j_war06

Ummm...A&M-CC is a VERY easy school to get into. You should have seen some of the idiots that I went to school with. Dont insult my intelligence just because I know about what going on beneath the surface of a city. I got into every school I applied to, including UT-Austin and A&M-College Station. I chose CC because of the beach and small size. All you have to do is score like a 900 on the SAT or like a 23 on the ACT and or in regardless of anything else (besides actually graduation from high school). I was top quartile in my class in HS (would have been higher had I gone to class more). I read the case when I worked for the district clerk's office as a sophomore in high school. I NEVER said that I was on drugs, I NEVER said that I was in a gang (besides I worked at the club with gang this past summer when management changed at the bar, therefore I was not enrolled at A&M at the time). I became homeless AFTER my lease expired at A&M, meaning in July. And just because someone is bipolar doesnt make them an idiot. Some people with special mental conditions are notoriously intelligent. I wasnt diagnosed bi-polarish until sometime around May?? So the entire time I was at A&M the most I ever did was become an alcoholic. As far as 3 black men dragging a white man, go ahead and google Ken Tillery...http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID={7B0E6C30-94D4-478E-90BF-751B9CFB1F9A} <Just a month ago, in the town of Jasper, three men in a car offered Tillery a ride, which he accepted only to be kidnapped and driven, against his will, to a remote location. When the terrified Tillery jumped out of the vehicle and tried to flee, the kidnappers caught up with him, beat him, and finally ran over him dragging him to his death beneath their car’s undercarriage. Ken Tillery’s name is unfamiliar to most Americans. Though he died very near to where James Byrd had died before him, few people outside of Jasper ever heard about his gruesome slaying. No civil rights activists attended his funeral. There were no pained oped pieces lamenting his death. No prominent political figures issued public statements about the national significance of his killing. Mr. Tillery, you see, was white, and his three killers Darrell Gilbert, Blake Little, and Anthony Holmes were black. Thus his death had no political currency for those whose reputations depend upon their ability to portray themselves as crusaders for justice, ever guarding against white racism. Even though blackonwhite killings far outnumber the whiteonblack variety in this country, unfortunate people like Ken Tillery die in complete anonymity as opposed to unfortunate people like James Byrd, whose deaths are spotlighted in the national media. Should a murder victim’s skin color determine the significance of his or her death? It’s a serious question, well worth pondering.> See the link above for more information concerning James Byrd, I just excerpted the part about Tillery.

I personally dont try to accomplish the impossible (i.e. world peace). Is there any evidence that 60% of the population is offended by that word? Your neighbors can not keep you up all night like that, call the cops, keep calling them until they get caught. Its noise pollution and public disturbance. TRUST me, I have two police reports on me for it (I wasnt doing it, my roomie was and the downstairs neighbors thought it was me, they didnt know she was home.)

The term racial crime and hate crime coincide with one another. I know that I was raped. I know the crimes that have been committed against me. I dont need your approval of my decision, or anyone's in that matter. I have no reason to lie on this thread, or any thread on here. I dont need your attention. If I wanted real attention I would have reported the rape, however I value my life enough not to report it. I would never make up a story like rape to get attention. I still have nightmares about that night, and I have to live with them. You dont. So believe me when I say that you have no idea what I personally have gone through and what I continue to go through. I hope that you dont disregard people that you see and speak to in real life in this manner. I frankly think you are just prejudice against my opinion. I dont care, I like being controversial. Its what makes me good at what I do. Its what made me an excellent student in my classes, and its also what got me dismissed from a political science class it A&M (I deserved it, I must admit, if I were the professor, I would have kicked me out too.) However, the professor applauded the fact that I took a stance and said what I had to say, and agreed with me. Just not with the way I said it. Just remember my name when Im famous

