Fluffnomore

To address the compression issue, what might be making things hurt is your stomach skin pulling at the incisions. This gives the same amount of support to all of the incisions and keeps gravity from pulling them down. They definitely hurt more the day I stopped wearing it.

Mine came early after surgery. Usually pretty regular. We'll see how it progresses!

When I woke up in recovery, this sweet item was on me: http://www.soap.com/p/gabrialla-womens-breathable-elastic-abdominal-binder-12-in-wide-2xl-231931?site=CA&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc_S&utm_term=ZQB-11683&utm_campaign=GoogleAW&CAWELAID=1323144446&utm_content=pla&adtype=pla&cagpspn=pla It was my constant companion for the first two weeks. I stopped wearing it sometime early last week (week 3.) Especially when I had to attend a meeting for a couple of hours (and drive an hour each way to get there) having that extra support was amazing. And the wounds didn't hurt when there was this light pressure on them. They have them on Amazon; just google abdominal binder.

Do you have an abdominal binder? I could wear even jeans with this on too. I was a little stiff but not completely uncomfortable.

PdX, reading GamerGirl's story I have to say that it is more similar to mine than eating until pain every night. Hypothyroid, yes. Infrequent but several month in duration episodes of full body hives with no identifiable triggers other than stress. (Therefore, some inflammatory issues.) However. I did drink, almost nightly, and usually 2-3 glasses of red wine. (PS, if you're counting that is somewhere between 270 and 300 calories, most likely.) And then I wouldn't always sit down and eat meat, then veg, then carb. My favorite dinner? A handful of wheat thins. Seriously. I went back and forth between very strict diets and "I don't care; it doesn't matter anyway." So that might mean that I was cooking and while I did know about low carb and protein focused, it doesn't mean I was always compliant with that. I was rarely completely compliant. I do like meat, but I didn't always set myself up well. I also stopped exercising for a long time (about 3-4 years) and only recently took it back up. That I gained 30 pounds in that time only tells me that probably my exercise was staving off the worst of my diet non-compliance. But really the diet was not consistent enough. I think I flailed, a lot. I know that at different times I didn't think "it was fair" that I was unable to really get on top of this; that the inflammation was causing issues whenever I got serious about exercise or diet. I was at a relatively low weight a few years back after being really sick with chronic and acute gallbladder disease and thought, "Okay. Now I'll work with this," and by the time I felt well enough to start another exercise program, I got hives. Again. For about 10 months. So I've used the term re-set. I really think of it that way. I go to see the doctor on Wednesday for my 4 week check up and am hoping to get cleared to go back to CrossFit. (Slowly.) I am going to do my best to change my habits. I'm encouraged by my experiences with eating so far.

He refuses. I mean, we would have to save up for it so it wouldn't be immediate, but he has a really bad feeling about it and told me he won't even consider it. I'll bring it up again if we fail in appeal.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew why I couldn't lose weight and keep it off. I wish I knew why I have friends who, when they have to lose weight say "I'll just finish about 2/3 of every plate, and it will just drop off." But that never worked well for me.

So interesting. I'm like Cheri and GG. I've had Halloween candy in my closet for the last month and it just doesn't even occur to me that I might want it. (As a result of our having to hide candy, it is not an unusual thing for me to find candy a year later.) Now, I might be more tempted by chips, but even so I can take a serving and forget about it. However, I can't have chips, candy, sweets, or peanut butter in plain sight in the house, or it's gone. Even yogurts get plowed through. Not by me, but by my husband and to some lesser extent the kids. So we are dealing with family culture issues here regardless of what my triggers might be. This is not to say that I didn't have some kind of disordered eating and drinking. I was also raised with the mantra, "Food should hurt" and had some bad habits. (I'm jumping in and answering PdX's question, since he's here…) It's not all about trigger foods and eating until insanity. I really had a lot of trouble first losing weight unless I was ill and wasn't able to eat much, and second being consistent. The first triggered the thought that if the capacity wasn't there, the weight loss should be easier to have while learning the new habits and changing the lifestyle. Check back with me in a year and see if I'm right or wrong. I don't know. I do know that I have to eat an "insanely" low amount of calories to lose weight. This restriction makes that a fact. If I can work with it, then I think I will solve it.

Eating out through the stages is tough. I just had the broth from chicken Soup and a side of mashed potatoes the other night. It felt strange to me, but I don't think anyone else noticed.

