desertmom

Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........
 
Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good.
 
This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds.
 
My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building.
 
My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair?
 
No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal.
 
Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)

So i have realized that I am obsessive about weighing and measuring and proteins and carbs and my poor family is on a diet and have been since I have started the crazy measuring and weighing of everything in July.
 
I now have given myself a week off.And just now my 11 year old and myself will be going to the beach and we will have hamburgers on the beach for dinner tonight.
 
And we will be going out a few times this weekend and I will eat whatever,but not too much.
 
This is the only way I am going to find this satisfaction level that I had with what I was eating for the first 4,5 months.This also prevents me from nibbling and constantly looking for something nice,which I still dont know what exactly that is.
 
So,I will be relaxing a little until Sunday which is monday here and then I am going to start low carb and ruthless exercise program to gt rid of this last 38 pounds.

This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do.
 
You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again....
 
Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think?
 
The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again.
 
 
Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.
 

lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years.
 
When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life.
 
My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect.
 
And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way.
 
It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast.
 
So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now.
 
Weight 205 today!

When people talk about crossover addiction we all think booze right?
 
Well 2.5 months after my surgery,while having stress that topped anything I've had in the past 10 years,I started smoking again.
 
I have stopped smoking.In order to run off the rest of the pounds I've had to quit.
 
Of course I am eating like a horse now,but it is just a day or 2 then that is over too,and I will not post weight for a while.I give myself 2 weeks,one to gain little because I am eating rubbish and one to lose it again.
 
The only bummer is I seemed to have pulled a muscle somewhere around where the hamstring attaches to the butt muscle or something like that.I've tried jogging every few hours to reliev the stress and somehow hurt the muscle.So I will stand plank and do sit ups and v-sits if I can.
 
I have been very angry with myself for getting myself caught up in the smoking as it is super hard to not eat wayyyyyy too much when you quit.So,I kept on trying to lose fast so I could get to goal and then quit but that jut caused me more stress,I needed to quit now.
 
So,this is me for now.When I am over the crazy eating to stop from smoking I will post again.
 
O,and FYI I can eat so much more than I ever thought.No pain,no discomfort,nothing!Will have to mak myself a 20 galon can of tea and drink that for th rest of this day!

today I will take some pictures for the first time post op.Its been 5 and a half months now that I've still been avoiding the pics.
 
My kid took some the morning of surgery (and some the morning after).
 
I might even post them if I can see a difference.Being very body dismorphic doesnt make life easy.I have to see myself with my mind and not really my eyes as my eyes still see me almost exactly the same,but with a lot more wrinkles and drooping skin.My head tells me 88 pounds is a significant weight loss.
 
S,lets see how brave I can be!

today I will take some pictures for the first time post op.Its been 5 and a half months now that I've still been avoiding the pics.
 
My kid took some the morning of surgery (and some the morning after).
 
I might even post them if I can see a difference.Being very body dismorphic doesnt make life easy.I have to see myself with my mind and not really my eyes as my eyes still see me almost exactly the same,but with a lot more wrinkles and drooping skin.My head tells me 88 pounds is a significant weight loss.
 
S,lets see how brave I can be!

211 pounds

212 pounds.Started the exercise thing a while ago and the weight just stalled.It almost made me stop again.However the jellyfish thing doesnt do it for me any longer so now I exercise...lol
 
Whenever I drink a multivitamin I am thinking of food all day and extremely peckish!I hate that feeling so now I have gotten kiddie chewies and eat 2 in the morining,2 in the afternoon and 2 much later.That way the appetite is not affected so badly!
 
 
This is not so easy.I am starting to understand more and more that certain factors will make us want more food.And I am not talking about head hunger.This feeling when I drink the vitamins are physical not doubt about that.
 
The question is how to deal with that.I believe that snacking on carrot sticks and cucumber (blegh!) and frozen mixed veg (yummie,it is green giant mix of green peas,green beans,carrots and sweet corn...low in cals great taste when frozen!) will be ok eventually.
 
Doing plastics,according to my dr,will reduce the amount of fat cells I have and will also help with the rate at which I will pick up weight in the future.He atill maintains if I did the plastics 7 years ago after losing 120 pounds,I would not have regained so much weight again.
 
I cannot wait to be under 200.I stopped right at 200 (ok,was 198 for about 15 seconds) when I had the band,
 
My friend is exercizing with a personal trainer.He said he would give us a "family package" and come to our house to train my daughter,my friend and me.I am thinking that kind of spoils the fun...should be at the gym!
 
