HumanMerelyBeing

Just the surgery itself, I paid about $4800 out of pocket and insurance covered about $18,000 or so. This includes surgeon, room (2 nights), supplies, anesthesia. I have a CIGNA HMO high-deductible health plan and went to a Center of Excellence Hospital in New England.

Ha Ha! I just had to open this thread! I thought - what thread on here could possible be titled, "Pop Tart!" Now I know! Plenty of good advice goes before me on this one, I'll just say know your limits!! : )

Intellectually, I have understood that many obese people, myself included, use food as a soother and to self-medicate. I get that. If this weren't the case, you wouldn't see a high rate of transfer addictions, a divorce rate that jumps to 75% for post-op patients and a suicide rate that is more than double that of the population at large. (In fact, for women it's more than 5x the rate!) But now, I myself am post-op. And it's no longer an intellectual discussion. It's real. It's happening to me. I am feeling all my Feelings and there is nothing I can do about it. The thing I know how to do when uncomfortable and ugly feelings show up, is to push them back down with the sweet carb of my choosing. But I can't do that anymore. I literally, physically cannot do that anymore. So what do I do? If I can't push them down, then they have to come up and out. And some of the feelings are so damn ugly. In eating and eating I may have made myself ugly on the outside, but I was able to hide the ugly on the inside. Now what? I have not allowed myself to feel my feelings, never mind EXPRESS them, in so many years I really don't know how. They threaten to totally overwhelm me at times. Not only that, but people all around me in my life have come to expect me to me so mature, so level-headed. It makes them feel so good, so comfortable to be able to say, "Look at all the difficult things that have happened in her life, but how gracefully she deals with it. Look at how resilient she is, how she lets things roll right off her back." But without food, I have to feel my Big, Terrible, Feelings. And in doing so, I'm about to reveal that I'm not graceful, resilient or mature. I was just contained by carbs. We are all about to have a giant identity crisis, I'm afraid. Luckily, I have a good therapist to support me during this process. And I have you all here at Bariatric Pal - many of you who may have experienced this before and who may already have discovered the answer to the question, "Will feeling my Feelings kill me? Will expressing my Feelings alienate everyone I love? Will not pushing everything ugly back down inside of me totally overturn my life?"

@RJ's/beginning - Thank you. You are a voice of wisdom and comfort on this site.

I try not to post anything too negative. Nor is my goal necessarily to educate. It's just to be honest about my experience, which it turns out is often kinda universal. I find comfort in that and I always learn a little something from what you all have to say, too! For example, I love the person on here who says that food was her filter. So true! Now that the filter is turned off, all kinds of crap is coming out!! I am also trying to learn about surviving the feelings and the fear that they bring up in me. I don't want to be part of the any of the statistics that I quoted and that's why I reach out. And luckily, there are lots of you out there who are willing to reach back. So thank you.

@@par1959 - Here are some of sources on the stats quoted on suicide rates, transfer addictions and divorce rates after bariatric surgery. This article actually uses a stat of 80-85% divorce rate, but I quoted a more conservative 75% from another article I saw. http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/09/28/us-suicide-surgery-idUSTRE68R5FM20100928 http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/17/a-tragic-risk-of-weight-loss-surgery/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0 http://rfl.com/Portals/3/PDF/Counseling%20Bariatric%20Surgery%20Patients.pdf

@CowgirlJane...thanks for the thoughtful reply. #2 really strikes me: being more open, authentic and less "self-protecting." I think this is the part that is truly terrifying me right now. I can see where people would definitely like this, but oh the horror to think about actually doing it. I guess that's all part of the journey.

I am sorry to hear this. This is a setback, but hopefully the Zofran will help.

I know this is always a point of interest for people, so here is a little more data to add to your collection. This is my actual weekly weight loss with an average of 3.3 lbs per week since the day of surgery: Highest weight (July 2013) = 283 1st day Pre-op Diet (Jan 22nd 2014) = 270 (-13) Day of Surgery (Feb 4th 2014) = 254.5 (-15.5) Post Op Data by Week: Week 1 = 244.4 (-10.1) Week 2 = 244.4 (-0.0) Week 3 = 244.4 (-0.0) Week 4 = 241.2 (-3.2) MO 1 = -13.3 Week 5 = 238.2 (-3.0) Week 6 = 235.0 (-3.2) Week 7 = 232.2 (-2.8) Week 8 = 229.9 (-2.3) MO 2 = -11.3 Week 9 = 227.2 (-2.7) Week 10 = 221.8 (-5.4) Week 11 = 220.2 (-1.6) Week 12 = 214.8 (-5.4) MO 3 = -15.1 So there you have it, it really does add up over time, even with some frustrating stall weeks. Keep on plugging, everybody!

If you are like me, then you will understand what I mean when I say that I have been hiding for many years and that I have a deep-seated fear of "being seen." I have been carefully nuturing my very private, unknowable identity for a long time. You won't find photos of me out there, you won't find strong opinions or frequent posts on facebook, you won't be able to Google search me with any success, you won't find people in my life outside of my husband and children who know things about me--including that I've had WLS. I protect my name, location, my face, my body and my deep self in this way. Even my presence here on this site is secret in that I am just my words and nothing more. The question is, which came first - does the fear cause the weight or does the weight cause the fear? Some may think that the fear of "being seen and known" would cause one to physically shrink, but in our society it is the overweight that become truly invisible. This is one of the payoffs of being heavy. Anytime I have lost weight in the past, the comments, compliments and questions from others as I lose has been unbearable and undoubtedly one of the (several) complicated triggers that has caused regain. Enter WLS. I am losing weight. I am fully committed - physically and emotionally. People are starting to notice. I am feeling uncomfortable feelings. I am awakening. I do not have food as my comforter, that which dulls the senses and self-medicates against too much reality. That which stuffs down feelings and dreams and ambitions. Awakening means dealing with these dreams and ambitions. Becoming smaller means being noticed, being judged. It's amazing how many people are more comfortable and satisfied with us while we are fat. We are non-threatening, just a nearly invisible enormous person: just how they like us. Do I have a magic solution to this challenge of identity and weight? Nothing particularly tidy. Except this time, I have my own strong will. I have a different approach to self talk. I am determined to be so brave. I am committed to feel and not be afraid. I am going to allow myself to be judged (could we really stop it anyway??) and realize that it will not kill me. I will still wake up the next morning and be myself with my own life and my own needs and my own goals. I will awaken.

@Comfey_Blue: Ah yes, we are not a threat to other women when we are heavy. This is an intriguing and very present dynamic!

OK, confessions of a 9 week Post-Sleever: 1. I can eat more than I could a month ago. 2. Nothing to date has made me feel sick. 3. I'm so pleased with my progress to date, that I'm getting mentally lazy. 4. I record my food intake on MyFitnessPal most accurately on days when I am *perfect*. 5. I simply do NOT know what to do with myself when I go to the movies. No snacking??? Just watching the movie??? Ummm.... So this weekend, these 5 things all came together and almost shoved me right off that old wagon! My daughter and I went to see The Muppet Movie and she got a big old box of Whoppers. So, I decided I could "get away" with a few. After all, I've been so good, been making such progress, biked an hour on Saturday and nothing has bothered me (see excuse list above). So I had a few of those delicious malted, melt-in-your-mouth Snacks. And then a few more. And then just a few more. How many did I actually have? I don't know - it was dark and I was watching the movie!! And then - my Sleeve worked!! I got hot, trapped in my own body, nauseous, dizzy, not sure what was happening, etc. We had to get up and leave the movie because I thought I was going to pass out. I drove us home, went to bed and climbed firmly back up on the wagon. A moment like this is living proof that the surgery performed was on the body and not the mind and I have so far to go with getting the mind to function on the same wave length as the Sleeve.

@@Mrs.RRn - do you have a particular brand that you use/like? I haven't done any bars yet - maybe it's time.

Just heard about this last night. I really loved his comedy. They didn't say exactly how he died, just that it was natural causes. I just felt so grateful about having already had the decision and my surgery behind me and to have a fighting chance at life. May he be in God's comfort now.

The few times I've crested up into the 800-1000 calorie range (and yes, those days were definitely in the PMS vortex), I've dropped weight over the next day or so. We forget the body does actually like fuel. : )

@@CrazyJaney - for me fatigue really did improve around the 4 week mark. Prior to that, it was tougher for me during my work day and I definitely napped more on the weekend and generally took it easy. But right around 4 weeks, I started to feel more energetic, not so exhausted. That's when I started being able to up the exercise too and probably was the point where I started taking in more like 500-600 calories per day so that gives you a boost too!

Ladybug - I'm like you, very private and it was a big decision about who I told. I told my husband, my children, 1 aunt and a best friend. Also told my in-laws out of total necessity since we needed their help with the kids while I was in the hospital. I didn't tell anyone else - not my sisters, parents, people at work, etc. Even with this carefully selected small group, I did have to endure some negativity, fear, etc. although most were very kind and supportive. I'm very comfortable with this decision although I wish I didn't tell the in-laws: have definitely re-thought that one. I am 6 weeks out and I am able to proceed with this journey privately, losing at my own pace without a hundred questions and people checking me up and down to "see how I'm doing" or to tell me "how pretty I actually am now." I don't like that kind of thing at all. I do go to the monthly support group at my surgeon's office which is helpful and I would encourage you to get some support during this time; including this community who truly understands. Everyone is different, so no one can tell you the "right" thing to do. But I would say this: ignore the idea that you HAVE to tell people, or that you are being dishonest if you don't. That's crap. No one needed to know how and why you gained the weight in the first place and they aren't owed anything now. This time, it's truly for you. Do it your way.

@Splatt83: The stitch can range from mild to a little more severe depending on what you've been up to. I would describe it like the pain that you would have after running a couple miles and getting that crampy painful feeling in your side or like you just did 1000 sit-ups and now every time you move a certain way, you feel it. Good news - it goes away!!!! Do try not to lift anything over 10 lbs in your first few weeks though or do something that will really risk the area. There's a lot of healing going on in there!

Yes, yes...why is this? I have been losing about 3 lbs a week, but somehow I feel that I've already messed this up somehow. I think I've probably already stretched my pouch or won't be able to keep up with the requirements, etc. So even in the midst of decent success, failure looms. I like what one poster said, that we must must try to live in the present and renew our commitment every 24 hours.

Hello February Friends, I was sleeved on 2/4/14. I'm also on soft foods and tolerating everything pretty well. I'm just a bit bored with no variety and trying to think of things to eat is tough. I do get hungry, but am satisfied pretty easily. I usually take in about 600 calories, very occassionally go up to 850 or so. Tuna, lunch meat, lite cheese sticks, scrambled eggs, turkey kielbasa, Soup, Protein shakes...that's about it. For a special treat, if I'm hungry at night I'll have 1-2 graham cracker sheets. Not sure if this is cheating or not. Otherwise, I don't have any carbs really. I've been walking, stationary bike and even tried 20 minutes of the Jillian Michaels Fat Burn workout - whoa!! NSVs - had to dig out some old clothes (luckily I have clothes in every size, so it will be a while before I have to shop!). My rings are fitting better. My face looks thinner. Exercise is getting easier! I had a long 2 week stall and like the other poster in this thread couldn't understand how that math works: taking in so few calories, exercising, working full time, taking care of 2 kids and not losing for more than 14 days. Sigh. But it's over and I'm back to losing 2-3 lbs a week or so. HW 283 Pre-op Diet 270 DOS 255 Current 237

Two weeks out of surgery, I dreamt I was shopping for new clothes in a smaller size and then realized that I had downed half a bottle of diet coke while I was shopping. I was shocked when I realized what I had done. Here I was trying to get clothes that fit the new me and drinking the forbidden at the same time!

I just saw the article and pics for Graham Elliott's surgery. I always loved him on Master Chef and now love that he opted for the sleeve and is 150 lbs down. This is an inspiration...someone who works with food and makes his living eating was able to accomplish this with the help of his tool. I know a lot of celebs have gotten surgery, but this one really wows me. Good for him. I'm going to use him as one of my inspirations.