Folly

@ It's been an interesting evolution of thought for me. I started out feeling camaraderie with those who carry 200 or more extra pounds. Over time, as I figured out what worked for me, I sort of felt a little smug and self-righteous. A lot of time in therapy has helped me work out a lot of that negativity and false ego. Now I want to see everyone who struggles as human beings in need of compassion and empathy. I worry about the "Forgetter" starting to malfunction and making me forget the wrong things. I've been trying to teach it to forget things like other people's flaws, what I wanted to complain about, gossip... I worry instead it might make me forget what's waiting for me if I ever act on the desire to hide my feelings in food. I can see that happening when I lose the recognition that a human being should be treated like a human being, period.

I didn't have GERD or even occasional heartburn, ever. Well, not since pregnancy many a long year ago. Post op, after I was home and settling in with all the changes it hit like a ball of screaming fire. It's not difficult to control with OTC antacids, nor is it very expensive but it is horrid when I go more than three days without taking a Lansoprazole. Other than GERD, I can't think of a reason why the sleeve was a worse option than any other. Keep in mind that your choices and subsequent behavior will probably effect your outcomes overall much more than the tools you use. *Take note of my BMI and weight on my tickers. It can be done. :-) Keep the dialogue going. You'll figure out what is your best option.

I was pressured to have RNY and chose the sleeve. So far I've done well. It's a tool. How you utilize it is up to you.

@@PittGuy It's fine. I was begged until I agreed to make Buffalo Wings. It's been a couple years since I deep fried anything. I'm an accomplished cook - almost any cuisine or food someone likes - I can make anything. Somehow I lost the essential skill one needs to deep fry chicken wings in canola oil. I had small bubble-up that splattered all over my stove. Then it ignited. The stove might be damaged but I did remember how to smother a grease fire. (My inner mother is tsk, tsk, tsking at me. Should have baked them even if I won't eat them.)

I hated it, too. Do it anyway. Have music, a friend, a movie... something or someone to focus on and just get it done. Eventually you'll find something you hate less and less. Swimming has gotten to be very enjoyable. The treadmill and I are discussing terms...

Nope. Mine is a loud and hateful beast. After surgery I thought I would no longer feel hungry but this turned out to be incorrect in my case. I get hungry periodically and when I do it's extreme, loud and urgent. Good news: it takes about two bites of something to shut it down for hours so I just plan for it daily. There's always a way :-)

Sometimes people get so used to our not insisting they treat us better that they don't realize how much or how deeply they really do hurt/bother/offend/embarrass us. Not long ago I hit a milestone that really mattered to me. The milestone was being at a weight that, had I started there, would have been considered not heavy enough for WLS (unless there were mitigating factors). For me it was getting below 240. When I announced to my husband I finally got there we ended up talking. He told me he wouldn't have found me attractive or wanted to get to know me if I were at my current weight when we met. (I weighed about 380 when I met him). He went on to tell me my beautiful face had aged 15 years and my once soft and voluptuous body looked like a big, deflated balloon. He had never, up to this point, said anything to me about my weight or appearance that I found hurtful. He was trying to explain that he still had good feelings in spite of the transformation but it ended up coming out in such a way that it was like a shot to the heart. We all go through this with someone.

Most people here are pretty nice MOST of the time. It seems like it truly was meant to be a light-hearted semi-humorous thread about grammar. yall need to stop taking urselves so seriously cuz it starting to be a big ol buzz kill and I hate it when I have to deal with buzz killers it ruins my day and affects my mood I don't mind having to give my mental muscles a little bit of a workout to understand someone because we can learn from anyone if we are openminded and a lot of inccorectly written ideas have still had the power to inspire even though I have pet peeves about people mixing words that sound alike such as your and youre and theyre their and there and also this post didn't have a heading that said it was mandatory to read or respond to it so if you don't like it do what so many have suggested the original poster do and just move on to something you do want to read the main thing is that we all are kind and respectful to each other because without respect there can be no real communication PS: It didn't occur to me the original post was in judgment of people or their intelligence, only their grammar. It didn't seem at all mean or ugly in any way.

