DylanRae

Hey everyone. I have not felt comfortable to admit this to the people close to me, but I need advice.. or something. I have not done any exercise and very little food monitoring. Mostly because of lack of motivation. I'm so use to physically not being able to move around with out pain that my brain has me convinced that even now (110lbs lighter) i will still be in the same amount of pain. And the eating bit.. i want to be a "Skinny" person so bad that I have started eating the way naturally skinny people eat. Which will NOT help me lose or keep of any weight. I am still not at my goal weight. I would like to loose 20-30 more lbs. I have been stuck in the 160s between 165lbs and 169lbs for the last 6 months. the longest i have gone without loosing anything. I am guilty of not being nice to my body since my surgery.. I also am still not happy with my body. I have SO MUCH extra skin i'm sure that if it was removed or tightened up i would lose at least 10lbs right there. I also think that a lot of my issues are surrounded around the fact that i have disconnected from my Beri community. both in person and online. I need to reconnect.

Look I'm a success story now! Surgery November 18th 2014 biggest at 330 (in summer of 2012). Day of surgery 275. Today somewhere between 150 and 160! Honestly haven't seen a scale in literally months..

My official process started in December, 3 months ago. There has been constant miscommunication between my doctors/insurance (sorta the same people) and the appeals department. My first request was denied. I appealed then sent in a second request, under the advice of the Bariatric nurse. Anyway long story short, I am told that I am less then a week away from finding out if this second approval is denied or not. I'm going crazy! I literally feel like barfing all the time. I am constantly remembering my childhood and being ups eased with the doctor shows that showed liposuction. I remember drawing dotted lines all over my body at 10 years old and nearing 200 pounds. I remember looking at photos of me when I was a healthy toddler. I am younger then maybe 6, and I'm at a healthy weight for the last time in my life. I have always loved food, so being anorexic never crossed my mind. And actually barging hurt to much to make a habit out of. It wasn't until late middle school that someone pointed out that I'm getting bigger. In anger, I reply with something along the lines of but I'm barely eating anything! This was their point. Damn, no wonder why I feel so crapy. About 5 years ago, I had started to see a that impost for all my internal body issues. Around the same time a friend of mine (who was about the same size as me) told me that she was going to fly down to Mexico and have this WLS that I had never heard of at the time. I had known about the band and bypass but was unaware of the sleeve. I knew they the first two where not an option for me. I was immediately interested in this sleeve she was talking about, and most deffinetly put off with her decision to go to Mexico. But hey, do what you gotta do. So I went back to my therapist and we started to explore every weight loss option out there, after 4 years of exhausting every diet known to man. I got severely depressed. I ended up homeless with no job, and nearing 330lb. Keep inundated that after puberty, I am only 5'4". I was ready to end everything. I called my mom for help. She picked me up, and saved my life that night. I then reconnected with my friend who is a couple years post op now over Facebook. She looks completely different! I had forgotten about the sleeve as an option. And now after some legal changes, I am on my mothers health insurance that might pay for surgery. So in December of 2013 I decided to use my last option. I had started the proses with my doctors and told a few of my closest friends (3 total) including my boyfriend. Everyone but my boyfriend was being understanding and supportive. He an I have only known each other for a short time, an only have been dating for almost 8 months. So unlike my other friends he never got to watch me struggle with my weight. On Boxing Day (yes my family is Canadian) later in the evening, we all are hanging out digesting our deserts, and I decided to tell my family about my decision on WLS. I was so nourvus. It was harder then coming out as bi, or kinky, or poly, all combined! The room fell silent for a moment. And my entire family accepted me with open arms. I cried in relief. Today, my entire family, many I my friends and any others that happen to find out, all are supportive of my choices. Some are more supportive then others, and it has taken a few people like my boyfriend to warm up to the idea, but they have. Possibly less on the principal of their own and more on the principal of if you can't beat them, join them idea. Whatever the reason I'm happy to have my support network. So as I start my own preop diet, I sit and wait for Wednesday to roll around so I can call my doctor and get an answer from them. Hopefully by then they will have one and I won't have to wait until Friday or even Monday of the fallowing week. My Bariatric story is only barely started. As I can feel things start to look up from here, I can only expect the worst. I have decided that telling people my story is only helping me become stronger, despite any negative reactions I get. The more I tell people the more I validate why this is important to me. In the sense that I do not have to feel like hiding something BAD from the world. Also, telling people helps me weed out my "supportive" friends, on top of giving them an opportunity to learn more about something they don't approve of. Being "out" about my journey is deffinetly hard and sucks when then people are trying to micromanage my food intake. But I'm overall a strong enough person to tell them to back off. I am ready for this change into life! I am ready to feel like I have real control over my weight. I am excited to be the first healthy person into biological family. I am excited to be able to stand, sit, or lay down and be able to see my toes past my belly. I'm excited about being proud of my belly. And of course not having so much anxiety around shopping for new outfits. Plus new outfits will be overall cheaper! Less fabric = less $$! Until next time. thank you all for reading and keeping me motivated to think positive! Dylan.