Okay Guys! Im officially 13 weeks PREGO! SO FAR...I havent gained any weight, but I know its coming...however Im slightly at peace with it for ONCE in my entire life! It still sucks to know Im going to have to go buy bigger clothes (I threw out my old big clothes when I couldnt fit in them anymore). I actually have a better mindset than Ive ever had in my life, however Im FULL of worry, which Im sure is normal (especially for someone in my position). Im going to get the band unfilled next week...I havent had any need to do so before, but Ive found that I really havent been hungry and its hard to force myself to eat ANYTHING! Ive been eating pretty healthy though, which Im sure contributes to my feeling better. Lots of FRESH veggies and fruits, but I allow myself icecream once a week or week and a half, but no more than that, no large servings of the bad stuff either. Its SOOOOO cliche but I eat a TON of pickles!!! However I have only had to bouts of morning sickness the WHOLE TIME!!YAY! I do have overwhelming fatigue, but as Im entering my 2nd trimester, and picking up another job I find myself more energetic. The doctor has me on a VERY small dose of Prozac, and I plan on saving the money to see my therapist by Thanksgiving. I just cant bring myself to see another therapist, Im so attached to this one. Im still trying to get my medicaid and WIC papers done. Im just been so lazy until this week. But now I seem to want to achieve more than I have wanted to in a long time, maybe the baby is driving me to do well. I want to move out of my parents house EVENTUALLY, but a new car and paying off debt is first on the list before moving, especially since I plan to move again 6 months or a year after the baby is born. Im not going to far from home this time though. When I do go back to the band stuff after the baby is born (OH AND TRUST ME I WILL LOL) I plan to see a new Dr. other than Spiegel. Now for my doubts: Im so scared that I cant provide a GREAT life for my baby, that it will be full of struggle. Im scared that the baby's daddy will randomly show up one day and do something STUPID, and SOMETIMES I even get down on myself about getting pregnant by accident (but I know God planned it). I just remember how I was before college, and how crazy and wild I went, and I get down on myself for doing that, because thats not me AT ALL!!! I was always the responsible one, and Ive proven the exact opposite over the year! This also has its roots in my bipolarism Im sure...Which I still fight, but NOW I know how to fight it! Im also worried that my child will inherit its daddy's psychological issues (pathological lying and symptoms of schizophrenia) But Im guessing that those were drug induced on him. I just feel so bad sometimes, like WHY ME? Then I look at a picture of the baby (sonogram) and I just smile and Im like "how can I feel bad about this"! lol MY HORMONES ARE SOOOOOOO OUT OF WHACK! lol! Im SOOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED yet so Scared and Pissed off at myself all at the same time.... Okay anyways I may elaborate later, I wish there was a forum for pregnant bandsters or people who have had children with the band, so that I could post questions and stuff there. P.S. After the baby comes out I SWEAR Im going to tell everyone NEW that I meet that I was like a size 4 before I got pregnant!!! LOL!!!!

You are correct. I know that weight has a serious impact on fertility especially with PCOS. Now Im not sure if my surgery helped at all because I didnt find out that I had PCOS until nearly 2 years after I had my surgery, so I cant be proof of it. However I was never really heavy to begin with (compared to some of the other bandsters). So they are not sure if weight loss really played a role in my fertility because i had not gained or lost any between the diagnosis and the time I found out I was pregnant.

BTW, a drug deal gone wrong is not a justifiable reason to take someone's life. I dont believe that there is any reason to take the life of someone else (you know that from the pro-life stance I took in another thread). But what I am trying to say is the issue wasnt racial. Just because one race committs a crime against another doesn't make it racial, but instead a crime nonetheless.

Corpus is not Hell on earth...Its BEAUTIFUL! I would give anything to be able to go back and live there again, maybe I will one day. I never said that I was raped in Corpus Christi, because I wasnt. But it is drug-infested just like any town/city in America. And the gangs are there, I worked for them in the club that I waitressed/bartended at. I love CC more than anywhere Ive ever been. Im not going by assertion made by the defense about the drug deal. Its real and you would know that had you EVER lived through the tragedy here in this town. You would have known that the incident did NOT occur within the city limits, you would know that it wasnt yayo, the cemetary was ONCE segregated (but was not at the time of the murder and isnt now). I didnt say I was friends with Berry, I said I had met him. I would never refer to Byrd as a n***** because I didnt know him, and I told all of you that in my context I only use it to refer to people as my friends. I can not answer your question about if Berry (who was never a friend of MINE) and his cronies would have done the same to a white man, because they didnt, and I cant answer for them. But in the case of drug dealings, it probably would occur. The drug world doesnt see race, just customers and hustlers. I know that Ive lost two of my classmates this year due to ridiculous measures at the hands of members of their own race. I never said that word aren't hurtful, I said one shouldnt let them hurt them because its all a matter of another person's opinion. Like I said, you can believe what you want SSDiva, I personally dont care if you believe me, what matters is I know what has happened in my life, and I have to live with it, you dont. I dont want your sympathy. As far as Im concerned your just like everyone else. Your type of person is why I didnt, and will not, report my rape.

WOW! Im so sorry hear all this. I can't imagine dealing with all that right now, or ever.

I do agree. This makes a world of sense.

Oh, I dont know if I had it or the severity if I did before I was banded. I had never seen a gyno before I went to college. I found out I had PCOS and 5 months later I was pregnant. I had a pretty severe case according to the Dr, and its like it just disappeared. I dont know a lot about it because I hadnt been diagnosed very long before it went away. Its the strangest thing, I guess God works in TRULY mysterious ways because the Dr told me it would take at least a year to become fertile. Im not sure exactly what happened. Even though Im pregnant by accident per se, Im still excited because I had gone through a depressed stage knowing that I was infertile (I had never even wanted kids until I found out I couldnt have any). So I am excited despite the struggle that is going to take place with my age and now other complications that are arising.

