j_war06

It was one of the worst feelings in the entire world. It is going to do me so much good to just get out of this town.

That is great advice, I wish my mom would have done that, maybe I wouldnt have issues right now lol. Mom is great, she just doesnt respond to her own anger very well, and I am a literal person so when she says fine I'll just do it. I let her do it. When I was bad (I dont do anything right now, seriously, Im a good kid) she would threaten me and if she actually went through with it I was fine lol. I knew that I get a replacement eventually, may not be soon, but eventually

I have never had an anti-inflamatory that worked. I was on Vioxx for over a year, then it started giving off really bad side effects like vomitting and weakness. The Cyclobenzaprine is awesome and so is the Hydrocodone. The Welbutrin is great for me though because I can take low doses instead large ones, but I will ask Wednesday about it, and I have to have the Phentermine because it keeps me focused on what I am doing (everyone is pretty sure that I have ADHD) and it works great as an appetite suppressent, I just dont want to have to spend the rest of my life on a diet pill. I cant get rid of an Urinary Tract infection right now, I have had it for almost 4 months and the antibiotics did not work. Oh yeah I tried Zoloft, but it worked against the orthoevra and caused me to have a cycle for about 2 1/2 months. As soon as I took of the patch, it quit. Strange huh?

Hey, that is my Mom's B-Day. My ex's is the 29th and my best friend's baby is due around my b-day too. This is cool

PLEASE DO NOT BASH ANYTHING THAT I HAVE SAID TO YOU, IF YOU DO NOT AGREE FIND A NICER WAY TO PUT IT. No, I agree with you and I appreciate your suggestions and understanding rather than telling me what to do

thanks ya'll, this is what I was looking for. Understanding not necessarily advice (although I do take it sometimes). I do feel bad most of the time, and I dont feel like I have the hardest life because I know that Vinesqueen dealt with a lot growing up and I know that there is an underlying reason why we are all big. I have been through a little of a whole lot if that makes any sense. (explanation: no I havent had constant mental abuse or constant sexual abuse, but I have experienced it). I know that a lot of ya'lls goal weights are even higher than my current weight, and I know it is a big difference, but I dont want to be looked upon like I am healthy and just want to get the band to have the perfect body. I just want to be healthy, I have never just been healthy. I cant remember a time in my life that I wasnt sick. Also, thank Vinesqueen for your encouragement about college and getting scholarships, right now I am fighting with all I have to get them. The only problem is that I have missed so much highschool some colleges and organizations dont want to offer them to me because they dont know why I missed the class time, they just know that I missed it. I am just ready to say "I look hot" (not in a vain way, in a way that makes me feel good about myself). My goal mission (I know it is funny and little superficial) is to goto college and have lost almost 100lbs, then I want to finance myself a cute convertible sportscar when I reach goal weight. When I graduate college I am going to get breast implants (Not well endowed for a big girl) and then get with some guy that is about 15 years older than me to buy me whatever I want so I can pay my own way through law school. In a perfect world, hmmmm. LOL! I have been really crabby lately since I had to dump my bf to move on to bigger (literally) and better (literally) things lol. It just hurts so bad because he has always been my best friend and boyfriend, then he just went stupid and not to mention the fact that he has decided not to goto the college he wants to, but to live with his momma. I know some of you may have done that, but I know I couldnt spend the next 3 years with my parents. I will be an adult and have to learn to live on my own, plus I wanna party! Fuelman, I just love you lol, I know exactly what you went through in HS because I am doing it now, and I want to get a hold on it before it gets any worse. I just want people to understand and listen and empathize with what I am saying because I dont have anyone here that does. My parents and sister and well all my family grew up as smaller beings, althouth they are big now, they lived their younger lives as thin people. Mom gets mad anytime I say something about my weight or about any kind of issue I have and starts yelling at me, I dont really want to talk to my dad about these types of issues, my therapist understands, but all she wants to talk about is weight and family issues, she has yet to ask me about any of my other problems like social life, boyfriend, friends, and whatever. I am just ready to get out of this little town and go to college. Also, yes Kelly there are docs in Beaumont for stuff, but they are not covered by my insurance, I go to Lufkin for my problems but all they tell me is to get Lap-Band and lose weight. That is every doctors' solution to every problem when you are big "lose weight." I mean I dont even want to start school again because I know that everyone will ask about the surgery and tell me I need to lose weight and I could come to school because my knees wouldnt hurt and that I am just fat and lazy and dont want to go and its not fair that I dont have to go and everyone else does. I want to be able to go, I hate lying around this house ALL DAY everyday. It gets old and boring. I used to eat when I got bored, I think that is how I put on this weight, but now eating is boring too. I sit at the computer and read posts on here, check the news, and do college work to keep me entertained, but that gets old too. Just for once I want someone to call and say "hey there is a party tonight at so and sos, wanna come?" I am ready to get as far as possible away from my ex, I feel like I dont even know him anymore. I just want to start-over and be a new person. I am tired of being the Jodie I am, I want to be the one the guys want, but think they cant have because I am too fine, I want to be the girl that everything looks good on, I want to be the girl that guys want to dance with in the club, but respect enough not to try anything with them. I dont want to have a history at whatever college I goto, so I have chosen the one 400 miles from here, that is a good 8 hour trip, same amount of time it takes to get to Arkansas from here and its almost in Oklahoma so... I dont know what is going to go on in my life, I feel guilty for always being sick and my parents having to go into debt for my health, especially over something like weightloss surgery. P.S. Welbutrin, Phentermine, Hydracodone, and Cyclobenzaprine are my friends that make the pain go away. No I dont take large masses of them, I take the correct dosages, that is just what they have me on to last right now. Not even to mention the Mobic and Trazadone and Orthoevra (I dont know why I am on this, I dont get any action) and my Urinary Tract medications that I have to be on almost full-time now because my kidneys are starting to get bad, I think its from taking too much medication.