Nearly a year out from surgery. I'm sorry for the radio silence on all fronts! But here are some photos to make up for it!! And the last few are just a few reminders of where I was at before surgery... Largest record weight: 330lbs Day of surgery weight: 275lbs Today's weight: 165lbs Goal weight: between 130lbs and 145lbs. I truly believe I would lose at least 5lbs from all the extra skin I have right now. And if I did lose the skin, I would definitely drop from a comfortable 9/10 to a comfortable 6/7.

While I never enjoyed being hot and sticky from sweat just thinking about walking to the other room, now, 100+ lbs smaller, AND it's winter time, I am so cold all the time! Shiver down to my bones. There was a brief moment in my weight loss some point in the summer where I had found a neutral temperature. It was really nice. :/ now I'm just always cold. But the bright side to that is that I have much more motivation to finish making any one of my throw blanket projects that I started.

One year anniversary is coming up... how's the progress November sleeves!?

I will be there!

I'm not actually vegan, but have found that after surgery I am lactose intolerant. This makes it very hard to get my Protein in while in liquid diet stage! I need some help! My doctor has extended my liquid diet for a couple more weeks because of other complications. But I am not getting any protein in because I can't keep down any dairy products! Also, so far the only things I can keep down are frozen/very cold liquids. Any suggestions? I have tried Soup, and other warm drinks with vegan Protein powder, because of the temp, it won't stay down. And the frozen things won't desolve the protein powder. Any suggestions would be very appreciated. Dylan

Ok just kidding about the 15 min liquid thing. I'm back to square one, ice chips.

Attempting finals week along with the 3rd week post op, it's tough to say the least. I fear im puking up blood, and I can barely concentrate on anything! I can only get down 1oz of anything at a time, which scared me a bit. Because at this rate I know I'm not getting enough protine and it's impossible to get all my fluids in. I feel like my doc is ignoring me, every time I try and mention my worries he searches for the worst, and when he doesn't find it he sends me home telling me I'm fine. Which may be the case, but let's actively find a way for me to be more comfortable!!! Anyway, I have been doing an oz of fluid every 15 mins, with a half hour break every hour. This seems to be my sweet spot... At least for now.

If you want little update blurbs add me on facebook:) just include a note saying you are from here. so I know you not some random person trying to add me... That happens sometimes and I don't acsept them. Dilly bean or dylanrae@outlook.com

Damn it! I had a big update, big as in long! And then I got an interruption on my phone and the entire thing disappeared ???? I will update later!

What's the best way to purée foods? Just in a blender? I have a ninja profesonal blender.. Makes amazing smoothies! But I love that chicken noodle idea! I have this Amy's vegi soup that is crazy good! And healthy and all that, I just wish I could eat the veggies in the soup! So putting the soup in a blender sounds like a good idea!

I had mine on the 18th, spent two and a half days in the hospital. I'm still on my stage 2 which is full liquid diet. And I believe it will be the end of me as I know it! I just want warm food! Warm chewable food. One egg or maybe some vegi soup with the vegis stil IN the soup! It's driving me insane... Just a lot.