Racism is alive, you cant really do anything about it, why not just either sue them (when its committed against you) or just go on and ignore their incompetence. No one in the ENTIRE world is EVER not going to be racist. Im a realist, I dont believe in changing the impossible. I know that there will always be that person that hates anyone's race but his own, that one person that thinks fat is disgusting and will tell an entire grocery store about it, that one person who hates gay people although they've never met a gay person (that they know of) in their entire life....these problems will never be completely dissolved, so why envision or dream it? Why waste the mentality on it? Think of how to solve a problem that is within reach so you can actually contribute to the world-at-large, rather than building air castles get out the brick and mortyr (sp?). BTW, why is Jasper that bad that you have to say "Thank God?" Its a nice diverse community that has its issues just like any other small town (btw most never involve racism). Its not any fun here for a young generation, but for someone who has a career, family, and friends its just peachy. And if you dont believe that drug deals go bad, and thats the result, you've apparently NEVER been around someone on serious drugs. People on serious/mind-altering drugs really mess with your head, and the James Byrd crime is mild compared to other crimes involving drugs that Ive studied and seen. This is why I cant go anywhere without being looked at like Im a white-trashed idiot, How can you believe the media over someone who ACTUALLY lived it?

I have experienced racism...I dont know how anyone can believe that white people dont experience the racism that any other race does! I was hired at a club in CC because I was blond, white, marketable body, and outgoing. I was also paid LESS than the hispanics that worked there, was the ONLY one who had to tip-out, and was the ONLY person who worked there that didnt get paid in cash (so I had to pay taxes). I wanted to be paid in cash too, but they refused. I was also the ONLY one made to clean up the seating areas after the club closed, I was always the only waitress/bartender left there at 3:30am, and was always the first one they scheduled to come in, so I worked more hours. THATS RACISM, I quit because I wasnt making good enough money, I would have stayed if the tips would have been a little better, but I had to pay bills. There have been a TON of times that Ive been passed over for a job just because the company needed "diversity". So instead they hire someone less qualified than me just to put some "color" in the work place. So I end up homeless because the company needed "diversity" or they know that they can hire someone illegal to do the job for less money (yes its the truth, Im sorry). Also when I was in high school, I reported the sexual harassment, but the principal that handled it brushed it off because, well she was black too and gave him the minimum and acted like she didnt understand the complaint. Racism does not just go one way ladies and gents, it can go many different ways. And Ive always been taught that "respect is earned not given" as well.

I appreciate any input whatsoever. Especially since you are a young mother as well, because thats another factor in my pregnancy. The reason I intend to move is because I cant make good money or finish school completely here at my parents' house. Where I go depends on the job offers I can get after I finish up my AAA and what schools are in the area of that job offer. If I can get a good job closer to home I will take it, but Im also looking at Houston and possibly Dallas (my friend lives there and is willing to room with my child and I, which would be great because he should be done with school by the time I decide to move and can help me with the baby a little). Im just trying to do whats best for the baby, I dont want to go out of Texas or Lousiana, I know that for sure. I just want to get as much done while the baby is still young so that as it gets older I can provide for it (good schools, nice clothes, etc etc) If I stay around here I cant do that, I refuse to send my child to the schools here. And school is very important to me when it comes to my child (just as it is with every parent)

Dont be surprised by a positive test with PCOS. I dont know your severity or your BMI, but Let me tell ya...I HAD PCOS when I found out I was pregnant...Upon inspection of my ovaries (once I found out) EVERY single cyst had disappeared. I had NEVER properly ovulated before. Maybe it was a miracle, but I wont trust another Dr telling me that Im infertile after this one comes out, well that is if I CAN have any more after this one (Im having minor complications). TRUST me I almost fainted when the test came up positive! lol!

Im not going to respect stupidity. The English language isnt hard for those who were born in America and to English speaking families. Not to mention the fact that every school is going to ATTEMPT to teach you proper English and Grammar. Its their stupidity for dropping out in the 8th grade after failing twice. My sister was one of these people. I really have little respect for people who had the opportunity to learn, but did not. Do they really expect to work at McDonald's their entire life? How will they ever buy a dependable house or a car? My sister is lucky that she has the gift of gab and can get away with being an idiot. I dont have much respect for her, I love her, but I dont' respect her at all. Anyone with the ABILITY and the OPPORTUNITY should atleast get through High School. NOW I understand that certain conditions make even high school unavailable to certain people, but these usually arent the people that are idiots, its usually the ones that chose to drop out because it was "too hard". What the Hell? Life is hard, I would give almost anything to go back to high school and not have to work, clean, or pay bills. I really dont have a lot of respect for people who can not hold a decent intelligent conversation. I do respect my mother for what she does for me, for giving me life, and for loving me unconditionally. But as far as intelligence goes she can snap my nerve quicker than anyone else. You can not hold an intelligent conversation without her getting defensive, crying, or thinking that you are calling her stupid... And by the way, I know that words are powerful, But I was referring to (and I said it in MOST of the posts, if not all) as far as someone else's opinion goes its no big deal what they call you.

