want_so_bad

i did it! i actually exercised last night. and i feel great this morning! i felt great last night too! despite that my back was killing me. i felt good! i did 20 minutes with the wii fit. i have to say i am sore from it! its great. the hula is fun. my almost 2 year old was doing it with me, oh she is so CUTE! i did the basic run, where you just run in place. i did some yoga and some of the balance ones (those just for fun). and then after i got the little one to bed, i walked on the treadmill! there i was, just huffin it along, and bam, the treadmill just stops! could not figure out what was wrong. i was so upset. thought it was broke. so i get on my warm clothes to head outside to feed the horses (let me just tell ya what a workout that is!!!) and i notice that the freezers arent running. AAAA-HAAAA! the breaker blew...just reset it and everything starts back up. treadmill included! praise the lord i dont have to try to buy a new one! lol. anywhoo....back to the horses. so i got the grain ready for the old one, got him in his stall, got the hay to them all. and then, on the way thru the barn decided to help my boys out and clean the crap out of the dog kennel! and through all of this..... I FELT GOOD! it was amazing to me. despite my back killing me, i mean, it HURT, i felt GOOD. and this morning...I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL GOOD! and it feels good to feel good! ya know? maybe my new med's are helping now too, i dont know. but i feel good. and i feel, i dont know, somehow, like reinspired or motivated or something. its nice. its nice to feel this way again! i think i can do this!

i did it! i actually exercised last night. and i feel great this morning! i felt great last night too! despite that my back was killing me. i felt good! i did 20 minutes with the wii fit. i have to say i am sore from it! its great. the hula is fun. my almost 2 year old was doing it with me, oh she is so CUTE! i did the basic run, where you just run in place. i did some yoga and some of the balance ones (those just for fun). and then after i got the little one to bed, i walked on the treadmill! there i was, just huffin it along, and bam, the treadmill just stops! could not figure out what was wrong. i was so upset. thought it was broke. so i get on my warm clothes to head outside to feed the horses (let me just tell ya what a workout that is!!!) and i notice that the freezers arent running. AAAA-HAAAA! the breaker blew...just reset it and everything starts back up. treadmill included! praise the lord i dont have to try to buy a new one! lol. anywhoo....back to the horses. so i got the grain ready for the old one, got him in his stall, got the hay to them all. and then, on the way thru the barn decided to help my boys out and clean the crap out of the dog kennel! and through all of this..... I FELT GOOD! it was amazing to me. despite my back killing me, i mean, it HURT, i felt GOOD. and this morning...I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL GOOD! and it feels good to feel good! ya know? maybe my new med's are helping now too, i dont know. but i feel good. and i feel, i dont know, somehow, like reinspired or motivated or something. its nice. its nice to feel this way again! i think i can do this!

not really sure what i am suppose to do with this?? just track my thoughts? tell my story? here goes anyway: today hasnt been great. i am making poor choices? why? because i am stressed about money. freakin money. money for this, money for that. where can i cut costs? start packing my own lunch again next week will be a great help. cant wait for the fill on wed. kinda feelin guilty about spending the money for it, but i am going to do it anyways. my back is killin me again. havent been exercising because of this. it hurts no matter what i do so i might as well exercise. A--HA, the light goes on. i am gonna walk on the thread mill tonight! if i am gonna be writhin in pain i might as well have a reason to be! i have to stop making excuses for my patheticness. ha! is that even a word? i think not, but oh well. a guy in the office has a goal of losing 15 lbs by april. i am making it my secret goal to out due by 2! yes double. 30 lbs by april is my goal. i am tellin noone of this. wow, i have so much to get out. i think i could just go on and on, but will end here for now. better get back to work.

not really sure what i am suppose to do with this?? just track my thoughts? tell my story? here goes anyway: today hasnt been great. i am making poor choices? why? because i am stressed about money. freakin money. money for this, money for that. where can i cut costs? start packing my own lunch again next week will be a great help. cant wait for the fill on wed. kinda feelin guilty about spending the money for it, but i am going to do it anyways. my back is killin me again. havent been exercising because of this. it hurts no matter what i do so i might as well exercise. A--HA, the light goes on. i am gonna walk on the thread mill tonight! if i am gonna be writhin in pain i might as well have a reason to be! i have to stop making excuses for my patheticness. ha! is that even a word? i think not, but oh well. a guy in the office has a goal of losing 15 lbs by april. i am making it my secret goal to out due by 2! yes double. 30 lbs by april is my goal. i am tellin noone of this. wow, i have so much to get out. i think i could just go on and on, but will end here for now. better get back to work.

