VSGAnn2014

Not following the eating and behavioral WLS instructions re what and how WLS patients should eat post-op obviously hasn't stopped some people from losing all their excess weight and maintaining that weight loss -- as evidenced by some posts above. But it seems clear that those "independent" folks have indeed reduced considerably the amount of food and the calories they ate pre-op. But this "independent" approach to navigating WLS is disastrous for others -- particularly those who have diagnosable eating disorders, who can't stop drinking significant amounts of "liquid calories" (think sweet tea, sugar sodas, high-calorie coffee drinks, sugary alcoholic drinks, beer, etc.), who snack continuously ("graze") on "slider foods" (those foods that have lots of carbs, are heavily processed and have little Fiber in them, and that move rapidly through the stomach into the intestines -- leaving the stomach empty and wanting more). I don't think it's a question of proving one's "worthiness" for surgery. I think if you have eating disorders and/or horrific eating habits pre-op that you know you're still going to be challenged by post-op you really will have to build some very different new habits and tools. One of those additional tools IMHO is the support and guidance of a therapist who knows what bariatric patients are struggling with and can support the changes you're trying to make in your lifestyle. None of us is guaranteed an excellent result post-op. But we can increase the odds of our success if we know our own personal challenges and try to reduce the risk of failure by pushing all the success levers we possibly can.

Not sure it's "the best" (haven't tried them all). But I love the Dannon Oikos Greek yogurt -- vanilla was my fave (still is). 120 calories, 12 grams of Protein.

How can anyone NOT know the Stones' "Brown Sugar"! Oh, baby, congratulations! You just discovered real rock and roll.

I wish I could say I've been to the gym more regularly. But mostly, I have just walked a lot more and been much more active in daily life -- housework, errands, fidgeting.

Oh, Kristen. I just found and read your thread. And this was the day you reached your weight goal. Big, wonderful deal! Congratulations!

^^^ Funny! And that's exactly what that OP / thread looked like. Weirdly, the OP's writing style in that thread was considerably different from his/her earlier posts when she/he first arrived here. Anyway ... no biggie. Onward.

Offering some encouragement re the night eating .... The first 6 - 9 months post-op I had trouble every few weeks with night eating. I never did much damage -- and resorted mostly to yogurt, cheese, milk (interesting, all dairy foods). But my shrink asked me to be more mindful (meaning, to just notice WTF was going on when I felt urges to eat late at night), so I did that. And over the last year those urges have just dissipated. I think what's mostly helped is that I'm not so stressed and sleeping more through the night. Compared to two years ago, I now sleep in the bed with my husband -- I don't stay up late at night and watch TV and wind up sleeping on the couch or in a recliner. Ugh! My increased exercise and activity levels are helping with the sleep, too. I used to take Ambien / Melatonin / Benadryl as needed. And now I seldom need any of that. Once again, new habits -- months and months of doing more things right than wrong -- really are helpful and powerful. Together, those habits constitute a new lifestyle. I sound like Pollyanna.

I have no idea what the actual ratio of posters to lurkers is at www.bariatricpal.com, but I'll cite the well known "1% rule (Internet culture)," which says only 1% of visitors to interactive sites create new content. If that's true here, for every person who creates threads and posts comments at this site 99 other people are reading and lurking the things we post. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule_(Internet_culture)

Great thread! Thank you, @@4MRB4PHOTO . I'm so much older than everybody else, so I demand some serious R-E-S-P-E-C-T ! My B-day #1 song was "It's Been a Long, Long Time" by Harry James and His Orchestra/.

FTR, until I read your last post (above), I thought you were a dude. Seriously.

@@jpballerina 's post is absolutely 100% true. Let him go. Love yourself. You're soooo worth it.