Negative, Negative, Negative

Its not a negative comment at all. I think that if someone has the audacity to tell me "only 240lbs" then I can say Ching-Chang-Chong okay? It is common term here, and I am not afraid of saying it mainly because I have a right to say whatever I like, just like you do. My negativity is not toxic. If it was then I would have done what you all have suggested. Drop out of school? I dont think so I dont know very many successful corporate attorneys who dropped out of high school. I dont know very many people who got scholarships when they took extra time to finish. I am a powerful and influential individual, and will become more powerful once I am skinny. I hope you people realize that I have not meant anything against anyone here. I was only seeking help and was criticized for being crazy and "only 240lbs."

Fuelman, that is the kind of post I wanted to hear. Everyone has told me "you cant", just as much as I have said it. I said that about Jessica's story because of the fact that it is irrevelent because it is Gastric Bypass and totally invasive. Also, I never said my life was worse than anyone elses, as a matter of fact its pretty okay except for that fact that I have medical conditions that are deteriorating my body. Everything is linked to another in life, no one intetity is alone, there is always a cause and an effect. I guess you people havent read a lot of my other posts or you would realize that I have been sexually molested by people my age and maybe a year or two older and have a hard time attaching myself to anyone. I opened myself up to my ex-bf and he hurt me a lot, and it still hurts, what did I learn? Don't open yourself up to anyone. I am depressed paranoid in this sense. All I have heard is that the band doesnt fix these problems that I have. Then why are all of you giving advice to others who suffer from comorbidities telling them that they'll probably get approved with them and that their pain may subside. I had the confidence that the band would help me, that it would help me not hurt anymore, but you all have ruined it now. You all have been more negative toward me than I have been to myself. Ya'll have not actually read my posts to pay attention to the details and have jumped on me and you havent been paying attention to the fact that you all want me to feel positively about myself, yet you want me to read a story about a lady who had a totally different procedure than I am having and expect me to feel sorry for her. She doesnt want you all to feel sorry for her, she wants you all to respect weight-loss surgery, and especially wants to advise bypass patients of the side-effects and possibilities of complications by providing her own experiences in diary form. You all have been quick to jump on me, yet you have told me cant, wont, dont, more than I have told myself. I will be skinny by the end of my senior year, and I will go to prom if I get skinny enough to wear the dress I want. I will not parade myself about in this "fat-suit" and try to act oblivious to the fact that I am a morbidly-obese, outcasted teenage girl. I will not try to over-do myself as far as crash dieting before the surgery because guess what? If you lose weight before the surgery your liver will enlarge even more than if you gain a pound or two, yes its the truth, I watched them do a full surgery a week ago and the surgeon pointed it out. Now I guess you all have something else to shoot down. Yes you all have great advice and are great to talk to, but sometimes (yes I do it too) if it is something you dont agree to or just cant see humanly possible then you jump on that person for feeling that way.(Once again I am not saying I dont do the same thing, because it is evident that I do.) I just dont have anyone that understands that I am alone, that the weight caused depression, which caused me to withdraw from my peers and society because all they did was laugh at me and shun me. My weight also sent me further into being a hermit by not allowing me to walk or participate in age appropriate activities. I am not afraid of death because it is inevitable, we all have to go sometime and by God I want to go skinny and I want to be healthier. I dont want to wait to get to heaven to be able to walk and run, I want to do it now. There is nothing wrong with wants, and I know, I am being selfish now right? HMMMM seems like there is a whole lot wrong with me to have nothing wrong with me.