@@BigViffer I can usually get through punctuation mistakes, I certainly make enough of them. I sometimes get derailed and have to reread when I have to figure if the poster really meant "their", "there" or "they're". Pet peeves are using "your" and "you're" as the same word, "to" and "too" are also minor offenders but usually flow without much mental note. I feel ya! It's a mental exercise and keeps you sharp if you pick up on everything like that. It's too easy to go with the flow and begin to use text-speak or other forms of slang. Most I see here are pretty nice though. Glad you're here too. :-)

I went grocery shopping today. I usually go once a week on Thursday. In our house the job of doing all the cooking and shopping sort of gradually fell to me. As time has gone on I've went from being a rigid evangelist of pushing healthy choices on people to accepting they're not going to be forced any more than I could be. I ended up somewhere in the middle with everyone. I encourage healthier choices and sometimes they listen. When I cook I sneak in what I can and try to minimize portions of what I can't. Usually, I don't eat things I make for others if I don't see the benefit outweighs the cost in fat and excess calories and carbs. It makes my body feel like I've just eaten garbage anyway. So I've noticed that I'm shopping like it's for two households. In my house-hold we get lean meat, all the veggies we want, lots of fruit, a glass of wine every Friday night and some little bit of carbs every day. In the other house they finally consented to going from whole milk to 2%, from fried chicken to baked - with skin still on, etc. In my house we might have an occasional bite of chocolate. In the other house they might have an occasional box of twinkies. It's weird to be so separate from the people with whom you live with something as intrinsic as food. I used to have a ritual after the big weekly grocery shop that involved my scarfing down a treat in the parking as soon as I got back in the car. (A box of donuts with chocolate milk perhaps). I still do this. Today the treat was those dry roasted seaweed things (30 cal, no fat, trace minerals and a little protein) and pureed vegetable juice (about 50 cal, no fat, Fiber and vitamin/mineral content good - both a little high in sodium). It's been automatic pilot for long enough now that I'm starting to make choices within what I feel good about without the internal dialogue and argument first. This has been such a hard place to get to, I think part of me fought it because I didn't really want to surrender the things I did to make myself obese. I wanted to want to let them go so I could be thin again - or at least not remarkably fat - but the habits of decades were strong. I wonder how others with families handle this issue?

@@faithis your little pouch is very traumatized after surgery and may not tell you that you're full until you become ill. Over time it will relax and allow more food (not stretching will eventually be something on your radar). For now, until you begin to interpret what your body needs a little better it might be really good to stick to no more than 2 oz portions of anything so as not to trigger something unpleasant. Do you have good understanding of what you should be eating and drinking?

@@PittGuy My surgeon is 1400 miles away so no follow up with him any more. I am being followed as closely as I need - my primary care Dr is well versed in bariatric issues and I periodically check in with a NUT - in addition to having labs and checks as indicated. My last labs came in within normal limits on everything - they usually do. (5 months after my WLS I had to fly to my father's deathbed. Focusing on that and not taking care of myself left me dehydrated and nutritionally compromised. Right after my father passed, when my family needed me, I was in the hospital ICU because my body didn't have the strength or resources to fight off the common cold. The impact of that, as well as the sorrow over my siblings having to worry about me when I should have been there grieving with them was extremely sobering. I do not mess around with my health.) My daily diet varies. I tend to focus on making sure I get all the things I need over the course of a week. One of the tools I have employed is to vary my calorie intake from one day to the next. I tend to try to focus on Protein shakes and Water at least one day a week. The rest of the time I focus on putting lean meats and veggies in my body, lite soymilk (lactose intolerant), fruit. When I eat carbs I tend to replace Pasta and rice with things like lentils or other types of legumes - I want my carbs complex and with added protein or I don't see the point in the added calorie load. Other than that I keep a jug of water in the fridge that I try to empty every day and I don't eat past being "not hungry" anymore. I also still track nutrients and calories to make sure I'm getting what I need. As far as exercise goes - when I can get it in I swim, usually a couple times a week. The excess weight did terrible things to my back and knees so I have to mindful of stressing my joints. As the weight has dropped I went from not being able to stand for more than a couple minutes to being on my feet all day. I do a lot of walking - try to get on the treadmill at least twice a week to walk for 45 minutes at a brisk pace. Some days it's fine and others it gets too painful and I do my best. I find the biggest challenge is finding that middle ground between maintaining the intake level at a pace that still allows for weight loss but not being so sparse that I send my body into conservation mode. Thank you for the offer of support. One of our greatest resources is each other. :-) Peace

@ YOU ROCK!!!

