Idairene

I am 5 months post-op and just had a follow-up visit with my team. I'm doing great - getting my Protein, eating the right amount of food and exercising and losing weight. I got cleared to resume any food I wanted to try withing reason for a low-fat, low sugar diet. I see people posting all these recipes and longing for food and I honestly I just eat very simple meals and find food often has little or no appeal to me. I have very little tolerance for processed food. Cooking and eating is a bit of a chore for me and yes, I do get hungry in that my sleeve is empty and I can tell I need some protein and nutrition, but the appetite and desire for food is almost totally gone. I asked my PA if my appetite would ever return and she said, that for some sleevers it really never comes back and others find it does and find controlling their hunger becomes more of an issue around 2 years. Not sure if no appetite is a good or a bad thing. For those of you who are a bit farther out, do you ever enjoy food again?

I am 4 months out and consider myself a hardy New Englander, used to the cold but have been absolutely freezing this winter. At our support group we learned this is a side-effect of the weight loss as you lose layers of insulation from the loss of fat. I still enjoy the outdoors and am taking ski lessons this winter - am I nuts or what???? I dress in layers. I wear long underwear - and I mean really good long underwear, insulated tops and then a wool sweater or sweatshirt or fleece. I nearly always wear a warm scarf at work. I wear wool socks, bought alpaca liners for the soles of my shoes, nearly always wear boots, put a heating pad on my recliner, have one of those blankets with sleeves, an infra-red quartz heater and a gas fireplace. Sometimes I get so cold I can't get warmed up. Going to bed, I dress in layers, wear the long johns and fleece PJs and socks, have a flannel covered down comforter and a fleece throw and a heater and a humidifier (humidity helps a lot) plus I have my 2 dogs sleep on top or next to me. I've finally learned how to stay warm. One thing that has helped me has been virgous exercise. I wear layers of clothes to the gym and by the time I finish, I'll be warmed up for a few hours. Being active and facing the challenge of bundling up and going outside everyday for some type of activity has helped me adjust to the cold.

The really valuable gift I got from WLS, besides the obvious decrease in lbs, was that I finally learned how to take care of myself. All my life I put others first and short changed myself and my health. Now, I focus on my health and well being, both mental and physical. I'm finding some of my friends and family and co-workers are really having a difficult time with the "new" me. I find myself needing to seek out new friendships at a time when I long for stability. Some of my family relationships are strained. It's not that I intentionally changed, just that it is part of my own growth process and I like myself better this way. In the long run, happier and healthier, I can give more to others in return. But the strain on my relationships is causing a huge amount of stress for me. Everyone loves that I've lost weight, but don't accept that I am now able to put myself first when I need to. And it's a long recovery. I know people who have been supporting me are getting weary. Sometimes I'm weary myself but its a permanent change and I have to continue to adapt. Any hints on how to deal with the stress of changing relationships post-surgery?

You will get better soon. I don't want to discourage anyone but I struggled for about 12 weeks with a slow healing stomach. I had nausea on and off for about 6 weeks. I was on soft foods for about 3 months and still have occaisional set backs. What I have learned is that everyone's recovery is different. I have what is known as a "slow healing stomach." I have learned to look at this as a blessing in disguise - it keeps me eating small, frequent and healthy meals. I really had some regrets around the 10 week mark and couldn't see the progress I had made, only how much I was struggling and our behavioral psychologist helped me with this. My dieticians are always there for me. I need extra support with my diet. And one other thing that I found really helps, if my stomach starts acting up, it almost always clears up after 30 minutes of some type of exercise. Don't let my story scare you - it is still all worth it and many people have very little problems with nausea and a sensitive sleeve.

