VSGAnn2014

Great thread. Thanks to the OP for starting it. Reminded me of things I need to pay attention to. Thanks, A.

First, congratulations on your wonderful weight loss journey. You have made the physical part of WLS a phenomenal success! I'm a noob here. But I already know that a lot of marriages don't survive weight loss surgery. Marriages that fail do so for a lot of different reasons. It sounds to me like you are the one who's changing. That's not necessarily a bad thing or a good thing. And for now (either permanently or temporarily -- it's not clear yet) you want to change your life in some specific ways. But your husband is having a negative reaction. Put those two things together and it's something that could become a bad thing. You've surely read the same WLS boards I have. The saddest stories to me are the ones where the WLS partner "went wild" (their words, not mine) and enjoyed life in ways they had sorely missed when they were heavier, some for the very first time, "getting it out of their system." It seems to be a phase they are compelled to go through. For people already in committed relationships these changes usually cause or exacerbate problems in their marriage. A year or two later, some of these WLS patients realize they're now done with that phase. They realize the cost of their adventure was higher than they wish they'd paid. I would gently suggest that it's time for old-fashioned communication between you and you husband. You both need to find out what your respective bottom lines are. And you need to communicate those clearly and respectfully. Then you two must negotiate what you're willing to pay for what you really want. A counselor might be able to help you have this conversation. As someone who's been through this and seen even it in others, please be very careful about "winning." If both people don't win, the relationship won't last -- or worse, you will stay together and one or both of you will be miserable. I wish you the best in addressing this new phase in your marriage. Naturally, I have no idea what the best outcome for you is. Good luck, Ann

I'm new here and have just read this thread. I'm sorry to hear you've had these issues. I do hope your medical challenges continue to resolve. I admire your courage. Ann

Hmmm ... when checking references about anything, the wise person discards the most vehement critics and the over-the-moon cheerleaders. It's the people in the middle -- the number of them, the results, their results, the consistency of their satisfaction over time -- that really tell the tale. Professional services marketing -- doctors, lawyers, accountants, realtors, financial advisors, bankers, etc. -- is like any other marketing. The best story is told. That's the nature of marketing. Social media like this board help us parse the truth we need to make ourselves comfortable. Bottom line: Discard the extremes, ask the tough questions you might at first blush think are "rude," then trust your gut. Best wishes to all here.

Some thoughts and then some questions ... with NO suggestion that I know what the "right" answer(s) is/are. If we were in destructive / codependent relationships with a boyfriend or friend or coworker or boss or even a spouse, chances are that the advice dispensed here would be some version of: "Lose 'em! They're keeping you down. They're contributing significantly to your destruction and aiding your self-destruction." But when the offender is a blood relative, particularly a parent, that kind of advice is rarely if ever dispensed. Yet in the case of blood relatives (who have imprinted their damage on us since childhood more deeply and destructively than others can) the wounds they can inflict over and over again are tolerated. In some cases, the wounds -- even fatal wounds -- are invited. Why isn't it OK to divorce blood relatives? Failing that, why isn't it OK to severely limit our contact with them or, more accurately, their contact with us? At the very least, why isn't it OK to establish hard and fast rules about what they are not allowed to do that hurts us and make it clear that there will be consequences of violating those rules?

My350z06, Wow! What an accomplishment! You really do look wonderful. If you don't mind sharing, what were some of your victories and challenges over the last year?

How in the world are there so many different perspectives among "the experts" (doctors and nutritionists) about eating, stalls, weight loss, "normal" weight loss, etc.? All these differences reduce my confidence in some of the clinics now involved in the WLS industry. Not trying to be negative -- just making an observation I'd make about any other process that inspired such disparate prognoses.

What do people who had the surgery in Mexico do when events like this happen? Are they just on their own? Do they make contact with bariatric surgeons in the US? Rely on a primary care physician? Ask people on a message board what they should do?

Silly question, but I'll ask it ... has your blood pressure medication been reduced since you've lost weight?

Wow. You should be so proud of your year's work. So impressive. Ann

Redbean, First, you've lost a lot of weight. In an absolute sense, you KNOW you look better than you used to. Second, cameras (not just the movies) add at least 10 pounds. Third, unless you're 15 years old you have NO idea how to pose for a photograph to look your best. And if your sister was snapping a candid photo of you (with no chance to arrange yourself), you were sandbagged. Fourth, is there any chance the photograph was taken with you on the EDGE of the photograph, and not in the center of the photograph? If so, did you know that many cameras exaggerate the width of figures on the edges of the photograph? It produces a funky wide-angle effect. That might not be the case, but it sure could be. This article describes the problems: http://gizmodo.com/5661253/giz-explains-why-you-look-different-in-photos-than-you-do-in-the-mirror A picture might or might not be worth a thousand words. But don't let it cost you a thousand tears, because your body needs the hydration. Ann

Hi, Queen. I'm one of those who only recently discovered your blog. I binge-read it yesterday -- it reminded me of a VSG version of Eat, Pray, Love. Ann