>Pudgytoes<

Hi! I started on my journey about 6 months ago at the request of my endocrinologist. Recently diagnosed with hypothyroid and still trying to get my numbers and symptoms in check. I am 5" 1/4" and currently weigh 203 lbs. My highest weight was somewhere between 206-209..cant remember, lol. I am very close to getting my approval for the surgery but am also struggling with many other health and mobility issues. I am still on the fence about what surgery I want to have. In going to the info meetings I see that those who choose the RNY route were thinner in our group. I was very small always around a size 3 or 4 in my 20's had some health issues and gained about 50lbs. Went through a divorce and lost about 60. Then plateaued around 125/135 for about 5 yrs. I had to go on disability and found myself bored and looking for things to keep myself busy so I started experimenting with cooking...living alone with no one to "share" I also overate. If I made a whole frying pan full of stir fry and It tasted really good, I ATE THE WHOLE PAN....needless to say I am now about 75-85 lbs heavier and very uncomfortable. I attempted to try to lose weight in other ways once actually losing 30lbs then quickly regained it all back. Never having had to diet and not feeling well most of the time I lack discipline along with being unable to focus enough to keep up with a diet. I am assuming because of my illness and physical chronic issues. (these things are being addressed and I am HOPING will get better with time.) So here I am hoping that tomorrow will be a new day and I will soon be on the way to a healthier happier me! I am planning to have the surgery at Catholic Medical Center in Manchester, NH. A center of excellence and the only place my PCP would recommend, so far I am very pleased with the care I have gotten there. They're outcomes are excellent, so I am feeling that I am in good hands. My biggest fear is that my pain and spinal instability issues are going to get in the way with keeping up with an exercise program. I always enjoyed working out before an injury in my 20's. But find myself getting frustrated now having to do things differently or not being able to continue to move forward with a workout routine with my limitations....always fighting with myself on this, I often end up giving up because of pain and being unable to lose more than 10 lbs. I am fearful of loose skin too. I want to do this to look and feel better and be healthier but I already struggle with self image because of my health. So that is one big concern. I am also disabled so affording cosmetic surgery to take care of this would be a real challenge. So I am praying I will be able to do something to help get myself toned during the process. I am currently working with a physical therapist. To see me, overall I look fine. but I hurt a lot inside with physical pain that also causes me a lot of emotional pain. I am praying the weight loss will alleviate some of the physical which in turn will help with the emotional side. I have a very hard time accepting myself as disabled and have taken a lot of criticism. Its very lonely and makes one feel that they have no sense of purpose in life. I hope to go back to work part time one day, but I am not quite there yet. My doctor says I "cannot afford" to lose my health insurance (too may pre existing conditions, I had to go on disabiltity so I could get the health care I was in need of) so going back to work full time will probably never be In my future. I am interested in hearing your stories specifically those who have had RNY as well as the Sleeve as those are my options. My cousin had the RNY a year ago in the same place that I am going.