2008er

Ugh. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> Ok, so I’ve been away from the forums for FAR too long. <o:p> </o:p> Geez, pre-banding (and even immediately after), I was on the forums several times a day. I was an info sponge, noting all the ups and downs folks had, making mental notes of what to do and what to avoid. DETERMINED to be successful. <o:p> </o:p> And yet here I am. I can see my one year bandiversary around the corner (I was banded March 17, 2008 – St Pat’s). I’m down only 25 pounds. Granted, I was lower BMI to begin with (39), but STILL. <o:p> </o:p> Have I put full effort into it? Nope. Some days, yes, but overall, nope. I found that things like ice cream never make me PB. Grilled chicken breast, though, is a major challenge. Nature’s cruel little joke! <o:p> </o:p> I have been exercising regularly (3x/wk most weeks) for a few months now. Certainly has helped my depression (I’m off of prozac now), but nothing to budget the weight. <o:p> </o:p> Some days I feel sooo sexy and sleek, and others (like today), I feel like to doughy mass of humanity I got this surgery to escape. It never fails to amaze me how mood can SO influence how I feel about myself, regardless of the number on the scale. I think part of why I feel so lumpy is because of Christmas/New Years – I spoke to several folks I don’t get to talk to often, and they all asked how my weight loss has been going. It just reminded me that it HASN’T gone. Now I’m beyond bummed. <o:p> </o:p> I just gave up sugar (the bane of my existence – I’m wicked addicted to it) on the 1<SUP>st</SUP> – today’s day 5, and I caved a tiny bit (but now I’m back on the wagon). I find that to control myself, I have to go cold turkey on desserts/sweets altogether to break the cycle. I still have ketchup and other foods with some sugar component (crackers, e.g.), but not sweets. I’m sure this is part of my bad mood, too – the first week off of sugar is the worst. <o:p> </o:p> Anyway, just venting. Anyone out there? Time to get back on track…

Thanks, MacMadame - I do feel better after my therapy session, even though I didn't get deep into my details. Talking about other stuff actually helped give me perspective that I do have a lot of things going on, and I've improved a lot since last year, even if the weight on the scale hasn't done my bidding. My relationship with my DH is WAY better, I have a ton more energy for myself and for my kids, I have started a regular exercise program, and overall my head is mostly in the game on most days (big plus from a point of depression previously). I'm also starting a new job Monday and that'll be good to help my fresh start. I will keep getting back on the bike. :thumbs_up: I think I'll give it another month of working my program full-on, and if I don't see results I will do exactly as you've suggested and see the surgeon. I didn't realize it before, but I think I'm scared of the fill process, and that may be part of what's holding me back from getting full benefit from the surgery. My port is tipped, and fills are brutal. I think I'll ask if they can do one (unfill, rather) under floro so it's not so awful. I feel better now. Thanks for being there! ****** Cierr's g-ma: 76 is AWESOME!!!! Keep up the great work!

DON'T feel sad!!!! It's different for each and every one of us (this is the mantra I keep repeating to myself, because I often feel just like you feel)... I was banded last St Pat's. 5'8", 249#. I've only lost 24 lbs, and I know exactly why (ice cream doesn't get stuck). No excuses, just my reality. I'm bound (banded?) and determined to get back on track and move that scale DDDDDDOOOOOWWWWWWNNNN.

Delrio, I'm with you, babe. I've been down the eating disorder path myself, and was really worried about bulemia and the band...having "permission" to upchuck seemed like it would open the proverbial floodgates. It's really been ok, though. I do PB, and have been full-on sick a couple times, but the worry about damaging my stomach and the band are always on my mind, and I find that since I can't physically binge the same way I used to, it's easier to resist the urge. I can "talk myself down" in a way by mentally listing out what I just consumed in my mini-binge...it's usually less than 1000 calories (vs. the thousands I could throw down on old-style binges), and keeping those 1000 in my body is easier once I get my head around it. It's not even 1/3 of a pound's worth. If you find yourself struglling, give me a shout out. I'm here with you!!

