Folly

Judge you? Never.
Anyone with the courage to combat two difficult addictions at the same time is awesome in my book.
Before you break down and try a cigarette, go with gum, patch, vape, anything else. Giving in doesn't mean you should throw caution to the wind and fall completely off the wagon.
Whatever you ultimately choose to do, don't do it right now. Wait a day and see if it passes. Stay busy on here. Call friends. Take a walk through a local mall or park. Distract yourself. Make your decision in the morning based on thought, not pure impulse.

It is a bitter pill to swallow, isn't it? I have learned, for myself, it isn't a number, but how you feel. A lot of "professionals" have set my goal much lower than I would. I am 5'7" and am currently 170. I feel and look great. I am wearing between a 14 and 16 (no W!) Most people think I am a 12. Point is, on the BMI I am still listed as "overweight," and I am fine with that. Most will acknowledge that the BMI is flawed, at best. Congratulations on making so much progress! You are an inspiration! I don't like going to the gym either. Currently I am incapacitated, and wishing I could exercise...go figure....

I was almost a week out, before I lost my first pound. I had gained from all the IV fluids.

I am a super picky, finicky, whiny eater who hated everything already, and it only got worse after surgery. These are some of the things I do to get protein:
Fairlife milk (lactose/sugar filtered out, protein/calcium added) mixed with diet hot cocoa mix or sugar free strawberry Syrup
String cheese
Small amounts of vanilla Protein powder mixed with sugarfree vanilla pudding
cottage cheese mixed with a tiny amount of Tomato sauce (tastes like pasta/lasagna)
plain greek yogurt mixed with sugar free strawberry syrup so it tastes more like regular strawberry yogurt rather than that bitter/sour flavor
Now that I've been cleared for normal foods again, it honestly isn't changing much since I can't tolerate dense meats and Proteins. I have however bought my first pack of low-carb, high Protein chips/pretzels/cereal (10g protein per pack), which I'll try and pack with me when I'm at school/work so I don't completely starve myself.
It sucks when your tolerance for most things are low, you've just gotta find things that work for you.

I smoked for many years so I do get how hard it is. I didn't have cig cravings after surgery but I know about cig cravings in general.
Let me point out that just a few weeks out you are not healed from your surgery. If you smoke just one, you will keep wanting more and smoking can significantly delay healing from ANY injury or surgery. Not worth it. Is it your head hunger looking for something to put in your mouth or are you sure it's nicotine you want?

The video was an awesome explanation of the process that takes us to "All or Nothing" thinking. Very, very good info. Thank you for sharing it OKCPirate. :-)

I felt that way for a while... I'm almost a month out now and had chicken breast and a meatball the other night... It was then I realized that it worked... Hang in there stay on schedule but when u get to have ground meats make turkey meatballs and u will see that 1.5 small meatballs will fill u up quick!!

Points I should have made, strongly, in my previous reply are:
1. Post op your tummy is probably having swelling, paralysis and NERVE DAMAGE from the procedure. You may not be "feeling" a lot for several weeks or even a few months.
2. Weight loss can get a slow start in the first few weeks because you aren't getting enough and your body is conserving. It's temporary and not a big deal, your tummy needs to heal so be gentle with it.
3. WLS doesn't magically cure obesity or the emotional/psychological issues that make destructive eating an acceptable way of dealing with life. You still have to make choices and own the consequences.
4. Obsessing and freaking out over every single pound, eating what you know isn't good for you, judging yourself and feeling like a failure before you even got off the bench, wash, rinse, repeat (ad nauseam!) set you up for that "ALL or NOTHING!!!!!" thinking and self-sabotaging that can totally derail you.
If I find myself doing this, ever, I hope someone will have the balls to tell me my head is up my butt so far it's making everything I see look like crap. You're doing great and trying to rationalize hurting yourself FOR NO REASON! Stop it already, sweetheart. It doesn't have to be that way.
I urge you to get some therapy with someone who is well versed in addiction and or eating disorders. It might give you some perspective.
HUGS

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

@@Folly - Don't feel bad for noticing. The reality is that we are bombarded with information. We get more info in the Sunday newspaper than our ancestors got in a year 150 years ago, and don't even think about what the internet had done to the information explosion. So we ignore most things until we become aware of them. For instance, I bought a Lexus. Now I see them everywhere. Was there a sudden buying binge of Lexus's? NO. I just started noticing them. Same with people who are in the same boat that you were in. I'm glad you are not judgmental, and your attitude is one of compassion, but the fact you were aware of it just means your RAS is working well:

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

I am finding this thread very interesting and thought provoking. Thank you for starting it Folly and thank you to all that are adding your insights.
I think sadness would have been my first reaction to that couple. Firstly sad for the man who is probably finding bathing a difficult chore at this point. Then sad that they are losing their lives and their health to what is in that cart.
I only had my surgery 7 weeks ago and am at the begining of my new life and weight loss. I am so very grateful that even as a self pay that I was able to have this chance at new life. So many overweight people will never have that option.
Wondering what my mental response to severely overweight people will be in time.