Dyscalculia is like dyslexia with numbers. I get them backwards, upside down, wrong, and can not grasp simple mathmatical ideas. I am an ELA (English language arts) wiz, and have no talent whatsoever for math. A calculator wont even help me lol. Isnt that Jessica's story thingy like a one in 150 or so, not to mention the fact that I will do anything to get this band and lose weight even if it kills me. I am not going to be fat anymore. I cant take it, I would rather die thin than fat, if I keep going at this rate it will die fat at a young age. BTW those hemogoblin levels, I have a problem with them already I take a shot once a week to get them up so I will have energy, but the shots do not work at all. Plus didn't she get the very invasive and risky gastric-bypass procedure? Also, whenever I watch Plastic Surgery Before & After they are always showing a boob job or liposuction or something that went wrong, but guess what millions of people still get it done. There is a risk in everything in life and I would rather try to be healthy. What will it hurt, if I was to get sick, then it would only be a heightened condition rather than a risk to my already deteriorating health. I am already in a wheelchair when I goto public places that requires a lot of walking.

I DO goto therapy A LOT! I have posted this several times. Its like you people are not paying attention to what I am actually saying, and only picking out some of the posts. No the band isnt a magic pill, because it isnt a pill lol. I dont think you guys are actually reading the posts I LOVE TO EXERCISE!!!! I LOVE IT! Why does everyone keep telling me what I already know and have stated several times? Besides all this I have seen a nutritionist, she recommended calorie counting. How am I supposed to count calories if I am dyscalculic, I cant even count my own money without it taking atleast 15 minutes. I feel like ya'll are trying to just pelt me because I am little negative, but when all you have been told your entire life, especially since I am not on my own, is that "you have to..." and "You cant do that because....." It is a little hard to be positive. I am morbidly obese, and morbidly obese is morbidly obese no matter to what degree it is unhealthy for anyone. Once again, I dont think you people were paying attention Almost everything I eat is vegetables and fruits, I barely eat meat. I am serious I feel like I am being shot without proper evidence.

lol WOW! Well, my dad tries to use them. I LOVE THE TREADMILL, cant wait to use it after I am light enough. See...I dont like to walk on the road because I am afraid that if I pass out or even go too far and cant walk back. With the treadmill I am just in the office. Now the bike is going to be awesome, once I can use it. Dad bought it because the orthopedic surgeon told him it was a good idea, the next time we spoke to the surgeon he told us we were crazy and that I need to rest my legs as much as possible and just try to do stretches. LOL my luck, I get a crazy specialist

Well I am an only child, I dont have kids I am only 17, but from my point of view when mom wants me to do something and I was already thinking about doing it then it will ruin everything because it makes me feel irresponsible so I just dont do it. Also, sometimes mom doesnt notice my actions, so I just dont do them like picking up around the house. Sometimes she over does it, and that discourages me too because it embarasses me and makes me feel like she is being sarcastic. I also notice that my mom has a butt detector because I can be standing there doing nothing at all, but as soon as my rear-end makes contact with a seat, she needs something. Even if she is in another room she knows. Another thing is that all my life Mom has threatened to take away my stuff like my TV, or games, computer, going places like walmart or whatever, and I honestly never cared because I knew that I would get it back eventually. Another idea is not to use reverse psychology because I ,myself, tend to take it literally and turn it around. Being an only child I was always treated as older than I was around everyone, so when Mom would treat me like my age then it would hurt my feelings and I wouldnt want to do what she wanted me to do. *P.S. Us kids like to be rebelious, especially when we go over to other kids' houses and think that they dont have the same general rules as we do at home.