That's what I would do -- go back on the pre-op diet. My pre-op diet was 2 wees. Week 1: 2 Protein shakes and 350-400 cals for dinner. Week 2: 3 Protein Shakes. During those two weeks I'd make sure I was drinking at least 64 ounces of Water daily. Would this be hard? Probably. But I could do it. After that I'd probably do 1,200 calories a day -- protein, healthy/colored veggies, whole grains, the 64 ounces of water. ZERO slider foods. ZERO simple carbs. ZERO sodas. ZERO liquid calories (unless I was using a Protein Drink for breakfast). And I'd do that for as long as I needed to to lose the rest of my excess weight. I'd stick close to this forum. I'd exercise. I'd plan and track all my food on My Fitness Pal, too, which has been very helpful for me. And, of course, I'd take all my Vitamins / minerals / supplements / meds as prescribed -- daily and on time. Good luck!

This is different due to my restricted stomach capacity and (at 18 months post-op) I'm still feeling the effects of reduced ghrelin (the hunger hormone). I do still feel hungry when I'm hungry. But the runaway hunger that demanded food now isn't nearly as strong as it was pre-op. Also -- and this is key: This time with WLS I didn't lose just 20 or 40 pounds, which wasn't even halfway to goal. I lost ALL my excess weight! And that has made so much difference. Because now my knees don't hurt and I CAN walk farther and more often and faster than I have in decades. My daily routine is so much more energetic -- housework, errands, fidgeting. All these things are self-affirming. My increased activity level keeps me calmer. The fact that I eat more Protein and complex carbs (and fewer simple carbs as a lifestyle, not just the weight loss diet) also reduces my appetite by keeping my metabolism burning steadier, not up/down. Finally, when you actually engage in healthy behaviors for 18 months, you actually do build new habits that, together, are a very different lifestyle that reinforces itself because it makes you feel so good. Habits are very, very powerful -- including the new habits you will build after WLS. Good luck!

Protip to the OP: According to you, you've been misunderstood. You're not really having a bad time. But in the future, if you don't want to mislead others into thinking you're having a really rough time and are inviting encouragement from those who have more WLS experience and success than you've had so far, don't start a thread titled "This Week I Failed" that includes this language: "... I only exercised once this week. I feel really bad about that. I suppose a better word for it is ashamed. I have this secret fear that I will never make my goal weight. That my work will just be in vain. I ... have this fear of not being successful. I have lost more than fifty lbs, but I keep thinking what if this is it. As a person who has "old fat", I have been over weight/obese since my youth, perhaps this is all my body will know. So I guess I gave up this week in some ways." Better yet, don't snark at those who've taken the time to respond to your thread and offered their perspectives based on their personal experience. This board is just a community. Nothing more, nothing less. You will either benefit from it (and enjoy it), or you won't. But however that goes it's truly your choice.

So sorry you are struggling with this. I am in therapy -- started before WLS -- to make sure I had all the resources I needed to be successful. My therapist is great. He would NEVER act like this. In my very well informed opinion, your therapist is unprofessional and (to use the technical term) really jerking you around. So glad you're addressing this and getting it handled. If you determine later that you'd benefit from therapy, perhaps the psychiatrist you've been dealing with (and has been so helpful) can recommend someone else.

Jeez! You look 30 years younger! Congratulations to you!

My two cents' worth: I think all these weight goal challenges that are defined as X pounds lost by Y date are just nuts and lead exactly to where you are right now -- feeling destabilized and like you're a failure because the scales didn't produce a number you defined as "success" and thought would make you feel worthy. And yes, life will always, always throw us curve balls. You're not going to change that ever. And you're not going to have a perfect lifestyle in any single week. A healthy lifestyle is built week after month after year. And one of the biggest tools you need to build a healthy lifestyle is to learn not to hate on yourself because you aren't perfect. No one is perfect. No one. At the end of a week like this, just set new goals for next week. Or today. That's how this goes. Now, back to the scale: Yes, we are entitled to want to lose X pounds and reach our weight goal. But our bodies do NOT lose weight on a schedule. We don't lose in a simple, linear downhill straight line. Regardless of whether we're doing everything "right," we sometimes stall or even gain weight. You cannot -- repeat, cannot -- control all the factors that influence the rate at which you lose weight. You've lost 50 pounds in two months. I hope you know that rate of weight loss is not going to continue for much longer. Maybe that rate of weight loss is going to slow down next month. You are on this journey for the rest of your life. Not last week. Not next week. Take a deep breath and get ready for the trip. BTW, my fat was "old," too. That has nothing to do with your future success as a WLS patient. I had my surgery at 68 years old. I'm 70 years old now. I've lost 100 pounds and am maintaining now at 135 pounds -- skinniest and fittest I've been in 35 years. So buck up, you young thang you!