When you undergo a major life change, it has an ability to sharpen your focus. When my wife became pregnant, whenever we went shopping we would see every pregnant woman in the store. When she had our first child, we would notice every newborn. When I had my RNY operation and lost weight, we would notice every overweight person we came across. And there are a vast quantity of overweight people today. This never became obvious until after the surgery.

@@Folly, I just want to say you seem like an incredibly compassionate person and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself.
I completely agree with the transfer explanation. I have also found it hard in my life not to judge people who were overweight, despite being one of them myself. I suppose as long as you can't accept yourself for some reason, you will struggle the same way with other people who share that thing with you. I've always had a problem with men who liked me, because I couldn't understand why would they find me attractive. Surprisingly, the fact they liked me usually made me think less of them - as if something was wrong with them. I suppose It's a similar mechanism.
Now, this may not apply to your situation, since we are all different.

It took a long, long time for me to recognize the difference between bored and hungry, not full and hungry, etc. It might help to recognize your tummy is like that of a newborn baby, just as small and just as delicate. You can get a newborn to swallow chocolate ice cream but it doesn't make it a good idea. Be very gentle with yourself. I had food aversions and issues at first also. Two days after surgery I gagged at the smell or taste of anything liquid, soft or mushy so I ate French fries. I felt OK with it, just a few. The swelling and paralysis went away after about a week and it started a battle with everything "good" being absolutely disgusting and everything else made my stomach hurt so bad I would vomit.
Whatever the issue is, the sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can move on to better things.
So many of us come to the point of needing medical intervention after years, or even decades, of hurting ourselves with food and shame and what we allow others to project onto us that we're often incapable of recognizing and dealing with anything but pushing everything down and putting food on it so it doesn't hurt. I found a lot of help with a professional who specializes in addiction.
I had to end the romance with food. Our break-up was emotional and painful but I felt better as I began to heal emotionally and physically..
I still have aversions to certain things but I mostly listen to my body and it seems to be working out.
Life is good.

I don't always tell people I've had WLS. I have used it as an excuse with family. (In other situations I just identify an ingredient the offending food surely contains and claim I have an intolerance or allergy to it")

I almost always have boiled eggs, low fat string cheese, cherry tomatoes, cut up veggies and grapes in the fridge. In a hurry I can put handfuls of stuff in Ziploc bags and be on my way. I'm usually home at lunch time. Being a grazer, I have a place in the fridge of the stuff I can graze on whenever I want through the day - the desire to do this has decreased dramatically over time. I re-stock it before I go to bed every night for the next day with cut up veggies, fruit and sugar free Gelatin.

Most people here are pretty nice MOST of the time. It seems like it truly was meant to be a light-hearted semi-humorous thread about grammar.
yall need to stop taking urselves so seriously cuz it starting to be a big ol buzz kill and I hate it when I have to deal with buzz killers it ruins my day and affects my mood I don't mind having to give my mental muscles a little bit of a workout to understand someone because we can learn from anyone if we are openminded and a lot of inccorectly written ideas have still had the power to inspire even though I have pet peeves about people mixing words that sound alike such as your and youre and theyre their and there and also this post didn't have a heading that said it was mandatory to read or respond to it so if you don't like it do what so many have suggested the original poster do and just move on to something you do want to read the main thing is that we all are kind and respectful to each other because without respect there can be no real communication
PS: It didn't occur to me the original post was in judgment of people or their intelligence, only their grammar. It didn't seem at all mean or ugly in any way.

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

Nope. Mine is a loud and hateful beast. After surgery I thought I would no longer feel hungry but this turned out to be incorrect in my case. I get hungry periodically and when I do it's extreme, loud and urgent. Good news: it takes about two bites of something to shut it down for hours so I just plan for it daily. There's always a way :-)

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

Nope. Mine is a loud and hateful beast. After surgery I thought I would no longer feel hungry but this turned out to be incorrect in my case. I get hungry periodically and when I do it's extreme, loud and urgent. Good news: it takes about two bites of something to shut it down for hours so I just plan for it daily. There's always a way :-)

I didn't have GERD or even occasional heartburn, ever. Well, not since pregnancy many a long year ago. Post op, after I was home and settling in with all the changes it hit like a ball of screaming fire. It's not difficult to control with OTC antacids, nor is it very expensive but it is horrid when I go more than three days without taking a Lansoprazole. Other than GERD, I can't think of a reason why the sleeve was a worse option than any other. Keep in mind that your choices and subsequent behavior will probably effect your outcomes overall much more than the tools you use.
*Take note of my BMI and weight on my tickers. It can be done. :-)
Keep the dialogue going. You'll figure out what is your best option.