hmmm.... cant use them but... we have a: Treadmill Bicycle Punching Bag Weight Bench Billy Blanks Taebo Collection Hand Weights Door handle thingy Jump Rope Have had 3 gym memberships I couldnt use because of my knees

oh yeah, the protein diet! Great for a little while, chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and supper. I used to LOVE slimfast, now I gag whenever I see a can! UGH! and those horrble little candy-bars. I dont like candy anyways, but I do like chocolate occasionally so I decided that I could do it, UGH! This was bad, TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE, IT IS POSSIBLE

I dont mind a liquid diet, I have been on several of those because I have TMJ. Lemme tell ya something, chicken broth from a straw is not appetizing lol. I say life is beautiful because it is something new I have learned, I used to think it was horrible that I wanted it to be over, but now I want to live, I just want to be healthy. I LOVE to exercise, when I was on the road to anorexia in about 6th grade I would walk 5 miles or more a day, I loved it. I have my exercise equipment, I just cant use it. I just dont understand why every time I get on here someone new is getting the band and I am still sitting around waiting and dissentigrating. I used to have gorgeous skin, but now it is dry and pasty since I cant do anything. I used to play golf, was on the golf team, was number one in the school for girls golf. I went to District leading, guess what? I tripped over a root on the most gorgeous day to play golf (all the other tournements were in thunderstorms and massive rain), and my knees havent been the same since. I had to quit the golf team because I was useless, and was denied my letterman because I didnt finish the district game because they wouldnt let me with my injury because it was running the score up instead of keeping it down. Now I am completely inactive and I hate it. I thought I had gotten better my sophomore year so I started going to the gym 6 days a week conditioning in hopes to start golf again. Well... I was doing good for about a week and a half, then all of a sudden my body stopped working, I couldnt get out of bed my muscles wouldnt lift me. So I figured I was just sore and was overdoing it (I was walking up to 3 miles a day). So I didnt go for a week. I went back and couldnt life anything over 5lbs with any of my muscles and everytime I got on the equipment my bones and joints would go all wacky and crooked and stuff. That is why I was sore, I didnt know other peoples' shoulders couldnt go over the top of their head when they did the stand up crunches. I didnt know that other peoples' elbows did bow out when putting pressure on them. And I sure never realized that other peoples' legs didn't bow backwards when they were walking on the treadmill. I would get done exercising and be even more limber, which is great if you weigh 100lbs and are a cheerleader. Not great when you are 240lbs. I cant do what I love. I cant even write anymore because my hands hurt too much, I erase and redo too much to do it in a recorder then play it back into the computer for it to type. I dont know, seems like weight is ruining my life. You all know why I quit weight watchers? Because the lady got on to me for not eating enough, when I was perfectly satisfied at the portions that I was eating. She was incredibly rude to me because I couldnt eat enough for the diet. I quit vegetarianism because I almost passed out after almost a month from not having enough nutrition. When I was doing the vegan thing, I felt wonderful and light all the time, I felt good, until I got fuzzy eyed and light-headed in San Antonio. I dont always take my adepex because I will stay up for 2 days straight, without being tired at all. I quit the Birmingham diet because, well it was nasty lol. I dont do Atkins because I dont like a lot of meat or cheese (I cant taste the cheese, why add the extra calories?) I quit counting calories because I have Dyscalculia and couldnt count the calories lol. I quit subway because I got burnt out on sub sandwiches (still cant order anything I used to eat). Quit not eating because I got to Jr. High and there were better food choices and I lost all my friends when I started eating again. I dont remember being on any other real diets, hmmmm....... cant think og anymore, but I have done the same things over and over since I was like 3 and mom was doing them for me.

