Band2Sleever

I knew obesity has ruined my life when... 1. I realised that I had spent more years of my life on a diet, than not on one. Through my teens, mostly winning, up a bit, back down and maintain for a bit. In my twenties, up a bit, down a bit, then up a bit but always with extra pounds and up and up up to obesity. Then banded and 10 years of divine control. 2. When I realised that I'd never had the feeling you're supposed to get when you're older. You know, the one promised to you when you're an insecure body-conscious teenager, they said "don't worry, you'll feel comfortable and confident with your body as you get older". Nope! Felt worse 3. The constant feeling of "abnormalness" running in the background of my mind, like a particularly bad soundtrack to my everyday life. The the sense of abnormalness coming from not being able to maintain a normal weight (when most of my family and friends can). 4. The yo-yoing (or more like yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yoing) of my weight and the sheer embarrassment of dealing with people's comments again and again and again, depending on how often they've seen me and what state I was in previously. Comments like "Oh you look well" (also know as "you've lost weight"). Or "Your hair looks lovely" (whilst staring transfixed at my expanding bum and thighs, so clearly thinking something else). Or, the direct approach "You've lost weight. Are you on a fitness kick at the moment?" (arrrrghh, it's not intended to be a transient health kick, I'm trying to keep my weight under control for my whole life so that I can see my children when they're grow up). All the usual ones about food "No cake for Betty. She's on a diet" , and "have some more, don't you like it?" (When I've said no thanks and it's nothing to do with their cooking. Only the family-feeders do thus!). Or, worse, just not saying anything at all, but looking you up and down in that very subtle but noticeable way. 5. Avoiding major family events because I was ashamed of what I looked like. 6. Avoiding photos. Full-length. Half-length. Face-only. Any and all photos. I developed an "avoid or destroy" strategy. Either make sure I'm not in the photo, or if someone's got photos thee check them all and ruthlessly throw away the fat ones (so that would be must of them on my teens and twenties then 100% in my thirties), and in the past even go through the negatives and destroy those as well. Clearly this is impossible to do now we're in the land of the digital camera. Bad photos are forever! 7. Avoiding going swimming with friends and then later my children. I feel deeply ashamed about choosing not to do things my children would have enjoyed. 8. Being grumpy everyday with my family and friends because I am obese, but never being able to confide in them the reason I feel so bad. That deep sense of shame that comes from knowing the reason that I am obese is quite simply that I eat too much. Too much Breakfast, too much lunch, too much dinner, too many Snacks. Too many pieces of cake, too many chips. The visible embodiment of having no self control (although, once I had a band I discovered this was not in fact correct, and I had great self control, monitoring everything I ate and reaching and MAINTAINING a normal BMI). 9. Not carrying on with sports that I loved as a teenager because I felt too fat to join in when older. Not running (most of the time) because my thighs shake and shudder . I did run periodically on my "losing weight" phases, but always felt as if people were staring (they were, as I thundered my way past) and in sure sometimes commenting. Telling myself to just keep going and ignore them, but inside silently crying at the woeful results from my latest diet and fitness regime. 10. Feeling totally mentally exhausted from thinking about food ALL the time (and this being much worse whilst on a diet, which was 90% of the time). Waking up worrying about weighing myself and what I can eat today. Going to bed worrying about what I weigh and what I've eaten, and it's too much, and it will never go away, and I have no self control, and the endless cycle of yo-yoing. And , that horrible sense of futility that creeps in when you've lost some weight, and mentally decide that "THIS time it's going to be different. I'm going to keep up the healthy eating and keep this weight off once and for all", but the the creeping realisation of failure once again as the weight creeps back up. 10. The small things ... chafing (chafing thighs in bare legs, chafing in jeans, chafing thighs in stockings, chafing thighs in summer, chafing thighs in bed), crying about wearing a swimming costume in public, never wearing a bikini, never wearing sexy underwear (choosing to camouflage and disappear things instead)m This is not intended to be a pity party. I just wanted to vent on my journey through obesity, and out the other side (with the band), and back into obesity again whist I wait for a SARS for my sleeve. Roll on the sleeve. Roll on the better half of my life. Good luck to everyone on here who is making the journey,

I posted twice by mistake. Anyone know how to delete one? Thank you

I jus wanted to say ... keep going, just keep going. You (we) are very much not alone. Although, I'm guessing that you, like me, often feel very alone? For me, being obese is a very lonely place. The fact that I can't manage something that sounds *so* simple is part if what makes me feel so alone. Why do other people manage to stay a healthy weight, but not me? Why do my mom, my sisters and my brothers manage, but not me? (There are other obese members in my family, but not many) . I even tried just to maintain my weight (at an overweight BMI) and I couldn't do that either! That made me despair, and again feel alone. I want this to be a positive post for you. Keep going, just keep going, because people on the forum are [bold] HERE [/bold] to support and understand. Even better than that, we are here without judgement. For me that is part of the beauty if the forums, omtge support that each if is can give each other is given unconditionally. It makes me feel less alone (although I am still very scared preop!). I hope you feel less alone too. Wishing you success

So true. I am looking forward to being uncomfortably comfortable in an airplane seat. Right now when I fly I feel squashed up against the sides of the seat. And, I can feel my belly bulging forward and can't get comfortable at all. Then there's eating the disgusting airplane food. I am looking forward to having a sleeve and saying in to all the processed carby junk food as well.

