katesuccess

I've got a really public job, and dread telling anyone outside my husband and adult daughters. I've decided I'm just going to say I'm having surgery to correct a long term gastric problem, and my doctor recommends it now. End of story - if anyone struggling with weight asked, I might tell them - but really it isn't anyone else's business to dig into this and comment - helpful or not! It's going to be hard enough to do this, without the added stress of fighting all those little awkward comments, even if well-meaning.

I think men get insecure when they see their partners slimming down and feeling more confident, and making serious changes for the better in their lives. They may fear being leeft behind at the same time they resent your moving ahead - and yet don't want to do anything about it! I've seen it several times - but cheating won't help, nor is it excusable. I agree - talk to him and see if the conversation can be had in a non-threateneing way...if not, maybe he's not going to be able to go the distance. In any event, take care of yourself and stay focused on your wise choices. Love yourself, and do it well! You're worth it.

I've had great conversations about weight with three of my last four doctors. (I switched the first two because of moves or changes in insurance--both were great). Then I got one who was from another country (China in this case), and when I saw him and asked for some help with my weight, and asked about sleep apnea and a couple other weight related concerns I had, he said (true quote) "Have you ever even tried a diet?" My jaw dropped - and if he'd even read a fraction of my file he'd have known I'd tried all of them. I asked if he was serious - and he said yes. I politely told him that it's pretty rare for a woman in this area to manage to get to nearly 400 pounds and age 50+ without having tried at least half a dozen diets. He had no other suggestions but said he'd be happy to go look some things up on the internet for me. I never went back to him, and he's since left the practice. My new doctor is an amazing woman from India - and she immediately said we should get the sleep apnea diagnosed and then start dealing with the weight, which we are. She suggested WLS and when I was ready and emailed her, she called in the referral personally within the hour! Morale of the story - ditch any doctor who's not listening or reading your chart or up to date on how to help -- and doesn't feel like s/he's on YOUR team!

SOunds like maybe your mom is afraid of you changing and the place she imagines she holds in your life being unwelcome. Is she one of those who 'loves you' with food or with constant 'tips' or comments on how you 'look bad'? If you no longer are heavy, then her oh-so-helpful comments will no longer have a target. Some do that 'you won't need me any more' thing, or 'you'll move on without me' nonsense. It's possible she's even cranked up thinking that as long as you're not fully healthy weight-wise, she doesn't have to work on her own problems. Sadly, that's a really common one. But in all of this sh*t from her, remember its HER crap and not yours! Part of me is just passive-aggressive enough to suggest resonding "Thanks for the TLC mom, I knew you'd come through!" and hang up. It wouldn't help, but good for you hanging up instead of listening to more. Sheesh - so sorry you're having to put up with this! Don't let it get to you though, the real support people in your life want you to be happy and healthy, and respect your choices. Crying is good - it clears the way for what's next instead of bottling it up. Crying here is doubly good since so many people have been where you are and understand that this is a scary thing you're dealing with. I'm trying to think of it as scary all at once, instead of scary every day--which my weight really has been when I see it's effects long term. You're taking a well-informed and reasonable risk to live a longer and healthier life, and there's no growth without risk girl. You can do this!

I was diagnosed when I went in looking for help with fatigue and daily headaches, and then fitted with a mask. They also set me up with an APAP ("A" for automoatic instead of "C" for Constant) and I'm told it's much better than the older CPAPs. The main thing is the mask though --the fit and style you get makes a HUGE difference! It has to be what works for your face and sleep position. I use one called a Wisp mask, and it's small, light and easy to sleep with. It also stays on and makes the machine seem nearly silent to me. I tried on the bulkier one and thought I'd go nuts, (heavy, forehead piece felt awful) and then the pillow type which just didn't feel secure, and i hated the blowing affect in my nose. There's others too, but those are the three I tried. Anyway, wihtin two weeks I was waking up headache free! Another week after that my energy started returning to normal. My husband (saint that he is) has put up with my snoring for thirty years now, and cannot believe it's really over. I will say it takes a while to adjust though, so wear it for fifteen or twenty minutes before you go to sleep, and forgive yourself for pulling it off midway through the night a few times--just put it back on when you realize it's off. I also had to talk myself through that patience of having it on my face - weird feeling, weird sound, ugly looking, all that. But once I was patient and concentrated on breathing calmly and what it could do for me, it was great. I even travel with it, and airlines are wonderful. Good luck - and sleep well!

