Comfy_Blue

I'm 32 years old and was sleeved a couple years ago. It's completely changed my life for the better. My husband is two years younger than me. When we met three years ago I was 250lbs and he weighed about 285lbs. Now I weigh 145lbs and he's about 340 - 350ish. He has severe obstructive sleep apnea, has trouble walking up and down stairs, gets winded when sitting still, complains of joint pain, sweats profusely with minimal activity, has trouble breathing, and we almost never have sex anymore because its difficult since his stomach is very large and gets in the way no matter what position we try. Earlier this week he went to bend down and grab something and his pants ripped leaving a huge gaping hole that can't be repaired. When he eats, he moans after each bite and opens his mouth as wide as he can pushing in as much food as possible. I get worried when he drives because his stomach is almost touching the wheel which doesn't seem safe. :-( Over the last few months he has broken a kitchen chair, one of the seats in my mom's car, my cousins bed and last night while we were talking in bed one of tue wooden slats on his side broke. Our bed is practically brand new (we bought it in January along with the mattress), king size and not cheap. Because of his weight, my dad reinforced our bed when they put it together by adding 7 extra wooden slats (the bed came with 3) underneath. My husband said it wasn't him, the wood was just weak. Later he tried to get into bed again and there was another loud crack and another slat broke. So he ended up sleeping on the couch and said he's going to order some steel bed slats from the Internet and then it'll be fine. Despite all these things, he continues to refuse to have surgery. He says he can do it with weight watchers. He goes to meetings and loses .4 lbs, then gains 2lbs, then loses .8 lbs, then maybe another .2 lbs, then gains another 1.5 lbs and so on. It's not much progress and honestly I don't believe he can do it on his own because he doesn't track his points or exercise. I talked to his parents about my concerns during Christmas. He got upset when they confronted him about it, then he stopped eating red meat for awhile and now he's right back at it. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but I'm so disgusted with how he's living his life. I try to be loving and supportive but I don't want my husband to die or get diabetes/have a heart attack/stroke etc. I've told him that and still he refuses the surgery. I've cried, yelled, kept quiet, begged, demanded and so forth. I've talked about how my health and life have improved. I reminded him diabetes runs on both the matermal and paternal side of his family. His dad's diabetes have even led to kidney failure. Nothing works. He just keeps saying he's making changes and is going to lose 200 lbs in three years. Has anyone been through this or have advice?

When I started my journey almost two years ago, I remember being told during my psych eval that it is very common for us sleevers to develop other addictions post-opt. Made sense to me, since food was my drug of choice and this "treatment" would severely limit my "habit" (ha ha). However, I never thought I would develop a post-opt addiction because I'm against drinking (alcoholism runs in my family), smoking (my grandma died of lung cancer), gambling (brother is an addict) and excessive shopping (I love clothes, but I'm also very cheap) or a lot of the other common vices I saw around me. I thought I was fine. Then, slowly and without me realizing it, I started becoming addicted to my job. I have a special alert set on my phone just for work emails. It doesn't matter if I'm at church, in bed half asleep, having dinner with friends, on vacation, at the doctor's office, at a traffic light, whatever. If I hear that special alert, I'm clamoring for my phone. Almost all my lunches are working lunches. On the weekend, I will sit down at my computer for "a minute" to do something quick for work, and not realize several hours have gone by until I get hungry and/or need to pee. My job also dominates most of my conversations. I've noticed it myself and find that when I try NOT to talk about work, it agitates me. So I take turns talking off different people's ear about my job. I get excited when someone I don't talk to regularly contacts me because I know that means I can talk about my job for a long time and not feel guilty because it's not like they have to listen to me everyday. When I watch TV, I'm half paying attention because I'm either reading a work email, responding to a work email or making a document for my job. Even though my Mom (who I'm extremely close with) has said several times that I seem consumed with my job, I didn't realize it was true until I had two panic attacks (one this morning, one last month). As I was driving home today sorting through my feelings, I remember my pre-opt psych eval. Now that I don't/can't binge eat, work is my new "comfort food". But like I used to do with food, I'm overdoing it. All my self-esteem and sense of self worth has also become tied up into my job. When I do a great job at work, then I'm walking on sunshine. When things don't go as planned, then I'm miserable and feel worthless. If I find out I've been excluded from something social (ie: maybe some coworkers go to a happy hour) I feel devastated even though I have a good number of close friends and family I spend time with outside of work. I constantly compare myself to other more senior staff members and tell myself I'm a loser who didn't deserve my promotion. Even though I've worked at my current job with the same staff and boss for almost 7 years, every day I go in like I have something to prove. Most mornings, I'm there before my boss and even though I leave before the boss, I go home and work another 3 - 4 hours. I plan to talk to my therapist, but I just thought I'd share. If anyone has thoughts and/or has been through something similar, would love to hear. Thanks for reading/listening.

