patrice1

Hi Dave. Thank you for your reply. You are right - RNY has been the standard for a long time. I see benefits with it and with the DS. It really helps to consider all of these things. I will bring it up at my surgeon appointment and discuss. The two main surgeons here for Kaiser do not list DS as their recommended choice. Therefore, I want to be armed with all the information I can in case I decide to fight for DS. Ultimately, I know it is between my surgeon and I, but again - find everyone's information and experiences shared as valuable in the process. It truly helps! To be honest,

Debbie, how fantastic! I am really inspired and impressed. I am a "newbie" - just got approval for the surgery pending the entire Kaiser process, so it may be awhile yet before my surgery, but happy and relieved to be on the road. Stories like yours keep me excited and motivated. All the best to you!

Not all women are like this, of course, but there certainly are enough of them that this image is out there. Men compare too, but they just do it in a different way (pissing contests I believe they are called). I consider that in either case it is insecurity. And there are certain insecurities that involve pettiness. I dislike pettiness immensely, wherever I find it. So my point being is that this may be less that women in particular are the only ones doing this, but that it is a fault of some people - male or female. What i try to do is to be an example of a person that is not that way, and fortunately, I have plenty of people - men and women - in my life that are truly great people. I do dislike the comparison thing and I even at times feel hostile - especially when I get the "up and down look" from some women (not the majority) when they meet me for the first time. I hate that. I know what they are thinking and I get that only from women who are insecure about their own looks. Some men will also be insulting, though, by just treating me like a non-person or lesser than, but that is a different rejection. I have grown a tough skin, but I hate that comparison thing more than anything. At the end of the day, though, it reveals a person's soul and what they value. I will unequivocally say that these people are in the minority and I try not to focus on them (but it's easier said than done sometimes). The best people look beyond at the person inside, without all that. But those people are SECURE. It is the insecure and those who frequently feel powerless inside that do the comparing. If you are too busy enjoying life, and/or have come through difficulties yourself, you've learned to dig much deeper and thereby grow as a person and in strength and self esteem. Certainly you treat other people better and are not superficial nor petty. Just my take! Good subject.

Hi! I just started the process but should have a better idea after my meeting this Thursday. Getting excited!

How are you doing these days? I am 55 and I have recently been approved for surgery. Very excited to get on track myself! Just found this group. You know, "we aren't getting older we're getting better" (remember that old commercial)? Well, we ARE!

Hi kpat! Thank you -- what you said is so true: "if you want it to work and are determined it will work" that's key. I agree with you, getting there is not hard for me, but maintaining. In fact, I can say that "the regain PLUS the extra" (the extra being the operative word here) is what ballooned my weight to where it is today. Regains always come with extra poundage from where I began previously. Weight loss surgery to me is a "tool" not a "cure." The only reason I need surgery now is that my feet swell and bruise if I walk too much. My metabolism has slowed to a crawl. I did a physician-assisted fast last spring, and didn't cheat once. 800 calories a day, and I walked 8-10,000 steps a day, in spite of the pain. The results? 5 pounds in one month. Weight loss surgery will reset my body but will require maintenance and dedication. Anyway, I SO appreciate the support! It makes a lot of difference.

Hi, kpat. Thank you so much for your reply. That really, really helps. It seems like RNY definitely can do the trick, and it's nice to have "real life" results like that. All the best to you and your family.

I have been approved for the surgery but have just begun the entire process that leads up to getting an actual date. Therefore, I have a bit of time to wait as I jump through the hoops. The reason I am posting here is that I have been a slow loser in the past, although I am a serial dieter and have had success (only to gain it back and then some cycle so many are familiar with), and I think I may be a slow lower after surgery but there is no way of knowing that. So, I just want to say thank you to everyone here for sharing your stories. It helps a "newbie" like me be prepared for whatever may happen! All the best, Patrice

Wow-- He is definitely acting out toward you ... It's too bad, though, because he is missing out. Your sentence about your being the same person inside is so true....it just makes me see all the dysfunctional thinking that goes on with a food addiction. He would rather shut out the sister he loves and who loves him rather than deal with what's going on inside himself when faced with your weight loss..... I am glad you aren't letting it affect your new healthy life. It has to hurt a bit though! Love how strong you are being. I can't wait to have the surgery and get started myself. My insurance is covering this and I am very grateful. I know I will still have to work it, but there's just this deep sense of knowing I am on the right path. It's so good to feel that peace. Blessings to you too.