So I am going to approach this from a different angle...My weight was never an issue for my husband. He was concerned about my health, but never ever said anything about my weight. He truly loved me when I was at my lowest (the day we met) and loved me at my heaviest (the day I decided to have surgery).
While he supports me, he's not he rah-rah type of a guy who makes a big deal out of things - I had surgery, I worked hard to lose weight and come to terms with my food addiction. Every once in a while, like every other leap year, he gives me an "I'm proud of you comment" or "I'm glad you had surgery", but it's not like he celebrates every 1/4 pound weight loss with me.
My husband wrote this for my blog at my 7 week post op mark. Is still brings tears to my eyes now...This helps me sometimes when I think he needs to "be more supportive" - he is supportive, just in his own way.

From Mr. McButterpants:
The wife recently asked me to write a little something for her blog. Not much on writing more than witty quips in response to my friends Facebook posts, my first response was a “oh sure” and then to politely ignore the request. It’s a tactic that works I’d say 75% of the time. I was hoping that she would be so excited (or distraught) about weight loss/lack of weight loss/not pooping/pooping/someone else pooping or not pooping, she’d forget that she asked. So a week passed and then I get a, “So I’d really like you to write a post for my blog. You know, from the spouses point of view.” I thought I was home free with her focus on the stall. Guess not.
My wife’s weight has never really been an issue for me. We met over the phone and had a 3000-mile long distance relationship before the Internet and unlimited phone service. We worked in the same industry and developed a relationship over months of hours-long, bank-account-crushing phone calls. We have always said that if we had come across each other in a bar or other typical meeting place, we wouldn’t have been each other’s type, physically. Since we fell in love before we ever met, we got what we got. Which by the way, I was pretty happy with upon our first meeting. So when she informed me of her thoughts on surgery I tried hard to keep the slack jawed WTF look off my face as much as I could. I initially thought, “Your going to cut out most of your stomach just to lose a few pounds. What?” What I didn’t realize is that it wasn’t a few pounds. Much like your surprise when someone comments on how much your child has grown because they only see him once a year, I hadn’t noticed she had gained a hundred pounds since we first met. She had always just been my wife, my best friend, the person I would spend a long wonderful life with. My attachment to her has always been so much more than physical, and when I look at her I still see that 25-year-old girl I fell in love with. So when she told me how much she weighed I thought, “Holy shit, when did that happen?”
My blessing of the surgery wasn’t without hesitation. I know what obesity does to a body over time and have witnessed it first hand in my father and mother-in-law. The breaking down of joints, the insulin injections, heart issues and on and on…I know, preaching to the choir. But what if something happens during surgery and I lose the love of my life? What if our boy loses his mother? The mere thoughts made my heart hurt. How would I ever cope if something tragic actually happened? But you can’t live life on the basis that something bad MIGHT happen. Its what kept my mother from fully experiencing life and I always hated that. I wanted to have the healthiest wife possible as we get older. I wanted her to be comfortable in her skin. I wanted her to wear clothes she likes, not just the ones that hide the most. I wanted her to not feel awkward around others. I’ve never really struggled with weight. Sure I could lose more than a few pounds, but it falls off with little effort. I don’t fully understand the angst that the weight causes my wife but I know she isn’t as happy as she could be because of it. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. You gotta make the most of it. So I agreed, reluctantly.
After coming to grips with the minimal risk involved and nervously waiting for good news from the operating room, it’s been a pretty easy journey for me. I’ve had to do very little except listen. Listen about the surgery, shakes, stalls, pooping, not pooping and then pooping again. My wife is hard-core about obtaining information off the internet. So much so, she once gave her GP a tutorial on thyroid testing and the latest acceptable ranges for each test, which came as news to her doctor. Still not sure why we had to pay for that office visit. So nothing came as a surprise. It made my life easier knowing that if anything came up post op that might freak me out, she had the stats on how many patients experienced the same thing, why it happened, how long it will likely last, and what the next day, week, month has in store. Easy for me, but I know it hasn’t been easy for her and that each day brings a new challenge. I am so grateful for what she is willing to put herself through for a healthier future with our son and me. Recently she’s been in the dreaded stall, but it’s subsided, and she has a little pep in her step. I love the gleam in her eye when the scale tells her what she wants to hear. I love how she gleefully shows off how crappy her clothes fit. Mostly I love that each day she seems to feel more comfortable in her skin and happier with herself. What more can you really ask for?

You know what will happen if I gently tell him I need his verbal support, he'll ask me why. I know this from other experiences of verbalizing a need from him. Then I'll be lectured in how I shouldn't have gone into surgery relying on support from others. On the rare occurrence that I won't get this lecture, he'll compliment right then and there, and never again. That's fake. I may as well send myself flowers.
So I chose to rant. I've been married more than 10 years, I completely know the level of asinine thinking I'm connected to.