melmommy04

I feel like you were in my head when you posted the first part of your post! My bf will go with me when he can but being it is a 3 hr drive each way for us, it's not always going to be possible. He is educating himself daily though and asks me lots of questions. If I don't know the answer, we start googling together. When you said your fiancé brought you something bc he had something. So true here too! I love that he thinks about me but gosh it's gotta stop. I try not to sound like the nagging woman but lately I have told him he needs to ask if I want something first. He will learn! (:

Fortunately and unfortunately, I have all the time I need to chop veggies, prepare meals, and graze. Ugh. I have ocular histoplasmosis. I'm blind in one eye completely and have lost a great portion of the vision in my good idea. I no longer work and do no drive. I do still have a license and drive once in a great while but the anxiety and panic attacks are really bad and it's just not worth it. We sold our 2nd vehicle 3 years ago. Quick lunches in drive thrus aren't an option most times, so that one be a missed habit or escape. (: Chopping veggies... Oh gosh. That's like heaven for me! I'm totally in my element with a knife, cutting board and vegetables any time of day/night.. I struggle with it bc my depth perception is mostly gone at this point... {Cut my left index tonight cutting an onion} But little accidents seem few and far between as long as I have my knives (a couple Amish made completely stainless steel knives), my cutting board and I do have to sit at the kitchen table to chop. If I'm thrown out of this setting, i have some close calls. I take my knives with me if I even think I could be cutting vegetables! (: We don't keep a lot of processed food in the house. Growing up in southern Indiana Amish and Mennonite are everywhere and home cooking is prevalent. Or at least in my family it always has been anyway. I think the same is true of many people around here. When I say home cooked, I mean home cooked. Noodles. Flour Water and eggs. Lasagna. Homemade sauce, fresh beef or sausage from the local butcher, whole wheat Pasta. Green Beans. The stand on the corner selling them for $0.33/lb. Tomatoes. The old man selling them in the parking lot for $0.25. All fresh from the garden down the road. cheese. Brought in from Pennsylvania or Wisconsin (Amish) and not processed. Butter. The same. Deli meats. For a few cents more than going to a local grocery store, I can get Amish packed (low sodium). We buy pure, 100% OJ. I do buy hot dogs, but I'm weird and so are my kids, so only Oscar Mayer! We buy typically all of our meats, chicken nuggets included, from local butcher/packing place. 100% breaded chicken breast pieces. I don't fry anything anymore. Even got rid of my deep fryer. Lol I have my moments where I want sugar. But I've been using the old, "will an apple satisfy you?" Or orange or watermelon, or some kind of fruit, and if my answer is no, I have another glass of water and try to forget about it. If the answer is yes, I have fruit. It seems to be working for me. My kids are still nibbling Christmas candy from their stockings, which is minimal to begin with bc I'm the not so nice Mrs. Claus., but that makes me wish I had some if I see them. Lol A lot of these changes didn't occur until the last 10 months. The meats, poultry, and fish. I was having some major stomach problems but only if I bought meat from grocery stores and Walmart. If I bought it from the butcher, I didn't get sick. I could make it through a meal without becoming violently ill. Well, I noticed my kids also complaining that their tummies ached after the store bought meats. But not when we bought from the butcher. So the beginning of one month I bought everything from the butcher. I wasn't sick once. My kids stopped complaining of tummy aches. It just made a huge difference. After some chatting with people... A couple of them butchers at the grocery stores. A butcher at the locker (local butcher). We came to the conclusion that the preservatives in the store bought meats is what makes us not feel well. Sodium and red dye are BIG additives in store bought meats.. Both of which are not added at the butcher. To me, it becomes processed once anything is added to it. The knowledge I've gained in the last year is making everything I'm learning now not so overwhelming.

I buy liquid smoke then marinate in different sauces.. I've even been know to marinate in tequila for 2 days before dehydrating and the last 2 hrs of dehydration squeeze lime juice on each piece or nugget. Marinating/making your own jerky at home lets you have slightly more control over the sodium levels! (: Pre-op still....

