is awesoommmeee. As of right now, I have 8 CCs in my 10 CC band, and I know I am only a few months along, but I needed the restriction. I am not going to worry about it. I got some rough news on Friday, smoking causes errosion? WTF, WHY cigarettes, WHY, I LOVE YOU GUYS. I am going to have to give up on the smoking and thats some bullshit. I love cigarettes, I just do, they make me happy, i like smoking, its fun for me, I like the smell, I like the taste, lame sauce. In other news, I have no dropped any weight since my last fill, which is why I asked the doctor (Dr Applebaum) to be aggressive with my fill. It was done in office without Floro, which is fine by me. I trust my doctor. My friend Ray came with me, because he didnt believe that they shove an instrument of death into you when they are giving fills. 'Little Poke' my ass Dr Applebaum. So its sunday, and I can already tell my restriction is awesome. It might be a little tight, but I am not giving up this fill unless I start showing symptoms of the band being too tight. I feel right at the right place, I can eat a jello cup (sugarfree) and it fills me up, I am kicking it on protein and liquids for right now, not a lot of solid foods, just because, I can, I guess. I dont feel the need to shovel food into my face. Restriction is awesome. I really honestly believe I am on my way Fat girl no more. Its time to hit the treadmill. -A

mmm.. I got my fill on Friday. I am in heaven. Restriction is awesoommmeee. As of right now, I have 8 CCs in my 10 CC band, and I know I am only a few months along, but I needed the restriction. I am not going to worry about it. I got some rough news on Friday, smoking causes errosion? WTF, WHY cigarettes, WHY, I LOVE YOU GUYS. I am going to have to give up on the smoking and thats some bullshit. I love cigarettes, I just do, they make me happy, i like smoking, its fun for me, I like the smell, I like the taste, lame sauce. In other news, I have no dropped any weight since my last fill, which is why I asked the doctor (Dr Applebaum) to be aggressive with my fill. It was done in office without Floro, which is fine by me. I trust my doctor. My friend Ray came with me, because he didnt believe that they shove an instrument of death into you when they are giving fills. 'Little Poke' my ass Dr Applebaum. So its sunday, and I can already tell my restriction is awesome. It might be a little tight, but I am not giving up this fill unless I start showing symptoms of the band being too tight. I feel right at the right place, I can eat a jello cup (sugarfree) and it fills me up, I am kicking it on protein and liquids for right now, not a lot of solid foods, just because, I can, I guess. I dont feel the need to shovel food into my face. Restriction is awesome.:eek: I really honestly believe I am on my way Fat girl no more. Its time to hit the treadmill. -A

My name is Angelica (aren't I inventive with the SN) 25, totally awesome, not really single anymore, banded on Oct 23, 07. I live in the butthole of Texas, El Paso, its just about as far West Texas as one can get, in fact, at any given time I can drive 20 minutes and be in New Mexico, or 15 minutes and be in the real Mexico. I have no idea how much weight I have lost (I dont weigh myself unless I am at the Doctors office, last count was 23 pounds), but I am kinda excited that I cant shove an entire cake in my face anymore. -A

