Leepers

I sort of thought that as time went on, this liquid pre-op would get easier. In some ways it does and in other ways it bites.
 
I'm tired of just liquid and vegetables. Ah, I'll soldier on. I keep reminding myself that once I hear what I've lost during this pre-op phase that I'll be happy with myself.
 
I do far better earlier in the day, as the day wanes on from about 4pm onwards I'm out of energy and interest. I'm working on making that a positive. I find myself pretty reflective as I work through emotional issues. If I don't work through some of those issues I don't feel I'll be successful because we all do this to ourselves for some reason.
 
On Tuesday when I left my therapist I wanted donuts. In a former life I'd stop, go in the drive through, and buy two donuts and eat them in a huge hurry because I was on my way home. But after leaving her office, I wondered why I wanted them. Sure, there is their great taste, but I know it's beyond just how they taste. I think part of it sugar addiction. I've often wondered if Skippy dog food had a sugar variety if I'd eat that too.
 
I wanted to feel full. I could finally name that. I wanted to feel full. Full of what? Warmth spreading from within me when I eat, enveloped in sugar love. So I really examined that, really thought about it and of course, didn't buy the donuts, which not long after I got home I'd forgotten about them anyway.
 
Can food be love? You can surely love food, but isn't there something 'right' or correct about loving what well balanced food can do for you as a tool. Making you feel better, making your body work for you (me), filling it with nutrition. I can love food, and do but I think an important distinction is that I abuse food. I eat unhealthy food, I consume it in great quantities, I use it maybe to remind myself that I'm not all that great, not all that loved. **** that's awful.
 
Just free thinking here.
 
6 days until surgery
 

Well i am basically at goal. I am done really trying to lose weight because im under high school weight. I have raised my calories to around 1200-1400 per day. I do work out 6 days per week faithfully and have lowered my cardio to 35 minutes per day from 50 so i can concentrate on lifting weights and abdominal work. That is working out fine. I actually just got home from a 12 day mexico tip and hit the gym 11 out of the 12 days. Its a good habit now that wont be broken. I figure i am going to maybe gain 5-10 lbs of muscle but get leaner though i am in a 34 inch waist and large shirt now. Im fine with all of this. My weight will probably fluctuate from 215-225 but that is all fine with me. I am happy and thin.....
Chris

I had my 1 month post-op check up this morning. I had several questions for my surgeon about my daily food & protein, and here's what I found out:
Thankfully, I seem to be healing well
Talked about BM's & that I seem to have to add stool softners, and MoM to help me go. Not worried as long as I'm going.
Focus on fluids, which continues to be my major weakness
OK to have Chai-tea again, yeah!!! I so missed this. It has caffeine in it so I had to stay away. I'm not a coffee drinker so Chai is just fine for me
Work my way up to 60 grams of protein per day
Work my way up to 800 calories per day, no rush
Continue to eat 1/4 - 1/2 cup per meal. Whatever my tummy tells me I can handle. Continue to focus on protein first, but OK to add steamed veggies & fruits
Eat only when I'm hungry. It can be 5 small meals or 3 basic meals (breakfast, lunch & dinner) per day
I can start eating breakfast type foods. For example, lean turkey crumbles with eggs or oatmeal w/ fruits
She suggested I can add new foods but to wait a few days so if something upsets me I'll know what it is
OK to start working out, slowly but surely. As we all know, walking is the best exercise but I can start going on my recumbent bike again. OK to add low weights, several reps. Oh, working out in a pool in also good (thought I don't have access to one).
I can start taking my vitamins again (Multi vitamin, B complex, Biotin). No worries about adding calcium at this point. But she did order e 50,000 iu's of vitamin D once a week for 12 weeks. I had low Vit D count which I was taking vitamins for. She said this would help get it back up sooner & so mch easier to have it once a week. After that, I can have lower doses to my daily intake
3 month blood work follow up & appointment made
Since I had lost a descent amount of weight with the band & a little more with the sleeve, my food goal will pretty much be focused on maintenance more than anything. Wow, maintenance. That sounds great! She said I might lose another 5-10 pounds but doesn't think my body will go for more. I'm good with that
IMPORTANT > soreness that I sometimes get on my left side that travels a little to the same area but in my lower back is due to scar tissue hitting on nerve endings. Dr said that area felt a little tougher. She said a body massage focused in that area a few times a day for a weeks and/or heat would help (hot bath, hot tub).

Overall, a thumbs up, and I'm quite thankful for that!!

I can tell you from 13 months of experience post-op that you do not have to eat perfectly to lose weight. I believe too many people are under the assumption that they can't have this or a bite of that ever again. I can't live with that kind of thinking. It only makes me obsess about what I can't have.
 
Do you think you have to be perfect in your diet and exercise goals? Try this experiment: Being rigid is similar to holding your breath, keep holding it, don't blow it out yet, hold it, okay, now blow it out. You probably blew it out with a lot of force because you held it for longer than you felt comfortable.
 
Rigid dieting and exercise are like a tightly wound spring that eventually has to release. It's very important that you begin your healthier lifestyle with an understanding that there will be days when you will stray from healthy eating and exercising. You will not be perfect in your diet and exercise program, nor should you be.
 
Before you begin a diet and exercise program, tell yourself that no matter what happens, rather than abandoning your new lifestyle, you'll resume your healthy habits as soon as you can. You do not have to wait until the following Monday, the first day of the next month or next year. Don't want until the next day; start again with your next meal. You always have an opportunity for a fresh start to get right back on track with your healthy habits continuing to move to your weight loss goals.
 