I use MFP until I have that one day where I'm logging and I get so totally disgusted with what I've eaten then I don't log for a month or 2. Just the fact that I keep the app on my main screen is starting to serve as a bit of accountability for myself. When I see it, I think about what I've eaten and I smack myself a little (ok not really but you get the idea!) or pat myself on the back. I'm learning though. (: melmommy04 on MFP! Nice to meet you Misty, I'm Jenn - The shamed logger. All of you, pre- and post op, are incredibly inspiring! After my miniature meltdown Monday, if it hadn't been for this forum, these threads I read daily, I probably would have just given up. I understand more and more why people who do not go to support group or participate in forum posts struggle so much with WLS. Thank you all!

Love this thread! I feel ashamed most times logging. Ugh.

I have no idea when I will have surgery at this point. My psych eval is Thursday. I see my PCP the 21st. And then we go from there. I'm looking forward to a new life! (:

Thank you! Surprisingly enough my mom is both supportive and not supportive. Yeah, makes no sense. She's happy for me. Giving me advice ,which I get annoyed with and end up telling her to practice what she preaches.. She complains about the things I eat... For example, she had a tupperware container on the dining room table full of Cookies and one full of different fudges/candies. I'd had the most intense craving for sweets. Being diabetic, I usually won't touch anything with sugar in it.. I knew she had some PB cookies in one.. I made the cookies. I knew exactly the amounts of sugar in each of the different recipes. I broke it in half, gave my son half. I nibbled on the other half. She came unglued! Literally as she reached for her 2nd or 3rd piece of fudge. WW3 commenced right there... And she's been telling me lately that her biggest problem was not having a support group to attend. She needs it. Which I'm sooooo thankful to find these forums/groups online!! We do NOT have a support group closer than 1 hr 15 min drive ... :/

I probably have a bit more motivation than many already... Not bragging by any means so please I hope no one thinks that! February 19 (also my oldest's bday) will mark my moms 4 yr surgiversary. I watched her have a heart attack in 2006, then lie in a bed hooked up to a ventilator after a triple bypass bc her lungs were in such bad shape from smoking for so many years that they just wouldn't re-inflate and work on their own. Then onto gain about 80lbs more (she was already way over 300lbs at 5'0") over the next 4 years, during which time she developed type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and the "I can't" attitude. My stepdad finally convinced her to have RNY. She was TINY (size 8 148 lbs) when they met in 1997 and she was healthy... He wasn't so much worried that she was overweight bc he wasn't attracted to her, his concerns were for her health. I had great respect for the man he was! Well, she had her surgery, I had my youngest less than a month later. She was excited because she realized she was able to interact with him on a much healthier level. She lost somewhere around 100lbs the first 8 months. I watched her experience dumping. Become malnourished. And become depressed in a manner I'd never seen before. I thought I'd seen it all too working in group homes with MR/DD individuals. Over the last 2 years she's gained that 100 back plus about 20. In the last 6 months she's somehow managed to lose the 20 though. We lost my stepdad in June 2012. Her depression has spiraled and I can see she doesn't care much about anything. I also have a 13 yr old brother at home. I try to spend as much time, or rather let my kids, but she and I are like oil and Water. Every word out of her mouth about me is a lie. I mean, I don't think she really knows that she's doing it. She believes what she thinks. She certainly isn't the same person she was 10 yrs ago that's for sure. We know there was some brain trauma from her time on the ventilator so I don't know if that's what keeps her head in such a twist or what. Anyway, she's one to walk into a room and just out of the blue say "I can't believe how fat and lazy you are!" To me... She's not the nicest person. Very mentally abusive to all of us. She says the same thing to my daughter too. She's a dancer, hip hop, ballet, tap, and jazz. She's getting the preteen belly but she barely wears a 14 (girls) at 4'8". She's about 80-90lbs. Fluctuating. She's rock solid with muscle. She is becoming obsessed with her body. She runs, bikes, and exercises. Her own choices! This isn't the kind of childhood I wanted for her so we make every effort to keep her visits with my mom to a minimum. I have vowed to not turn into my mother. I'm not that hateful person. It doesn't have to be my way or no way. I'm tired of being overweight. I've been obese since 8 yrs old. I will be 32 this year. You can do the math. I want to be around to see my children grow up, graduate, graduate again, begin careers, marry, have children. If possible, see their children do the same also! I want to be able to wear my bf's clothes and tell him hahaha I'm wearing your T-shirt and I kinda like it. I want to say buh bye to the 9 different meds plus the insulin that I take. I want to go into local stores and buy that shirt and those pants that are super cute that I have to try on because I'm not sure they will fit! Not because I'm so big but because wow, I don't know if I need a size 10 or even a 12! I live in a small town. I have to order my clothes online because they don't sell size 32W around here. None of this motivates my mom. Maybe that is why my determination is so strong. Her lack of motivation is my motivation. I posted somewhere else that I don't think she has stretched her pouch and could still make her RNY work to her advantage. I pray that she finds motivation in my journey and will take hers by the reigns and continue and be successful. She's my mom. I don't want to lose her at 52 or 53 yrs old. My brother deserves more than that. My children. And she herself does too. She did it for my stepdad. He's gone now. But there's still my brother and my babies that she could do it for if not for herself. She's made different comments about support groups. Like if I go, she will go with me. I would like that. Though I'm fairly certain there isn't a support group anywhere nearby for us to attend. This is where I'm doing some homework because I can start a support group if need be. If the need is there, I'm all for getting it together. She doesn't know this but she would tell me that I'm "full of sh*t and couldn't do it" anyway. Yeah, she's real supportive and encouraging! Lol I roll my eyes and keep on keepin on when I have to! Sorry for the mini book but this explains me. My motivation, determination. ME. (:

I shouldn't have a problem being a total basket case when I get in there. Lol I currently, or did I guess... Take celexa, buspirone, and trazadone for depression and severe anxiety.. The depression started pp after I had my nearly 4 yr old son. I think I use it more now to calm my nerves. Lol Anyway.. My psych nurse practitioner says I've not seen her since June (which isn't true bc I saw her in Sept. And was on a 3 month schedule) so she's refused my med refills. Well I've been without meds now for 3 weeks. My anxiety is absolutely out of control and driving me crazy and I've been an emotional basket case. I won't have nearly enough drugs in me come Thursday so the dr I'm seeing will see the unmedicated me. Haha I had a bit of a huge little meltdown today... :/ I googled before and after WLS pics.... That probably was not the best idea seeing as I'd already been feeling crappy. I had avoided looking up til today simply bc I knew I was going to see some pics of people with similar body shapes as mine. That was a hard pill to swallow at the moment BUT it's not hindered my determination to keep going forward. I'm more tired of being tired from carrying all this excess weight around and going to the dr for a routine checkup only to find something else is wrong with me that likely wouldn't be happening if I wasn't so overweight. That utter exhaustion and health issues bother me a lot more than the fact that I will have some saggy baggies all over. The saggy baggies can be fixed (mostly) with cosmetic surgery down the road and a long talk with my boyfriend makes me feel 100% better about it all! (:

Hopefully ASAP. I have my psych eval Thursday and that seems to be step 2 for the surgeon I am seeing.

Totally excited! I love your attitude. I'm pre-op and have a very similar attitude now! I can't wait for surgery. I'm ready to tackle this head on and let God handle the fears. He can have those while I do the physical labor! (:

I was totally spazzing about the lovenox and b12 injections BUT a year ago I was dx with diabetes and now take insulin. I figure a pin cushion belly for a little while longer is way better than the rest of my life! (: No surgery date yet, I'm not really scared.. My faith in The Lord is strong and for now I am able to "give it to God" and focus on everything else besides my fears. (:

Very interested in reading answers to these questions also! (:

I am diabetic in the pre op stages of RNY. I'm currently 371.9 lbs. my heaviest was 387... That was approximately 6 months ago. If surgery helps my diabetes, great! If it doesn't, then I will still be determined to lose the excess weight. My biggest fear is losing total control of the diabetes and my health deteriorating after surgery.