So, the question for today, that I am making myself think of every time I make a decision is, 'Is this bringing me closer, or farther away from my goals' Finding healthy food is really difficult these days. Its kind of insane, I mean, you go to a resturant, and you expect to find something that is at least half way decent, and everything is loaded down with fat and calories, and all that other bullshit. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that its going to be necessary for me to bring my lunch to work. Bleh. I hate the preperation that goes into it, the cleaning up after wards, bleh. So I guess the goal is to try to stay as low carb as possible. I havent weighed myself in weeks. I'm not really worried about weighing myself either. Having said that, my clothes are looser, but not as loose as I would like them to be. I am exercising, and I am doing my best to stay right. Stay focused, worry about myself. The fact of the matter is that I am very rarely hungry. I eat because I guess like I feel I need too, but I dont. I feel slight hunger like once a day. I keep taking those stupid protein bullets, which arent the best things in the world, but I figure they probably taste better than most of the stuff out there, and at only 3 oz, they are really super easy to get down. I also found this new stuff called muscle milk and oats, which has 30 grms of protein per serving. I dont know how they will taste, but I figure that food really isnt about deliciousness anymore. Its more about keeping me alive and making sure I hit all my dietary requirements. In fact, most of the time, food just seems like a huge hassle, I cant eat that, thats bad for me, too much sugar, too much this, too much that. Whats the point? Give me a small plate of chicken and vegetables, thats all I want At least then I know that I wont feel guilty. Most of the time I hit up the mall food court, because we have a few healthfood places there, my bestie Ray can get pizza or whatever he wants, corpulus amounts of chinese food stacked on a plate, making everyone around us fatter and more miserable. I dont want to be that person anymore. Food sucks. Its not a hobby, its not a past time, its something that was killing me. Even salad becomes a task for me, I dont want iceburg lettuce, I want real greens, whats the point of iceberg? Its useless, just water, give me something with some nutritional content, pls, kthx. The truth is that I think I have hated food for a long time. I knew that food was the cause of me being miserable, I knew that my hands shoving it into my mouth had something to do with it too. I dont like it, I dont like eating it, I am just compelled to eat. I feel guilty the entire time I am eating, I feel guilty afterwards, and the guilt pushes me to just want to eat more. Its this stupid cycle that I just want to be free of. I'm just plain old sick and tired of all this bullshit. I have no patience left for even my own excuses. So the question for today is, Is this bringing me closer, or moving me farther away from my goal? I know that I need to up my protein consumption, because I have been adding small little forms of exercise into my daily routine. For instance, I smoke (I know, I dont need anyone's opinion, I smoke because I want too, get off my back) and everytime I go outside for a smoke, I circle our office building twice. Thats a half a mile. I normally go out for a smoke 2 or 3 times a day. In addition, I am working the power 90 everyday except Saturday (because the program says you have to take at least one day off) and if I can force myself out of bed in the morning, I plan on taking a nice 30 minute stroll on the treadmill before I start getting ready to go to work. This so far hasnt been successful. I normally get a late start, but I found this great alarm clock that releases this shreeking noises, and it has two wheels on the sides of it, it jumps off your night stand and wheels around, you have to catch the little bugger to shut it off. This sounds like a fantastical idea to me It might actually get me up in the mornings. :notagree -A

So, the question for today, that I am making myself think of every time I make a decision is, 'Is this bringing me closer, or farther away from my goals' Finding healthy food is really difficult these days. Its kind of insane, I mean, you go to a resturant, and you expect to find something that is at least half way decent, and everything is loaded down with fat and calories, and all that other bullshit. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that its going to be necessary for me to bring my lunch to work. Bleh. I hate the preperation that goes into it, the cleaning up after wards, bleh. So I guess the goal is to try to stay as low carb as possible. I havent weighed myself in weeks. I'm not really worried about weighing myself either. Having said that, my clothes are looser, but not as loose as I would like them to be. I am exercising, and I am doing my best to stay right. Stay focused, worry about myself. The fact of the matter is that I am very rarely hungry. I eat because I guess like I feel I need too, but I dont. I feel slight hunger like once a day. I keep taking those stupid protein bullets, which arent the best things in the world, but I figure they probably taste better than most of the stuff out there, and at only 3 oz, they are really super easy to get down. I also found this new stuff called muscle milk and oats, which has 30 grms of protein per serving. I dont know how they will taste, but I figure that food really isnt about deliciousness anymore. Its more about keeping me alive and making sure I hit all my dietary requirements. In fact, most of the time, food just seems like a huge hassle, I cant eat that, thats bad for me, too much sugar, too much this, too much that. Whats the point? Give me a small plate of chicken and vegetables, thats all I want At least then I know that I wont feel guilty. Most of the time I hit up the mall food court, because we have a few healthfood places there, my bestie Ray can get pizza or whatever he wants, corpulus amounts of chinese food stacked on a plate, making everyone around us fatter and more miserable. I dont want to be that person anymore. Food sucks. Its not a hobby, its not a past time, its something that was killing me. Even salad becomes a task for me, I dont want iceburg lettuce, I want real greens, whats the point of iceberg? Its useless, just water, give me something with some nutritional content, pls, kthx. The truth is that I think I have hated food for a long time. I knew that food was the cause of me being miserable, I knew that my hands shoving it into my mouth had something to do with it too. I dont like it, I dont like eating it, I am just compelled to eat. I feel guilty the entire time I am eating, I feel guilty afterwards, and the guilt pushes me to just want to eat more. Its this stupid cycle that I just want to be free of. I'm just plain old sick and tired of all this bullshit. I have no patience left for even my own excuses. So the question for today is, Is this bringing me closer, or moving me farther away from my goal? I know that I need to up my protein consumption, because I have been adding small little forms of exercise into my daily routine. For instance, I smoke (I know, I dont need anyone's opinion, I smoke because I want too, get off my back) and everytime I go outside for a smoke, I circle our office building twice. Thats a half a mile. I normally go out for a smoke 2 or 3 times a day. In addition, I am working the power 90 everyday except Saturday (because the program says you have to take at least one day off) and if I can force myself out of bed in the morning, I plan on taking a nice 30 minute stroll on the treadmill before I start getting ready to go to work. This so far hasnt been successful. I normally get a late start, but I found this great alarm clock that releases this shreeking noises, and it has two wheels on the sides of it, it jumps off your night stand and wheels around, you have to catch the little bugger to shut it off. This sounds like a fantastical idea to me It might actually get me up in the mornings. :notagree -A