As you may know but maybe not, I'm either riding down the big barge on a river in Egypt here, or I am not food addicted. I partially say I'm not because I live with someone who is and there is a HUGE difference in our approaches to food. And to be clear, I think my husband needs to continuing working with both his therapists (the drug pusher and the talker) and continue to dig into why he does what he does. My good friend who was sleeved in June called me about a month later to say, "Oh my God I did not expect that I would have to feel my feelings!" She (like my husband) has a history of bingeing, purging, and all sorts of disordered behavior. And she's a Type A, must achieve all the way. As is my husband in his own way. And my sister too (although she is compulsively thinner.) I remember being somewhere with my sister and my husband where I had two bites of a soft pretzel and threw it away, and they looked at me like I was crazy. I said, "What? I'm done." And she said, "I could never do that. So I don't buy them at all." And my husband said, "I'd just buy it and eat it, even if I was stuffed." Point being, there are 5 million types of crazy in the naked city. So it's good, as I was forewarned about that emotional side. But at the same time that part of this hasn't been as hard for me. I have my moments, but I have other coping mechanisms, such as my ridiculous novel reading compulsion. This forum is helpful to me because I get to see into this a little better. And it helps me because I have people gently saying, "Some of this is not about you…think about his feelings this way." And I appreciate that.

RIght? I was perfectly cheerful and pleasant while I was saying that.

Scared me there for a minute, LSL. My darling youngest and I had a discussion about what he could have for breakfast. I believe that what I said was, "You can make yogurt, cereal, or eggs for yourself while I sit here and have my coffee. Or if you hang on a minute, I'll get you a big bowl of poop." He told me that was sick and hostile (he's 11) but I didn't see any problem. I gave him CHOICES.

Well, he NEEDS to change his relationship with food. I'm hoping that he does qualify, if not now then eventually, and that he stops the spiral of comforting himself with food when things are rough. But that is much easier said than done.

Laura, thanks. That's what we are doing. We have a full physical + bloodwork scheduled for Wednesday. The turnaround is tricky, because his schedule is such that he really needs this to either happen in December or over the summer. But we'll see. If they find something else, we can resubmit for review almost immediately. I like cooking, and I am pretty good at it. I have just avoided it the last few weeks. Did I also mention that they're all picky eaters in terms of meats? LOL. Oh well. This is character building for everyone.

I realize this is crossing into the realm of food porn, but my weigh-in appointment was at 1:00. I stopped at Five Guys on the way and had a bacon cheeseburger, some fries and about 2 huge waters. As my penance, I felt sick for the rest of that day and into the next. But I made weight. Another side effect: my heart was racing because I was so uncomfortable. It was also the highest BP reading they'd ever done on me...

This whole thing is why I wonder about why my binder from my clinic insists so much on fat free and low fat dairy. And sweeteners! Eating a fat free yogurt with artificial sweeteners seems counterintuitive to me. I understand that higher fat dairy has a few more calories per serving, but this is one of those things I'm really experimenting with. I would love to hear others' thoughts about that.

I do appreciate all of this. It's possible that my deeper problem here is that I am also the emotional buffer for him, and I am exhausted by it. I don't want to feel bad about being approved for the surgery; he has trouble expressing himself in a way that isn't constantly telling me how unfair it feels to him. For now, I will work on small changes and trying to be supportive without wearing myself out. And I do truly appreciate any other thoughts you all might have. I love the hive brain.

What Arts said. Whenever I see someone going through something like this, I immediately wonder where their emotional head is. I will say that I'm in my 40s, and barring real marital issues, my friends and acquaintances who have acted on this kind of attraction and broken up their marriages over it have all regretted it. Maybe not regretted, immediately, breaking up their marriages (which, in most cases were already flawed) but in fixing their obsession on one person. Not a single one of them is still with the person they broke up the marriage over. Are you different? Well, crap…we all feel that we're different in the middle of it. And most of us have at least one person in the back of our minds that we wonder about, somewhere... My advice to you is either break up your marriage, or don't. But don't do it over this guy. Do it only because there is something that is broken that you can't fix. Be careful of doing it when your emotions are all over the place and you've had several major changes. If you get divorced will you be happier? Sheesh, most people I know do not automatically have easier lives after divorce. They find themselves with the same problems in their new relationships if they haven't given themselves time to heal and understand what put them in a mindset that they should start an emotional affair with someone else. And while they are reeling from the divorce, they are dealing with all of the really difficult pieces of it: financial, emotional, children, security…all messed up. By the way, you CAN pull yourself out of this and fix your marriage. But you have to want to.