Thanks for the thought - I'm concerned about getting an unfill just because my weight has not moved much. I'm soooo embarassed and ashamed that I'm not better at this band thing (I'm a bit of an over achiever - part of my constant Quest for perfection is was got me fat in the first place. I hate disappointing myself and others. Really, really hate it). I'm pretty sure the band is at the right fill level, it's just me that's not working right! I did have some chicken last night that worked ok - I cooked it in a steam cooker, and that seemed to help keep it moist enough to go down without a problem (regular grilling and pan cooking maybe left it too dry? even with sauces it'd get stuck). One of my new year's resolutions is to listen to my band more - I need to find the willpower to STOP eating when I get that first full feeling, rather than continuing to eat because I enjoy it or because I'm still hungry in my head. Sometimes I get frustrated when I've only had two bites of something warm and yummy when my band says "enough" - I try to just slow down and keep eating. *** Geez, just even re-reading this post ticks me off at myself. I worked SO hard to get banded (insurance appeals, etc), and I'm doing so much to sabotage it now. I swore I wouldn't be one of "those people", and yet here I am. Good thing I have a therapist appt today - I kinda feel like a band loser right now. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I am smart enough, determined enough, and I hav plenty of support. I just need to DO IT.

Greetings to all! I'm soooo at the beginning of this journey (although I feel like I've been on it forever!). I have my orientation at the surgical center on Sept 11. Already have my PCP referral and checked w/insurance. Problem (possible problem) is that my BMI is 36, so I'm not automatic. I'm very concerned about not making the grade. I have been on diets and exercise programs and beating myself up for about 17 years now, and I've had about enough. It's clear to ME this is the right path, now let's just hope my ins feels the same way. I did a little weight diary of the various methods I've tried. Made me VERY sad. SUCH a huge amount of energy I've put into it, and I'm as big as I've ever, ever been. My knees and hip are painful. I'm winded just walking at 2.8 mph on the treadmill. I wake up constantly at night (I'm thinking sleep apnea - almost hoping for it - I have a Dr appt next Mon about it, and if I'm diagnosed w/it I'll be a better candidate for the band....how insane is it that I'm hoping to be as sick as possible? nuts.). I want to be active but I jsut struggle so much. I took dance lessons, learned to ice skate, bought roller blades, go biking - but I'm too big to maintain any kind of momentum and feel huge, unwieldy, and worry about major injury. Anyway, enough whining. I'm happy to be here and see so many others on the same path. I look forward to getting to know you!

I don't mind the questions at all - in fact, I think talking about it will help me move forward as well. I appreciate the opportunity, and I'll be interested in your thoughts and progress as well. My journey's been pretty good. Way better than some of the horror stories you're bound to hear, but not as good as some of the folks who appear to sail through things, dropping 30 lbs a week. I've lost 20 so far, most right post-op. I've been stalled for a bit now. It's not the band's fault. I really need ot get my head around things and get my bahooky moving. I'm havinga heck of a time motivating myself to physically move, even though I know how great I feel when I do it. I'm getting ready for vacay on Sat with my family on the beach, and I'm bound and determined to M-O-V-E during the week - beach walks area fave, so I have no excuse. I started at lower BMI (just under 40), so my dr warned me about slower weight loss. Doesn't make me more patient of a patient, though! I have about 80 lbs to lose, and I'd be happy to kiss it goodbye tomorrow. He told me to give it 2 years. My food's been pretty good. Not a lot I can't eat, but some things are certainly more comfortable than others. Breads are tough. I can eat them if they're combined with other, juicy kinds of things (sandwiches with moist fillings). No bagels. Not a lot of pastas (I can eat them, I just don't feel as good afterwards). I'm still getting used to portions. At least once a day I take one bite too many. Usually just have to move around a bit and wait for it to pass, bo big deal, just mild discomfort. A few times (BAAAAAAD times), I did "PB" as they say. Stupid mistakes on my part - too big of a bite, which leads to chewing fatigue or forgetting, which leads to a giant golf ball lodged in the center of your chest and lots of spit backing up. Really sucks. Sure makes for a quick learning curve, if you're anything like me (I tried, really tried, being bulemic, but couldn't deal w/the gacking.) - cannot stand being sick to my stomach. I'm getting better with the chewing, but still have to concentrate to take smaller bites. I eat up to a cup at a time, although the band is moody and sometimes I can only eat a few bites. Mornings are tighter than evenings, so sometimes even cereal is out. I get a little impatient with that kind of thing, since my mornings are not chock full of spare time with 2 kids. However, just one more reminder that I can't just walk around stuffing my face - this is ALL about conscious eating. As far as telling folks: not a lot. My dearest friends (only a couple), my sis (NOT my mom - waaaay too judgemental, even though she had gastric), my hubby, one fellow bandster who confided in me at work (I told her so she didn't feel alone. Bonus: I didn't feel so alone, either). I have been very conservative, mostly because I see it as something I can always tell folks later when I'm wildly successful, but once you tell, you can't UNtell. It's an extremely personal choice. Some folks tell everyone who they meet on the bus, others don't even tell their significant other until the day of surgery. Do you have thoughts on what you'll do?

