want_so_bad

i sure hope you all dont mind a post from the ladies. we have a thread going in our powder room regarding anal sex. some inquiring minds were wondering your feeling/views on the subject. do you enjoy play in that area on yourself? we dont intend to offend anyone with this. some have heard that stimulation in that area is pleasurable for guys. some have the whole "dont go there" thing going. we are just wondering. any input on the subject is greatly appreciated. thanks for letting us intrude in your room.

so just the other day i posted the thread "glimpse at my future body". all those feelings still stand. but i am also freakin out majorly about how icky i look right now. how icky i perceive myself to look now? maybe thats a better way to put it? i am thrilled with my weightloss. i knew from get go i would need a tummy tuck and some boobie work. i KNEW that. but omg, my stomach is so nasty right now. it is bothering me so bad. i cant stand to be naked. if i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after a shower it makes me sick. i stand there for a good 10 minutes pushing and pulling on stuff just hating it. when my husband and i are intimate, i have to keep on a tank top to cover my stomach. makes him mad, but i guess he is kinda getting to accept it because he isnt as pushy about it. my friends and family that know of my crazy body issues tell me over and over that i am much to critical of myself. that i look amazing and they are proud of me. its like, i know in my head i look better then i did before. but i dont KNOW that. does that make sense to anyone? i am not striving or even want to look like a toothpick or a model or some celebrity, i just dont wanna look like this, ya know? ugh, its so hard. its nice to come here and vent about it though. spring and tax return cant come fast enough. i am putting that money towards my tummy tuck!

quick little background...i have lost 57lbs since being banded in 2007. i have 13lbs to my goal. i HATE HATE HATE my body. just as much now as i did when i started this journey. sometimes maybe more. anywho....i am so EXCITED!!! my 16 year old little sister has a ROCKIN body. she is so cute it hurts, you know the type. so anyways, last friday she told me about this diet she is on, god only knows why. and in this conversation she told me how much she weighs. omg, i only weigh 3, 3! 3! lbs more then her! i about fainted! i have always been envious of her body. she is athletic and has muscles and is just freakin cute as can be. this got me to thinkin...omg! when i finally get my tummy tuck...i am gonna look perty good ok. ya know? its been a total motivator for me to get my butt back into gear toning and working out. its kinda like the light at the end of the tunnell for me! i never never thought to compare what i might look like to her! and i can!

so today my doctor told me i have fibromyalgia. i know a little about it, but am researching, researching, researching. reading on the various websites just makes me wanna cry. its like everything fits. i am not crazy! does anyone else have fibromyalgia? any suggestions for reading? or for things that help? she (the doctor) put me on a new medication just approved for it in january, savella. anyone else on this medication? any feedback is greatly appreciated. thanks!

i am about 10 lbs from goal and holding. i havent had a "problem" for a time now. i basically eat whatever i want, just controlled now. i dont really get stuck or pb or slime or any of that anymore. until day before yesterday. i was eating a sliced up apple with Peanut Butter for a morning snack. i think it was probably about the second bite that seemed to slow down. so i waited. no pain or anything, took another bite and the same thing. began to slime this time and some discomfort. began to full on slime and pb. by the afternoon i was so tight i couldnt eat anything but could gingerly sip fluids. didnt eat anything that night. next morning took a sip, a SIP of coffee and NO!! was not going anywhere. took a good 45 minutes to pass. so i was figuring just swollen/irriated from previous days mishap. well, instead of getting better today, i think i am worse! wth? i havent tried food, not even mushies! but every sip just sits and sits. all day i have maybe had 10 ounces of fluids. i tried hot chocolate, thinking the warm would loosen me up. no. tried some crystal light, maybe got in 2 ounces over several hours. got some pineapple juice a couple hours ago. i have been able to drink 6 ounces of it. i thought maybe it was working but just a few minutes ago i took another sip and its backed up. i am having horrible heartburn. S.O.B. and that is both a sob and a son of a...lol so now i am just debating on how long to wait before i call and schedule a slight unfill. this is the pits.

vonhelzing- i still wear hoodies too! but just to wear them, no to hide! well, i guess i still hide, because of the icky lose skin but not trying to really hide my self. does that even make sense? i cant wait to be able to buy CUTE hoodies, instead of guys!

