l.a.susan

i read alot of judgements in this thread and my writing this is also making a judgement on judgmental people . i suppose the answer would be not to opine at all. but, i will say this. any of you who have read my stuff know that i have not lost weight after over 2yrs. i have some circumstances that are part of the cause but my main complaint was that the band did not do for me what i felt it promised. i think that regardless of the reasons for for these results for me is a. whether its from reading too many of the studies and the promises from the company b. its from my own bodies betrayal and /or c. my expectations............ i dont want to be judged. as mainly women here and most of us fat ,we know what being judged and blamed and basically called dumb feels like. i dont really think anyone here or any other forums are qualified to give physical or mental advice or opinions about any body else. we cant really believe we can take one post of even a dozen and decide if someone is "eating incorrectly" (my favorite) or it is "head hunger" (as a psychologist i love that too). the only person we can really make those judgements about are ourselves. an ethical medical or psychological professional would never analyze someone by what they write on a message board. these boards responses can be very demeaning and worse hurtful. and i will repeat being mainly women here and fat we know what hurt is. is that what losing weight from whatever method does to people? does it make us experts on others lives? does it just plain make us forget where we came from (and i believe if i lose weight by what i regard as dieting and denying myself. i will find myself right back there again. i always failed sooner or later using those methods before if the "tool" is doing nothing for me yatatayatata .)? does it make us impatient, intolerant of people who havnt found "it" (sarcasm)yet.? i'm not sure what is going on here. all i know is that i go to forums (pain, medications, health, lapband etc) for peer support. it means that i want to find people who will truly empathise with me and share their own experiences but above all treat me with respect for my uniqueness. if i want to be judged and criticized i'll go to a singles bar (at 60, out of shape and broken) not to what is supposed to be a safe peer forum. as i said this letter in itself is very judgemental so i'll apologise upfront for insulting anyone and certainly for hurting anyones feelings. all i know is that i am hard enough on myself. (its one of the main reasons i believe i got so fat) my friends love and respect me and believe in my good intentions even when i question them myself. please dont make me just go to qvc or hsn where they truly unconditionally love me. love and respect , susan

thankyou all for the great and to the point responses. i now think that since so many of you discussed head hunger i may have used the wrong terminology to describe what is happening with me. i totally get (understand)head hunger and can differentiate. i have had years of therapy and hypnosis and as a psychologist who is always trying to grow and learn i read and have read every book on the subject i can think of. i do still have head hunger and sometimes i indulge (ie chocolate) i take a spoon of straight choc etc.) but, i also get pain and nausea if i dont eat frequently (which i know goes against lapband rules no snacking) i eat raw almonds a glass of nf milk or something soothing and nonfat. (this has been an issue since i was a teenager ulcers and other upper gi issues) but, i think what i really meant was that i can still eat just as much as ever and not feel any more full and that isnt in my head. kathy, thanks for your post . i was filled at 5.2 couldnt swallow anything but still didnt lose weight in 6 months. i would just chew the food very slowly till it was almost liquid and take a long time to eat. but, if it got stuck it was over. now i have 4.6 and i dont have restriction but i havnt really tested it because ive changed so much how i eat out of fear. so i can still eat alot of food just very slowly. i know that despite all your patience with me all of you, you dont have the answers for me. that is why i try to ask specific questions. so i can see if anything clicks . its how i always problem solve. eventually if i gather enough info (data) i can decide what i need to do .........or not (lol). these posts were very non-judgemental and i soooooooo appreciate that. im hard enough on myself (which im sure is why ,in addition to my genes, i got so fat in the first place. love to y'all susan

i have posted alot about my medical problems and the fact that my band does not provide me with any "diminished hunger". i feel as if i havnt really asked my questions so that i will get the information im looking for. so this is sort of a survey. i know what restriction is because ive had my 4cc band filled up to 5.2cc and spent most of my time trying to get food unstuck and down the toilet (6months) i now have about 4.6cc's and what i still dont experience is any lack of hunger. as ive said because of former medications i know what "diminished hunger" feels like. i maintained my weight since i was a child (prone to obesity) at 100-110lbs by every diet and form of starvation possible. i got the band with the promise of (here i go again)"diminshed hunger". i have read very few posts about people not being able to eat as much because of "diminished hunger" its always because of dieting (oh excuse me )"correct food choices". and sometimes due to the painful restriction or cortisol, thyroid and other medical issues. with all of that taken into consideration can those of you who have actually experienced "diminished hunger" please answer this thread with your stories and experiences. as i said ive asked alot of questions trying for that response and have yet to hear from those of you who indeed have experienced what the pamphlet promised. lets assume i am a nutritionist and scientist and/or physician who knows all about "correct food choices" and have tested myself medically for all possible physical issues including band slippage, leakage and/or erosion. (of course im not any of those but i have made sure over the 2yrs 9months since i got my band i have covered those issues) i would very much like to hear from those of you who have lost mainly by experiencing less hunger. (thats not to suggest those other issues arent involved. ) thanks in advance for the responses. if you would prefer writing me privately please feel free. with admiration and respect for all who have had success with the band , susan