I think every surgeon does their own thing, but mine wanted the following for my case (if I'd had other comorbidites, the list would've been longer): * blood tests * breathing test (oxygen sat, I think) * sleep apnea test (overnight sleep study) * ultrasound for pancreas, liver, gall bladder (this is why I then had to get my gall bladder out prior to banding - never knew I had stones, and lots of 'em) * upper GI series (swallowing barium, xrays) * psych eval (I'd been seeing a shrink for years, so this was easy)

I know what you mean about hearing "no". I was absolutely terrified about the prospect. What THEN? This was my absolute last resort in my mind, since I was already ridiculously desperate before even considering bariatric surgery of any kind. I always felt I could do it myself if I just tried hard enough. If only I could be disciplined enough. If only I put my mind to it. blah blah. You know the drill, I'm sure. I had a meltdown when I asked my dr about the band. I felt like an idiot, like the only person on the planet that couldn't control her intake enough. The only one who seemed to have the rest of her life under control but had this one dirty little secret (the kind of secret everone else can see, every single day - I don't know why I thought it was really a secret). My therapist (thank God for therapists!!) helped me see a few facts (I'm a fact-based person): * this surgery exists because there are a LOT of people who needed it. Do you really think folks would've put that kind of time and money into research if you were the only one? * ins cos are covering it because of the public outcry and competition. That means there are a lot of people getting this. * every time someone applies for this surgery, the ins co sees a request and notes it as demand. The more people who ask, the more likely the ins co will listen to the reasons behind it. This helped make me feel less like a failure. On the "no" issue: * "no" is a single point in time. It does NOT mean "no forever". I was told no at least three times formally by CDPHP. I rephrased and asked again, because I KNEW I needed this. I KNEW I qualified. You gotta fee lit in your bones. Have the mindset that it's already a given that you're approved - they just haven't gotten the memo yet. * if for some reason you exhaust all your appeals and it's still no this time, then this is NOT the right time for you, for whatever reason. You have to trust that the universe/god knows what its doing for you. it doesn't mean that you can't reapply next year. It also doesn't mean you're doomed to al ife of fatness and failure. (I had to REAAALY work on this one during the appeals process - I'd convinced myself this was the end of the line, but it really isn't. It's a big hill, but not the end. I found this whole process was a great opporutnity for personal growth (although I can't say I enjoyed every aspect...). I learned to stand up for myself and not stop fighting even with that first "no". I learned that I'm worth fighting for. I learned that some things are worth the massive effort and emotional investment. I learned that "no" is NOT the end. I SO hope the same for you. Please keep us posted on your progress. I am hoping for a big "yes" for you (ASSUME THEY WILL SAY YES - power of positive thought).

They covered everything except the stnd co-pays, the medifast pre-op diet, and the pre-surgical testing by my primary care dr (only about $200). it's new that they cover it, though - I think it just started last fall or around there. There's a specific code for the procedure and another one for fills - it's all been covered, though. I found that not everyone there "got" the lap band concept. Kept calling it gastric bypass. I had to CONTINUALLY correct them, telling them it was adjustable gastric banding. I think it's just new to them.

You might be okay if you've hit 40 BMI - that seemed to be their biggest obstacle in my case. I have comorbidities, but none they considered immediately life-threatening (sleep hypopnea rather than apnea, high cholesterol but ok BP, that kind of thing). Their big complaint was that I had too low of a BMI. I had to show them the history of my weight and get a letter from my primary doc stating that I had a big struggle in even staying where I was BMI-wise, and that w/in 6 mo or so they could expect that I'd be re-applying with a BMI of at least 40. That finally got them to ok me. I think you'll be ok, but I do wish you luck just in case. Keep me posted!

Hi, Jacci! My road was a long one to getting banded - I finally got it on March 17 of this year, after numerous arguments w/CDPHP. I had to have my gall bladder out first, too, since they found stones, so that pushed me back as well. All good now,though - Dr Clarke did a great job on the incisions - four have faded nearly away already, and the port one is getting better each week (I had an extra incision from the gall bladder op). My test numbers are still a little off - I was anemic before, and I'm anemic now. Better numbers, but still low. I can't wait to get some of the other numbers back, though - I feel like I've been doing better, and I'm working to get my supplements in. I understand that Calcium and vit D work together, so maybe try upping both for supps now to get your blood work in line. Not sure about the gasses though - maybe deep breathing exercises? Have they recommended anything for you to do or take to improve your numbers? I'm busy getting fills now to get to the right level. I'm not quite at optimum restriction, so I still get hungrier than I'd like. Haven't lost a lot yet, but that's my doing, not the band's. I wish you ALL the best - keep me posted as you get closer. Hang in there on those tests...it seems like forever, and LOTS of needle sticks, but it is SO worth it all.