Its not discrimination because I am refering to my friend's dad, who owns a shop here in my town. He came up with it, I am not that creative. No breathing problems? Honey I have panic disorder, that means that if I get excited, scared, worried whatever I will hyperventilate. I also have sleep apnea which means when I hyperventilate to sleep, then I may stop breathing in my sleep. I never said I wasnt a hypocrite, everyone is a hypocrite no matter if they realize it or not. I wish everyday that I didnt have these arms and legs, because then I would fake ones that wouldnt hurt because you cant feel them. Besides all these points, if I am positive no one pays attention, they say thats great and move on. Even on here I have 2 or 3 positive posts and I think I got 2 responses on them, so now I only put up my own posts when I am sad or discouraged or depressed. Yes, I have an excuse for everything, and I mean everything because I am always on the defensive so that I will have an explanation for everything that people ask. Also no there is not a support group here, I live in a very small community in a very small town. I wish you people would realize how small my bones and joints are, I am 135lbs overweight for my height and bone size. My bones and joints are VERY small and VERY flexible (hyperextension). I cant move and the only thing the doctors say it is is my weight. I come back with the argument that there are people who are larger than me and yet they have no chronic pain problems. The explanation is that of my bones being small. Besides that, I do want to be a lawyer, but not a lawyer for the general public. I am going to be a big business administrative lawyer in hopes of moving into being a lobbyist in Washington DC.

Well, I have to go to school, I cant take a semester off because it is illegal. The way I look at the glass is it is half full if you pour liquid into in half way. It is half-empty if it was full and one was to drink half the liquid in the glass. I know, I know....I over analyze everything! I believe that the world is not simple, I believe it is very complex. Maybe that is why I am a pre-law major. I dont know. I just know that patience sucks, being fat sucks, comorbidities suck, and MEN SUCK TOO!!!LOL!!! I know real mature right? But its the truth.

The closest possible would be Houston and I cant drive that far by myself or in traffic. Mom and Dad work full-time jobs and they have used all the days they could on me already.

I have been fighting for everything that I have needed or wanted for 17 years, I had to fight for my life when I was born. Ironic though how many times I prayed to God to end it. I am tired of fighting, my body is litterally tired, I dont feel like doing anything. I will want to go do it, but I am so weak its hard to get out of bed in the morning, so I get up and goto the computer and work on history homework

Just exaclty where am I going to find a ching-chang-chong in deep east Texas that doesnt do nails? LOL! We don't have that here, and if we did I would be scared to go to them because things to come to this little podunk town lol. We dont have anything here.

See, you dont understand. I am not a positive person because I dont have anything really positive in my life. Yes, I admit (and already have admitted this a few posts ago) that it could be ALOT worse, but for my independant situation, I have it rough. Positivity is for positive people, I am a pessimist, nothing good happens to me I have no other reason not to be. I tried about 6 months ago to be positive, guess what happened? I was told that my knees cant be fixed with surgery, I was failing classes because I couldnt goto school, I was not allowed to make-up my work for school because I had missed too much school even though all of it was excused with doctor's notes, my specialist lied to me constantly, and my specialist also jipped my family out of about 1500 dollars in equipment that I did not even need.

Acupuncture, ow! lol. I dont think my insurance is going to cover that either,lol

It is Acid Reflux Disease. I am tired of being the exception to everything. I am always the exception to eveyr rule, I want to be able to do what most peole can do, I want to be able to walk up and down the mall without feeling like my body is going to fall apart, I want to be able to pick up my golf clubs again and play golf, I want to be able to go out of the house without a full medicine cabinet in my purse, I want to be able to not have to explain what is wrong with me all the time, I want to be able to dance, I want to be NORMAL. Anytime I have had the self-confidence to do anything I get shot down, every single time. I go with what works. If I know something has to happen, then it doesnt even if it just had to.

I do not eat a lot of meat because it makes me feel bogged down, tired, and sick. I do not eat a lot of dairy because I dont like it either. The only time I get dairy is when I take my medicine at night, I drink a shotglass of milk to get the pills down. Beans also make me SOOOO sick, they come straight back up with my acid reflux disease. There is a whole lot that I can't eat, it is my option to not taking any extra medications like prilosec. I already take like 5 or 6 pills before bed every night, I don't want to add to that, plus I have done fine on this little diet as far as not being sick to my stomach and throwing up embarassingly in front of everyone I know. Although I will eat some meat, it has to be baked or grilled chicken, I can eat the occasional small hamburger, I do not eat pork at all it makes me incredibly sick to my stomach. Plus, I do believe that a bigger person with the same qualifications of a thin person will not succeed as well as the bigger person. I have studies that prove it too.