i meant to say i say i win the low weight loss story however winning doesnt seem approprate to someone who has had her band for 2.6yrs and has gained a couple of pounds (never lost). ive been underfilled and overfilled so badly i couldnt eat anything solid for 6months. still dont lose. why? ????? cause im just as hungry as always and nomatter what level of restriction i will find something to fill it up. i do have unusual circumstances in that im bedridden in chronic pain 60yrs old and take serious amounts of narcotics. but, having maintained near 100lbs for most of my adult life by different diets including pills (phen fen, wellbutrin and pregnant womens urine injections,honest) i feel the only way i will ever lose weight is to go on a diet. yes i said it. since im just as hungry as ever i havnt received the benfit of the lapband that most of you have. im not asking for advice because there isnt any except to eat less and move more (joke since i cant really do that). and really isnt that what all of you have done.? tell me it isnt true . when you all (and every other site about lapbands) discuss results its all about what you eat and how many calories you intake and expend and calling the lapband "a tool" well this "tool" promised to limit my appetite and help me lose weight i took my home equity (with no income) and traveled painfully twice to Mexico once for the surgery and the second time to have my port resutured. ive had so many fills and unfills i cant count them and yet. here i sit still hungry. ive stated before that i know what a healthy attitude towards food is from when i was on phen fen for 6 months and 650mg of wellbutrin, i know what its like to not think about food all the time have my stomach knawing and feel deprived and resentful and oh yes to "make correct food choices" because of apathy towards the food. i am currently extremely depressed so please dont anyone think im trying to discredit anyone or the lapband. its just for me it really has had no effect and alot of money and feelings of more failure in my life. and alas. i will have to go on a diet to lose weight. which means deprivation, hungar and resentment. isnt that why we all turned to the lapband because we'd all been there. im glad your here and have had success and please dont let my stuff bring anyone down. just read the facts of my situation and know that even though ive become a non believer because i keep wondering how many of you are not depriving yourself and dieting and will not gain it all back once you stop. i do want to here about those of you who have truly experienced the miracle of the band that includes diminished hunger. no one ever discusses that. its all about dieting and exercize. remember that im very down and i do apologise if ive offended anyone here. im very sick and in a trememdous amount of pain. so forgive me. but as i said just read my facts and ignore and forgive me for my demeanor love , susan

thnaks kathy, it was kind of you to take the time to send good wishes to me. im so isolated now and i was the most gregarious social person in the universe. i used to call myself " the entertainer" (when describing my position in a group). because of my pain im bedridden and cant be up for more than 5-10min without being driven back. had i not been so social and physical (indoor jock dancer) and politically active i dont think id feel like my current and possibly my future life is such a waste. i try every day to wake up with a positive hopeful attitude but things seem to get worse for me every day and i cant find my way out. i was a great problem solver. i loved the challange but the way i did it meant becoming very pro active and social and involved and physical. the limits im experiencing are so prohibitive im at a loss. but, i do have a very strong internal ethical belief system that keeps giving me hope and there is the sense of humour which today doesnt seem to be there but most days it is. anyhow, your generosity of spirit wont be forgotten. love, susan

i dont know who i got the message from and i appreciate being missed its just that after 2.5 yrs of no weight loss and just having my pain pump removed because it didnt work either i'm not very cheerful. i feel like my life has gone downhill steadily and it keeps slipping . i used to be an inspiration to many. i spent my life helping others (not for them for me) and now i cant even help myself. sorry for the depressing answer. i cant seem to find any other. if anyone is interested they can read some of my few posts and see what my current life has become and how little hope i have of any kind of future. people here need positive support and inspiration and i have none to give right now. i do read however and sometimes laugh and i am happy for all of you who are out living your lives . im just stuck here in bed in pain, drugged and fat. i cant even go on my laptop daily because of the opiate induced nausea and dizziness and the newer lower spine pain from degenerative disc disease. arent you glad you asked. (honest i said that to be funny not mean or sarcastic) i still have one good quality and that is a great sense of humour. especially concerning myslef. just having a crappy day. love to all. susan i welcome personal letters as long as no one suggests any religious conversion. i have very personal and deep religious beliefs. but, they are not mainstream. love love and peace

i still have to respond to all the wonderful questions and positive support. just to let you know at this particular time my pain pump has saline in it and so its not doing anything. kaiser turned down the compound formula i had put together with help from others with chronic pain and so im dilaudid its short acting and makes me really stupid. of all the opiates ive taken (and i have taken all them several different times and was made sick) this is the first that has actually made me understand what its like to be a heroin addict. i sleep spontaneously and i have times of serious foggy drug like times and amnesia its somewhat effective for my pain as long as im in bed. anyhow, as a result of my 5 level fusion (l-2-t10, burst frct in my l-1) i have developed degenerative disc disease in my lower spine. so i used to be able to recline with my 4.5 laptop on my chest now it causes me pain. so yet another of my joys and ways of bein g social is limited to me. it means that i cant always write back in a timely way or say the things i want to say. but, i fight it and try. i so value any attempts that people make to reach out to me. i have alwasy been the "entertainer" very gregarious from l.a. former dancer, singer, model and beach bunny. extrememly social. and being shut in is a killer. so thankyou thank you i hope i get to know all of you. meantime if anyone wants to write privately i welcome it. some sites have rules about posting your e-mail addy. but, how else do we give it to each other. i suppose a website could develop a policy of being able to give permission for release of addy through the mods. quite honestly other than a few nasty know it alls ive not had any really bad experiences on forums even though ive given very personal info. ive alwasy been told in every new social or business course my life has taken that i will become jaded and mistrusting of people with "alittle experience" in one area or another. but, im 60 and i still trust. i think its a basic belief in people either you believe that people basically want to be good and kind or you dont. its never gotten me any business success or money to have that philosophy but i still just believe that people want to be good and helpful and self sufficient and contributing. okay so, thanks again. this is my limit . i really need to address each letter i think since i poop out and or get fuzzy or in pain so quickly. love y'all, susan