Hello, troops! Just checking in after quite the long absence. I was banded (after a long ins fight) on March 17. Had to push myself up to BMI of 39 to get approved. BMI is coming back down now (I was getting panicky!), but I've still only lost 20 lb, most of it the first few wks of recovery. My fault, really, not the band - it's doing it's job, now I just have to move my "bahooky" (DD's word!) and the weight will come off. I had dreams of being two sizes smaller by now, but I have to remind myself that it's not magic...still gotta work. The good (fantastic, actually) news is that although i've had a bunch of health challenges in the family the past few months, I have NOT GAINED any weight. Pre-band, I would've been up an extra 15 or so by now. So, although I'm not skinny yet, my band buddy is there for me. :tongue: Hope you're all doing well - I like to hear where everyone is on their weight loss journey, as it helps me remember that when you start out w/a lower BMI, a 100 lb drop in two months is NOT realistic!!

Beach, Bum, it appears that YOU are the reason I came back on this board today. We are sympatico... I was banded March 17 this year. Lost about 20 lbs quickly, mostly because I was just drinking during surgery recovery (duh - no calories = weight loss). Started reg foods and weight loss stopped. Dead. In. Its. Tracks. Gained 2lb back. I was (am) exactly as you describe. Fought like hell for this band in the first place (denied by ins, appeal, denied again, appealed, scheduled for hearing, wrote another major plea backed up by tons of research, finally approved. Lots of work, and now what have I done with it????). Feel like a HUGE (in so many ways) LOOOOOOSER. I have a band buddy at work. She was banded 2 mo before me. She's lost over 60 and going strong. Me? Nada. I also went through the sliming stuff (baaaaad experience on a bus trip. Not easy to make yourself gak in a bus toilet. Lordy be. Figured it was karmic payback for being lazy w/the band work I know I need to do). It DOES NOT mean you are too tight, necessarily. I was making bad choices (I do love my carbs), and I take bites that are too big and swallow too quickly. My biggest challenge w/this is that I tend to take the same size bite I took pre-band, but I know I need to chew chew chew. Unfortunately, I'm quite social during meals, so I like to talk, too. Therefore, i tend to speed up my chewing and swallow quickly so I can contribute to the convo. Big mistake. I need to regularly tell myself to either shut up or take smaller bites. It's a whole new discipline for me. I would suggest going in and talking to your dr. If you're like me, you have a huge sense of shame about needing help with this. With so many folks out there seemingly gliding along to onederland, here we are sitting like bumps on pickles. Our fabulous motivation got us nowhere thus far. Go anyway. Suck it up. Aks for help. You ARE NOT the first nor last person in this situation. Also, about exercise. I was just talking to my therapist about that this week. I KNOW I need to do it. I KNOW how great I feel in a routine. I KNOW it energizes me more than my giant daily iced coffee ever can. So WHY oh WHY am I NOT doing it??? She had good advice: stop spending your time analyzing why you're not doing something, and just do it. For even 5 minutes. Walk. Stretch. Breathe deep. DO something. Enlist a buddy, if that heps you. Join a class, if that helps you. ASK for help. So, I did. I asked my 10 yr old daughter if she wanted to go for a walk. Just us. She BEAMED. We went, and while we walked, she said how much she liked spending that time with just me (we usually do things with both her and her 12 yr old sis). I asked if she wanted to do it more often. She beamed again (gotta love kids). So, now she's nagging me to get out and go. A great motivator. And take a break from smacking yourself around - you're HERE, asking for help, right? That's a great step. I've been hiding out for the same reasons (getting the occasional prompting form the computer saying, "Hey, haven't seen you on the forums...". Felt so guilty. Felt stupid. Felt like a failure. But TODAY is a new day. You are here. I am here. We CAN do this. We ARE doing this. Make an appt. Take smaller bites. Get moving, even a little. Want to help each other? I think we really can... ~katie (oh, and did you find out about the preggy status yet? that will certainly dictate your next steps as well...)