This is true. Joyouslyme, would you ever respect a white woman with missing teeth, with brown roots showing through her bleached blond hair, a horrendous makeup job, and unmatching clothes from the late 80s early 90s that said things like "This ain't worth the cart it came here on!" "I usedacould do that when I was little" "Oh yeah I know where yer talking about it, you go over yonder and take a left and head then go thataway" These are just mild examples....I wouldnt respect them, because I doubt they took advantage of the education system entitled to people through High School.

P.S. You hang around gay clubs and guys enough, trust me words have little meaning after they are done with them lol! I remember how offended I was when I went to college over a lot of the words that they would use, now I think its hilarious we all walk around the club calling each other all kinds of crap.

My transformation wasnt sudden. Words havent bothered me in a VERY long time. Thats what happens when you work in bars and have drunk constantly yelling at you or telling you things that most people would take offensively, but you get used to it and dont take it personally. I have grown over a year's time. I matured to realize that whatever people say, is what they say. Im taking my ex to court for slander among other things, but thats just because I can. Im going to do whatever I can to get him back in Jail or Prison for as long as humanly possible. You can say all the crap you want about me, but dont lie to me and dont leave me in the most important point in my life so far. He pissed me off, because of him Im miserable and stuck in my hometown. Its on!

I have no clue what my starting weight was. It was almost 200lbs (I had gained back a lot of the weight I had previously lost). Now Im like 185ish.

I already admitted way back that I had at one time let words bother me. Now I realize how ridiculous that was.

Just because I quote you, doesnt mean that everything that I say is directed toward you. And SSDiva called me a racist. And comments that I have made over 2 years have been being pulled to use against me, however those are all old. I have changed a lot during college. Anything applicable to who I am now is from about July 2007 to now.

You believe what you want. I never said that a pedofile did ANYTHING to me. I know what is real, I know what my life is like. I have to live with my past every single day. The things that people have done to me. If you are saying this to fire me up, its not going to happen. Ive been told a hundred times that Im a liar, that I was asking for it. I know the truth, and thats what matters. I like I said I dont need you to believe me, I dont even know you in real life. So you go ahead and believe that Im a liar and a racist. I know how messed up my head is from all this happening to me. I know the nights that I tried to committ suicide because I just wanted everything to stop, to have a normal life. But one day I realized that NO ONE's life is "normal". That life deals out bad things to everyone, it just likes to deal me more than most people. When I was in school and those black guys did those things to me, I told principals, teachers whoever I could. But I wasnt acknowledged. They thought I was mad because I thought the guys were making fun of my weight. They didnt acknowledge the sexual harassment, thats what I was complaining about, say whatever you want but dont touch me. YOU come live in my town and go to my high school and see how far you get. Its not THAT bad, just needs some MAJOR staffing changes. Im not really sure what the counselors there do? I know that one time I got pulled out of class and taken to the butthole principal who I despised because of his lack of respect towards everyone but his son and his son's friends because they thought I might be suicidal....They were right, but I wasnt about to tell HIM that. I didnt trust him as far as I could throw him, he would have put me in the looney bin quicker than anything else. I lied to him and a counselor that I didnt even know existed about it. They honestly believed me! Despite the cuts on my arms, they just let me go. Never followed up. Never recommended that I speak to someone....just let me go back to what I was doing. They dont pay attention...They dont care. All they want is a pay check and a little power. Power they cant get in the real world, so they have to work in schools. Anyways, like I said either live in your froo-froo world or realize that bad things happen and that you just gotta get over them.

The word fat doesnt bother me anymore. Im being serious too. I dont really let words bother me anymore, any of them. My friends at college helped me with that. Ive been called a lot worse things than "fat" in the past year, I dont let it bother me. The only recent post you guys have pulled for evidence is from the stereotype entry. In that entry I explained that I wasnt racist, but because of my past had issues that I had tried to work out with a therapist, but still have problems with. If you want to call me a racist thats fine. I know what I am. I know who I am. I dont need people I dont know in real life telling me who or what I am. Thats why I dont let words bother me.

Ummm...BTW I think that A LOT of you need to know the definition of ignorance...because Im not ignorant to this matter at all....