Ultimately I have learned to say "thank you for your concern (compliments or whatever) but I feel this is a private matter, (between me and my medical team, Dr, etc as appropriate) and I hope you will understand that I don't want to discuss this further." I've had good luck sending this in an email to an individual person (NOT a group email) because often, when people make comments like this, I am too stunned to reply appropriately at the moment. My WLS surgery support group helped me work through using "I" statements to respond to these comments. Lack of privacy, having my weight loss be so noticibly public, was and continues to be a major issue for me personnaly. Learning to say "I feel this is a private" has helped me deal with my own discomfort around these statements. Some people have asked what I am comfortable with and I tell them getting a compliment like "I like that dress" or "you look nice today" are perfectly fine but that commenting directly on my size is something I am not comfortable with. I tell them "I am sensitive about it."

Wow Fluffnomore that comment about the sign totally hit home. On Christmas morning I opened a gift from a coworker who's been really involved in my surgery and progress. It was bad from top to bottom. The first thing I saw was a bunch of marshmallows and I thought "wow, she found me sugar-free marshmallows!" (duh!) Then I saw a bag of cocoa, I thought the same thing "suger-free cocoa!" Then there was a mug with a picture of a woman saying "Sure, I'd be happy to put my needs last again!" Needless to say, none of it was sugar free and the comment on the mug sent me reelling. This isn't the first time something like this has come up with her. I find myself pushing her away and her trying harder to reach out to me. I suppose I need to take her to lunch (a healthy one!) and just sit down and really talk with her more about my own personal growth that has resulted from WLS, changes beyond the physical ones.

Thank you so much for your response Indigo1991 - I was so touched. I think this is one of the kindest, most affirming things anyone has said to me since I had surgery. And maybe ever, since I didn't get a lot of affirmation from people as a "fat lady."

I hear you! I went to visit family for Thanksgiving and had a really struggle with seeing my brother over-eat. It did not trigger over-eating for me but opened my eyes and made me recommit to the healthy way I eat now. I think they had trouble with a couple of things with me. One was seeing me throw food out - I was served a plate, rather than being allowed to select my own food. I immediately got up and threw out what was not healthy for me, and kept reasonable portions on my plate. I threw out the green bean casserole and made my own chopped spinach with lemon. Another thing was how frequently I ate - every few hours I had my healthy mini meal. They were like, what, your eating again? I know you feel this is none of there business, but you might consider simply coming clean and telling them you had the surgery because you and your team determined it was medically necessary, that you were lucky to have insurance that covered it and support for your preop and recovery. I gave close family 2 articles to read The Fat Trap http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 And Surgery is Not the Easy Way Out http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/surgery-is-not-the-easy-way-out-a-bariatric-surgeons-perspective I asked them to read these and then I would answer any questions they had. As WLS pioneers, I think we have a certain responsibility to educate those around us that care about us.

I can eat out but honestly, it is more for the atmosphere than the food. I really don't enjoy restaurant food anymore and I loved to eat out before. I must be weird, but the more I learn how to prepare my own foods and follow the recommended diet, the less tolerance I have for anyone else's cooking. So I enjoy a meal out once in awhile and there are a few things I like from certain restaurants, but its not something I look forward to anymore.

Or just tell them you picked up a stomach bug from your travels and have no appetite.