The neck thing was definitely exciting! Prior to have WLS, my neck was a Mama June (Honey Boo Boo's mom) in the making. What used to annoy me is that I would see people (friends, family and strangers) who were much larger than me yet their necks were smooth. It got to the point that i started wearing scarves and turtle necks in an attempt to hide my neck. Now I show it off with dainty necklaces, statement pieces and whatever else.

Thank you so much, this has been really helpful. LoL, and what a small world that you're a forum host on BC! BTW, I see from your ticker that your surgery is scheduled for today. Good luck!! I know how it can be a little nerve wracking and so I appreciate even more that you took time on your special day to answer my question and ease my own nerves. :-)

Thank you Sharon! That is pretty stupid and confusing. Now please, bear with me and my ignorance just a little longer as I have one more question. Even though I am technically only 2 weeks pregnant, the Baby Center app shows me at 4 and is showing me pictures of a 4 week old fetus. Is that actually what my baby looks like right now? Or does my baby look like the baby under the 2 week tab (the "baby" under the 2 week's along tab looks like an egg surrounded by semen)? Should I always subtract 2 weeks off of where Baby Center says I am? (I'm sorry if this is coming across confusing. I feel like things are getting lost in translation here. If you need me to clarify, it's okay)

Hello All, I'm new to the board so as a quick introduction I've been ttc with my husband for two years on our own before we did our first IUI in March 2015. It was unsuccessful, so we did a second IUI on July 23. Yesterday, my blood work confirmed that I have a "cautious positive". My nurse explained a "cautious positive" as meaning that my HCG level is raised, and that I need to come in on Monday. If the number has increased, then I need to come in again on Wednesday. If my numbers keep increasing, then it means that I have likely conceived. If the numbers start to drop, then I haven't conceived. She said it can go either way. Here is what is confusing me: When I downloaded a pregnancy app from Babycenter, it asked me to enter the date of my last period which was June 5. I did and the app says I am 4 weeks along with a due date of April 10. I figured that must be a mistake because my insemination was July 23, which is TWO weeks ago, not four. So I google'd IUI calculator which prompted me to enter in the date of my insemination. The IUI calculator gave almost identical results, and said that I am 4 weeks along with an estimated due date of April 14. Does that make sense to you all? If so, can you explain it to me because I'm very confused. If I am pregnant, how can I be four weeks along when my insemination was 2 weeks ago? Are both calculators wrong?

Based on my own experience, no. I didn't notice any more hair loss than usual, maybe because I'm a youngish sleever (was 28 when I had it done) and while I do straighten my hair, I haven't permed it since I was 19 and I rarely color my hair. I also don't wear extensions or braids, so my hair may have started off in a little better shape so whatever "damage" was done from my sleeve perhaps wasn't that bad.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with an open relationship, however I am not judging nor saying if you should or shouldn't have one. I will say that I do understand how WLS can change the dynamic of the relationship, especially in a situation like mine where you see your spouse going down the EXACT same unhealthy path you went down, but refusing to do anything but make excuses and broken promises about it. That's a really hard pill for me to swallow and it breaks my heart (and makes me angry) However, if I got to the point where I needed someone else, then as painful as it would be, I would separate and divorce.

I've always loved the same kind of clothes, but when my body was bigger, they didn't fit/look right on me, so I never could dress the way I wanted. Bigger Me wore jeans and t-shirts with an occasional elastic waist-banded skirt thrown in. Smaller Me wears cutsie mini dresses, colorful shorts that came above my knees, maxi dresses that cinch at the waist, skinny jeans, Bohemian tank tops, etc. Some clothes still don't work for me (ie: my chest is a lot smaller now, so sometimes outfits will fit my wide bottom but be too loose on the top) but I can wear A LOT more stuff now than I can back then. My absolute favorite thing is how easy it is for me to find stuff to wear when I need to dress up. I used to dread formal events because I knew it would take all day to find a dress that fit me and didn't look too matronly. Now, I can be in and out of any clothing store in 10 - 15 minutes with a wider selection of dresses. :-D