My surgery date was March 17th - 4 wks tomorrow. Yay! I've lost 20 pounds, although I'm guessing that will slow before my first fill since my appetite found me this past week... Ups: Feeling a true sense of hope for the first time in a REEEEEEEALLY long time - losing that albatross from around my neck is just as good as any scale victories, seeing how little my scars are going to be, looking forward to beach season rather than dreading it (and expecting that summer '09 will be the best ever), generally looking foward to getting back into exercizing with less pain than before and the feeling that even if I don't lose weight quickly, at least I won't be gaining it quickly either! Downs: Having to go back to work tomorrow! Although I do want to re-join the real world, I kind of enjoy being away from the stress of it all...easier to control that kind of binge eating (although being 5 steps from the fridge while at home ain't that great, either - pick your poison, eh?). I'm a little nervous about getting back into the environment that contributed to my bulk-building. Things to stock up on: Cottage cheese, Protein shake that you LIKE, cream of rice has been great with a little benefiber and unflavored Protein Powder. Couldn't have been happier with my heating pad - we've bonded - ha! The only other advice I have right now (from my own experience): 1) If you're used to only washing your face when you've been wearing makeup, remember to do it daily even while you're recovering (I forgot my own rule on this and now I"m working on clearing up blemishes before tomorrow!); 2) paint your toenails (or have someone do it for you) as soon as possible to feel more human; 3) try to get outside for at least a few minutes each day to remember there's a world out there wiating for you to heal and rejoin it. :biggrin:

I've been having refried beans, mashed potatoes, and cream of rice quite a bit. I got sick of sweet stuff pretty quick.

Hey there fellow bandsters! I got mine 03/17 as well. They offered me the 17th or 18th...I figured the 17th would be better because A)it's one day closer to health, and :embaressed_smile: I don't like the idea of a doc or anesthetist fighting a hangover from green beer! I"m feeling much better today than the previous few. My op was scheduled for 2:30pm, bumped back to 4pm, and I was cozy at home before 9pm same night. I pushed for early release since my outpatient co pay is $75, and in patient is $500. That's $425 I can use later towards new gorgeous clothes! My belly is mostly sore at the port site (no surprise), and I'm using the heating pad when I'm sitting upright as my back and sides have gas pains (like side stitches). My doc gave me Flexeril, too, to control the muscle pain, and it's really helping. I'm just really tired and sore, but at least I'm willing to have a conversation now, and I can get on the computer for short periods of time. I, too, cannot imagine going back to work just now. At least one or two more weeks, based on how I"m feeling now. I'll just take it one day at a time, and maybe work 1/2 days when I'm ready so I can rest in the afternoons. Ah well, just dealing with the ride here, keeping my eyes on the prize. Maybe tomorrow I'll even try to update my ticker...I've been away from the computer for several weeks (had to have my gallbladder out prior to banding surgery, and that was about 3 weeks ago - I was just feeling better when it was time for surgery #2!). Take care, band family!

Hey there, fellow bandsters-to-be! I had a date of Feb 26, but it looks like Mr. Gallbladder gotta go first, so he stole my band date. So, GB outgoing on the 26th, and band incoming on March 17. I wonder if they'll use green betadine... :smile: Anyway, I will be an official Marchie - glad to meet ya!

I'm wishing you the absolute BEST - you'll do GREAT!!!!!!! :biggrin::biggrin::smile::biggrin:

Yup, I have this book and I've read/re-read it several times already (I'm pre-op, surgery 02/26). It's been immensely helpful before surgery, and I plan on referring back to it often in at least the early post-op time. I think I'll keep it for the long run, too, so i can re-read the portions on all the bad side-effects of obesity. It will help keep me on track! :confused:

NYTrink...26 Feb!!!

I have two critters (kids, but active ones, so we call them critters - they take it as a compliment ), 10 and 11. The 11 YO and I go to Dinners by Design (DBD), one of those make-it-and-freeze-it places. It's been fantastic. We started it two months ago, for this very reason...I wanted to test-drive it to see if it might make my life easier post-op. I still have 3 wks left before surgery, but I am sold on this concept. We'll go on the 23rd (my date is the 26th), put together 12 meals (we half-size the 6 meal deal so we get 12 total; each "full" meal serves 4-6 people normally), and pop them in the freezer. Each night I cook something, and my DD decides what to take out of the freezer for the next night. All the ingredients are provided by DBD, so I don't have extra stuff around to tempt me to pick at. Also, by 1/2 sizing meals, there are no leftovers for our family of 4 (I'm on pre-op liquids mostly now, so I have a few bites at most for dinner). The items are pretty quick to cook, and since I'm not putting them together last minute, I'm not tempted. We add some veggies or whatever as sides, and I'll be able to have those post-op, mushed up (side note: I love my magic bullet). Hope this helps!

RE: the bathtub... I would also like to be able to actually fill up the tub and not worry about it sloshing over when I lower myself in. On the flip side, I also want to get OUT of the tub and still see that it has water in it.

Heya, Melinda! Glad to know you!