VSGAnn2014

What are you afraid of?

Surely, someone has already made these points, but if not ... 1. A thread, once started, is not controlled by the OP, nor is it required (by any imaginable "rule" of anything) to stick to the OP's interpretation of their original thesis / topic / rant / WTF. Message boards invite input. And hot threads get input, no matter what the input. 2. A thread, once started, does not develop solely for the benefit of the OP -- but for the message board's entire viewership. Way more people read these boards than post here. So in response to some numb nut's "This is how WLS worked for me, and it'll work this way for you!" I occasionally feel compelled to chime in and say "NOT, you numb nut!"

Thanks for this thread, @@Elode -- and thanks to all who've posted here. Some sweet posts. Odd as it sounds, it's motivating for me to watch some people waste their sleeves. But it's beyond weird that some WLS patients revel in their self-abuse so much that they publicize it daily on Facebook. I can't wrap my head around that. If I go down I'll go down fighting all the way -- not posting pix on FB of me drinking Mountain Dew. P.S. And in response to the sole "fat shaming" comment made earlier on this thread, I interpret @@Elode's OP and her other comments as a protest against those who "skinny shame" those of us who work hard to be successful after WLS, whether our success comes hard or easy and whether we're currently losing, maintaining or gaining. In my humble opinion, it's the effort that we put out that deserves respect. If you've had WLS, but have given up the struggle, so be it. But when you start trying to bring others down who are still fighting for their health then you deserve all the scorn you get.

@@jenn1 ... that really is wonderful. And so mind-twisting, too. We go through such big changes, don't we?

Three days later .... I wonder why so many people who start threads never check back in -- never acknowledge others' posts or thank them or even react, never share news of "what happened next."

(This isn't a rant or a rave, but I'm placing this thread here because I can't find a more appropriate place for it.) On a different thread, another member posted: <snip> "I see a lot of larger women really working hard to get people to like them, to be funny, to be witty, to be sophisticated and friendly and essentially massively over compensating." http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/354082-how-are-you-treated-by-people-pre-surgery-versus-post-surgery/?p=3988539 I responded that I also saw many examples of that and that "... 'growing up fat' required I develop significant compensating behaviors and skills to overcome the downside of being fat." So here are a couple of questions for you: 1. What behaviors / skills did you develop to compensate for being fat? 2. Do you think you'll change (and how) when you're thin?

@@charjsweet ... You're a smart cookie. I also concur. It's time to give that person her own space, and make your own space. You sound like you're doing great, by the way. Again, smart cookie.

Wow! That's not the end of the story I was expecting! I gotta say, good on you for sensing immediately that he is married. I don't think I'd have been that smart. At least not that fast to figure it out. And yes, of course, he's a jackass. I do think, however, that the one thing that went right about this is that you met him doing something YOU were interested in. Engaging in mutual interests is, in my experience, a good way to find worthwhile people to date. I'd continue that angle, if I were you. And I doubt that the other guy you've met recently is the only fish left in the sea. Those fish come in and out of rotation all the time.

Very serious advice: Find yourself a good therapist ASAP. That's what they're good at helping us change: compulsive behavior, impulsive behavior, self-destructive behavior. You aren't caring for yourself. You need to learn how to do a much better job of self-care. Don't waste this opportunity to actually change your life. If you need help to do that, find the help. You CAN do it.

I'd love to see those videos -- if they're online.

@@sleevedinseptember ... I didn't stress at all either about how fast I lost. And yet I've made it all the way to goal (150 pounds) and 12 pounds below that. One of the lucky things I (think I) did was not to eat 800 calories/day for all of my weight loss phases. I ramped up to 1,000 cals during Months 5-6 and up to 1,200 cals during Months 7-8 (at my bariatric P.A.'s urging). She said it would help my eventual maintenance budget be higher. Turns out, in my case at least, that she was right -- I'm now while maintaining eating 1700 calories a day (on average) and bouncing (now) between 138 and 140. I honestly think that I will need to raise my cals to stop slowly losing weight or that, if I do eat a few hundred calories, I can maintain close to this weight. Boy oh boy, this is working for me!

@@sleevedinseptember ... I really like how you have approached this. So sane.

Hi, Anthony. I was sleeved 8-18-2014, am now almost 15 months post-op, have lost 98 pounds and am now maintaining at 138 pounds. I eat what I want -- and at least 1700 cals/day. I have learned so much about nutrition, eat well, follow all my new eating behaviors. I do still plan and track my food most days on My Fitness Pal, and I move and walk so much more than I used to. I look so cute (!), and I'm loving my life. This surgery was just amazingly wonderful for me. The future's so bright I'm wearing shades every day! (I'm 70 years old.)

You can take this to the bank: 1. How you feel one day after surgery has nothing to do with how you will feel a week, a month, six months, a year after surgery. Not physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. 2. And how you feel a week after surgery has nothing to do with how you will feel a month, six months, a year after surgery. 3. Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- has that WTF HAVE I DONE moment. Everyone. And then they gradually (within hours or days) remember, "Oh, I know why I did it. OK, I can do this." And then they do it. And then they get used to it. And then it becomes normal. Truly normal. Not weird. Normal. Best to you! Everything you're feeling has been felt by hundreds of thousands of others who've just done what you've just done. And they did fine.