I bought the Fitbit One about two weeks ago, and I love it. I clicked mine onto my bra and can easily check it during the day, and it does motivate me to move more as well. I love that I can set it to vibrate a little reminder whenever I need to for moving because I also use the desk at work mostly--so right now since I usually get up and move at lunch I have it set to remind me to move at 10 AM and 2 PM. The alarm to wake up in the morning is good too, even though iPhone it would be too little to wake me. it's less harsh to wake up to then my alarm clock, and is a subtle reminder even when I first wake up that I will need to be active during the day and that my Fitbit is ready to track it! The food database is not nearly as large as with MyFitnessPal, which I used to use. I decided I would try the one that came with my Fitbit, and am entering those things that are not on it but I like to use, but it has the same option of frequently used foods being easy to track. I also like that it has Snacks between meals already programmed as options and because the database is smaller I actually don't have to wade through so many choices trying to find the one I'm looking for. But if I get frustrated with too few choices I will go back to MyFitnessPal which you can link to the Fitbit so that food tracked on MyFitnessPal shows up on your Fitbit dashboard. Good luck, and consider the clip online to avoid the arm movement thing. By the way, the clip is very very secure.

I am SO envious of you both! I'm approved but still waiting for the overbooked system to fit me in for Psych eval and Nutrition meeting, and they won't even let me schedule a pre-op appt until those are all done. Groan - so not until May for a pre-op, and that's if i'm lucky. Anyway, from all I read those emotions are good ones to have and help us think through all the ramificatoins of such a big move, but notice no where in that list did you say it made you want to eat?! That's great in my book. Planning the pre-meals will be fun too, since you'll know it's not "never again" but rather 'not for now.' Maybe that faster timeline will be good too, since it'll leave less time to worry and overthink things. I know what you mean about work worries, I have that too. I'm going to just say that my doctor has recomended some surgery, and this is when they can do it. I'm not ready to tell people what it is, as I've got a really public job. I figure if people ask what I'm going in for, I'll try to say it's personal - and not much fun to talk about, but reassure them it's not cancer or something they expect any recurrance with. Congratulations on getting dates and so soon you two!

Does anyone else feel like avoiding starting the pre-surgery weight loss efforts until the have a date? I'm having a hard time getting motivated, and since my surgery is at best 3 months away, I just don't have the zeal to start, even though the RN said I should. (I've got about 180 to lose all told).

I did Optifast a few years ago and found that adding those syrups helped, but even better was a tiny bit of real flavoring, since they tasted so fake to me. A ½ tsp cocoa powder, a ½ tsp real vanilla (or other) extract, or a bit of cooked real fruit pulverized in the blender. And yes - cold cold cold helps too. Even a half packet of stevia might improve it a bit. My pro op is four shakes plus a lean cuisine and ½ cup vegetables per day. I honestly would prefer not to eat any solids than try to limit them. Oh well, good training when I have to do it. I'm still awaiting a date, but am going to start working on losing now. Good luck with the optifast!

I'm in much the same spot, and you say it all really well. Hang in there with the smoking thing, (I quit 30 years ago - and it was HARD) but consider this; you will NEVER have to go through those first two agonizing days again! Any time you're tempted, just remember how hard won they were and how great an accomplishment it was, and hang on to each smokeless day as a huge milestone. Good for you! I'm in a really public job, so have decided not to tell the 200+ people at work, but my family knows. I'm also feeling like i may verge on obsessed on the topic, but I'm going to think of it as extremely well informed instead! I'm still waiting on a date for my psych eval, but all else is in and i'm insurance approved -- after that i can get a date. Good for you taking it on!

I too am going nuts waiting for a date! Insurance was approved a month ago but they're so backlogged at Group Health that I can't get in for my psych eval until the end of April, and they won't even let me make an appt for a prep until after that's done. Then it's another 6-8 weeks out on the doctor's surgery schedule. It''s maddening! I also can't seem to get at all motivated to start losing weight when I don't have any idea how long i'll be waiting for the surgery. Aargh!!!

I'm really frustrated with the long wait ahead of me, and the NP tells me to start working on weight loss now, even though my surgery isn't likely to get slated until June sometime if I'm lucky. (It was supposed to be May, but the psychologist is way overbooked.) Trouble is, it's like there's no end in sight here, and just to start working on it I know if i'm successful i'll hear how I don't "need" the surgery to lose weight, or afraid my BMI will drop below the standard needed and I'll have to reapply and this time get denied. I'm wanting to lose - but it's really hard to get motivated to think of this as my first step when the next ones aren't even on any trajectory. Help! I feel like i'm stuck in an endless holding pattern.

I can't thank you all enough! Wow - I feel so much more hopeful and like I have a plan to develop now. I hadn't thought of it in the way you all are saying you heard from your docs and from your own experiences. I read these boards a lot but rarely comment, cine I'm not even yet scheduled for my sleeve, but I am approved by insurance. I even ordered a handful of Protein shake mixes, but haven't tried any yet thinking it was too far ahead. I think i'll start crafting a plan now to lose some weight and use one shake a day, so i can try them and reorder what i want. I'm especially appreciative of the advice everyone, and will also get rolling on the cardio again. I was doing regular hikes last summer in prep for a backpack trip (depressing how little ground I could cover!) but am ready to restart. Thank you, thank you!