i wanted to thank all of you who took the time to read my "book" and respond with such concern and empathy and above all respect. i get the feeling this group has people in it that value those things in communication. i so appreciate you. i cant really write until monday but i wanted you all to know how good the responses made me feel how safe and "heard" i felt. i would like to respond to the chronic pain etc. issues but i dont want to take my thread off topic so maybe i could write privately to some who very kindly asked questions (but not related to lapbands ) i wouldnt like to take up time or space with issues no one else is interested in. but would love to engage those who are interested. im looking for answers and shared experiences with others who have had or currently have chronic pain and have had their lives shattered. its pretty heavy stuff. love to y'all, susan

this is my first post on any lapband forum in a very long time. every time i posted the fact that in a very long time. since banding i got questioned and lectured on what i ate and when. i objected and suggested that i had asked specific questions and did not ask for nutritional advice. i got basted. so ,although i dont want to make anyone angry or censure you, please , in order to support me (if you want to), just listen respectfully and try to share your experiences with me. i was banded in Mexico in nov 2004. i have yet to loose any weight. i even returned 6months later because my port had turned. i have a lapband which states on the registration card will hold 4cc's saline. about 2months ago i visited my naturopath and she filled me from 4.3 cc;s all the way to 5.2. im sure my band is in place. i have severe restriction i cannot eat solid food without having to throw it up due to the pain. sometimes i can chew it very finely and it will go through but not much. i am also a vegtarian so im talking about bread tortilla, Pasta etc.lettuce. my situation is that due to a broken spine and 5level fusion i have been bedridden since 2003 i am taking high doses of oral narcotics an have a pain pump (im having it removed it doesnt work). i was previouslyvery active (an indoor jock , dance, callenetics, body building, pillates, animal training and volunteer work , worked full time as employment specialist but was never sedentary) now im up about 5min of every hour. i am 60yrs old and i weight about 186 i was 5'3 but am shrinking. always weighed about 103 until 98 when i fell. i realize that my age, post menopause, lack of movement and opiates have wreaked havoc on my metabolism, but what i dont understand is the big question "why am i so hungry". i learned to count calories when i was 12 . i have had a weight problem since then so believe me i know how to diet i was successful at all of them (incl pregnant womens urine injection) until i stopped whatever process i was using. on phen fen and wellbutrin i maintained my weight and knew what it was like to eat like a "normal human being" instead of my last meal, i knew what it felt like to not be hungry and obsessed with food. i got the lapband because i am a compulsive overeater. not cause if didnt know how to diet. this is why its so frustrating when the only advice i ever get on these forums (never this one all the yahoo) "what are you eating" and all this other dieting advice. ive gotten so frustrated that ive suggested right before leaving that" why would all these people who weight over 300 lbs and had dieted their whole lives think that they could continue "dieting" and they would be able to keep it off just cause they were banded." i hated being cruel but i felt no-one would stick to my issues. i also said if i wanted nutritional advice i would go to the professional sources i had always gone to and not to failed dieters. i just didnt like that people presumed that i hadnt read and understood every available piece of literature including professional medical abstracts from medline, medscape, pub med and inamed. please ,if i seem self rightious to you i apologise and you can just ignore me. i just really need to be responded to respectfully. i got a lapband because of one reason. i believed the pamphlet, that my hunger would be less than before. i just need to know why even at being overfilled like this i havnt lost weight and im still just as hungry. sometimes i think its cause i didnt weigh all that much to start and since i had watched my weight since i was 12 i was already calorie and fat and carb retricted. but i still have yet to experience the one big promise. "diminished" (not lack of) hunger. (like i once experienced on phen fen and wellbutrin) i hope there is someone out there who will be able to share a similar experience with me. its bad enough that ive lost everything in my life to chronic intractible pain, but to travel to mexico twice, drugged and in pain, alone, have 2hospital trials for a pain pump and an implant and fills from the band and in my pump every month for 2yrs (both have a port) and then having the pump fail and the band not do what it promised. im pretty frustrated. thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and respond and not discussing food intake. (lol) i realize im sticking out my neck here ive just been reading for the last 6months. be gentle. love, susan p.s.i always say to people that they shouldnt stand next to me cause an anvil might fall on their head.