Will start trying kick boxing or body combat again in a while.Most important is to start pilates reformer again.Best toning one can ever,ever do!
 
Ok, enjoy your food everyone!

I am one month out today, and I am so pleased with my sleeve so far. I have really recovered well and so far I have lost 11.2 kgs or 24 lbs
 
I tried on some clothes yesterday so i could work out size-wise what i need to keep and chuck out and was SO pleasantly surprised that I will have to buy new clothes sooner than I thought.
 
I'm still swimming about 6 days a week and I'm really getting in lots of protein, some days I'm even over 100 grams.
 
I have a few issues with BM but have found a helpful laxative tea, I am still a little sore if I try and lift something I shouldn't and getting in water is a bit of a chore.
 
However, my recovery as been so smooth, I really have nothing to worry about. I really think my surgeon Dr Abdulsalman Al Taie did a fantastic job, my incisions have closed up so quickly and my soreness has been extremely minimal- he went in ,cut , stapled and got out with very little trauma to my insides. I am thankful I don't have nausea at all, or acid issues.
I think I can safely say I LOVE MY SLEEVE!

232.7 today.I like!
 
Eating less works!
 
xxo

237 this morning! Thats 50 pounds!
 
On the downside I had a little very diluted wine last night and heartburn at 4 this morning.So,I am now finished with alcohol.Dont need it anyway.BUT I also added acidophyllis and a B12 sublingual and a folic acid to my vits last night.That,with the wine and a not low in fat pork sausage,might have just freaked out my poor stomach.
 
Will wait 1 day then start back,one by one,the following:
 
1.multi vit in the morning with acidophyllis.
2. Calcium + magnesium citrate at lunch
3.B12 a 16:00
 
Will see how it works.I am a very undisciplined person that is a real scatterbrain and tend to forget stuff way to often.Will try to be good!
 
On the food side.I think I am losing because I am eating very little.Having said that there is the odd day now that I dont make my proteins and should step that up a little.
xxo
 
 
 

O,I forgot to mention the weight today.I am 238 pounds today.Almost 50...almost!!!!!

I saw the physician today.My blood pressure is still high.It i because I am smoking.Yes,I became a secret smoker again thia months.Will stop this week.Stupid to start again as It really doesnt help for the stress.At the moment I feel it is adding to my stress levels.So,I will make a day and just quit cold turkey again.Serves me right to suffer through this.
 
We did my bloods and I got my Vit D injection as it was very low way before surgery.Will do B12 sublinguals but he says injection is better.It is just soooo painful.
 
I am losing exactly 2.2 pounds a week.No more and no less.
 
Have made appointment to start exercising with someone so no more excuses for that.
 
I feel good and I dont think I am eating badly at all.Enjoying what I eat and trying to be satisfied with the amount.It seems to be working to be very mindful about the eating.
 
For this last month before the holidays I want to lose a little more.Hope that adding exercise,especially more cardio,will help.
 
Still no answers on the visa for the move so the stress is quite constant as it is now almost end of school year and uni has finished already.Am trying to be ok with not knowing anything but struggling a little with this,thus the smoking...and that is my excuse and I'll stick with it.LOL
 
xxo

This morning I weighed 240.I know it might bounce back a little and I am prepared for that.
 
I am just so happy that the scale is moving again.
 
xxo

This morning I weighed 240.I know it might bounce back a little and I am prepared for that.
 
I am just so happy that the scale is moving again.
 
xxo

So I needed to do a little emotional eating tonight and decided a half cup of wholegrain/flaxseed spaggetti with green pesto and a little feta cheese whould be it and boy am I paying for it.I have pain in the lower left side of my stomach and I am foaming big time.
 
I just dont have a cue (hickup or sneeze) when I am full like some people do.I did hickup when it was o late though...lol
 
This is not nice.I should know better.I try to never eat to much and have never felt like this since surgery.
 
Now I am paranoid about stretching my stomach,stupid I know.Next time I will stick to my protein and veggies and have a sf ice lolly to self sooth when needed.
 
Life's become so complicated since I had this surgery...so many changes like moving to either the US or UK in 2 months (not knowing drives me nuts) and then my sweet old aunty died today and now I will have to decide if I am going back to South Africa for the funeral and abandon my 11 year old while she had to compete in 2 international gymnastics competitions with an injury.
 
The thing is I think wasnt neccessarily easier before...I just ate my way through all the problems and it did give me great comfort....now,nothing!
 
Anyhow,at some point I will have to find not addictive coping mechanisms.And I know I will.
 