great idea for a thread! i cut my very long hair short, above my shoulders, and donated it to locks of love. i had always wanted to do it and finally found the courage after losing weight! i donated 11 inches of hair and ended up cutting another 2 1/2 off with the style! amazing feeling. i want to buy different clothes...more trendy and cute. not hiding behind big hoodies as much. this one i havent completely accomplished because i need a tummy tuck to be able to buy smaller pants and shirts to fit correctly, lol. but the dream is much closer to being realized. i dont walk everywhere with my head down, staring at the ground!

my question is for the best way to go about working/building my arm muscles. i like the size of my arms for the most part, but i NEED more tone. i have some saggy skin and am wondering, if i build muscle (heavier weight, low rep, right?) will it help fill that sag? but i also want it to be nice and toned, so low weight, high rep right? any hints/suggestions would be great.

blaze- are you for real? please get off you pc high horse! did you read the posts. there is a "normal" in these cases. any reference to "crazy" was not intended to be MEAN. give me a break. i think my father may be bipolar. growing up he always had major mood swings. i remember we always walked on egg shells when he was in a bad mood. or we found reasons to not be home when he was. he was on medications, dad's "happy pills. but they never really made him right, ya know? the littlest things would set him off. or he would hide away in the bedroom. things are still this way now. only its easier for me because i am an adult and dont live at home. my mom stayed with him until this year. she finally has had enough. the saddest part is she stayed "for the kids". we all would have been happier and better off had she left, ya know? but hindsight is 20/20. i think you just have to do what you feel is right. perhaps you would be unhappy for a while if you did leave, but that would change. and maybe if you left that would help him some how? i am sorry i dont have a great answer to help you. i wish you all the best! you are such an amazing woman and i love reading your posts. i found much encouragement through my journy from you.

air- thanks for responding. kinda of a stupid question, but here goes anyway...while building the muscle, do i need to tone too? does that make sense? like, do the muscle building lifts one day and toning the next? or not? does it just stay toned as it builds? omg, that seems retarded to ask. lol. i have been working on my shoulders and triceps too. do you have any suggestions for which lifts/exercises i can do to really focus on this? thanks!

charlene- i am on savella. have been for, well, since i started this thread. maybe a little over a month? not quite a month? i know a few people on the thread have mentioned being irritable after starting it. i didnt notice that. sometimes i seem like i am in a fog. like i just cant quite think clearly. but not all the time and i dont know if that is because of the savella or not. i think for me its working. i dont seem to be having as many bad days. i am still tired and cant sleep very well though. who knows?

i have noticed little things about my face too. i wonder if its from the weight loss or from being really tired and sick here lately?? either way, i LOVE LOVE LOVE that i no longer have chins. just a chin. one! it still amazes me. i will tilt my head down, trying to make another chin, and about jump with joy that i cant do it now! lol, the little things that make your day. i am still going back and forth with the body image stuff. i will have a couple good days then despise my body for a few. back and forth back and forth. i really really think that i will be better after a tummy tuck and lipo. my biggest insecurity is my stomach/flank/side area. the places the plastic surgeon is gonna work on. its just that whole money thing standing in the way. stupid money! more like stupid lack of money. lol, but such is life. aubrie- i havent had any problems with my hair. thank god. i was really very worried about that. my hair is my baby, lol. the only thing i was used to getting compliments on! have you tried anything for it?

well my good day run came to an end last night. i just wanted to cry. not because of the pain, but because it had returned. does that make sense? i was awake most the night. i swear i had menstral cramps if that were possible! bad ones too. but it isnt possible as i had a hysterecotomy almost a year ago now. this is so frustrating! i know you all feel like this too, i am sorry, i just have to vent. i was feeling good yesterday. went outside to work with the horses. felt great to be outside and working, even getting worked over by a spirited yearling. i drove to pick up my daughter and just in that time i couldnt stand up straight. or pick her up! i had to have my son carry her into the house. i hate it! and i get cranky and irritable as hell. does anyone else? when i am hurting i am snappy and just basically bitchy. i try not to be. i try really hard to notice when i am being that way. but its alot. i think my kids think i am going crazy. i think my husband thinks the same thing. hell, sometimes i feel that way! most days i can make it through basically fine, but evening comes and its killer. anyone else like this? any suggestions for this? thanks for letting me ramble all over the place.

i think you may have forgot the s...its fillcenterSusa dot com. i tried it and it worked. but his first name is derrik i believe. that may not be the proper spelling of his first name, sorry. if that doesnt work for you, pm me and will give you their phone number.

if i raise my arms above my head and kinda jump around, that has helped. (at home only, lol) i have tried pineapple juice once. hurt like hell and i ended up just throwing it up. and then later whatever it was that was stuck. maybe i drank too much? i dont know. ok, and this is gonna be way tmi, but...i swear, like 50% of the time i am stuck, i also have to have a bm. and if i poo, i am no longer stuck. how freakin weird is that???

i had surgery in mexico as well. i use dr muse in slc. i drive from out of state, but he is the closest provider for me. you have to get ahold of fillcentersusa(.com) to make an appointment. you cant make an appointment directly with his office. hope that helps you.

as do you! are stats are very close. great job to you too!

