giveyouthemoon

Attention Exalted Leader....come in Exalted Leader.....confused as to which way is left. Been walking in circles for an hour. Colander fell off head and bounced painfully off foot. Life as I know it has lost meaning. Advise please.

Holy shizzzznit!!!! Oh fer the love of all that is good and holy....now I've gone a burned a hole in my brain. Well THAT's going to leave a mark!

Well....after a quick Google search I found the label and one of the key ingredients is caffeine. So that makes it, to me, pretty much like all the other "fat burners" on the market. I would so dearly love to find something that really works. No intent to be a downer....hopefully others can chime in with experience.

I've always really really loved to dance and move my thang. It got a lot harder of course when I was so heaavey. But I noticed just the other day that I had my iPod on shuffle and I was dancing all around the house. Danced until I was sweaty! What a difference 50 lbs makes! I used to go out and go dancing and soon enough I'm going to be back out there. Shake your moneymaker!!!!!!!!!

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. It is heart wrenching. Many hugs and lots of love headed your way.

Ah mermaid....welcome to bandland! Congrats on your new friend!! Yes, gas is a problem. You learn to live with it. Go forth and partake of the GasX. Especially NOW. Get out the gas they used to blow up your tummy during the surgery!! Walk a LOT and take a LOT of GasX. Take more than the box says to take. And welcome to LBT!!!!!!

Here is the one I got: (hope I don't get banned for this) Survival Guide For Taking A Dump At Work We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2003 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the Water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS Definition: Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA omelet Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

I've seen the poop etiquette one. VEEEERY funny. And I was shocked, SHOCKED to recognize myself in there......I mean....REALLY!!!! lololol!!

:whispers: Bok Choy.....:stunned silence: That is BRILLIANT! I never thought about it that way.

:falls to knees in supplication: Of course you are right oh Exalted Leader..... ....I'm jus' saying....being mean to yourself so DOESN'T jive with the being fabulous thread that Miss Dee started elsewhere on this board........

Heh! Don't think I haven't been wondering about how soon I can pay a visit to Vegas and meet you in person! You are truly my idol!

Yes but......couldn't you just have your hubby spank you and be done with it?????

Can't I just have a good ol' fashioned spanking? I would enjoy (and remember) that SO much more..........

My first clue? cheese grater and pipe cleaner. GENIUS!!!!! I think this means I can take the wire hangers out of my pants now.....whew.....it was getting crowded in there.

Hmmmm....that idea is so genius, I'm starting to think ReneBean might just be the Exalted Leader.......

Let's get back to the farty pants issue. How we coming on you farting in your offensive coworker's office?

To get better reception from the Illuminate, silly! Which leg do you get a better signal on?

Well....mine didn't get as big as a baseball....it was more like an extra large golf ball. I was CONVINCED my port had flipped or torn away. It took it a LONG time to calm down some and now, four months out, it's STILL not entirely gone. When I got my first fill my surgeon even commented on how much scar tissue was still hanging around. Hang tight superdad!

Hey thanks....looook at all the preeeeety holes in this bowl-y thing...... : puts it on head...looks skyward : Calling Captain DeLarla...come in Captain DeLarla.....I've locked in on my local squishy machine.....apparantly the Cola/cherry half and half mix is popular here. Concerned that the infiltration has begun in California. Must be headed your way. Implement emergency plans now. Activating comunication plans. :shoves another wire hanger down pants:

Uh...yeah! In fact post banding it takes less alcohol to "get you there". I drink bloody marys, martini's and an occasional margarita (too much sugar). I also drink lots of wine both white and red. Or some nice sipping whiskey on the rocks. PLENTY of choices for adult beverages!!!

You can't? DAYUM! I sure can...wait....maybe this is one of those topics I should use my inside voice on..... Am SO trying to be more of a lady. I've decided I want to start dating again and boys seem to like girls who are at least a LITTLE girl-y.

Holy crap! I don't have a dog!!!!! Or cereal. I'm going to put an extra layer on my foil hat then put a wire hanger down my pants and stand on the roof waiting for additional guidance.

Make the rest of us bandsters proud.

Oh crap....I only did my homework up to K7. Pam? Can I cheat off of your notes? I'm so not a good band trooper. My translations always suck anyway......

I believe that goes entirely without saying. EVERYONE knows that...and if they don't, well....they are clearly not one of us and subject to interrogation.....