SkinnyScarlett

[indent]I'm 52 years old and have been overweight since early childhood. At the earliest, I can remember being overweight at 5 years of age. I was raised in a "clean your plate there are children starving somewhere" household with three brothers and no adult supervision after school (both parents worked full time). I will say that there were things in my childhood that, I realize now after years of therapy, caused me to turn to and focus on food, binging and secret eating. I can remember doing that as early as 9 years of age. So, obviously, an intricate and intimate relationship with food has overwhelmingly contributed to my physical appearance and emotional carnage.

With that said, I have been tempted to consider WLS previously, but I would not let myself consider "failing" at other weight loss attempts. I have just complete 1 year and 8 months of Weight Watchers. I lost a total of 14 pounds and gained it back over that timeframe. i have tried Medical Weight Loss Center, Meridia, PhenFen, Byetta (I am type 2 diabetic), Atkins and good old fashioned calorie counting just to name a few. I lost the most with Atkins - 75 pounds. I have gained 45 of that back. My current weight is 297.4 as of this morning. My highest was 320 about 6 years ago. I have since fluctuated between 274 and 300. My lowest adult weight was 247 for a day.

I'm not afraid of exercise. As a matter of fact, even at my weight, I have completed 2 half marathons, multiple 5Ks and a couple of 10ks. Granted I did a walk/run combination and, most of the time, finished last in my age group, but I finished every one I started. It was always such a sense of accomplishment to cross that finish line. I miss that feeling and look forward to geeing it again.

I am a successful IT executive and am very confident in my professional abilities. However, the doubt creeps in when it comes to weight loss and, more recently, the consideration of surgery as a weight loss tool. Will I be successful? Will I hit my goals? Will I have any complications? Will I be able to give up my Diet Mountain Dew each morning? Will I be able to resist the temptation of eating just because it tastes good? Can I successfully handle the skewed new portion size? What will I do with my new body? What will I think of myself? Will I believe in myself as I look in the mirror and see someone entirely new? How will I cook regular meals for my husband and just a couple of ounces of something for me? Will I mourn food? Will I miss eating the way I have for so long? Shall I have a food funeral - bury my favorite foods and give them last rites?

On the other hand, I think if things that I want to do and will be able to do - shopping in regular clothing stores, kayaking, hiking, dancing, doing another half marathon faster, being able to qualify for a full marathon (finish within the required time), maybe even a triathlon, getting my ring rezised, surprising family and friends that I only see once a year, seeing my clavicles when I look in the mirror, getting links taken out of my watch and bracelet, wearing an anklet, not fearing the seatbelt on the plane won't fit, not looking around in a meeting and telling myself that I am the largest person here - ah - FREEDOM from negative thinking!

I'm fearful for the physical aspects of surgery. I've had my thyroid removed but, that wasn't my choice - it had to be done. This surgery is my choice. Like others, I fear not waking up from surgery. But, as my sweet husband reminds me, the risks of surgery are less than the risk of continued morbid obesity and the negative impact it has on longevity. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I hope to glean information from this forum to empower me to make comfortable, informed decisions and set realistic expectations and goals. I have an amazing husband who is incredibly supportive of this awakening. He is my best friend, my confident and my shoulder to lean on. He is with me, pardon the pun, through thick and thin!

My mantra - Life IS good. Enjoy and give thanks.

s.[/indent]