what else can happen to delay my fill? i was scheduled feb 5 for a MUCH needed fill. but now my boss will be gone all that week so i cannot go! why why why? i know its ok. i am just kinda freakin out because the fill centers lady hasnt called me back yet confirming an appointment for the 28. that will be great! omg, i hope they have an opening! please please please have an opening! please please please call me back soon! i so badly badly badly need this fill. i have been counting down the weeks to it. i really hope they can move it up and not back. i think i will just cry if they have to move it out.

my story is just about the same as yours. only i was unfilled completely in aug 08. and am just now starting to get refilled! i tried for a fill in december back to what i was at before i got the unfill, but it was too much. the day after the fill i couldnt swallow my own spit. i was pb'ing/vomitting salivia every 10-15 minutes. i went back and they took out 1.0 cc, so i was left with 1.0 cc. i have had slight restriction with this amount. i am waiting as i type this to hear back from the doctor about my next fill appointment. from aug to december i have gained 15-ish to 20-ish pounds. more then i thought i had. it was a real smack in the face when i got to the doctors for the first try at a fill. i thought it was more 10-15. i had the same fears as you, that the band wouldnt work anymore. but i am perty sure it will. i just have to get to that restriction again. i hope with this next fill i will be there, or at least closer then what i am at now! best of luck.

have you tried fillcentersusa.com? surely they would be able to find someone close to you. i had surgery in mexico so needed aftercare close to home. i have to drive about an hour and half away, but thats ok. the fillcenter charges 165 and then my doctor charges 99 for the fluoro. i had tried to just make an appt with the doctor myself and they wouldnt because of the contract w/ fillcenters. but i just had to call fillcenters and they set up the appt for you. maybe you can try that.

i was banded october 2007. i had lost 40-45 pounds slowly, then had to have an unfill and have regained 15-ish pounds. i also have had a hysterectomy in the time i was empty. i am having a hard time getting back into things. i am looking for someone to be accountable to, for advice, support and a good kick in the butt to get me going again. thank you.

amy- you are right, i have struggled through this. but nothing before compares to the struggles i am having now. i just need to get my head cleared again and my whole being back into this. i know it will work when i am ready to work it. and i want to, i just am not. does that even make sense? i am feeling hopeful today so that is a good thing. i think some of my problem may be hormones. i am going to the doctor today to see about getting them adjusted. seems like i was doing fine with what they had put me on after the hysterectomy and then BAM, hit a brick wall. my fill is a whopping 3 weeks away! i have to hold out until then. make better food choices. exercise on a more consistant basis. this morning i also got a big kick in the motivational rear! my sister in law started working out yesterday...i have this weird competitive thing w/ her...no excuses now! i cant let her look better then me, haha..but whatever motivates me works for me.

first off i want to say i know this is similiar to the thread "the "voice" is back". i didnt know if i should post this there or start my own, so i started my own just in case. i have another fill scheduled, but its not for a couple weeks. i am just out of control. i cant stop snacking. i tell myself stop! no more. and i throw whatever it is away. but then, shortly after i find something else in my hand on its way to my mouth! it is driving me nuts. i feel hungry all the time, even though i know i am not. i had a hysterectomy in october. i am now on replacement hormones. would/could these be having an effect? i am also on an antidepressant. it used to be if i forgot to take it i could tell because i would want to eat everything in sight. maybe it needs adjusted now too? this is all so frustrating and upsetting. i was a slow loser, but at least i was a loser. now i am a fast gainer. and its making me more upset and frustrated which in turn makes me want to eat more...its a bad cycle i have fallen back into. and on top of that my back is killing me again. is that from the regain too? i dont know! but i know by the time i get home from work i can barely move some nights. and then its take care of the kids-dinner, boxing practice, baths-i just have no energy. i collapse on the couch when i get the baby into bed! my house is a mess, i am not cleaning like i should. i barely exercise anymore. and i know all this is part of if not the problem with my weight gain. but what do i do? instead of getting up and doing something i sit and whine. i have an appt for the regular doctor this thursday to see about adjusting my meds. i hope that will help. anyone with any advice please please respond. even if its a kick in the butt, i need that too!

i am going to try to make a long story short and get to the point. i was banded october 2007. did fairly well losing, although it was slow. was overfilled late july and had to get a complete unfill. for various reasons i remained unfilled until the 10th of this month. during this time i yo-yo'ed with 10 lbs. it turned out to be more like 10-15lbs when i got to the doctor for the fill. i had an agressive fill. ended up going back a day and half later for a partial unfill. i am "sensitive" to fills now. i feel some restriction. its not wide open like it was for sure. but i am not at a good spot either. plus i cant get my head around or to the spot i need to be at again to really get going back on my journey to my goal weight! i cant find the motivation i once i had. i feel weepy and depressed about it. like i will never get there. and its all of my own making. i keep saying, i will start tomorrow. or monday....and that day comes and i find another flimsy excuse. i know all this...what am i doing? i just need to get back to it. i am gonna schedule another fill for february. anything anyone can offer to get me going would be much appreciated! thanks

