j_war06

Lol! A few past events are one thing...18 years of events is another. The racial slurs among my friends are jokes. We all know that we are all kidding, its called being CLOSE. You try being 9 years old and a black man telling you that he wants you to suck and sit on his *private part* and I have to go home and ask mom about. Or try being constantly touched even though you fight against it. Try walking out of a convenient store and having a car full of men yelling and screaming "hey white girl you like chocolate?" "Hey white girl you know you want some of this!" "White girl knows she wants this ****" Etc...and so on...these are a few that stand out at the moment above the rest...I went through years of torment and harassment. And 2 years of sexual harassment and threats from one guy. I had horrible nightmares and refused to go to class because of him. So if you think Im unjustified in my fear you think that. I guess you all are right. Im a N*****, Chink, Towel-Head hating b****! Yeah thats me, I like to go around dragging people behind my sports car because Im white and better than them. I like to randomly shout out insults at random people because I dont like the color of their skin. I hate all people that are not white! Oh yeah, thats me.

This is true, but also in that post I said that I wasnt rude to them or anything else, I just like my space because of past events. That post is very thorough explaining why Im afraid of them and that Ive tried working it out with my therapist. Im not going to go running and screaming at the sight of a black man, Im not going to do that at all. I just get myself out of the situation (if I feel uncomfortable) and get in my car and leave or whatever I need to do. But Im not going to shout at them or anything.

Lord! Everything just keeps going down hill anymore. Not to mention the fact I just cant seem to gain or maintain weight! lol! IVE NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM!! Im not having morning sickness, lol, my band is finally working right! My dr. gave me until Dec 3 to gain 5-10lbs, but I just cant! This is SO strange

First of all, that comment was over 2 years ago! And that is not a big deal. One of my very good friends is vietnamese(sp?) and I have several other asian friends... The point is, if I didnt like these people, WHY would I be friends with them? If I was just so racist I couldnt bear to look at them, why would I want to go out with them all the time? I dont understand why Im being called a racist, when Ive NEVER denied anyone anything based on their race. Ive never overlooked someone because of their race. Or underestimated them for it. Or anything else.

Im not by any means racist at all. I dont know where you got that from, but Im not. If I was racist I wouldnt have as many black friends as I do. Ive always dated guys that were not white except 2 (they were mexican). I have absolutely nothing against any race, just some of the idiots that are a part of it (including white people). The word is socially acceptable where I am from among the younger generation, which means that they have moved on in life. I dont use the word to make anyone a second class citizen, if anyone knows what thats like its me as well. Im not going to disrespect someone just because of their race, unless they do it to me first anyway. I dont believe that anyone should be turned away regardless of race. However if you believe that black people are the only ones that experience racism your wrong, or even if you think white people dont experience it your wrong. What happened, happened. The past is the past. Live in the present and adapt to what is real.

lol! i did a move-move lol! I went to my hometown, but after I get my certification, im going somewhere else...I dont want him to find me or the baby, especially after what Im going to do to him in the court system

lol! Im definately not looking for something serious right now...Well I wasnt when I found this last jerk either, it felt almost forced (notice felt, as far as the intial start of the relationship). He just spent the night one night, and never left lol! I dont want anything serious for a long time. I like to date, but I dont want a REAL boyfriend or anything I have to committ to for a while, Ive got enough going on, I dont need that.

Yes the Byrd case is tragic, his mother is a sweet sweet lady! I love her to death. I REALLY thought I had found a guy willing to work with my trust issues, but I guess I didnt, he just used me like everyone else. I get so mad at people who vote based on color, gender, or ONE issue. You gotta think about the whole picture. SURE Presidential candidate "Bob" will allow gay marriages, but he is also going to raise taxes, pull funding from the schools, and completely deport anyone who doesnt speak english fluently (COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL AND EXTREME). LOL But people will still vote for that. I dont like Obama, just not my cup of tea, and I have an EXTREME dislike for the Clintons all together, I will never vote for Hillary. Plus Im just not supportive of their issues all together, its just me. I dont like it when people strictly vote R or D. Oh my lol, Ive been shooting guns since I can remember lol! The only reason my ex is still alive is because my old roomie wouldnt let me have any weapons, and I couldnt have weapons at my old dorm. I did get defensive the night he tried to choke me, I somehow man-handled him and pushed some pressure point or something that made him go back to sleep. I know how you feel about the New Orleans thing, I cant imagine. I survived Rita, which was a gust compared to Katrina, and hated every moment of it! The fires are not comparable to these disasters at all.

Thats just it, every time Ive shown all these things to someone, they use me and walk out of my life.