It is equally important that you feel confident, not guilty, about doing so. Whatever the temptation or obstacle is, keep in mind that it's not wrong or bad to eat fattening foods once in a while or to miss a workout. Just remember to resume your healthy lifestyle as soon as possible afterward. If you keep moving forward and you don't let guilt and discouragement stop your program all together, you'll eventually have improved eating and exercise habits - with great results and success in your weight loss and health goals.
 
With this approach, there is no such thing as "cheating." When we feel we are cheating, we often punish ourselves; we will feel guilt, frustration and as though we've failed. We also get into the perfectionist thinking. We can't have this or that ever again and if we stray, then we've blown it. Replacing the negative concept of cheating with the idea of "straying temporarily from healthy habits" takes away the all-or-nothing emphasis of right and wrong. If you treat every deviation from your plan as a failure, you won't get very far. Substituting the idea of a brief straying away from your plan instead of feeling guilty, and learning to return more and more quickly to healthier habits, is more realistic. It's also easier and more enjoyable - today and in the long-run.
 
If you don't allow any opportunity to vary your eating and exercise and go into all or nothing thinking, you don't practice moderation and balance. Healthy habits of diet and fitness are most success when you don't think of them as success or failure. It is progress and not perfection. Practice healthy habits more times than you don't. Think in terms of the 80/20 guidelines. 80% of the time, you eat according to your healthy nutritional program and are active; 20% of the time, you relax your guidelines. This allows for balance and living your life in a healthy, easier mode of moderation.
 
 
Cathy Wilson is a certified life coach specializing in weight loss. Cathy lost 147 pounds seven years ago. Her passion is to help clients achieve weight loss and life goals. Cathy works with clients to create a weight loss life plan custom to each client. Cathy is a member of the International Coaching Federation, International Association of Coaches, and Obesity Action Coalition. Visit Cathy's website: LoseWeightFindLife.com

Hello world. I'm back again with another update. I hope this post's title didn't confuse you. I promise it will make perfect sense by the end of this enthralling read. So you're just gonna have to wait a bit. And of course, read today's entire rant.
First... Next week will be one year since I wrote my first blog entry. Today's column will be my 54th attempt at keeping you updated on my weight loss journey. That's about once a week. I hope it's enough for you. I know it is for me! In the past year, we have had over 18,000 people view the different pages of my moronic musings. It still amazes me that so many people, from all parts of the globe, want to spend a small part of their day keeping up on my fat fight. Obviously, the majority of my readers come from the U.S. But the top five other foreign readers are from, in order, Latvia, France, Russia and Canada. Yup! My second most loyal followers are from Latvia. The Latvians just can't seem to get enough. Maybe I have the "kevorka" like Kramer on Seinfeld. However, I will not be bathing in garlic to break the spell.
Now the big news of week. I had my monthly check up with Dr. X and staff at the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness last week. The news was once again, very good! I lost another 5.5 pounds since late December. That means I have officially eclipsed the 70 pound loss mark! Yippee! Think about that. Seventy pounds. That's a whole lotta ass and blubber.
I'll bet you didn't know that the following menagerie of items weighs about 70 pounds:
-187 bananas. A full years supply for a large silverback gorilla.
- An average sheet of drywall. That's about 8 foot tall and 5 feet wide. Yup, the size of my old ass.
- $34,019 U.S. dollar bills. Stuff 100 bills in each of your pockets. Now times that by 17 in each. Whew.
- 100 cans of beer. That's 8-1/2 cases of tin and liquid. Think about drinking a twelever in a night out.
- A bag of concrete.
-12-1/2 red bricks. Use the concrete and you could build a small wall.
- 300 apples, 7 large bags of flour and 300 sticks of butter EACH weigh 70 pounds. Sounds like pie ingredients for a small village.
- 5 high performance bicycles. I got nothing here. I haven't ridden a pedal bike since 1975.
- 37,500 plain M&Ms. This is disturbing. These chocolaty delights were a go-to for the former me. I betcha I fired down a couple thousand at least once during a food bender.
- 5 extra large hams. Who here hasn't eaten a whole ham? C'mon don't lie.
- Some reports have the semi-famous Nicole Ritchie checking in at 70 pounds these days.
Of course, I'd be remiss if we didn't check back with the family. If you recall, at 50 pounds our average boy was 7 years old and had a medium sized terrier. At 70 pounds, our boy is now 11 and the family canine is now an average Alaskan Husky. My ass is shrinking but the family continues to grow.
It's been almost 11 months since I started this quest. It has taken a lot of focus and so far the rewards are uplifting. Seventy pounds is a LOT of weight. Hard to believe I have pooped out the equivalent of a 6th grader or a sled dog. Not to mention a minor celebrity.
.

Catch up soon!
JT
Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all you're questions and, who knows, you're pithy comments might make the blog!
Reprinted from my blog:
Thedeconstructionofjohnny.blogspot.com
Come visit!

WLS yesterday! Wow I felt like crap yesterday. Today is much better though and I'm glad I took another day off from work. I had really good run up to surgery with pre-op weight loss of 16 pounds. So far I'm just sipping clear liquids and all is good. I'm sure things change once the swelling subsides. Can't wait to get back to my workout routine.

