Folly

Yeah, I'll have what she's having....lmao!!!

It might help you to see your wife as a person who is also struggling. People don't end up 100 lbs or more overweight because of being a little too indulgent at the table or needing to exercise a little more. This is a life-threatening addiction that can be and often is as destructive and deadly as any other addiction. The emotional toll it takes isn't always evident to us because we aren't "hi" or "wasted" but is still touches everyone and everything in our lives if it isn't kept in check. I hope you do what you need to do for yourself but at the same time try to see your wife as someone too "drunk" to even see her way out yet. It might help you to deal with the anger. I wish you all the best. Peace

I replied to this topic months and months ago. My perspective on this has changed so drastically that I have to wonder if others also have changed course. When I first replied to this I was still romancing food in a lot of ways, if not eating it, certainly thinking about eating it. I went through a few months of weight not going down and even gained one pound back for a minute there. I've had good support and finally got to the other side of what has driven the obesity. I don't know where things will end up in the future but for now it has no hold or control over me. Now it isn't a question of abstain or moderate. I don't hit myself with sticks, I don't cross streets without looking for traffic, I don't drive on the wrong side of the street, I don't improperly fuel my body with too much or too little food (or food that doesn't support the nutritional needs of my body), I don't pick fights with sailors in bars... There are many things I just don't do because it isn't good for me and I have no desire to hurt myself. At the same time, if my favorite neice cracks a recipe and wants to get me to try something I would to be nice, and get on with my life. It's just isn't that important anymore. Not the indulging or abstaining... there are other things that have my focus these days and food just gets enough of that focus for me to make sure I'm healthy and no more. Peace

Coming in to the later stages of weight loss I have to say one thing; this journey has been completely different than I ever thought it could be. WOW! Peace

I read through most of that. It's hard to be with someone on this journey...we get a little self absorbed at times. The controlling stuff happens, too. He seems to be handling himself and his own needs in spite of you. I have to ask if you're projecting food, weight, sex and emotional issues of yours onto him? I don't think it's fair to comment on the play-by-play stuff of what happens to bring so many unhappy momemts between you two because your perspective may be different than mine but I will suggest you talk to someone in AlAnon. Perhaps you can get some perspective and distance (and autonomy) from the destructive/dysfunctional emotional mess if you stop trying to manage him, his weight and his food addiction.... maybe spend that energy on yours and see if that helps. Peace

You have a right to be comfortable. Insist or have a family member advocate for you... medications and proper positioning should relieve discomfort. Maybe they should take a closer look to make sure all truly is well.

It gets better. During the first weeks be very, very mindful of hydration, protein and supplements. You'll bounce back quicker, six months from now your body will thank you. Be well.

A cup of popcorn by weight is about half an ounce? You didn't eat as much as you think. Next time try air popped... at least it's a whole grain. Hunger is normal. Learning to listen to your body is weird at first. I still struggle with this, too.

I want to bring you a cup of tea and have a long, motherly, informative talk with you... just as soon as I can do so with a straight face. (Omg! LMAO!)

The last few months have been among the most personally difficult of my life. As I truly and finally let go of the romance with food I learned that food was never the drug or addiction I thought it was. Food was the distraction, the drug and the addiction was the obesity itself. I found separation and safety from the pain and trauma of my youth as well as the disappointments and fears of my adulthood in being surrounded by a wall of warm, numbing fat. No one could reach me there where I was trapped and unhealthy. I was so numb I wasn't really very unhappy, just existing. I have discovered all the stuff I denied, avoided, was dishonest about or refused to deal with on the way up to 449 lbs was waiting, compounding interest, to be dealt with on the way back down. Finally, starting to reach an equilibrium with emotions, relationships, boundaries, and all the good, bad and in between stuff that make me who I am. The conflicts and fears are still there but some days the joy and happiness wins. I hope people know going in that the greater the external transformation is, the more you have to work on the internal stuff. It isn't all a trip to the mall for new cthes folks. Peace

Good on you!

I suppose we all have this new self to get used to. The more drastic the change, the bigger the sticker shock. I find I'm so lost in the process sometimes that I forget that there are other things about me that are signficant to others. I used to identify myself as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, professional, dog owner, dry wit, sometimes author, oenophile, gourmet cook, lover, avid crocheter, rocker chick... lately it seems like I only identify with being a person who is losing weight. I'm still hitting milestones and they don't go unnoticed. My car used to be too small, now the steering wheel doesn't touch my tummy. I can sit in a booth at restaurants now. Etc, etc, etc. I'm ready to just be one with it all and get back to being me but it seems like I've lost the way. Any thoughts?

After the surgery, as you recover and start feeling (looking) better your husband may have to confront some of his insecurities while you're learning that you - weight = person who doesn't supress every negative emotion. It's a great journey for the most part. Don't worry too much, we'll all be here when you get back. (I sent you a private message) Peace

I'm a bit south of LA and am almost 7 months out. How's it going for you?

We'll all be here when you get back... :-)

Just recently started eating them without problems. Some tolerate salads much sooner. (I would caution anyone to try to add some lean meats to salads so they don't fill up before getting enough protein).

Don't worry about calories at this point. Fluids, Protein, suppliments,fluids, protein, suppliments (wash, rinse, repeat). You'll bounce back and be feeling better soon. Give yourself permission to rest even if...

I had to go through 12-weeks of weight loss/nutrition classes before surgery. Calm down, it will happen when it needs to happen. Get some sleep... use this time acquainting yourself with post-op nutrition needs and get your game face on... and breathe! :-)

Once a week works for me. My weight fluctuates slightly from day to day but I find invariably from one week to the next 3-6 lbs less than the week before... If I weighed every day it would drive me bananas. Others would go bananas if they had to go that long between weigh-ins. Do what works for your emotional needs.

Your doctor will want you to lose some weight before your surgery. Now would be a good time to explore the different ways to meet your dietary needs post surgery. Try different products, begin taking the supplements... You're going to find that once you recover from the actual procedure you still have the choice to eat garbage or healthy... just the quantities will be much less. After the first few months your weight loss will be based on your food choices and activity level. Instead of thinking of places to over-eat before surgery realize that after recovery you will most likely tolerate most foods in small quantities. Deprivation never has to be part of your journey. I still have some of my old favorites sometimes but instead enough to feed a small army I have a few bites and am satisfied. You'll most likely find this true for yourself. You're worth the effort :-)

Every procedure has risk. Is continuing with your current health/weight better than facing this risk? You know what's best for you but fear steals so much from people. Please don't let fear make your decisions for you.

http://www.bariatricadvantage.com/catalog/

Bariatric Advantage makes very good products. They have hot Soup mixes, Meal Replacement shakes and Protein shakes. They mix well with Water. milk, lite soymilk... they also do protein Snacks. A good resource before and after surgery.

I joined a gym about 10 days ago. I go swimming when I can't sleep. My timer is usually set for 30 minutes. I go 3 times a week and am working up to an hour and probably more days. The "fitness coordinator" asked me what my fitness goals are and I couldn't help but paraphrase one of my favorite comedians. "I am here to delay the onset and severity of the consequences of the last 25 years of my life". He wasn't amused but I made him write it down anyway. I'm making progress I suppose. I look like an alien naked but you know, whatever...