Ashley Graham, the Swimsuit Illustrated model referenced in that abcnews article link, is 5'9" and weighs 200 pounds. See http://healthyceleb.com/ashley-graham-height-weight-body-statistics/40966 That puts her BMI at 30 and classifies her (on that chart) as "overweight." As someone who's not even obese, much less morbidly obese, she's not a classic example of a "Fat Acceptance movement" proponent. I am irritated by gorgeous young women who wear size 14s and say things like "People can be healthy at any size." Yes, she said that, too. No, you can't be healthy at any size, especially if you're not 28 years old.

I don't know much about your situation other than what you've shared. But you may never be able to figure out what's wrong with him. Some people are just broken in ways that don't "make sense." But they are nonetheless broken. My advice to you would be to accept (for now) that this is the way it's going to be and to go forward by yourself. Whether you continue to go forward without him or whether that changes in the future, don't argue with "what is." And give yourself as much love as you can possibly give yourself, for you are so worthy of love. And because we always forget to love ourselves -- the ones who most need it.

I'm thinking about how in the past I ate in ways that comforted me -- as many of us used to do. BTW, I didn't do this in times of enormous pain, but more to escape from constant, low-grade pressure, stresses, and anxieties. The point at which food numbed me was reached only after I'd eaten FAR more food than I can eat today, when I'm 18 months post-WLS. Back in the day, it probably took at least 1500 calories in a single meal to reach the point of numbness. Usually, the food was takeout or restaurant fare -- burgers, Mexican food, pizza, Pasta, Chinese. Sugar and other carbs were especially efficient in putting me in what some of us might have described as a "food coma." But today, there's no way I could eat that much in a single meal. 1500 calories is only a few hundred calories less than I can manage in a whole day now. This is probably why those who suffer from transfer addictions explore other substances or activities to escape their discomforts.

I ate 1200 cals/day during Months 7-8. Month 9 I started to raise my cals slowly because I hit my weight goal during Month 8.

Thanks, guys. Appreciate your support. I am tough. So is my hubby. And we do have great doctors. And multiple good support systems. I really didn't mean to draw attention to myself, but to offer a counterpoint to the OP re how tough life really can get and how comforting ourselves may not be the right choice to make. But that's the OP's decision to make. And, as always, her mileage may vary.

FYI, I was eating 1200 calories a day by Month 8. By 14 months I had been below goal for 6 months and was eating 1700 cals/day. I'm now nearly 18 months out, still maintaining, and just knocked it up to 1800 cals/day. I'm 5'5", now weigh 135 pounds, and have lost 100 pounds.

I'm going through something pretty awful right now -- this week my sweet, dear, kind husband / best friend received a second cancer diagnosis. And it's bad. I have some good advice for you: Feel your feelings. Feel 'em. Feel 'em all. Be authentic with yourself. You're going to feel them eventually -- one way or another. And if you try not to feel them, you'll be drawn to something that could turn into something even uglier. But you'll still have the feelings you started out with. Don't judge yourself negatively for feeling grief, anger, frustration, whatever. Sometimes, some days, some years **** happens. And it sucks. And we would be insane not to feel bad. Of course, I don't think feeling permanently bad is a goal. That's not what I'm advising. Speaking for myself, I just get through the bad feelings faster and move faster to a more comfortable emotional space when I don't try to avoid what's actually happening at the moment. This actually is a form of mindfulness. And obviously, meditation helps -- the kind of meditation where you experience what's really happening and don't try to *make* something else happen. YMMV.

Are you guys exercising and/or doing 10,000 steps/day?