Yup, he went through the entire process with me, from the moment I started researching the types of WLS, to the 10 day liquid diet, to my entire life post-opt. He was extremely supportive, helpful, went to appointments with me, etc. If the situation were reversed (he lost 100lbs and I was still 250lbs and gaining), it would be really hard for me and I would be even more motivated to having WLS. In fact, seeing my best friend's results from WLS is what convinced me. I think he is in denial. Sure, lots of people weigh 338lbs+ and lose w/o WLS, but I don't feel he is one of those. Maybe therapy is the best option as the other poster said because I'm tired of trying to convince him.

I hear ya! I know it's petty, but I keep hoping to run into my ex-fiance. When we were together, he was super trim (wash board abs and everything) and whereas I was steadily packing on the pounds. I remember we were talking about getting married, and he said something to the effect of, "Hey, you should buy your wedding dress a few sizes too small to motivate you to lose some weight before our wedding." Now I'm married, and I'm smaller now than I was when he first met me. And to be quite honest, I look really good. The improvement to my diet has made my hair grow several inches, I dress better, I've learned to wear make up and I generally take better care of my appearance and body.

I am extremely worried about my husband's health because: 1. He is only 28, but weighs close to 340 lbs 2. His health is starting to suffer (joint pain, fatigue, severe obstructive sleep apnea) 3. His job and all his hobbies are sedentary 4. Diabetes runs on both sides of his family 5. He is unable to do lightly active stuff like go to festivals because of the standing/walking I thought last summer would have been a wake up call to him. We went on a family vacation that required a light to moderate amount of walking and even though my husband and I were the youngest people on the trip he was the only one that had to keep stopping. Eventually he ended up having to sit in the car and took a nap until everyone was ready to leave. Every month or so, I'll try to talk to him about my concerns. I know from experience weight is a touchy subject, so I feel like I'm sensitive about it. He responds with things like: 1. "I can do it on my own. I've already lost 5 lbs. The Vitamins I get from GNC are helping." (reality: he gains a few lbs, then loses 1 or 2. then regains a few lbs, then loses 1. Weight has gone from 290 to 338 in 2 years) 2. "I can't give up my beer/soda/big portions of food." 3. "You're right, I need to do better. Tell you what, give me <insert random number> months to try it on my own. If I can't do it, then I'll think seriously about WLS." But nothing changes. Is there anything else left for me to do?

I usually shave because I feel the more hair the more likely you are to hold odor. However I've been au natural for about 3 months now because I'm a curly q up and downstairs which means if I don't maintain it gets crazy down there. Once it gets crazy I get lazy about shaving because I know it's going to take forever. I'm due in for an appt with my gyno soon so I guess I'll break down and do it this weekend.

Since I hit the 130s I've been experiencing discomfort/pain when I sit. I think it's my tailbone because when I put my hand to where the pain is coming from It's a little below the crack of my butt and it feels like a very hard, somewhat flat bone. Last week I went to the movies with my husband and I slouched down in the seat and put my legs up on the seat in front of me (it was a mostly empty theater). Anyway that bone started to hurt within a half hour and even after I changed positions it hurt the rest of the night. Today I attended a theee hour meeting where I sat in a hard plastic chair and surprisingly I was fine. Then when I was driving home I had to keep adjusting because that bone was bothering me again. My car has padded seats so I was a little surprised. Right now I am sitting cross legged on my bed typing this on my ipad and it feels like my bone is pushing into the mattess. It feels like a dull ache that wants to become painful if I dont shift. What gives? Is this normal? Is it one of those things that will pass? (When i hit 170lbs it used to be very uncomfortable for me to lay on my side i guess because I had less padding. Now It doesn't bother me)

I only get off offended if someone says I'm too skinny because I feel like they are being a jerk 9 times out of 10. I went from 245 lbs to 136lbs. I'm 5'6 and curvy so I am by no means too skinny. It's so weird being on the other side. One of my best friends has always been thin (l don't know how much she weighs, but I'm now a size 4 and she's still much smaller than me, so maybe a size 1 or possibly a 0) and she used to tell me how much it hurt her feelings and offended her when people called her skinny. I never understood. Now I'm starting to. It's not a good feeling when people feel they have the right to comment on your body, which we're all still adjusting and getting used to.