Happy Wednesday
How is everyone? I know I haven’t been on here much lately but I’ve been really busy at both jobs.
My new work hours have been a real adjustment for me. It has been challenging but I think I have getting the hang of it.
I will say this planning my meals has really helped because it eliminates the temptation of me eating fast food and eating junk food at the day care.
The Day Care is my trigger because I am surrounded by cakes, cookies, and chips.
A few weeks ago I noticed me eating item more often. This is not good because I am still a t plateau.
So one week I started bringing salad and Greek yogurt to the day care. So I started sharing my meals Fun Boy (my nephew). So he now loves Greek yogurt.
Last week Snowmagendon hit the Mid-west again so I had left a salad at the day care since my sister 2 kids at the day care I told her go ahead and get them my salad.
The kids loved the idea and they started bragging to the other day care kids about my famous salad.
After taking to the parents and my sister we decided to have salad 2 days an week for snack.
Each time the kids will add something new to the salad or we will buy a fruit or veggie they never had before.
So far this has been a success! My only complaint is they kids a drowning their salads with ranch dressing! Will be wrong if I replace the Hidden valley ranch with a healthier version of a ranch dressing?
I am just happy my day care kids are enjoying salads now even though they are going thru to bottles are ranch dressing!
This is why I love them. I wonder what I can get hooked on now???
Even though I am still at a plateau I love my band!
God is good
Thanks for reading.

Wooo, finally my GP has sent of my referral letter so now hopefully we can get started on meeting the surgeon and then I'll know more. It's quite frustrating that for just under a year, all I've been waiting for is my DR to send off one sentence and they lied .. but still, I just want to look forward. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, done that way too many times. Going to set myself goals to keep motivated..
 
1. Do the 7 minute workout each day.
2. Try get an appointment asap, don't wanna be forgotten about again.
3. Log into this site more, it's really useful and great people!
 
That's it for now, wish me luck.
 

 
♥

Hello everyone. I have been reading everything but just haven't written much. I am busy with my family. My 95 year old mother's mind is getting worse. Last week she didn't recall my name. That sucks. My mentally challenged brother, he is 6 years older than me, is a handful. Tomorrow we are looking into adult day care for him. I hope it works.
 
Today my oldest son is 39. Can't believe I have a child that old. I baby sat his son, Max the other night. Max is 14 months and priceless. Laughs, yells and loves to eat fruit.
 
I belong to a gym and Friday was my first time there since November. I went yesterday and today and I feel much better about me. It was like starting over again. I went slow and didn't push myself but loved it. Do you know what you call people like me that pay and don't go to the gym?, profit! My husband won't get off his fat ass and go with me.
 
A high school friend posted this, funny and dumb: I want to die like my grandfather, in my sleep, no pain not yelling and screaming like the people in his car. I have a weird sense of humor.
 
Before the band my tops were either a 2 or 3 xl plus size woman's. Yesterday I bought a new sweat shirt, size misses large! Yeah! me! Now to just get rid of the muffin top which is my largest part of the body.
 
Everyone have a great week. Thursday, Boston is either getting lots of snow or rain. They don't know yet.
Arlene

A hearty hello to all our fat fanatics worldwide!
As another year comes to an end, I thought this would be an opportune time to do a little self reflecting. After all, it has been an interesting year for me to say the least.
But first, I realize I have been derelict in getting you timely updates on my current status. Quite frankly, I was reluctant to keep posting because I was afraid of what the holidays and my short vacation were going to do to me. Well, I have good news to report. I am down about 2 pounds from the day before Thanksgiving through New Year's Eve! I wanted to be 185 on Thanksgiving. That didn't quite work out. But I was 186.5 today. WHEW!
I am really pleased with this number. Why? Because I did an above normal amount of dinning out, family parties, traveling and, of course, the social drinking that comes along with it. I was very conscious of my food intake. When I dined out, I tried to order the right things, always protein. Save the sauces. At Thanksgiving, I loaded up on turkey and ham and passed on potatoes and gravies. On Christmas eve, I feasted on lobster, shrimp an calamari in red sauce. I only had a small mouthful of homemade lasagna to be polite. I also watched my drinking. You know I had to imbibe, so I drank my bourbon straight and my vodka on the rocks. I had a few excellent Cabernets. I even had two frosty beers. My first since March. All in all, I made it through the yearly bacchanal virtually unscathed. I consider this VICTORY. But I can only savor this achievement for a fleeting moment.
Year in review - PHEW! 2013 has been a whirlwind to say the least.
1) My first appointment with Dr. X on a blustery January Monday
2) My first lap band support group meeting
3) My first ever visit to a shrink
4) My conversations with Rajeeve
5) My 14 day pre-op diet
6) My surgery
7) My first unauthorized cocktail
The list goes on. Suffice to say, last year was a life changer for me. I sit before you today 68 pounds lighter than then the guy that wrote to you in April. That's whole lotta fatass folks.
2014 Resolutions - I have big news for you on this front. I saw Dr. X for my monthly tune up right before Christmas. After he gave me another 1/2 c.c injection, I offhandedly remarked that I wanted to lose about another 20 pounds to get me under my goal of 169. He immediately whipped a calculator out of his staff coat and started doing some ciphering. By way of some secret bariatric calculation, he tells my he wants be to be at 150 pounds! I was FLOORED.
ME: "150 pounds? Are you serious? I mean I haven't weighed 150 pounds since 6th grade!"
Dr. X: " I'm working from a BMI index. A 28.5 BMI is healthy, but a 25 BMI is golden! That puts you at 150 pounds."
ME: "Is that 150 pounds here on the fat ass scale or 150 pounds in the morning naked on my home scale?"
Dr. X: "I'll take the 150 on your scale."
So I got that going for me.

Then he asks me, "When did you have your surgery?"
"May 15" I told him.
"You haven't even been doing this a year! This is a TWO year project.'
You could have knocked me over with a wet noodle. This whole time I was working on a ONE year time table. I was hoping to get to my goal in April. But our dear doctor just tagged on another 19 pounds of weight loss! At 2 pounds per month, that's about a year more. So I guess his math is correct.
"You are doing great. You can do this and I will help you get there." he told me.
Comforting words did little to ease my shock.
But then I started thinking. What's changed? Really nothing. I have learned a new way of eating. I am watching my portions and I'm cutting as many empty calories as possible. So I have to keep counting my calories for another year. So what. I can do it.
Can I really get to 150 pounds? Do I really want to be 150 pounds? I really don't know. I do know I have a ways to go to get rid of some excess ass and gut fat. I also know I don't want to be the weakling that gets sand kicked in his face at the beach. So when it comes to my new goal. I guess I'll know it when I feel it.
I'll try and be more prompt with the next update. Until then ... Remember
YOU CAN'T BE TOO RICH OR TOO THIN!