After a trip to see my family for Thanksgiving and successfully sticking to my healthy eating, it was particularly hard to see my obese brother who has probably gained about 30 lbs this year. When I took a good look at him, I realized his neck was so heavy I could barely see his chin and that his ears seemed disproportionaly small compared to his face. He seemed uncomfortable with my own weight loss story, in fact, he put off coming to see me from Sunday until Thanksgiving, having excuse after excuse to stay away. When he saw how slowly I ate my meal (which now seems normal to me), he said he couldn't possibly take 30 minutes to eat lunch because the best employees are expected to take only 5 minutes. When I started to respond that this is a behavioral change my WLS team helped me to make, he cut me off before I could finish. When I was served Thanksgiving dinner, he said "are you going to be able to eat that?" He was hesitant to eat at a restaurant with me because he thought I would not be able to eat anything. On the other hand, he chose the restaurant where he could get a large prime rib and as he ate the prime rib, he actually spread butter on it (though he made it a point not to butter the roll he ate). He wasn't able to come with me while I walked the dogs, decided not to shop at Walmart because he would have to park too far away ( the parking lot was not that large) and was thrilled when my mom ordered him some special kind of tongs to pick things off the floor with because he can't bend down. When I stopped by his house, there was a belgium waffle maker on the counter that he was obviously using. There are a couple of issues for me here. First I just feel very sad to see how obesity has affected him, though he says his blood sugar, cholesteral and blood pressure are all fine - I don't see how it can be long before he has serious health issues. I've lost 2 male friends his age, that were in better shape, to sudden cardiac arrest. He lives alone and seems to be isolating himself more and more. I know how isolating obesity can be, and about the cravings for fats and carbs and sweets, how hard it is to move when you are that overweight. BUT I don't see him making any attempt to make healthy choices. Second is his passive/agresive comments and behavior, I have a few now former "friends" who have been unaccepting of my new lifestyle and body and I've learned to avoid them if I want to continue my success and not risk sabotaging my weight loss. But this is my brother, my only sibling and I found myself wanting to totally avoid him too! My mom says he should get surgery too but I know he doesn't have the medical resources or support that I had and he is not willing to change his behavior. Plus, his recent weight gain would put him at a higher risk. Since obesity runs in families, does anyone else have insight as to how to deal with this?

I actually have a card from my hospital in my wallet that provides my patient ID. This ID is used to access my electronic medical records. I've carried this with me for many years, long before I had WLS because I need it if I ever go to the hospital. My assumption is that in a true emergency, someone would have the sense to contact my hospital for blood type and any other vital information that is needed.

Patrice, I'm glad to know that you are able to get some support from my posts - just as I did from yours. It's interesting what you said about It would upset me, though, if I were in the same place - that my sibling wouldn't be supportive of my success in losing weight! Because initially, when I was home recovering, I was facing some issues with nausea and dehydration and during that time, he was very supportive. He texted me every day or called to see how I was and listened to me complain and carry on. It has only been since I have recovered and have been sharing photos of my weight loss that he started to become a little antagonistic. He initially advised me that I shouldn't make the trip for Thanksgiving because I would be too tired from the surgery. I wasn't tired at all, I was just trying to figure out how to manage my food while on the road, how much vacation time to take and where to stay with my 2 dogs (because he didn't want us at his house). I actually called him back and asked if he was hesitant to see me and he said no, not at all. After I told him I had made pet-friendly motel reservations and arranged to work remote from my mom's for a few days, he called me back the next week and said "So, did you decide not to come after all?" Not "I just wanted to make sure you were still coming up..." Once there, he started encouraging me to leave a day early because the trip home was so long. So yeah, there's definately something about my weight loss that is making him uncomfortable, but I can't and don't want to change my new healthy life. I hope that even if he can't address his obesity, he at least comes to feel more comfortable with my new size because I am still the same person on the inside.

I am a really worrier too, I mean anxiety should be my middle name. But here's the thing, if you do the math, the risks you are worrying about are very, very small compared to the health risks of obesity. I'm more concerned that you say you feel rushed when you have an appointment. Is it that your surgeon is not focused on you or is it that you are worried you are taking too much time? Try thinking of yourself as the customer, rather than the patient. Surgeons can be very busy people but they should make time for your questions when you are in their office. After you go home, if he/she is busy, you should be able to call with your questions and get an answer from someone on your medical team that you feel confident with. My surgeon has a special number to contact the Physician Assistants and another number when you need to reach the dieticians.