As you can see, the opinions we have and why can be varied. The main thing is that you go in with your eyes open and make the choices you need to make without the boogey-man in your head affecting your judgment with fear. I was strongly encouraged, based on my weight alone to go the bypass route. After researching it and taking in to account that I somehow managed not to acquire type 2 diabetes or any significant metabolic problems from being morbidly obese for 25 years, I chose the sleeve. The reflux/GERD thing is significant but an over the counter acid reducer every 2 or 3 days keeps it in check. I'm only coming up on my 2nd year so I can't predict with absolute certainty how I will feel about this as years go by but I believe I made the best possible choice for myself. Either way, it's important for you to understand the overall consequences, both good and bad, that are possible with each choice available and weigh that against your weight, health, preferences, needs and medical advice. One thing I can't stress enough is the importance of having proper emotional/psychological supports in place not only to help with making the decision but help with the journey, which can be difficult in ways you may not expect. *HUGS*

@@shellyd88 lololol that approach caused a mutiny in my house - and the spousal unit going behind my back and over-spending on things.

@@Smye My husband joined a support group for people who had a spouse/partner who "came out" after establishing a heterosexual relationship. He was sandbagged - 12 years, two kids, etc. There was a long cooling off period for him, he felt so lied to. She could have been a little less cold in the way she treated him and the kids. Ultimately he was able to get past feeling like he was her "skirt" until her father died. The anger was pretty bad from what I heard. He still can be triggered, if he dwells on it, into being resentful about her "wasting years of my life under false pretenses" (Those are his words). By the time I met him they had been divorced for a few years and had managed to become friendly if not actual friends. He ended up liking some of the partners that came and went in her life. The problems he has with her are really about other things but not actually about her being gay. One thing I can tell you is I have personally known several people who had a spouse "come out" after years and one after decades. The ones who seem to have the least destructive and hurtful transitions into whatever comes next are the ones who keep their eye on not personalizing what their partner needs. It has nothing to do with you. The other thing that seems to be helpful is recognizing that feeling lied to is probably a normal and even justifiable feeling but it isn't really fair to assume it was intentional. Most of the time it seems like people get into marriages with heterosexuals when they are gay because they are still struggling to accept or understand what, on some level, is not OK with them. I actually think it's kind of brave to face it. I think it's brave to put aside angry and hurt feelings. I think she must feel very safe and loved by you to have the courage to face it with you. It might be helpful to get in touch with a support group so you have a place to share this, and to vent the negative feelings that inevitably come when relationships change in ways we did not want them to. I hope that helps. *HUGS* Peace

I'm 46 and found menstruation more regular almost immediately after WLS. Before WLS I was very irregular. The last couple of months I've missed a period. It seems menopause is approaching. I only lately have a deep understanding of what a hot flash feels like (omg!). Trying to find more gentle ways to ease my body through this without hormone replacement therapy. Some days it feels so wretched I ready to put on a ratty housecoat, buy a cat and pick a liquor... most days it's ok though. I'm not assuming WLS had any negative effect on me this regard as I hear women of average weight experience this too.

I really like looking at before pictures that people post... is it just me or aren't most of the people on this site beautiful BEFORE and after surgery/weight loss?

I was only pondering reasons other than "failure" people are unaccounted for. (By the way, being unreachable to my original team doesn't mean I'm not getting appropriate Healthcare and checkups. I would use all the powers of pursuasion I could muster to talk anyone who has had WLS to continue appropriate healthcare)

I'm so glad. Good job! If I can offer you any support please reach out to me ☺

@@joseph737 Hoping all is well with you :-)

@@jess9395 I wouldn't be considered a failure but I also changed my whole health care team and insurance coverage when I relocated in Feb. I'm still losing and my 2-year date is 23rd of this month. When they don't reach me for follow-up it means they just can't reach me. I wonder how often that happens and how much it has affected statistical assumptions on what to report?

@@kmcclen lol the grass is always greener...

It sounds maybe discouraging to say this but is it possible your body isn't letting you slim down because it still isn't recovered from the lap band and the subsequent sleeve surgery. The thing I would ponder is previous weight loss. It seems to me that it becomes cyclic. I can go up to 8-weeks with no weight loss followed by significant drop followed by no weight loss, wash, rinse, repeat. I mentioned this in another thread so I'm repeating myself - sorry about that. I don't look at the times when I'm maintaining as "stalls". It's been coming on 2 years since my surgery and over time I've noticed this pattern that seems like my body is storing energy and nutrients. When the "tank" gets full it dumps weight and then starts refilling the tank. Maybe your "tank" isn't full yet. Maybe you could ask your NUT or Dr if this is possibly what's going on? Peace PS: don't become discouraged, you'll find your answer