VSGAnn2014

My dear. You are hooked up with one controlling b***h. She already feels free to criticize your weight AND your style of dress. She demonstrably also has a problem moderating her food and alcohol choices. You on the other hand are actively engaged in becoming healthier. You're committed to a lapband lifestyle. And you just have to trust me on this next bit: When you're skinny as a rail and are wearing Chanel, she's going to criticize you for anything that occurs to her -- your hair style, your choice of literature, your tattoos, your career decisions, and your mother's cornbread dressing recipe. Why would you want to have someone like that in your life? Wouldn't you want a partner? Someone who loves and supports YOU for the YOU that YOU are and will become? There are lots of good people out there. You don't have to accept the first person who noticed you in a long time. Your choices are about to become more plentiful. Best wishes to YOU. Ann

I'm pulling for you, Bobby. In fact, everyone here is pulling for you. (hugs)

I'm still upset about this. Whoever said that to you must have been someone whose opinion about you matters to you. I hope that your bypass surgical program includes post-operative counseling and support. Please tell your surgeon and your post-surgical care team about this comment. They will help you get your head straight about this situation and this person. The reasons for obesity are very, very complex. Becoming obese requires a whooooole lotta things to line up in a certain way in order for that to happen. You are going to have an opportunity to become educated about that in the months to come. BTW, I saw a post here this morning from a guy named Frank who had WLS a year ago. He has lost 200 pounds already (!!!) and has another 100 to go. Just visualize yourself that way. Go get 'em.

Wow, Frank! That's just wonderful. I don't know you, and I'm so proud of you. Ann

That person DESERVES to be shown the door and right out of your life. Seriously. They are toxic to you. What YOU deserve is a life without this poison in it. Grrrr!

Breaking up is hard to do. You could start with: "It's feedback time. Would you like some?" You could say, "I feel X when you Y." And then see how it goes. If it goes badly, you could announce that you're going to take a "time out" or even a "trial separation." You could put a time limit on it, say three months, or just make it infinite. You could tell her, "It's not you, it's me." You could say, "I need to focus on myself right now." You could change your phone number. You could block her number and email address. If all that doesn't work, you can change jobs and move to another city.

Thanks to everyone for confirming that the grapevine can eat you alive. Mum's my word.

Sticky this thread. Thanks, posters.

Wow! What a classy look. And you look lovely. You should be very, very proud. A.

Wow, Stephanie -- you, too. Great job, you ladies. Ann

Wow! You are absolutely gorgeous. And you sound absolutely fulfilled. Thanks for sharing your pix and story. Ann

Niki -- just reading this thread for the first time (am a noob here). I was so concerned for you that I skipped immediately from the end of page 1 to page 13 and am so relieved that you're feeling better. Now I'll go back and read pages 2-12 and see what happened. Seriously, that's so good you're doing better. EDIT: Wow. I have now binge-read the whole thread. I don't know what to say, Niki, other than you are one courageous, persistent, grown-up woman. I hope and pray your health continues to improve. You are an amazing person. Respect!

Nine dogs? P.S. Great article.

Excellent post / article, Jean. Thank you.

My first concern is myself. I am not a member of a "movement." This is not an ideology. For me it's a tool I haven't tried yet (I haven't been sleeved yet). One thing I notice about overweight people, including me, is that we've all lost weight through programs / organizations / products. We tend to see those tools as "the solution." And we've all seen many become proselytizers and devotees. There's cultic thinking in those behaviors. I'm leery of all that. Just sayin'.

The LAST thing I want post-surgery is people judging my progress. What a drag that would be. I've lost and gained weight innumerable times in my life. Everyone who's known me longer than two years has seen me fat and seen me not fat. For me, this is a last-ditch effort to overcome this monster. For that reason, I plan NOT to tell friends / clients / acquaintances about the surgery. I'm willing to be accountable -- but to myself, not random people who know me. What's been interesting to me is the urge I have to confide in the same people I don't want to know about it, even when I have determined it's not the right thing for me to do. I wonder what that's about.

Lovely pictures. You're a great looking family. And I love your dress -- great choice! Ann

What has anyone here heard of Christopher Edwards in Springfield? If so, heard anything pro or con?

I'm waiting for v. 3.0. Seriously, this is goofy. I heard about this on the news. The battery runs down after 4 hours.

RJ, I'm such a noob here. And don't know you. And don't know your story / history. But ... didn't you just see your mom?

Wow, Lipstick Lady! You've really done a good job. Way to go! Respect! Ann

Right. You're the one. The special one. EDIT: (Was teasing, which did NOT come across well. The odds are greatly in your favor that are not the one. )

Seela, you look pretty young. I doubt you look old. EDIT: Something to consider -- you know how your haircut looks good, bad, great again, erk, wow!, gotta cut it today ...? Chances are your face is going to change many times in appearance before you're through. Your jowls, brow, cheeks, chin, nose ... will all be changing in relation to each other. And in the end if you don't like how your face looks, you have lots of options. Explore them.

Barb, yes, you're a nurse and have a lot of medical knowledge. But please see a doctor -- possibly an allergist. Stop trying to diagnose and treat yourself. (Said with tremendous admiration for all your great posts and va va voom!) Ann

RJ ... wow! Not that you hadn't drawn her clearly enough before, but there's no ambiguity here. She really determined to become The Perfect Victim. BTW, you are an wonderful writer. Have you ever considered writing a memoir yourself? You use all the crayons. I didn't mean for the above to sound so b/w either, but the "Mamas without Boundaries" theme in this whole thread is so strong. This thread is powerful.