Sreeves

I am now 7 weeks 2 days postop. Before surgery I had a mini goal in mind: I wanted to lose the weight of my granddaughter. At the time she weighed 45 pounds (she's 6). I did not give myself a time limit because,, frankly, I was not sure how fast or slow the weight would come off this time.
 
After the dreaded "three week stall," which, appropriately, lasted almost 3 weeks, I was not sure I would EVER reach this goal. I was wrong. I am now 45 pounds down. WOOT!
 
Unfortunately, my granddaughter hit a growth spurt these past few months and she now weighs 49 pounds. Still, MY goal has been reached. I expect to lose another 4 pounds in the next week or 2 so then I will feel another small victory.
 
Next actual mini goal: I want to weigh less than my husband, who is 220 pounds. I am within 5 pounds of what I weighed when we got married 10 years ago, so YAY! All these NSVs are what is keeping me motivated right now, and that is a wonderful feeling. Success is not always measured by the scale but for those times that it is, I am a happy loser!

I got my JP drain out yesterday and it sure feels good to be rid of that thing! I have a lot more mobility and I got to take a real shower without being tethered to that thing. Things are going pretty well. I am meeting 60 grams of protein and getting all of my fluids.
 
I felt the need to change things up a little bit today. I had been out running around and decided to get some baby food. I have been doing fine with Strawberry Sorbet Unjury, Chicken Soup Unjury, and Oikos Triple Zero Greek yogurt, but I just really needed a little variety tonight, so I got some Gerber baby food. I have a little jar of Turkey and Gravy and a half a container of Squash for dinner. It may not have been quite a half cup, but boy oh boy did that hit the spot! I guess I just needed a "meal," you know? Since I am only at 50 gm for my protein intake today I can still have one of the Oikos yogurts later on, which will bring me up to 65 grams for the day and I actually feel satisfied. I felt a little funny shopping for baby food but I think it was worth it.

I am not sure exactly when it started. Some time into my re-ascent into morbid obesity, after the Lap-Band surgery failed, I stopped being a girl. First I grew out of all my jeans. Even my fat jeans, the one pair I had saved "just in case." I started wearing sweats all the time; at home, to the store, to the movies... Then it was my hair. I cut it short because I just couldn't be bothered to fix it. Why? I was always in jeans and tee shirts anyway, so what was the point?
 
Then I stopped wearing makeup. I guess I just figured it didn't matter anyway, no one is looking at my face. I suppose it made me feel a little more invisible. I really wanted to be anonymous, nondescript. If I don't call attention to myself, maybe no one will notice how much weight I have gained...
 
So here I am, refusing to buy clothing, even bras and undies, in "this" size. I need to punish myself for doing this to myself. Again. Or do I?
 
Maybe I really don't want to be invisible. Maybe I do want to feel pretty again. Maybe I don't want to be uncomfortable all the time, everywhere I am. I want to cross my legs again. I want to be able to walk through the mall and not get winded while I am shopping for jeans. I want to walk up to the makeup counter at Macy's and say, "Make me pretty" because I want to FEEL pretty. I don't want to get rashes in my skin folds. I want to grow my hair.
 
First thing I am going to buy when I am able to shop at a normal store is a pink Seahawks jersey. I tried to buy one last year, but I can only shop for shirts in mens' big and tall. They don't make pink Seahawks jerseys in mens' big and tall. Next football season I am going to dress like a girl.

I am not sure exactly when it started. Some time into my re-ascent into morbid obesity, after the Lap-Band surgery failed, I stopped being a girl. First I grew out of all my jeans. Even my fat jeans, the one pair I had saved "just in case." I started wearing sweats all the time; at home, to the store, to the movies... Then it was my hair. I cut it short because I just couldn't be bothered to fix it. Why? I was always in jeans and tee shirts anyway, so what was the point?
 
Then I stopped wearing makeup. I guess I just figured it didn't matter anyway, no one is looking at my face. I suppose it made me feel a little more invisible. I really wanted to be anonymous, nondescript. If I don't call attention to myself, maybe no one will notice how much weight I have gained...
 
So here I am, refusing to buy clothing, even bras and undies, in "this" size. I need to punish myself for doing this to myself. Again. Or do I?
 
Maybe I really don't want to be invisible. Maybe I do want to feel pretty again. Maybe I don't want to be uncomfortable all the time, everywhere I am. I want to cross my legs again. I want to be able to walk through the mall and not get winded while I am shopping for jeans. I want to walk up to the makeup counter at Macy's and say, "Make me pretty" because I want to FEEL pretty. I don't want to get rashes in my skin folds. I want to grow my hair.
 
First thing I am going to buy when I am able to shop at a normal store is a pink Seahawks jersey. I tried to buy one last year, but I can only shop for shirts in mens' big and tall. They don't make pink Seahawks jerseys in mens' big and tall. Next football season I am going to dress like a girl.

I am not sure exactly when it started. Some time into my re-ascent into morbid obesity, after the Lap-Band surgery failed, I stopped being a girl. First I grew out of all my jeans. Even my fat jeans, the one pair I had saved "just in case." I started wearing sweats all the time; at home, to the store, to the movies... Then it was my hair. I cut it short because I just couldn't be bothered to fix it. Why? I was always in jeans and tee shirts anyway, so what was the point?
 
Then I stopped wearing makeup. I guess I just figured it didn't matter anyway, no one is looking at my face. I suppose it made me feel a little more invisible. I really wanted to be anonymous, nondescript. If I don't call attention to myself, maybe no one will notice how much weight I have gained...
 
So here I am, refusing to buy clothing, even bras and undies, in "this" size. I need to punish myself for doing this to myself. Again. Or do I?
 
Maybe I really don't want to be invisible. Maybe I do want to feel pretty again. Maybe I don't want to be uncomfortable all the time, everywhere I am. I want to cross my legs again. I want to be able to walk through the mall and not get winded while I am shopping for jeans. I want to walk up to the makeup counter at Macy's and say, "Make me pretty" because I want to FEEL pretty. I don't want to get rashes in my skin folds. I want to grow my hair.
 
First thing I am going to buy when I am able to shop at a normal store is a pink Seahawks jersey. I tried to buy one last year, but I can only shop for shirts in mens' big and tall. They don't make pink Seahawks jerseys in mens' big and tall. Next football season I am going to dress like a girl.