I completely relate to what you're saying on this horrendous waiting mess. I'm approved by insurance, but Group Health in Washington is SO understaffed it's insane. I was good to go over a month ago, but the soonest the psych eval person has is the end of April, (she has literally only two appointments per week) and the nurtrictionist is even a few days after that. Now Group Health won't even let me call to schedule an appt with the surgeon until after the spych eval is all done adn reported in - and he's scheduling surgeries six weeks out. Add to that the waiti time to see him for the appt, and i'm screwed.I'd hoped for a May date (as the coordinating RN thought i might get to do) but now it's even more months past that. My initial referral was November 1. I want to scream adn rant and yell and throw a tantrum...but it does me no good if there's no way to use it to move things along. Alas. I am on waiting lists, and call every ten days or so - I don't want to be on their pest-list or I'd call more often. Groan. Thanks for letting me rant.

Thanks so much for posting that Penman! It wasn't my inquiry you were answering, but it was good to read since i'm hoping for a May surgery date, and hoping to be as complication free and drama free as yours was. What an amazing weight loss you've had too. Anything you think you're doing differently than those losing less than you? It's good to start getting my head in the game, as you say, and planning for a new way of living and new rules.

Woohoo! That's fabulous, and look wonderful vsgbrookie! I'm really thrilled to see such impressive pictures, and it gives me hope for my own coming in. May. Thanks for posting them.

Yeah, I will be in the bucking the trend and in some of this too. I love my husband and he is wonderful and stepping up to do those things that are needed, but he also tends to second-guess me or try to tell me what he thinks I should be doing--granted it is in a very loving way, but it makes me have to tell him not to do so much or that I know what I'm doing with things sometimes. I also like to be alone and sleep in such a situation, and so I will love knowing he is with me before and for the hours right after, but for me to focus on what I'm feeling and how I'm doing physically will be easy to do if he is not there the whole time asking me how I'm doing! I remember after my knee surgery when I was trying to walk and do the stairs he kept asking me if I was okay or needed help or anything, but I could not answer because I was trying so hard to move through the pain--when I finally did answer I must have sounded crabby and exhausted while gritting my teeth trying not to cry, and I know that I really hurt his feelings. This is one of those things where it will be wonderful to have him sometimes and wonderful to be alone sometimes.

I'm in the same waiting mode. I'll get a date after I get my pre-op appt in March. Until then I have a few more tests to do and to lose 10% of my excess weight. For those of you with requirements like this - check in with your doc's office to see if it's 10% of your whole weight or of your excess weight. Big difference in that - like double for me. I'm hoping for a May surgery date - that's what they told me to expect. Also I've tried EASE vanilla and that's a pretty good one, also I've tried Muscle Milk Light in both chocolate and vanilla and bot were quite tolerable. They won't replace my favorite latte - but not unpleasant, and I like that they're available a lot of places and I don't have to order them and wait. I guess i'll get busy and order a few though - in case they're that much better.

I'm Kate, 52 and married with two grown wonderful kids. I'm a clergywoman in a midsize congregation and have only recently made a job change to my present church. It's wonderful and I love my work, but I know if I lose some weight i'll have more energy for it and for play time when i'm away from work. I love art and museums, reading, my dog, hiking, my work, my family most of all! I have a wonderful husband of 30 years, and am looking forward to surgery in May of this year I hope. I especially enjoy spending time with my adult kids and seeing and knowing them as adults, and now time with my husband exploring our new town and what fun it is to be both working at things we love and being free at our age to do some things just for fun. Kids out of the house were an adjustment, but it's good now! I have to say it's great inspiration to read all of the posts about the sleeve, whether it's frustrations or questions or stories - it all helps me feel better informed and get through this waiting time. I'm approved and doing some tests before my pre-op class in early March and then pre-op doctor appt. After that i'll get a surgery date, and they said they're scheduling for that in May. I used to think WLS was definitely not for me, and now three doctors over time have suggested it. Of course I said it wasn't for me anyway - thinking i knew best and that such a thing was too drastic. Then I went on a conference and met two other women who had chosen to do it; one six weeks earlier and the other two years earlier - and they weren't crazy or extreme or anything, but they were sure enjoying life and being in better shape. I spent most of the free time at the conference researching it, and before I'd left I had contacted my GP for a referral and she'd answered back right away that she was delighted to put in the referral! Anyway, that's my story - not just about my non-weight life though. Sorry about that!