oh julie- you are right, i need to focus on something(s) positive until i reach restriction again. i am going to work on this. i also brought a bunch of crystal light packets to restock my desk at work. on the 5th i am gonna start the 5-day pouch test. all my visiting family will be gone, no more parties or get togethers. i will start fresh with a week of work. less chance to screw it up when i am at work all day. starting on the weekend is just self-sabotage...all day at home. plus i have extra motivation--i made a pact with a friend of mine who had gastic bypass. i stay very accountable with her, i just cant lie to her. she is going to start monday with me. i have printed off a weekly walking workout from msn fitness and am going to start that tonight on the treadmill. and my fill is scheduled for feb 4. i want to have something to show for my slight fill. i am just gonna do this. surby- i am so sorry to hear about your mother. i wish you and your family the best. i hope you are doing well. you will get back on track. i cant imagine all there is to deal with. best of luck.

FINALLY! after 4 months of being empty, i have a fill! i am so happy. and boy am i being reschooled! lol, it sucks, but i love it too. chew chew chew, slow slow slow. how easily i got out of those habits. my refill story wasnt pleasant to begin with. i went in last wed and got a 2.2 fill. i felt fine, the barium went thru under fluoro no problemo. then comes the next morning. made myself a cup of tea, took a sip. a SIP, especially since it was hot...no good. didnt pass. pb'ed the tea. and my spit. and my spit. and ANY liquid i tried drinking the entire day. i am not kidding when i tell you i was in the bathroom every 15 minutes or so just to pb my spit. it was horrible. so i got another appt w/ the fill doc, went back the next afternoon and had 1.0 taken out. i now sit at 1.2 and feel great. and you know what? i have great restriction! i already feel better then i have in weeks/months. i know some of that is in my head, but even so, at least i feel better. lol. i about died when i got on the scale at the doctor's and it read that i had lost 12 pounds in the 2 days! yes, 12 lbs. but it was not good to do it that way. i know it was because i had gotten dehydrated. so now i am drinking my fluids and eating mushies and feeling fine! back on the wagon am i.

i am 25 lbs from goal and it scares me so much! i have always been the chubby one, then the fat one... what will i do with myself when i am "normal" sized? this fear has kept me from getting the fill i have needed for the past several months. i have maintained at my current weight now for months. this is the weight i was in high school. although my body looked much different at this weight then...dang kids! i have scheduled and canceled and rescheduled my fill a few times now. it is set for wed the 18. not too far away. i am keeping it this time. does this mean maybe i am ready now? i dont know. i am really scared and nervous for this fill, which will be my 3rd. anyone else experience this? any ideas on ways to deal? thanks

i dont know what i am seeking in coming here to post this. support, understanding, a kick in the butt? probably all of those. basically i got stupid, got too many fills to quickly and ended up not able to swallow my own spit. had a complete unfill the begin of august. i was told i must stay unfilled for a month to heal. i was freakin out at first, so scared i was gonna get fat again. things actually went well. while i did eat things i shouldnt have and hadnt been able to for months i didnt go overboard. i was scheduled for a hysterectomy in sept which i needed to be empty for. no problem i thought. i would just stay empty until after that surgery. well, life happened and i ended up having to reschedule that surgery for oct. because of finances i couldnt afford a fill for a month, then the unfill, then the refill. so here i sit now. empty since august. i have basically maintained my weight. i flucuate 2-3 pounds. since my surgery 4 weeks ago it is more like 5 pounds. i keep telling myself its just from the surgery. i now have my fill scheduled for 12-3. and i am scared as hell to go get it. and its all head games. here is what i am thinking: ok, i have 25 lbs to go to goal. i have maintained this long empty and not eating "right' as i should. so with a fill and getting back into eating right i am gonna drop weight just like at first. omg, what am i gonna do? i will be at/near goal. what if i still dont like me at goal? oh of course i am having my tummy tuck (the only savior for my belly!). but what if its not good enough?" and all sorts of things like that. its like the beginning head games all over again. and its so dumb because i already have one them, so this time around i should be better prepared to handle it, right? i dont feel like i am prepared! sorry for the ramblings on. i needed to get that out there and maybe get some feedback. thanks.

thank you all for responding. my fill is scheduled for dec 3. i am still nervous and scared but now i am also excited. i have to decide how much of a fill i want to get. my fill doctor told me at the time of the unfill when i get the refill he would go back to what i was at before i got the last fill that put me too tight. does anyone know or have experience with this type of thing? i worry about a repeat of what happened before, but that was going to a 2.2 fill. i had been ok at a 2.0-2.1 fill. after being empty so long, will that have an effect? should i start with perhaps a 1.5 fill? i am kinda just rambling here i know. the fill will be under fluoro and i know it will be kinda just be a wait and see how things go. these questions were just floating around my head.