159.2 yeah, that is 159.2! i cried this morning, and jumped up and down and did a little dance! i have never been this weight before. i dont think ever in my life. all i ever remember weighin in high school is 175. and then i gained and gained. but i have lost! its been slow. sunday will be my 2 year anniversary for my band, but i am so excited. i am thisclose to my goal! sweet!

thank you all so much! it has been a big re-motivator for me. i am excited again! i have struggled these past couple years. at times i wondered what the hell had i done to myself? its still a struggle for me. just last week i was thinking, i am gonna get this whole fill out and just eat a damn cheeseburger and fries. but i didnt. still want a burger and fries, lol. and then, things like this make it all ok. i had been stuck bouncing 162-165. it seemed the more attention i paid to it, the more i bounced. so the last week about, i just gave up. quit trying. quit obsessing. and viola... oh i am so happy! thanks again!

thanks spideymom for the name of that site. i am still trying to get things figured out, but that seems to be a forever thing, isnt it? went last week for some blood and work and am still waiting for the results. how do you, if you do, know when your medicine is helping or you are just having a good day? i guess you dont really, huh? i have been feeling better since sunday. but its weird, i have more energy and am able to do more, but at the same time i feel tired. its strange. thanks again to everyone for responding.

omg, i laughed so hard at that! how perfect.

i wish i was normal shaped too. even with the amount of weight i have lost, i have such a weird shape that i havent really been able to buy smaller pants. and let me just tell you how funny i look! to fit my waist without producing the biggest muffin top of all time, my pants are way too big in the legs and butt. and its just getting worse! i cant wait for my tummy tuck and lipo!! i have really slimmed down up top, my chest and arms are nice. my legs are nice. (all relatively speaking, at least tons better then they were!) but my stomach area...OMG! while it is smaller then when i started, its still nasty. love handles like no other, big ol' rolls. and now we are adding some new rolls just under my boobs that didnt used to be there. all i can say is thank god for plastic surgeons! elcee, i feel your pain! its very frustrating.

i have to remember to DO something, even when i am hurting this bad. i havent pushed myself to do much of anything beside the normal day stuff...take care of kids and go to work. when i get home i just want to collapse on the couch. but then it hurts even worse to get up! but you all know that, lol. i am going to start to at least do some stretching every night. i did go out with the horses last night. didnt ride, but i did halter the 2 yearlings and then the baby. rubbed them down and walked them some. it felt good to be outside with them. i am just having a hard time staying positive. all along through my aches and pains all these years i always thought, one of these trips to the doctor, they will figure out whats wrong and fix it and i wont hurt anymore. and now i know that it isnt going to happen. just really sucks, ya know? i am tired of feeling like this. thanks for letting me vent/be a waa baby.

thank you so much for all the replys! i have been having a hard time with all of this. it was nice to read your responses. i have been reading up on fibro, just trying to get a better understanding. i have been hurting more then ever before the past week or so, but yesterday was better. and today seems to be so far too. i had been taking cymbalta for depression but was changed to pristiq (sp?). the doctor thinks that because i was on cymbalta i had my fibro more or less under control. and now that i am not taking it i am having a flare up. like i said, i have never hurt like this before. my husband is having a hard time with it. he has never been very understanding with my aches and pains. and that isnt changing now. he is a "buck up and deal with it" kinda guy. its very frustrating. i push myself to do things so he doesnt get mad/upset with me. but then i pay for it and hurt so bad and he just gets more frustrated. i wish there were a way i could get him to understand what this is like.

megster- i agree that seems like a lot of calories. but you have to take the op's stat's into consideration. maybe she is at a weight that, while it seems high to you, its just right for her, ya know? sweetz- have you recently got a fill? what changed for you that now you cant eat? are you now eating more Protein then before and just not hungry as often? have you tried changing up the foods you are eating? just a few things to think about. hope you find the help you need.