That's right ... people who sell waist trainers will NOT post anything bad about them.

MADAME REVERIE IS BACK!?!? You don't know me, but you have no idea how much I've enjoyed your old posts, your sense of humor and your intelligence. I've hoped you would appear again. Your emergence from the shadows will tickle quite a few folks.

(blush) I actually do like my Protein drink -- GNC Lean 25 shake - Swiss chocolate and (lately) Pumpkin Spice. I still have 4-5 Protein shakes a week for Breakfast when I'm on the run. So sue me! And I also like walking, especially one route that goes around a beautiful park. Yeah, I'm just a teacher's pet, hall monitor, kinda kid. LOL!

There are so many small ways we can improve our self-care. Here's only one small thing I've done for myself: The first thing every morning when I open up my laptop, instead of checking my business email, I now open My Fitness Pal, record my morning weight, and plan my meals and Snacks for the day. It's such a little thing -- but it is important, and it reinforces for me that I do put my needs first.

Uh ... I gotta say ... this is marketing hype from your surgeon's office. There is no national database of people who've had WLS and their post-op results. In fact, there's a big problem with people who have WLS and subsequently fade from the scene, never making all their post-WLS appointments. My own surgeon says half of his WLS patients never see him again past six months post-op. (He can't go to their houses and track them down.) Second, if our medical information (even our post-op weights) were being collected, in the Era of HIPAA we'd all know it -- because we'd have to sign a release permitting them to share this information with someone other than our medical providers / insurance providers. I didn't sign a release like that. Anybody else sign a release like that? Yes, there are some longitudinal studies done about WLS patients -- but they're typically done at a single hospital or hospital system, usually one that's affiliated with a med school / university teaching hospital. They get people to agree early on to be part of the studies. But the big problem with all those studies is ... you got it ... dropouts and a subsequent inability to follow people long-term. Just sayin'.

@@parisshel ... With respect for your longer years of maintenance than mine (I'm almost 15 months post-op) and your experience with the lapband (I'm a sleeved patient, which is my first WLS), I see things considerably differently than you do, especially regarding your statements bolded above: Your post (quoted above) assumes that the ONLY tool standing between WLS patients and long-term maintenance and health is their WLS. It ignores the other tools we've acquired in tandem with WLS, e.g.: * Nutritional education, * Months / years of building and practicing new habits and a healthy lifestyle, * Constructing lives that provide us with support and (for some of us) minimizing or deleting people, jobs, homes, habits, environments, etc. from our lives that used to encourage overeating * Therapy / counseling / group therapy / online support group participation to address many of our individual weight-related issues and behaviors -- some quite severe, others less so, but significant to each of us, For instance, my sleeve immediately post-op was not healed, my tiny stomach was temporarily swollen, and my response to the sleeve immediately post-op bore no resemblance to what my long-term response to the sleeve would be. The fact that I could eat only a few teaspoons of food in the weeks immediately post-op did not mean that my lack of appetite then was what I could or should expect for the rest of my life or that, months later when my hunger returned that my sleeve had "failed me." And now that my sleeve is completely healed, I don't feel my sleeve has "failed me" when I feel physical hunger at times. Nor do I feel it's "failed me" when, under stress, I sometimes feel an urge to eat to numb my emotional discomforts. At all these times, it is MY CHOICE to decide when to eat and what and how much to eat. And it is my new tools that I have spent considerable effort acquiring (which I've listed above) that help me navigate my hunger. I would say the same thing to you I'd say to a newbie who had not even been sleeved yet: Your WLS tool alone will not fix your obesity. You have to build other tools that support your lapband/sleeve/bypass. Otherwise, you will regain your weight. Tl;dr = Hunger, urges, compulsions, impulses do not equate to broken WLS tools. They're manifestations of real life, which (as a previously obese person) I can choose to navigate successfully using tools I have made the effort to acquire. Or not.

Pirate's got a girlfriend! Pirate's got a girlfriend!

Yo, @@OKCPirate ... you're definitely on the right track. Very, very best wishes to you guys.

Yes, you can.

Y'know, the classics are classics for good reasons. Divorce works.

Some thoughts .... I think that true intimacy between two people is possible and grows when they both are: * Brutally honest with themselves and each other * Good communicators -- able to communicate well and describe what they've been through, what they want, and how they want to get there * (To your point about having been through tough times and struggled / recovered ...) Able to take some personal responsibility for the past bad situations they found themselves in ways that led to their own recovery, by which I mean -- even if his/her ex was a bitch he/she still saw that he/she played a role in creating that situation, even if that was only refusing to leave the situation * Will pay attention to you, listen to you when you share things, care about your thoughts and feelings and be there "for you" (some very good research tells us that this behavior is the best predictor of a couple's long-term marriage success) * Able to hear feedback without being *too* defensive and willing to give feedback that is constructive, not destructive, while encouraging each other to retain the right to make their own major life decisions * (This one is the capper, because not everyone can do this ....) Is capable of trusting and loving another person and being loved and trusted by another person. I do think some people's development was arrested early on by how they were raised or they were traumatized by life events and they just can't trust or love others again.