i have been empty since august and cannot get a fill until dec 3. i have maintained my weight during this time, plus or minus 2 to 3 pounds. 3 weeks ago i had a hysterectomy. right now i am just really having a hard time. i feel like i am eating everything and anything in sight. can someone please tell me if it is possible to stretch your pouch if your band is empty?

i need to be better about the taking it easy part. i have done really good not picking up the little one, but other then that i think i prolly have overdone things. such is life i guess. i have been having a harder time then thought i would. my bladder was attached to my uterus with scar tissue and they had a hard time getting the two seperated. i dont even know how to explain the pain from my bladder now. they told me pretty much all i can do is wait it out while it heals. that and take pain killers. they dont help much though. i dread going to the bathroom, lol, its horrible! its good to hear you are doing good bandster. back on wagon and on the way! i cant wait for my fill. i am going to try to make that appt today. i am kinda nervous about it. i have been unfilled for so long! its like starting all over again. but at least this time i know what to expect!

congrats jonathan! you are doing incredible. keep up the great work.

i had my hysto last week on monday. everything went well. i spent 2 nights in the hospital and then went home. i am sore and tired but that is from overdoing things since getting home. but overall i feel fairly good. my fill doctor wants me to wait 3 weeks to get a fill. i am counting down the days until i can start losing again. i have maintained my weight since the unfill in august...goodness, its been a long time! i am excited to get this last 25 off. i am shooting for feb to have it all gone so i can get a tt spring of next year. its gonna take hard work, but i am excited and motivated to do it. my boys both started boxing a few weeks ago. their workouts are so freakin hard! i cant do it. i dont know how they do it. its amazing to me. but i have been doing my own boxing workout at home and love it. i was invited to join the kids during workout and be put through it with their trainer but thought not yet. i couldnt keep up with the kids and would be embarassed! but it will be a few weeks until i get the ok to start exercising or anything. hope everyone is doing well.

my husband was the same way. he was not supportive in the least. he thought i should be able to just not eat as much and exercise on my own. he came around enough to sign the finance papers i needed him to sign but he still wasnt happy about it. that was a year ago...today he still doesnt like it...but he does like that i am 45-50lbs (depends on the day) lighter! i try to ignore him when he makes the crappy comments about the money i spent on the surgery. i am a happier healthier person and it is a great thing! good luck.

i experienced much the same thing in august. i waited it out over the weekend and ended up not being able to even swallow my spit. i got a complete unfill and felt immediate relief. i would recommend contacting your doctor.

so i will try to make a long story short. the begining of august i got sick and had to get a complete unfill. was suppose to remain that way for 30 days to heal. then i was to have a hysterectomy like 2 weeks after i was able to get filled. my surgeon wanted me empty for that surgery so i decided to just stay empty instead of paying for a fill for 2 weeks, then pay for an unfill. now i have had to reschedule my surgery to next month. money dictates that i will have to stay empty until then. so that is another month away. then i dont know how long i will be empty after the surgery. i have maintained the weight i was at before i got sick and the unfill. for that i am happy. but i am also feeling discouraged. my one year anniversay is coming up and i will not be to goal. i am close, 25 lbs, but still not there. and i am feeling discouraged because i am not losing anymore right now. i am falling into past habits and not doing a good job. i have the mentality that is this: i couldnt do this before the band and right now my band isnt working, so i cant do it now. i need a good swift kick to get outta this rut. someone please help!

i have started to realize that you are right julie...trying to lose that much is just not gonna work and i am getting upset with myself. its just not worth the cycle i am putting myself thru. so i have decided to maintain my weight, and maybe try for more like .5 to 1 pound a week. i think that is more realistic for me right now. and julie, i have been eating those things that i couldnt with my fill...tuna fish, cottage cheese, grapes, carrots...and of course the bad things too! thats my downfall. but thank you for the encouraging words. i keep telling myself soon enough i will get refilled and back on the right track.

thank you to everyone who responded. its nice to hear encouraging words. i am tracking what i eat on dailyfit and am trying to stay around 1300 calories a day. according to them, that will put me at losing around 2 lbs a week. maybe that is too lofty a goal for being unfilled? i dont want to just set myself up for disappointment. i dont know. maybe i should try for 1.5 a week. anyway, that is something i am considering. i also decided to get back into my filled banded mindset. no more eating things that will now go down just fine that would have/did get stuck w/ my fills. that i think has been my biggest downfall. i just have to do this. i've come too far to screw things up now!