Whew! I just got back from my third road trip in the past few weeks. I know I haven't been keeping you in the loop. I've been busy! I told you I was going to be gallivanting around the country. So I hope you'll forgive my tardiness. I have certainly felt the wrath of some of our more ardent followers. Believe it or not, there are few fatty fans out there who just can't live without this blathering blog. One or two are even a bit stalk-ish.
 
(Note to FeelingFatInFinland: Yes, I got your e-mail. No, I won't send you a photo of my bare ass with all the stretch marks connected in red marker. I can't reach that far. Besides, if you really need to see something like that, a detailed road map of Cincinnati would probably do the trick.)
 
(Note 2 to BiggunInBoston: The answers to your questions in order are: Yes, No, Three at a time, On my head, NEVER!, Boomerang, Oink oink baby and jelly.)
 
That takes care of this weeks fan mail. I will share more in the future.
 
OK, now to the news. As previously stated I have been on three roads trips in the last 3 weeks. Staying on my self prescribed 1200 calorie a day plan was difficult. Logging my food choices was not an option. Eating the right foods all the time was a struggle. Staying away from alcohol was impossible. The bad news is I gained about a pound and a half. But I think I 'll be able to dump that by Friday after a week of detoxing.
 
I'm not upset. I'm right where I expected to be. I mean really. I spent a few nights in the foodie paradise of New Orleans and then 5 nights partying at a golf tourney in Palm Beach. Honestly, I feel pretty much unscathed. I really did watch my food intake. I ate every meal out. So I tried to eat the right fruits and fishes where possible. I watched my portions. Other than a small binge on plain M&Ms that were mistakenly sent to my room, I avoided all sweets. Pretty much a home run.
 
Unfortunately, Johnny likes his booze. All flavors as a matter of fact. We all know that booze is a secret diet killer. The more you drink, the thinner you think. The thinner you think, the more you eat. It's a vicious circle. Clearly, Mr. Booze (or AL C. Hall as we know him) are the enemies of restraint. And I succumbed repeatedly to their liquor-i-ous offerings. Martinis, Cabernet's and Merlot. Greyhounds, Screwdrivers, Bloody Mari's and a frosty margarita. As a salute to the Olympics, I even sprinkled a few White Russians in for good measure. A regular cornucopia of adult beverages.
 
Hell, I get it! It's back on the ol' wagon for me today. I'm tracking my food, I'm off the sauce and I might even try to get in a workout or two. I'm leaving for the Valley of the Sun in 3 weeks and 4 days. I'm planning on being under 180 when I get on that plane. SO let's do this. Phase 2 of the Deconstruction of Johnny has begun! I have about 28 more pounds to lose by May 2015 according to Dr. X. I might as well start now.
 
BTW... I saw Dr. X before I left for Florida. I'll update you on that next time.
 
Soooo long for now.
 
Johnny
 
FAT FANS! Send your questions and comments to:
 
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
 
I will answer any questions and read all comments. Who knows, you might even make the blog!

Well, not technically.
 
But we forget that we have to work our minds in this process just as much as we work our body.
 
If you are constantly thinking or saying negative things, then that is the energy you are putting out into the world and it is what you're gonna get back.
 
A long time ago, I was sick of going to bed every night feeling anxious and laying there, having a thousand things a minute running through my mind. I decided, I want a quiet mind.
 
When I couldn't go to sleep, I would stop myself and try to think of an image. You could pick anything, but for some reason, I always chose an apple. Sometimes green, sometimes red. I would picture the apple in my head. I would look at all of the details. The stem, was it long or short? Did it have that little rough edge on top? I would look at the body of the apple. Was there a shiny part? Were there little brown spots on the skin? How about the bottom of the apple? Did it have 3 or 4 little bump feet like red apples have or was it smooth? What about the little brown spot on the bottom. Was it rough?
 
By doing this I was changing the focus of my mind. I was slowing it down. Sometimes, I would picture that apple for about 15 seconds before my mind was already back to racing thoughts. But after a bit, I would catch myself, and go back to the apple. Each time, doing my best to push all the other crazy thoughts aside. The more I did it, the easier it got to quiet my mind. Really, it's sort of a form of meditation.
 
The same goes even during our waking hours. If we succumb to the negative thoughts, they will consume you. We have to learn to push them away. To ignore them until they disappear.
 
I thought about this today at the gym. I spend a good part of my time there comparing myself to others, being self-conscious that I'm the fattest person there. Why do I have to have people running on both sides of me, when all I can do is walk? Do they purposely get on the treadmill next to me, so that they look better? All very negative thinking. And I keep reigning myself in. Stop it, Leigh! Stop thinking these negative thoughts. What does it matter? I don't even know these people. I don't care about them or what they think and I'm not gonna let these thoughts hinder my progress. I've found that as time goes on, it's easier for me to get rid of these and just focus on what I'm doing. The less you give into the negativity, the easier it is to get on with your life.
 
So don't forget to work that muscle that is your mind. It really may be the most important part of this weight loss journey. We have to learn to control our mind. Bring the subconscious forward into consciousness and be truthful to ourselves, no matter how painful.

Well, not technically.
 
But we forget that we have to work our minds in this process just as much as we work our body.
 