Wow! That seems crazy quick! I have Medicare and Medicaid so I'm afraid that I'm going to have some difficulty with approval. Like I will have to do phys. supervised diet for 3 or 6 months. Or something. I have YEARS of phys. super'd diet but I don't know if they will accept it. I started dieting and meds when I was about 11... 12 yrs old... And I'm now 31... My last recorded diet would have been 5 years ago before I became pregnant with my youngest child. I just hope and pray mine goes that quickly! (: Psych eval next Thursday!!!!

I have soooooo many questions! I'm glad I found ya'll and I hope you don't think I'm some crazy lady posting all this! Lol Thankfully I have been able to find/secure medical transport. That has been quite a trip all it's own. There are 3 (that I'm familiar with) available in Washington/Daviess County. One doesn't take Medicaid and one is giving me a serious headache. She refuses me a ride every time she learns who I am. I had a pleasant experience the ONE time they provided me transportation to an appt in Evansville that literally took me 20 minutes, check in and out. I was back home within 2 1/2 hours total. But anyone. The 3rd, was absolutely wonderful when I called to make arrangements for trans to my Psych Eval in Indy next Thursday. Have any of you experience with Dr. Roth for your eval? What can I expect during this appt? I'm totally used to meeting with a psychologist/psychiatrist so I don't foresee any issues. I have some anxiety issues that I currently see a psych nurse prac for. And Dr. Diaz didn't seem too concerned when I mentioned that I do struggle with anxiety. Also, I'm interested in your experiences with insurance/approval process... If you aren't comfortable discussing, I totally understand! (: I have Medicaid and Medicare. Reasons being I have ocular histoplasmosis. I'm 99% blind in one eye and have retained around 70% vision in my other by getting Avastin injections to control leaks/hemorrhages. My depth perception is nearly gone, my red reflex is hyperactive, basically it just means I have a hard time seeing different colors against other colors. If it's not black on white, my good eye is realllllllly strained causing stress and usually a leak and I end up with a shot in my eye. With my skill-set, I worked as a glorified secretary in my local welfare office, in a group home, in residential homes, and in fast food, I was deemed disabled. Not exactly where I want to be at 31 yrs old but it's the hand I've been dealt and I'm playing it by ear with encouragement and guidance from God.

Hello fellow SW'er! (: Even leaving our small towns to go to a city we are all always from good ol' SW Indiana! Lived in Dayton Ohio for awhile before having my oldest child but my roots certainly were planted strong down here in Washington!

I'm trying to figure out who she is.. I know EVERYONE in this little town but I don't quite recognize her by her profile picture. She looks familiar but it takes me talking to someone anymore to remember who they are by name. Lol

I am in Washington also! I'm going back through older posts in hopes of finding a support group locally. A friend of mine and myself are currently in the process with St. V in Carmel. Would love to chat some more with you!

It's what SHE has told me. She lost nearly 100 lbs and gained 100 lbs back. She admits she had her surgery for all the wrong reasons and says she hasn't had the support system she needed to succeed. We are pretty sure there isn't a physical, support group in our county so unless we can find one within the next few months, my goal is to get with a friend and possibly begin a support group locally. I, personally, know 5 people who have had or are in the process of having WLS. It shouldn't be too difficult to get something together. My mom has said that she is completely willing to change her eating habits and lose the weight. I don't believe she has stretched her pouch at all as she barely eats at meals. She just eats the wrong things! In the short time that I've been really pursuing my own journey (dec 6 was my original consult. date but I had to reschedule due to my 3 yr old having surgery and a very unexpected hospitalization afterwards.) she has lost, give or take, 20lbs. So, just the fact that I'm pressing to eat better myself has encouraged her to pay closer attention to her eating habits. I'm confident she's willing and able to go forward with me! (:

Awaiting insurance approval for RNY at Carmel with Dr. Diaz. My mom had her surgery 4 years ago (Feb 19) with Dr. Inman at Carmel. While she's failed at succeeding, I'm more than ready and determined that I won't end up in her shoes! I hope and pray that she will begin her journey (again) with me! (: