LoveNKindness

I had the sleeve performed on 1/20. I was on Protein shakes and clear fluids for two weeks pre op and 2 weeks post op. It's now been three days that I've been able to have purée foods like mashed potatoes, apple sauce yogurt and Soups. After being on the clear Fluid diet for so long I thought I would be happy to move on. I have felt regret since the moment I woke up from surgery , and despite my hope it would get better when I could eat more it's actually gotten much worse. I miss so much about life before this surgery. I don't know how I will adjust. I miss taking big gulps of cold Water. I sip and sip and sip, but I am always thirsty. I miss the joy of eating with friends and family and eating good foods. I miss being able to drink while I'm eating and I hate having to wait half an hour before and after eating to drink. Will it always take me half an hour to drink a cup of water? Will the rest of my life be spent feeling thirsty, hungry, counting minutes till I can drink water or constantly tracking my protein? I chose the sleeve over the bypass so that I would still be able to have a semi-normal life. There's no point regretting something that cannot be undone, but I do.

In total, six large garbage bags and a whole lot of emotion. The closet purge brought so many forgotten memories to the surface. Memories of trying desperately to close zippers, tight waistlines growing more and more tight until I relented and went up a size, then searching through racks of clothes to find a size large enough to fit. I remembered all the times I tried to "inconspicuously" adjust my outfit to be more flattering. Always pulling down my shirt over my hips, and feeling shame when my top lifted enough for someone catch a peek of my saggy stomach fat pushing out from the waist of my jeans. Shirts would have to be long and loose enough not to stick around my rolls, but fit enough to look presentable at work. I had a while drawer full of control clothes - those terrible things to wear under clothes that suck in fat. I wore the day after day year round. They gave me terrible rashes and sores, but I wore them anyway so I looked an inch thinner. I thought if I could find the right clothes, flattering and stylish, people wouldn't notice my weight as much. Really I wasn't fooling anyone. Bagging up these clothes I can feel the shame lifting off my shoulders. Shame is a terrible thing to carry around. I didn't know how heavy it has been until today. Looking forward to a life less heavy. Living in the moment, no longer preoccupied with adjusting clothes and hoping zippers stay zipped.

I donated all of my clothes because I know first hand how hard it is to find good second hand plus size clothes. I hope someone will enjoy them.

What a difference a few weeks and some good support makes! When I started this thread I was two weeks post op. Tomorrow I will be five weeks, and life is starting to return to normal. I no longer feel thirsty all the time. I feel full most of the time, even though I'm still only eating puréed foods. I still get tired very easily, and I have a hard time eating more than 400 calories a day (btw, is this normal? I'm thinking it is at this stage since I can only eat mush. I still manage 60 grams of protein a day by incorporating my shakes). Best of all, I'm shrinking! I'm down 30 pounds since my surgery. I remember why I make this choice, and I have hope again that I will be able to live a normal life. I feel bad that some people may have read this and gotten further discouraged. For those of you who have, I hope today is a bit brighter.

its good to vent here, we all understand! I didn't think I could do it, but I did. And in my life there have been very little food related victories Think about how much safer you will be in surgery if you follow the diet. Cheating could endanger your life.

you can do this. You will succeed because you are strong and your spirit can't be broken.

wow! It's such a transformation. You can see the confidence! I'm three weeks post op and I can't even imagine my life after such a weight loss.

<3

Thanks for the support everyone. I do have to remind myself that it's not even been three weeks! I feel unbelievably better knowing that one day I will be able to do the things I want that I was so worried I would never be able to do again.

do you have any supports at home?

Thanks so much for your kind inspirational words and advice. Knowing I might be able to gulp Water really helps! It's honestly not at all like me to be so pessimistic or feel sorry for myself. I should be grateful I have had a chance to have this surgery when so many others cannot access it. It has dawned on me that perhaps now that I am starting to notice my clothes not fitting and the weight coming off I might also be grieving out of a feeling of loss. Is that weird? Grieving the loss of my extra pounds? Anyone else feel that way? Although I'm obese, the rest of my life is bliss. I have two wonderful loving kids, a fantastic husband, a great career, and a cozy little house where we are warm and safe together. My physical appearance has not bothered me as much as the concern I might not be around to see my children grow up if I don't dramatically improve my health.