If you are constantly thinking or saying negative things, then that is the energy you are putting out into the world and it is what you're gonna get back.
 
A long time ago, I was sick of going to bed every night feeling anxious and laying there, having a thousand things a minute running through my mind. I decided, I want a quiet mind.
 
When I couldn't go to sleep, I would stop myself and try to think of an image. You could pick anything, but for some reason, I always chose an apple. Sometimes green, sometimes red. I would picture the apple in my head. I would look at all of the details. The stem, was it long or short? Did it have that little rough edge on top? I would look at the body of the apple. Was there a shiny part? Were there little brown spots on the skin? How about the bottom of the apple? Did it have 3 or 4 little bump feet like red apples have or was it smooth? What about the little brown spot on the bottom. Was it rough?
 
By doing this I was changing the focus of my mind. I was slowing it down. Sometimes, I would picture that apple for about 15 seconds before my mind was already back to racing thoughts. But after a bit, I would catch myself, and go back to the apple. Each time, doing my best to push all the other crazy thoughts aside. The more I did it, the easier it got to quiet my mind. Really, it's sort of a form of meditation.
 
The same goes even during our waking hours. If we succumb to the negative thoughts, they will consume you. We have to learn to push them away. To ignore them until they disappear.
 
I thought about this today at the gym. I spend a good part of my time there comparing myself to others, being self-conscious that I'm the fattest person there. Why do I have to have people running on both sides of me, when all I can do is walk? Do they purposely get on the treadmill next to me, so that they look better? All very negative thinking. And I keep reigning myself in. Stop it, Leigh! Stop thinking these negative thoughts. What does it matter? I don't even know these people. I don't care about them or what they think and I'm not gonna let these thoughts hinder my progress. I've found that as time goes on, it's easier for me to get rid of these and just focus on what I'm doing. The less you give into the negativity, the easier it is to get on with your life.
 
So don't forget to work that muscle that is your mind. It really may be the most important part of this weight loss journey. We have to learn to control our mind. Bring the subconscious forward into consciousness and be truthful to ourselves, no matter how painful.

Well after 7 weeks and an already monumental transformation of both weight and body shape as well as the nagging from my wife over the past two weeks in regards to how silly I look in my old "Fat" clothes I submitted and went shopping for my first new wardrobe (I say first as I think there'll likely be another new one before this is all finished!!).
I was sleeved on the 19th Dec '13 and well there's been as many difficult moments as happy ones, it's a huge transition to make and bad habits die hard. My overriding decision to have this surgery though still holds true now because it was those choices that put me where I was, but not only the choices but the amount that I poured down my throat.................Now whether I want to or not my body simply will not tolerate it and to go against it means I actually lose a meal and those very important nutrients I need because too much now spells a trip to the toilet and a vomiting session. It's now been 2 weeks since my last session like that and i'm now both confident and comfortable in what I can eat, I've learnt to listen to my body where before I reacted through my eyes.
I began as slave to the scales as all of us overweight people do jumping on every other day looking for that high generated from declining numbers, but then had two episodes where the number actually went up yet I knew within myself I was slimmer. It's now been 2 weeks since I last stepped onto the scales and I don't care what the numbers might say I know I've lost further weight and my biggest confirmation came over the weekend shopping for some new work and casual clothes.................
At the commencement of my journey middle November '13 my clothing sizes were as follows:
 
Pants - 112-117 (44-46) waist
Shirt - 4xl (50 neck)
Pullovers - (3xl - 5xl depending on label)
 
As I said I knew and felt that I had dropped weight but us "Fat" people still look in the mirror and only see that Fat person we've known for so many years and don't register the new person emerging. So therefore I kept on wearing the big clothes, over sized t-shirts etc and would close my belt an extra loop each week or so. My wife kept telling me I needed to get some new clothes as i looked ridiculous in my old stuff. So finally I relented as I said above and cleaned out my old stuff of which I had to agree did now feel and look silly (some stuff was tight 3 mths ago and now are huge on me!!!).
It's been over 15yrs since I was able to walk into a department store and shop from the rack, years...... My wife made it clear that we would not be just selecting the size I believed I was, we would be trying everything on and purchasing what fits firmly now to cope with the additional losses still to come...................My "Fat" mind was saying sure, sure this is gonna be a shameful and fruitless exercise, but I humored her and said ok.
And here are my results.....................
 
Pants - (Jeans, dress pants & shorts) 92cm waist
Shirt - XL, dress shirt 43
Pullover - XL-XXL
 
About 3/4 through this expedition I stopped and remarked to my wife that I was struggling to believe what was happening and was actually a little emotional, of course in the back of my mind I fantasized about being that slim person but you all know the drill after trying and failing for so many years it felt just that, a fantasy. But to actually now see the changes and feel the changes and see the sizes on the labels of the clothes was simply crazy I just couldn't comprehend it...............I can now though and I am so grateful I decided to take this step and am thrilled at the man emerging from that great shadow cast by the guy that occupied my body before........................

i just went for my initial consultation at Dr. Lavin's office this week (2 1/2 hour drive!) I met with the nurse practitioner and we went over all the basics to get me approved. I have to jump through so many hoops. i also have to do a sleep study to see if i have sleep apnea. other than that my appt was pretty uneventful. they said i will have 1 night stay in the hospital and then i can go home. i will prob be out of work for a good 3 weeks.
the hardest part of the appointment was looking around at the people in the waiting room and realizing where i was.... i was a fat chick in a weight loss surgery office. it was a coming to jesus moment. how did i let myself get this far? i'm tired of my life being about my weight! DH said his coworker told him the other day that i looked like i lost weight. although it was a great compliment, i don't want my weight to be what people see when they look at me.