First of all, congratulations on your decision and approval to have WLS. You are taking courageous steps to have a healthy, new life. You have great insight into the disease of obesity and this will be invaluable to you in your recovery and success. I believe you are correct that seeing my success is triggering an uncomfortable feeling for him about his own obesity. He’s a very competitive person and it has to bother him to see his “kid sister” succeed as something he hasn’t begun to tackle. He had success with a medically supervised liquid diet about 12 years ago. Once he gained the weight back, he more or less went into denial about the disease. He was critical of my mother’s weight, her lack of physical activity but could not see that he was in the same situation. I tackled my obesity differently. For me, it was like when Carrie Underwood sings about “tryin’ to spin the world the other way.” I had good luck with weight loss programs, behavioral changes and regular exercise. I tried and tried and tried, but when the weight return again after a particularly stressful period in my life, I decided I needed to explore surgery, that I had exhausted all other options and that I myself was exhausted from trying so hard to change something I could not change, my morbidly obese BMI. Despite my own success, I told my mom that I would never “tell” someone to have WLS . You are correct that the patient is only ready when they are ready. I was lucky. I had insurance, support from my children and friends and co-workers and a world-class medical team in nearby Boston. I was still in good health and had already incorporated many of the lifestyle changes that are required of patients. It was still a really difficult decision to make. I was truly, truly blessed with the opportunity for WLS that every obese patient should have available to them. I just pray that my brother will realize the same opportunity before it is too late.

I shared my concern at my support group meeting last night and we worked out that I would address this by using "I" statements. Thus "when I hear comments about my changing body size I feel like I have lost my privacy and I don't want to feel like I am a poster child for weight loss (surgery - depending on who comments and how much they know)." Lessons learned, go to your support group, follow up with your team and don't go it alone.

Make that 5 conversation today so far...it's all women. I I talked to a male friend about this and he just said to turn to people and say, "I don't want to talk about it" and to not give them any reinforcement to continue the conversation.

I have told them it makes me uncomfortable - they still continue to comment.

Maybe I'm particularly gorgeous or something but I literally cannot walk to the kitchen at work without getting compliments. I cannot walk into a room for a meeting without jaws dropping - even by people who just saw me a few days ago. By 10:30 this morning, I had had 4 converstations about how good looking I was. I find it tiresome. I like what was posted in the discussion about "sick of people telling me I'm not fat" and posted this on my FB page, because I have not announced my surgery to the world. By now, from my FB photos, you have probably noticed that I have lost a considerable amount of weight. Some of you have shared closely with me in that journey. Many people, being well intentioned, comment or question me about it but I remind you that silence is golden. I subscribe to the theory that all bodies are good bodies and that even at my fattest, I was still beautiful. Now, I' much healthier. Perhaps this article will help. http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/

I have mixed feelings about being public about my WLS. I kind of had to let people at work know, I was out for all those preop appts. and for 4 weeks for my recovery. If people thought I had cancer or something, it would have hurt my career. It also helped me to verbalize it, to get ready and I struggled with nausea and dehydration even when I returned to work so I wasn't up to a full workload for awhile. I didn't go as public as some people. It's not all over my FB page and I've told people more or less on a "need to know" basis.

I was a similar weight to you when I first saw my surgeon and had this conversation with him. My question was that I was basically healthy, that I had good luck with a large amount of weight loss in the past, that I could probably lose a good chunk of weight on my own. He was very firm with me and said "yes you are basically healthy and you don't have that much to lose, that is why you need to have the surgery now, because it will more likely be successful, you will have a low risk of complications and your will recovery should relatively easy. I have no doubt that you can walk out of here, go on some diet and lose a lot of the weight, but it is genetic, it is like setting the thermostat in your house to 72 degrees, no matter what the weather is outside the tempature in your house will return to 72. If you walk out of here and lose the weight, no matter how hard you try, sooner or later you will become overcome with insurmountable hunger and you will eat and you will gain the weight back." In my darker hours, when I struggle with the challenges of my surgery and my new lifestyle, I go back to that conversation. It is one of the most important converstation I ever had with anyone in my life. Listen to your Dr., have the surgery now, your recovery will be a temporary period in your life and you will quickly be pleased with your results.

I was eating 2 oz of plain greek yogurt mixed with sugar free jelly, low fat cottage cheese with Mrs. Dash for flavoring, baked egg fritatas and turkey chili. And I pretty much stuck to that for several weeks. Don't rush your stomach - mine was very slow to heal.