First of all, congratulations on your decision and approval to have WLS. You are taking courageous steps to have a healthy, new life. You have great insight into the disease of obesity and this will be invaluable to you in your recovery and success. I believe you are correct that seeing my success is triggering an uncomfortable feeling for him about his own obesity. He’s a very competitive person and it has to bother him to see his “kid sister” succeed as something he hasn’t begun to tackle. He had success with a medically supervised liquid diet about 12 years ago. Once he gained the weight back, he more or less went into denial about the disease. He was critical of my mother’s weight, her lack of physical activity but could not see that he was in the same situation. I tackled my obesity differently. For me, it was like when Carrie Underwood sings about “tryin’ to spin the world the other way.” I had good luck with weight loss programs, behavioral changes and regular exercise. I tried and tried and tried, but when the weight return again after a particularly stressful period in my life, I decided I needed to explore surgery, that I had exhausted all other options and that I myself was exhausted from trying so hard to change something I could not change, my morbidly obese BMI. Despite my own success, I told my mom that I would never “tell” someone to have WLS . You are correct that the patient is only ready when they are ready. I was lucky. I had insurance, support from my children and friends and co-workers and a world-class medical team in nearby Boston. I was still in good health and had already incorporated many of the lifestyle changes that are required of patients. It was still a really difficult decision to make. I was truly, truly blessed with the opportunity for WLS that every obese patient should have available to them. I just pray that my brother will realize the same opportunity before it is too late. Hi Idairene - Thank you for your encouragement and sharing your struggle and success with me. It is inspiring, for sure. I get the sibling rivalry thing. In fact, after seeing your post and some of the other posts here, I will be on the lookout for that kind of thing with my own. It's possible. In fact, I am guessing it can happen with girlfriends too. Like you, I was successful at exercise and weight loss before. But the regain always happened, and it included "and then some" to go with it. It was a very tough decision to finally accept surgery as the treatment option I needed. In fact, it was the "regain" issue - that only 5% of obese people actually keep the weight off that made me decide to move forward. Now, I am glad I am. Still, the encouragement makes a lot of difference and I thank you for that. I hope that your brother will come around, for his sake. But if he doesn't, I am glad that you are not going to let that bring you down. It would upset me, though, if I were in the same place - that my sibling wouldn't be supportive of my success in losing weight! You deserve a lot of credit and I hope he can give that to you. You prolonged your life by doing what you did. If someone had cancer or some other kind of illness, who would be jealous? Well, obesity is on the same continuum of disease. I will keep looking for your posts. It's good to have some wisdom along the way! All the best, Patrice

Speaking as someone who just made the choice to get bariatric surgery two weeks ago, I could relate to the post about how even well-meaning people--even those who love us the most--can say things about our weight that trigger binges and more self-loathing, and deeper in the trenches. However, this is not to blame those who want to help (and who are often desperately worried about us) for our behavior. Rather, it is to make the point that we truly are not ready until we are ready, and whatever point that occurs is different for all of us. If he knows you love and accept him where he is at, although you are concerned for him, this keeps the door open until he is ready. While I can't know this for sure, perhaps he is more concerned for you than his outward behavior may suggest (will I trigger her because I am continuing to eat the way I do). And/or, he may also be triggered by your success in spotlighting what he feels he can never do: which is to lose weight, which in turn may stir up the very familiar self-loathing and despair cycle I know I am very familiar with. So the point is, you keep doing what you need to do for you! You are still the #1 priority in your own life, no matter how much you love him. And with that, just let him know that you are there for him regardless. That will give him the courage (perhaps) to be vulnerable one day and reach out to you when he hits bottom and wants to change his situation. I know it must be hard not to be defensive when you feel someone is rejecting you - whether or not that is true, or doesn't seem to support what you are doing to make your life better. But at heart, he is probably not rejecting you so much as he is simply afraid he can never do what you did. Your success puts an even brighter spotlight on him that he has not changed his situation, whereas you did. At the end of the day, your choice to get better, while loving him unconditionally will do its best work. I can attest that all the talking in the world only made me feel worse about myself. I had tried everything and failed so many times I simply gave up. But there came a time when I was desperate enough to finally elect surgery. (And was just approved for it two weeks ago by my doctor to begin the process). Congratulations on your weight loss and your love for your brother. That's fantastic and truly "leads the way." Leading quietly by example is more powerful than mere words can ever be. It also keeps us humble when we realize how fragile our hold on health is, and how much we continually need grace to succeed. I respect you a lot for doing what you've done, and all my best to you and your brother!