You are right, that black people are hard on one another. The guys make fun of one another for not being (or acting) black enough, but many of them want the lightest skinned girl they can find. And it goes much further than that. Im not an angry person, I know that my posts look like it, but if you actually heard me say these things, you would hear me say them in a mild manner tone. Debate is about comparisons. There have been other comments on slavery and about the history of the word, thats why I threw that in there. But I dont find it offensive when people make fun of my heritage either jokingly or seriously. What happened happened. Take it for what it is. Someone running their mouth. And go on with it. Only ONE of the guys that committed that horrendous crime was from Jasper, the other 2 involved were not residents. The man they killed did not pay them for the drugs they had given him. He did not deserve to die by any means, no one deserves to be murdered, especially like that. However, that kind of violence happens ALL THE TIME, but because 3 white people did it to a black man it was everywhere....No one cared when 3 black men drug a white guy (with an issue not dealing with drugs). I dont even believe the black men recieved the death penalty either. The James Byrd case goes very deep, I know things that most do not because Ive seen the case files (I used to work in the district clerk's office). They did not randomly pick up this black man and kill him. It wasnt a hate crime, however a crime nonetheless. I hated the way Jasper was portrayed in the media. I still get funny looks and horrible comments when I go somewhere outside of the area. But I get over it and dismiss them as idiots because they dont know the true story.

IDK why, but I fit in with the gay community better than anywhere else....LOL Im the first VIP at the gay club in Corpus Christi who is a straight REAL girl! lol! I love you guys, you embrace and welcome all (well as long as their outfits matches, *kidding*)<joke with one of my friends> anyways, glad to meet you all

Ya know, I tried that when I first went to college....lets see, one guy owes me $1000 or more really. My old neighbor owes me $40 plus a lot more. My other neighbors turned against me over the $40 issue. Then it was all good. Then I met a horrible guy who I felt sorry for, so I let him live in MY apartment, ride around in MY car, and use MY gas and apparantly he got a hold of my credit card! Yeah I used empathy, I put myself in all of these people's positions and was like, well I would want someone to help me....I never reaped any benefits other than all of them walking out on me whenever I had nothing left to give. I was actually HOMELESS because I helped too many people! The world is nothing but a bunch of users that apparantly want to take everything I have! Im sick of it! Im still paying bills, and will be paying them for a long time because of these people! You REALLY think that I havent learned my lesson after losing tons of money, and being forced to move back to my hometown (which I HATE!!) from a place that I loved, because I was too empathetic. Im tired of being used. People have used me all my life, and I've put a stop to it....amazing how little friends I have left....

First of all NO ONE owns a word...my friends are not ignorant, they know everything there is to know about the word, therefore they can not be ignorant. I dont see why you would let one little word control your life. Your no better than Al or Jesse, really. They are idiots, I hated it when they were here. They made all of us look like idiot rednecks, thank God for the documentary my class made to correct their wrongs to the state of Texas atleast. For someone to get their feelings hurt over one little slur is absolutely ridiculous, its being overly sensitive and out of the bounds of reasonableness. What your saying is that my whole town is ignorant just because WE ALL GET ALONG (well for the most part), mostly the younger generations. We dont see color when we look at a person or go somewhere, just the goal. I go to the black parts of town all the time. Ive never had anyone get mad at me in my hometown for using the word. Now in Corpus Christi its different, I knew it would be, and I didnt use it as much. Plus most of the people there use it negatively anyway when they do use it. ALLOW PEOPLE TO EXERCISE THEIR FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Stop censoring them! If you get your feelings hurt, you need to learn not to. Black people werent the only people who were enslaved in America! They arent the only ones in history that have ever been enslaved! The evil white people didnt just go to Africa and pick up some black people, their tribes sold them out...what happened, happened, it was wrong, but its real, it was there, and some of us white people lost family in the fight for the freedom. It wasnt good times at all. Get over the past, learn from it and live in the PRESENT, to make a BETTER future! Okay as far as seeing someone new, I have been seeing them (not dating, not anything serious). We've had a thing for a long time, its just we are both single now. It wont go anywhere because I dont want it to, and I cant trust him to seriously date him, but its fun while it lasts right?

I havent sought counseling because I just really dont like to verbally think about it. I wont tell my mom because Ive already messed up SO many times this year, allowing myself to be raped doesnt need to be added to her plate. Plus I KNOW she will want to go to law enforcement about it (statute of limitations last for 5 years on rape, although if its not reported immediately usually nothing happens). I really need to go talk to my therapist, but Ive got to work 3 whole days to have that much money until I start my new job. Had the rape happened in CC, I would have reported it immediately. But I knew the guy (most of my life) and he's family with the guy that Im seeing right now, and I dont want that to get out of control. THE IDIOT invited me to his birthday party tonight! I was like, "are you serious?" I would NEVER celebrate your life! The poor guy that Im seeing doesnt know ANYTHING, he just thinks Im being mean....but I think his brother has an idea that something bad happened because he kind of saved me that night. I bit the guy that raped me and put up such a fight, he threw my keys to my car out somewhere and then dumped me out at my guy's house. My guy's brother (my best friend's boyfriend) helped me find them. I still play it over and over in my head and question if it was rape, but everytime I come up with yes, I said "no" I cried and said it and I screamed it....even if I hadnt been drinking at all it would have happened. Im just so embarassed I dont want to tell anyone I know in real life... LOL! Wow we all prob need to go to bed, we are WAY off-topic! lol