Hrm, this is going to be harder than i expected.. I decided that since i am over whatever was wrong with my stomach that I would start the Couch to 5K program today. I made it 12 minutes. Okay, I am not done, I am going to try this again later today. 25 minutes with NOT BEAT ME. But I was sweating like a pig There is a certain sense of elation, knowing that I can actually run if I put my mind to it, even if I was only for 3 minutes, its better than a kick in the ass. I feel awesome right now. I am focused, I am ready, I am tired of being a fat girl. Steve and I talked about my weight today, he did the awesome dude thing and told me it was fine with him, and that he wasnt worried about it, and he liked my boobs What fat girl doesnt have a nice rack? We talked about the surgery, hes had his own medical issues, so I am not worried about the scars or whatever, but its nice to know that someone supports me. When i told him about the Couch to 5k program, he told me he had faith in me. I am turning into a pile of mush over this guy Hes completely awesome. My bestie Ray introduced him to me, its sort of complicated, but Steve is so awesome, hes of the upmost of awesome. I feel sort of dewey and star stuck almost. I have been waiting for that nice guy forever. Maybe hes finally come my way? Everyone has their chance, right? In any case, everything else is smooth sailing. I have cut down on the eating, stepped up the protein, and i got these gross Viactiv vitamins. My friend lied when she said they were like chocolate candies. LIES. they get stuck in my teeth, but its for the greater good, right? Tomorrow is the power 90, and I will finish those last 13 minutes in my couch to 5k program today. I will. -A

Hrm, this is going to be harder than i expected.. I decided that since i am over whatever was wrong with my stomach that I would start the Couch to 5K program today. I made it 12 minutes. Okay, I am not done, I am going to try this again later today. 25 minutes with NOT BEAT ME. But I was sweating like a pig There is a certain sense of elation, knowing that I can actually run if I put my mind to it, even if I was only for 3 minutes, its better than a kick in the ass. I feel awesome right now. I am focused, I am ready, I am tired of being a fat girl. Steve and I talked about my weight today, he did the awesome dude thing and told me it was fine with him, and that he wasnt worried about it, and he liked my boobs What fat girl doesnt have a nice rack? We talked about the surgery, hes had his own medical issues, so I am not worried about the scars or whatever, but its nice to know that someone supports me. When i told him about the Couch to 5k program, he told me he had faith in me. I am turning into a pile of mush over this guy :cursing: Hes completely awesome. My bestie Ray introduced him to me, its sort of complicated, but Steve is so awesome, hes of the upmost of awesome. I feel sort of dewey and star stuck almost. I have been waiting for that nice guy forever. Maybe hes finally come my way? Everyone has their chance, right? In any case, everything else is smooth sailing. I have cut down on the eating, stepped up the protein, and i got these gross Viactiv vitamins. My friend lied when she said they were like chocolate candies. LIES. they get stuck in my teeth, but its for the greater good, right? Tomorrow is the power 90, and I will finish those last 13 minutes in my couch to 5k program today. I will. -A

Be careful, sugar, dont let that shit polute your body, and take your band away.

I started calling the day it was submitted. I have Horizon BC BS of New Jersey. Heres the deal - I called so many times that I think one of the phone operators messed up, and told me i was approved for my pre determination, AND pre certification, when in fact I was only approved for my Pre Determination. This turned out to work in my favor, as the rep documented in the notes on my account, and they were forced to completely approve the surgery, after I threw a holy fit. I was able to bypass the whole 6 month diet thing, and 13 days later, i was approved. Hey, I just followed their business rules, I dont regret it at all.

Congrats! Its a wonderful feeling :confused:

Lane bryant bras are awesome, I would consider a trip down there. They will measure you and everything. I know the torpedo syndrom with bras that dont have padding, but generally if you can find a shaped cup, its alot better.

You know, for a few weeks, I really fell like I made a mistake. I thought, I could be losing SO MUCH more weight, so much more quickly. I thought, how much easier it would have been to just get a bypass and move on with my life. then i went to go get my first fill. It was at a surgery center, because its under floro, and a nurse was getting me ready for the procedure, and she said, 'you know, the lapband is so much better than the bypass, in my opinion. the people who have the bypass are SICK for months after the surgery'. Then I remembered why I did this in the first place, i didnt want to define my life by weight loss surgery. I didnt want to be 'that girl'. Ignore the haters, dont tell the people who arent necessary about the surgery. Its the easiest way to go in my opinion.