Hello there, I'm your Lardy Duchess and I'm wanting to write about my weight loss journey.
 
I was a skinny child, really skinny, and was sometimes called "boney". I haven't been called that in many years and really, I'm not aiming for that ever again. In my late teens I began to gain weight.
 
Somewhere in the 1980's I lost all that excess weight, and promptly put it all back on. I think at the time I just thought that simply because I lost it once, I was good for a lifetime. Since then I've been on every diet known to mankind. I don't want to name them all here, but I can't think of one well known or notoriously horrid 'diet' I haven't been on. I've tried deprivation, excessive exercise and now, now that I'm in my mid 50's, I'm announcing right here, right now, I'm done with all of that. It's destructive and harsh and horrible.
 
For those that say - well now come on Duchess - you can do it. Just control yourself and exercise, I say yep, that is great, everyone should do that. I can do that - until I can't do that. Until I can't stop myself. This is like an addiction - on the wagon - off the wagon. Dieting/not dieting. It never ever ends. I come from a family with addiction and abuse issues. That's not an excuse - it's merely a reality. And I feel addicted to food. Unhealthy food in unlimited portions, in scary sizes. It dominates me, dominates my thoughts, controls me. If you've ever been there, you get it. If you've never been there, I suspect you won't understand.
 
Then again this blog isn't for you either probably. Many things have contributed to this weight loss blog and I'll be writing about some of those issues, but I also value my privacy and may elect to not be public about everything. It feels like if I write it all down, and tell those that can relate on some level, that somehow, someway I'll mend myself - a selfish endeavor maybe, but it's my truth.

My surgery date is March 12th. So grateful to have the date and in many ways I wish it was sooner and yet I'm glad for preparation time.
 
I know people that have had bariatric surgery of one sort or another and I seen their - well - their lack of success. Both have gained back all of their weight. One person is working to restore her health, the other isn't.
 
In this past year I've examined obesity. What keeps people obese? Why is losing weight so hard? Why is keeping it off harder? I'm closer to some of those answers but not totally clear on all of it yet - if I ever will be.
 
A part of my decision making on have a lap-band put in is that I want to better understand the psychological reasons for why I do what I do? And I decided that for me, the connection I must make is with a therapist, a doctor, and as I progress with both of those - surgery.
 
Interestingly enough - the people that I do know that have eaten around their surgery had limited support. Both people had their surgery away from their homes and struggled to find outside support. I know I have to take full advantage of the support I have at home and with my team.
 
Do you think support groups and some sort of team support has helped you?

Well it has been three months since my last blog (6 months from surgery) and I'm happy to say I've lost another 30 lbs for a total of 90 lbs lost!! Current weight- 274. Whoo-hoo!! I think this is the first time ever that I've lost weight during the holidays. I've been averaging a loss of 10 lbs a month. Very happy with that. I've been getting very small fills. In fact I've only got 3 cc's in my 10 cc band. I still don't have alot of restriction but I count my calories, exercise and follow the rules. We've had a very cold winter so instead of doing my walking outside I've been doing low impact cardio workouts. My two favorite being Shapely Girl and the Biggest Loser Power Walk. I'm looking forward to warm weather and today I signed up for the Blue and You fitness challenge. This is something I did last year and it's basically just making a commitment to exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes. Now what I'm really excited about is that I signed up for my first 5K!! It is May 3rd and I have the option to walk but I would love to run as much as possible. I know I can easily walk 3 miles but I haven't even attempted to run. I have wanted to try running but I don't want anyone seeing me. I know this is something I need to get over but when I go to the walking trails the only people I see running are already really fit and skinny. Ugh!! Well time to get over it because starting this week (wait it's snowing) ok next week I'm going to start training for this 5K.
 
So besides all that my band seems to being doing well. I have had some pain in my left shoulder for about 3 months now. At first I thought I had injured it but then I realized that the way the pain would come and go, hurt when I would bend over for any length of time (cleaning) and when first laying down in bed that it seemed to be a nerve issue. I did some research and found that it is not uncommon for bandsters to have this pain. It is caused by a nerve- phrenic nerve- that runs through the diaphragm. It hurts everyday but luckily not ALL day so I can handle that. Other than that I haven't had any problems really. There is nothing I have found that I can't eat (but alot I choose not to!!)
 
Oh yeah, I had a pretty sweet NSV this morning. I was chatting with a co-worker this morning and looked down and realized that I had my legs crossed. Wow! It's been a long time since I could do that.

I have not been here in quite a while the name changed and I had a hard time finding it but I DID!
My start wt 448
Surgery wt 419
1 st year anniversary wt 279
Current wt 242
226lbs gone fitting in 1x on top 2x on the bottom (from7-8xl)
My goals pre op were to be able to chase my grandson- check
Walk up stairs without holding the rail- half a check can do a few up and check for down unless I am really tired.
Be able to walk a mile- check! Did it easily when I had to get my car out of the shop. Surprised me that I was able to do it( glad my neighbors weren't home to give me a ride)
Go on a mission trip to Africa - not yet but I think I am going to go google that right now! Maybe this summer.
I am working full time nights, able to wear skinny jeans comfortably, buy stuff at a thrift store easily, and swim for over an hour and then do physical therapy in the alpine pool for another ten min. I have a tiny waist and can feel the bones in my shoulders and hips. In fact when I sit on the potty it hurts a bit cuz my poor butt has lost a lot of it insulation.
I tolerate most food but small portions are key. Half a sandwich, 1/4 -1/2 of a restaurant portion entree, and stay away from loads of sugars (under 9 grams at any one time) which means I don't deny myself a special treat but I only have a tiny piece or one small candy. The holidays meant a load of cooking but for me at least not a load of eating. Side benefit saving money on food big time.
All in all this journey has been what I had envisioned and I see my end goals coming up fast.
Under 200 lbs and being ABLE!