This sleeve is so far the best thing thats happened to me...I would have gained another 30 pounds in the last 2,5 months if I didnt have it.
 
xxo

Tip for newly sleeved.Listen to the wize people that says start exercising immediately.
 
Now that I have started I can see how much more wobbly I am than befoe.Previously when I had to exercise from day one I was muxh more toned by the time I had lost 40 pounds.My legs are especially soft and now hat I have started I dont know why I didnt do it before.
 
Will start doing weights this week to see if I can catch up a little.
 
For some reason I am sure the weight loss will start moving again as well.
 
xxo
 
Ps.for some of the comments The speed with which your food passes depends on what it is and how much fibre is in the food.That is why I am eating more fibre.Maybe salad doesnt have nutritional value but it for sure helps me not be as constipated and it gives me great pleasure.Mind you I now add other stuff like grilled veggies too as I like it and I have missed it so much.I cannot oly eat proteins.My serotonin levels goes vwry low for some stupid reason (always have) if I cut out all my carbs.so unrefined carbs like veggies seems to do the trick for me and I am a happy sleever.I will start tracking calories burned the moment I get my new BODYBUGG.MInd you will try the old one until it gets here.
 
If I burn 500 additional cals per day while eating 800 I will lose weight,I know this for sure.
 
xxo

Recently I have come to understand that I am more stubborn than most people on earth.
 
1 cup of food is tooo much.Repeat, a whole cup of food is too much.Even if it is 2 oz of protein and lettuce and salad veggies....it is still too much.I feel too full after I have finished it,even with a break in the middle.
 
So,back to half a cup or 3-4 oz depending on what it is.
 
I will learn.
 
Today was a good food day.I have decided to stop the snacks and it wasnt difficult.Now I just have to get through this evening without snacking and I will be good to go.The exercise program is also taking shape now and I am/will exercise every day.
 
Now for the next ten pounds.
 
xxo

Recently I have come to understand that I am more stubborn than most people on earth.
 
1 cup of food is tooo much.Repeat, a whole cup of food is too much.Even if it is 2 oz of protein and lettuce and salad veggies....it is still too much.I feel too full after I have finished it,even with a break in the middle.
 
So,back to half a cup or 3-4 oz depending on what it is.
 
I will learn.
 
Today was a good food day.I have decided to stop the snacks and it wasnt difficult.Now I just have to get through this evening without snacking and I will be good to go.The exercise program is also taking shape now and I am/will exercise every day.
 
Now for the next ten pounds.
 
xxo

Well its been 2 1/2 month since my surgery and today i went to my medical dr. and weighed 350 lbs. i weighed 442 back on Oct 2011. By the time i had my surgery March 5th i weighed 417lbs, So now i have lost 67 lbs since my surgery and 92lbs since Oct. Many more to go

so for the past week I have been exercising seriously.With that goes the weight that gets stuck even though you expect to lose load just by sweating..lol
 
I am learning to make peace with the slow weight loss.I srill second guess myself all the time about food but I guess I am doing fine when all is said and done.
 
Now I just have to keep it up,eating good proteins and fresh veggies.
 
xxo

First,Takingmylifebacc,of course we will lose.We just need to be patient.
 
Tonight the topic came up again.Move,when,where,university,school,US/UK? And without realizing what I was doing it I told everyone it was time for bed.When the kids were in bed (and the grown ups in the villa too) I decided that I felt like something nice.I had heard that people will have some peanut butter,a tablespoon full I thought.But alas,me being me that wasnt enough.
 
I actually got some fat free or sugarfree cool whip and scooped the frozen cool whip like ice cream in a bowl,topped it with the spoon of peanut butter, climbed into a hot bath and slowly finished it all.AND THEN I FELT AS SICK AS A DOG!In fact I still do.
 
This sleeve is the most amazing thing.I will either learn or I will feel terrible...and it is great!Of course I will learn,I am not unteachable or stupid...mind you a week or 2 back I posted something similar I think...ok,so I hope I will learn!LOL
 
Emotional eating is a terrible thing.It has ruined my life for many years.Now that I cannot eat I often feel like I am so bored and I am searching for something.I will have to start exercising a lot more to help counter these feelings.
 
But,the sleeve rocks.Now that all this emotional stuff will be there all the time while decisions are made and with the move (difficult thing to do,very difficult this has been our home for 10 years,we love this crazy place) I will not be able to make myself fatter just sick if I dont listen...lol.but i will learn!

Again!
 

254 today!