OMG!!! I FOUND MY PEOPLE!!! LOL! Im not gay, Im very straight actually, however I seem to be attracted to the gay scene and I loves it! lol! Im so excited I found you guys, but if you dont want me in here because it is kind of secluded its cool lol! Im just excited that yall are here!

lol! let me tell you my stupid story.... So I was using True.com to meet someone, well...I DID! A great guy, good-looking, tall, sweet. But After 2 dates I ran off and started dating my ex-fiance!! I wonder what life would have been like had I stayed with the other guy. He was so nice it scared me, especially since I met him on the internet. Im really paranoid about all that. I cant believe I let that hinder me! I mean, I left a great guy for a visible a-hole!

Im a smoker too Im 20 and wish I had never started. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO classic, always said that I could quit whenever I wanted lol! HOW FOOLISH? Now Im pregnant, trying to stop, but its SOOOOO FREAKIN HARD! I definately have cut down A LOT! But Im still working on actually quitting, and once I do, thats it, Im not picking it up again. I didnt report my rape, because I knew that I could never be kept safe from gang activity if I did, I knew that one way or the other I would wind up dead, and Im not ready to die. I figured it was better to keep it a secret, and I have for months. Im dying to tell my mother, but I just cant...Im really ashamed of it. Not to mention I didnt want it to hit the small town news and my name be plastered EVERYWHERE as a rape victim. I think its just better to keep it all hush hush for now. Maybe in the future I can tell my family.

lol and Im with you guys on the gay issue. I have a lot of gay friends (I mean A LOT)! And they are all SOOOO different. There are some no one would ever know was gay, some that people know but know not to mess with, and some Im just waiting to spontaneously combust because they are so stereotypically gay lol! All I know is that straight guys could take a few lessons from the gays, especially in fighting...I know that Im not going to mess with ANY man that can wear stilettos and DANCE in them! lol that is one BAD mofo!

I understand, and Im sorry that I lumped them together like that, but I have lived in a town and a city, and nothing seems to change. I have a couple of friends that are GOOD COPS. But most of what I have experienced has been completely unhelpful. I mean, one cop left me stranded in downtown Corpus Christi with a visibly messed up man who had just broken the door on my car and put dents in top of it, as well as jacked up a friend of his for no reason. I TOLD the cop what was going on, BEGGED him to help me get gas and get it to my car and help me out with HIM, but he just dismissed me and drove off. I guess he thought I was crazy or drunk or something! IDK? But I was finally rescued by a friend of mine. And ofcourse HE had to come with, and almost killed us trying to light a cig in a car with gas fumes in it!

Awesome! I cant wait! Ill try to get there monday!

YAY! Im so excited that I got your approval because going on the internet and getting advice instead of consulting a doctor as well is always a better and cheaper idea! Now I have to find someone to do the fills. How do they get it in there? Im afraid of needles! Im still unsure thought...my friend got her band from a fancy doctor that her insurance paid for and she cant even eat burgers! Or frenchfries! or fried chicken? And she only eats 2 times a day and hasnt had a little debbie in months! IDK if I can handle that, I thought it was suppose to make you skinny no matter what? And you drop like 100lbs in a month!

Im sorry I was short with that answer because I wanted to finish typing, but I had to run out of the room... What I meant was the case against my ex is going to lead to the case with the police (which I may or may not bring about due to time, money, and I wasnt seriously injured. But Im still considering it, its the future lawyer in me lol) Im filing as many torts against my ex as humanly possible along with the child support hearing ofcourse. So far Ive got a pile! Im just want to send him back to jail (he will never pay, all those warrants will put you in jail) so that I know where to find him. And I want to teach him a lesson, that Im not the push-over he thought I was.

Civil, its going with the torts Im pressing against my ex

Well thats how useful the law enforcement is here. Trust me, in my crazy days I was right there with them. Ive seen them leave a party and get in the cop car and go right back on duty. I just think they pick and choose who they are going to help and it has to do with these 2 questions 1.) do I HAVE to? and 2.)How easy is the paperwork?

Oh its all coming up in court. Ive been working on the cases since September. And you bet that the A&M police will be royally screwed if ANYTHING happens to any of my friends that my ex knows that live on campus, because I called and reported that he was living there illegally (against my best judgment, as far as finding him again goes) and what had happened to me...they called me a jealous ex-girlfriend and dismissed me!! I swear if anything happens to any of my friends they will have EVERYTHING thrown at them! Not to mention that I was in trouble for letting someone that didnt live on campus just keep their stuff in my room, they never lived there with me, and almost lost my housing...but he and she get to live there all happily ever-after? I called the CC police with a tip on a possible burglary of a business that he had disclosed that he took part in, and they treated me the same way. They are going to be in BIG BIG trouble once all of this plays out.