I love this post Lipstick Lady. So inspiring! I too am looking forward to being the regular-sized mom, not the wide-and-wobbly mom. I used to love taking my children swimming (when I was a normal weight wi the the band), now I felel so self-conscious I can't bear to go, except occasionally and all the time looking and seeing that I am the fattest and wobbliest. This makes me sad.

Oh, I so identify you [Feedyoureye] about setting mental weight levels for "Never going over this weight". How many times have I said "I'm never going over 200 pounds / 90kg" and then gone over it, and then some. The list it and said "Never again". But somehow the next conversation I having with myself is "I'm never going over 220 pounds / 100kg". For me this one if the key moments behind my decision to have surgery (first time band, nice waiting for a date for a sleeve). The thing that scares me most is wondering where it will ever stop? Probably when I have type 2 diabetes and I'm almost dead. So, enough is enough. I hate the feeling if failure if yet again hitting a higher weight. I truly hope sleeve surgery can give be the tool to get back to a healthy weight again.

Wow! That is so inspiring. How are you doing now?

Agree! Can't read it all. I'm not annoyed by it. I, like many others, just can't read the posts. It must be more of a problem for the person posting. No idea it is called "cursive" font. Presume we are all talking about the same thing, the pink squiggly font?

Hello Please add me to your list. Hopefully got a date for 31st March. March Tortoises... as in "slow and steady wins the race". I don't want to be a mad March hare! Proud to be a tortoise and take it one slow step forwards at a time and win this battle once and for all.

Wow, good for you wearing those clothes. Give it everything in the meeting! Please post some photos

just wanted to share that I am so, so nervous. I am pre-op and my mind is going from completely convinced that I am a having surgery... to almost phoning up the surgeons office to cancel it. How did anyone else deal with extreme nerves and doubts pre-op?

wow. sounds really positive. well done! sending you best wishes for a safe and speedy recovery.

Wow. Well done! Sounds scary. Sending you best wishes for a safe recovery and that you're back to normal as soon as possible.

I am feeling scared and frustrated. I am stressed about being stuck preop! I'm scared I'll be stuck getting bigger and bigger by the week as I've had my band removed, but haven't been given a date for sleeve yet. I'm feeling frustrated and demoralised by gradually gaining weight, but I am not yet heavy enough to get the sleeve. My surgeon hasn't said "no", but he wants me to try nutritionist and other doctors first before having surgery. I so want to get a chance to turn things around. If I could do this with diet and nutritionist I'd do it. But right now I just can't face yet another round of failed dieting.. not quite true, it's usually winning for a bit with a diet and then failing worse than before! Right now I feel like I've failed. My band has failed and I've had it taken out but regained weight, which I am finding incredibly hard. I am waiting each day to get a sleeve date confirmed. I don't know whether to be more scared about not having a date for surgery, or if I will before scared of having surgery if I ever get a date. Just needed to vent my frustration and feeling utterly demoralised.

Dear Cait I just want to say don't give up, don't lose heart, and don't let it get you down. It must be so frustrating, give yourself time to make progress and be kind and patient with yourself in the way. I wish I was postop. I am stressed about being stuck preop! I'm waiting for a date for revision surgery and feeling frustrated and demoralised. I so want to get a chance to turn things around with a sleeve. I want to wish you good luck and good health and that you get your good weightloss over time. kind regards Betty

Any pics?

Congrats to you also! !!! I am excited for the both of us and I wish you the best of luck:) Good luck

How soon after your surgery did you start exercising again? And how soon crossfit? Thank you.

Don't give up. 3months will pass. You will get there I had band out 9 months ago. I am going for sleeve in a couple of months. I am so frustrated that I can't lose weight like "normal" people do. I have tried to maintain weight with band out, and failed completely. So going for sleeves

Don't give up. 3months will pass. You will get there. I had band out 9 months ago. I am going for sleeve in a couple of months. I am so frustrated that I can't lose weight like "normal" people do. I have tried to maintain weight with band out, and failed completely. So going for sleeves