KittyChick

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]I've been on an exhausting weight loss journey since I was 9 years old. That's the age I was given subliminal messages by my family that I wasn't ok in my current state and needed to change.[/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]I lost 70lbs in 2003- gained 75 back by 2005[/font][/color][/size]
[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]I lost 40lbs in 2007- gained back all 40 by 2009[/font][/color][/size]
[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]I lost 72lbs in 2011- gained 86 back by the end of 2012 (although this weight gain was helped along due to an illness that required me to take Prednisone (satan's choice pharmaceutical)[/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]My highest weight was 270 at the end of 2012. I am now at 285 which is absolutely devastating. I have so much self-loathing about the way I look. It's especially hard to reflect back to the times when I was thinner and more shapely after losing weight and recognizing how differently you're treated when you're fat. My life was completly different than. People were nicer to me, their stares weren't due to all my fat like before- people thought I was attractive and sexy. I got tons of attention from men. Everything is literally the exact opposite right now. [/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]My knees hurt, my feet hurt, I'm tired ALL THE TIME...I've honestly never looked or felt worse.[/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]And it doesn't help that when I went back East to visit my family this summer, one of my relatives tried to covertly fat shame me. It wasn't covert. It was colossal. [/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]One of my biggest passions in life is travel...last year it was St. Maarten, London, Paris, and Rome. I can't tell you how disgusting I felt in St. Maarten with my gorgeous, curvaceous friend who happily pranced on the beach in her two piece while I labored around in my cover up trying my best to camoflauge everything from the neck down.[/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]This year I visited Turks & Caicos, Dominican Republic, Aruba, and Curaco. Of course, once again, I was THE FATTEST ONE out of my 8 girlfriends. It was so hard to enjoy most of that trip.[/font][/color][/size]

[size=5][color=#CC99FF][font=georgia,serif]So, after much thought and consideration, I'm making to move to have VGS surgery. My 6 months of hoop jumping for the insurance company ends in March and I hope to be going under the knife by April. Until that happens, I will continue to live my nightmare existence day in and day out.[/font][/color][/size]