Yes, Misty. His BMI is around 36/37 and he "only" has one co-morbidity. The surgeon thought he'd be approved right away. Even though mine was 39.8 when I started, my health is better in general. So he is feeling disappointed and angry and probably somewhere like I pulled one over on the insurance company. I mean, he KNOWS that I qualified, but doesn't always see things outside his bubble. Like you, I can't tell him to "get over it" because he thinks this is all patently unfair. He is also completely unwilling to cook. He has a hard time even heating things up that I leave…he would rather take the kids out to dinner than use the oven or microwave. He hates sandwich night or anything that doesn't have "real" food on the table. The kids are old enough to do simple stuff; that might be a start. Revs, one of my other friends suggested I go on strike. If you saw the state of my house right now you would think that I had already done that. The truth is this is a very busy time for me at work, so we'd probably be eating like this even if I wasn't still on full liquids. But without getting into the feminist part of this equation, because I work at home at a couple of part time consulting jobs, there is already a deep-seated expectation that I am responsible for the home fires. Nothing to see here, I suppose…every marriage has its own set of interesting compromises and rules. But add to this that he is a performing artist, and it gets more complicated. I appreciate the ideas. Keep 'em coming!

A month out on Thursday of this week. I am in a "stall" on one hand. My weight hasn't gone down in three days. But on the other hand I think, "Really? Where is my patience?" It will work. It HAS worked. But it is hard to see it right in the middle of the trenches.

Hm…accountability is an interesting concept as far as this goes. One of my reasons not to take out an ad about what I am doing, or at the least share it with everyone I come into contact with, is that I work with several large groups of volunteers, in 4 different organizations. As I counted up who I would need to inform if I did a mass email, I realized that it was at least a hundred people. I didn't like that idea at all. For one, it would have set off a chain in my little town of people arranging to bring meals every day, etc…(we LOVE to do that) and I just didn't want it to be the topic of conversation with every casual interaction I would have for months. But I had to let my inner circle of about 15-20 people know that I was going to be out for surgery. Of that group, about half know that it was hernia + VSG. The other half (if they asked) were told hernia. If they didn't ask, but were part of that group I very generally said "some abdominal surgery." As I've gone back into circulation with the rest, some of them are now finding out that I had surgery about a month ago, but if they ask "Are you okay?" (which seems to be the most common question) I just say, "I'm doing great. Everything went well." So to bring accountability into it, my gut instinct is to think, "Why in the world should I look at this as being accountable to anyone outside myself?" I know that works well for some people, but I feel like this is my battle. Aside from the people I pick to lean on and share it with, I don't want the volunteer I see 3 times a year looking at me sideways if *she* decides that I am eating or drinking something I shouldn't. Or that I'm not losing quickly enough. Or that I'm losing too quickly. Or that I didn't need to have the surgery. Or that I should have done it a year ago…etc. But as Butter says, this is a far cry from telling people I've got some disease or that I have been taking happy pills to lose weight.

Back to enabling, as I have exhausted my cache of "naked" videos until Laura and Butter submit theirs. We touched on this earlier in the thread somewhere, but I have been thinking about the reverse enabling that is happening in my house right now. My husband (who occasionally might need killing) has complained in the last couple of weeks that he is "being shortchanged" because I am not cooking for the family right now. Rest assured, they're getting full meals with the full complement of food, but I have been going to some ready made food from a local (lovely) grocery store. The meals are billed as "made for 2" but there's more than enough food for 3 or 4 people in them. In a sense, though, this enables unhealthy habits for them. They're not generally a simple lean meat, veg, and starch. Things like enchiladas with refried black beans and rice. Or chicken cordon bleu with green beans and apple crisp. And of course, the starchier starches involved, the better they like it. I serve them all and get out of their way. I'm guessing that as I start cooking in the next few weeks I will have more control. But I'm perplexed as to how to turn this all around without "compensating" for the fact that I'm used to serving them big food but I can't really eat it anymore. I wonder how much of my identity as a mother and wife is tied up in big feeding…and how much they're going to protest when their meals change with my needs. It's something we all need. It's just daunting. Especially now that (at least for the moment) my husband has been denied for surgery, I have lost the other anchor of making a big change in the entire family's habits. I'm sensing a real "f&*% it" attitude from him while my kids are asking for "stuff that's good." How did you all handle this? And what are your tips for sneaky or overt enabling of GOOD habits?

I had to get from a mid-39 to a 40. So yes, I gained a few pounds for that, but at the last minute, in the last week by eating a LOT and weighing in with my purse. (Also at the behest of the surgeon.) I had lost the "extra" weight within a week. I wouldn't have bothered except that I was so close…I didn't want to be denied over two tenths of a BMI point.

Really? I'm in the midwest and we've been singing Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald all day. I'd take the northeast today!

Bring an extension cord to the hospital so that you can charge your electronics even if the plug isn't handy.