I'm 9 days post op now.
 
I went to the mountains today to see the snow sculptures in Breckenridge, CO. It was a 2 1/2 hour drive & we stayed there for about 2 1/2 hours. Pretty much walked around most of the day. Stopped at a Mexican restaurant since the other 4 people I was with had to eat. It was a little awkward in the sense that I was the only one that didn't wind up eating anything. I didn't even see a soup I could have, or mashed potatoes. DOH! Oh well, I had a few sips of water while everyone else ate. Overall, I was OK with it. I have to say by the end of the day, I was definitely feeling sore. My left side & back were bothering me. Thinking it might have been a bit too much less than 2 weeks post op.
 
I took a few things to eat with me, in these cute little containers, that held 3-4 tablespoons of food. I tried to stay hydrated on the drive up & back but don't think I came close. I'm having a hard time drinking enough fluids & think it's affecting my ability to... well, to "go." It's been 6 days since I last went. Yes, I said 6 days. I took Milk of Magnesia last night with no results today, so I just took a little more. Also took a colace stool softner. I'm really praying something will happen tomorrow. Otherwise, IDK.... this can't be good.

Sooooooooo... Yea. If you're squeamish, you may want to skip this entry. I'm going to keep it as clean as possible because I don't want this entry deleted, I think it's important to talk about.
 
Anyway, so I'm starting to notice the weight loss on my body parts. My thighs are sagging, my face, my breasts... All heading downhill. But I knew sagging would happen, so I really didn't stress about it.
 
Well last night in the shower, I noticed something else sagging...... My vaggy! What? What's this? Is that all me? I decided to investigate further once I was out. Got a mirror, locked my door, turned the lights on bright. I took a good look.
 
I Definitly noticed some changes. First of all, i noticed stretch marks! Who knew you could get stretch marks from losing weight down there?! They were on the side and towards the back..Ugh. Wonder if I should try rubbing Merderma or Palmer's Cocoa Butter on it.......??
 
Umm. Nah. I better not.
 
And do you know how it looks to blow up a raft, balloon, etc., with air? Well that's how it used to look. Now deflate that balloon, raft, etc. That's how it looks now... Wonder if I can get Botox there??
 
Nah. Sounds painful.
 
Guess ill just have to live with this saggy vaggy. I wonder if any other WLS female patients have noticed sagging in well.. Unusual areas.
 
Nah. Probably just me.

A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2 am to go to the bathroom. On a whim, after I was done I stepped on the bathroom scale…to find that I have lost 100 lbs since the start of my pre-op diet; and 90 lbs since surgery on May 22, 2013. I had a hard time going back to sleep I was so excited! I want to lose (I think) about 39 to 44 more. I will be a healthy BMI for my height when I lose 20 more, so I will reevaluate then.
 
I cannot describe the mindf*** having reached this goal is! I knew it would be though….I had faith I’d get here, and yet I am still shocked that I got here. I’ve worked hard, but because of so many failed attempts in my past, the fact that my hard work is actually paying off this time is mind blowing. I am thrilled beyond belief and am filled with wonderment! I need to post before and after pics maybe -- just to help me wrap my head around this.
 
I can’t believe I’ve lost 100 lbs. I can’t believe I weighed 100 more lbs than I do now just 8 months ago. I still feel like me, so how can this be? I do feel SO much better. I feel totally different and very much the same – all at this same time! It is so bizarre. I feel so different in all good ways, and very much the same, also in all the good ways.
All the clothes that were once too small for me are now too big. The size 12’s I got so that I could shrink into them, now all of a sudden are too big, and I think “How can this be? What is this strange phenomenon? “ LOL
The holidays were an interesting learning experience for me. I got to “onederland” the morning of Thanksgiving, which was Nov 28. Between that day and Dec 30, a month later, I had lost only 4 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value in losing 4 lbs, especially during the holidays, when in years past that was a major gain time. But it was a significant slow down from recent months. Over the holidays, I had alcohol, I had sweets, I had bread – no never in large quantities, but I loosened the reigns compared to how I have been eating. I also during this time did not always follow the “protein first “ rule, and I sometimes sipped a beverage with my food. I did all of this mindfully, fully aware of what I was doing, I went slow so as not to over do it, but I was definitely “celebrating” -- I was doing so to enjoy the family holiday meals and such. I knew the consequences would be slow weight loss and/or maintaining. But it was MY decision and I was in complete control. Ah, it was so liberating. I believe I have seen a glimpse of what maintenance might be like when I reach goal.
 
I feel strong, ….and I feel taller I was doing some Pilates on the living room floor the other night and my husband came in. He admired me for a minute and then said “My wife has nice long legs” and I just giggled and said “They’re getting longer all the time!”
 
Nowadays when I take the dog out for a hike, I sometimes jog for half of it. ME. I freekin jog. Unheard of! And really, aside from just being more active in general, I have not started any kind of hard-core grueling exercise routine. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t watch a clock that says I have done cardio for x minutes. I happily take my dog out & frolic a bit until my heart rate goes up, and sometimes, just because my body feels good and strong and happy, I do some Pilates-type moves on the living room floor. I suppose I may need to incorporate more formal or stringent exercise into my life as some kind of routine as I try to get closer to goal. It’s certainly not a BAD idea. But my point is, I haven’t had to break my neck to get to this point. I’ve just naturally started wanting to do more and more. And that, my friends, is what I believe is a true life style change. Hooray!
 
So yes, I am happy. And yes, I have faith that I will achieve my goals. What do I look forward to most? Getting to goal and being there long enough that THAT is my reality, not a novelty. I want people to just know my at my healthy weight in my healthy life style, and not think of me as the girl who lost all that weight. I am so ready to have this be the rest of my life.
 
Onward!

This is really a repost of something I said yesterday but thought it was worth a blog entry
 
Watching my 600lb Life on TLC can be inspirational, aggravating and downright annoying. Many times I want to reach through the TV and slap patients but more importantly the non-supporting people in their lives. I will admit I have only seen a handful of episodes.
 
One thing I can tell you from being a 5'6 488 pound morbidly obese person is it was just a struggle to wipe my butt and it was to a point where I showered after to make sure I was clean and the shower alone was a task because of the aches and pains in my muscles and joints. Walking from my car to my office even with the use of an elevator took a lot out of me. I would last 10 minutes walking the grocery store with my wife and would end up going out to the car and wait for her to finish because I was out of breath and legs ached so bad.
 
I don’t recall eating food and gaining weight simply because I was lazy or didn’t care about myself. I didn’t eat with the intent of becoming morbidly obese to a point where I couldn’t do those simplest of daily life tasks. I have a serious junk food addiction and I loved it. I ate from the moment I wake up to the moment I went to bed.
 
I am not making excuses for myself or anyone else but keep in mind you’re watching an edited reality t.v. show. Do we really know what is going in these people’s lives? They edit the crap out of these things to create the draw and because everyone loves a train wreck and more often than not they will put those things front and center.
 
One thing I am certain about is I will always remain humble and will make sure I never become like the people who used to judge me. I was a terrible mess physically and eventually mentally and I am lucky to be where I am today. I absolutely refuse to forget my 488lb self. Sometimes I wonder why me? Why was I successful? Just because someone doesn’t care about themselves doesn’t mean they don’t WANT to care about themselves.
 
Hope is a very powerful emotion and it can make or break you

Good evening. I was watching the local news, Boston, and they showed a new device from England. It is a pill you swallow and it blows up into a balloon. The balloon stays in your stomach and takes up room for around 3 months and you lose about 20 pounds. After they deflate the balloon your stomach is back to where it always was. It cost around 5k!!!
It will be tested in the USA soon. Bad idea, sorry, don't like it. This is as bad as sewing mesh on your tongue for a month. When are they going to stop with dumb s**t???????
But then that is how people make money, millions of dollars.
 
I love my band and today it really did it's job when I was bad. Thanks band for reminding me to stop and eat smart.
 
Now if the band could say, Arlene get off your fat ass and get to the gym, then I would be more in love.

We are already in to week three of the year. How many of you made a resolution to lose weight? Did you promise yourself you were going to lose a few unsightly pounds, or are you thinking about losing the weight of a small Volkswagen? Well, I'm here to tell you that regardless of how much you want to lose, to be successful you've got to get right in the head first. There is a huge chasm between thinking about it and doing it.
 
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself:
"Self ... am I ready for this? Am I ready to severely change my life?
Am I ready to rethink the way I look at food and drink?
Am I ready to temporarily forego dinner parties, lunches, and various other social functions?
Am I ready to make my weight loss the most important thing in my life?
Am I ready to become more active?
Am I ready to find a plan and stick to it?
Am I ready to have patience?
Am I committed to succeed?
 
Well, are ya?
 
If you have answered NO to any of the aforementioned questions, you probably need to rethink your resolution. Whether you're thinking of blowing out 5 pounds of baby fat or 100 pounds of fat ass, the commitment is the same. The only difference is the distance you may travel. Your 5 pounds may take a couple of weeks. Your 100 pounds may take a couple of years. I know this first hand. If you read my previous rant, you'll remember that Dr. X shocked me by telling me that my quest for Thindom is a 2 year journey. All the while, stupid me was banking on being done in one year. So if you're a "biggun" hitting for the fences, face the fact that you're going to be doing this for a while.
 
Let's talk to possible Lap-Band candidates. Know this. Don't think you're going to go in for your first consultation and schedule a surgery date. That's what I thought. I went in on January 21, 2013 and thought I would schedule my surgery for a few weeks away. Right between some travel plans I had. Oh NAY NAY! I was given a laundry list of things that I needed to accomplish to get scheduled. My doctor told me if I was diligent, I could get it done in 5 months. Yikes! I saw numerous doctors, shrinks, exercise gurus, nutritionists and fat counselors. I went to group therapies and had batteries of test done. I did everything asked of me as quick as possible and it took me 4 months to get the food fighter installed. So potential Lap-Banders ... be ready for that!
 
Another thing Lap-Band candidates must grasp. This Lap-Band contraption is nothing more than a tool. To be successful, you must find a diet plan your comfortable with and stick to it! Fact is, it will be a while after your surgery that you even feel the device working for you. In my case, it was at least 5 months of saline injections before I finally felt a small restriction. Even after 8 months, I still am not in the "green zone". My doctor and nutritionist discuss this every month at my check-in. And every month we're still tweaking it up a bit. It's all part of the process.
 
Bottom line readers ... If you're trying to lose weight, it's gonna take commitment and time. I have read many blogs of newbie lap-band patients that are disappointed in their results. But if you read between the lines it's always the same. They got the surgery and they are sitting on their collective fat asses waiting for the pounds to melt away. Sorry. That just ain't gonna happen!
 
Going into month 9, I am bouncing around the 70 pound loss number. I did it by carefully watching my calorie intake of both food and alcohol. I have gotten more active. Do I work out? Yes, but I ain't killing myself doing it. After all, my original goal was just to fit back into my Level 3 pants. I was never trying to qualify for the Olympics.
 
I will get back to you when I am firmly under that 70 mark. Should be real soon!
 
Johnny