desertmom

This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good!
 
I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why.
 
I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy!
 
The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to.
 
Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments.
 
O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol
 
Time to get moving again.

It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
 
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
 
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
 
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
 
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
 
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
 
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
 
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
 
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
 
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
 
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

179.7 pounds this morning.
 
Eating off plan once every 2 weeks seems to help every now and then.When I was on Atikins if I stalled I would have a plate of spagetti bolognese and voila,the weight would drop.Should just be back on plan immediately the next day though.
 
Happy me!!!!

This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good!
 
I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why.
 
I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy!
 
The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to.
 
Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments.
 
O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol
 
Time to get moving again.

So here we are on our way for another weekend away at the beach.At the moment I have a bad cold and flu.Didnt take any meds until just now.
 
I got some loritadine with pseudo noreffedrine (or something like that) Wasnt sure what it would do to my tummy and an hour and a half later I know it still doesnt like meds.Will take some nose spray and panadols from now on as I dont like this full swollen feeling I have on my tum now.
 
The fabulous thing is I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE now for aver a week.I think for the first time ever.After the sleeve I never once didnt feel like earing,now I just cannot even look at food.The bad thing is for the first time I am not getting enough protein and seeing as my hair is still falling out at 8 months,this is a bit of a worry.
 
Because I have severe bathroom issues since the sleeve my main focus is protein with ispagulla husk and vitamins as I am not absorbing the vits very well at all.When some labs looks ok,others drop.After reading some newish studies on iron deficiency 3 years out,I am very concerned about this.Iron supplements causes constipation for me and I cannot take it at all as an addition.Now,trying to eat enough food with enough iron seems quite impossible at the moment.When I eat enough iron rich veggies,I cant get enough protein.When I add the fibre supplement,it keeps me full for hours and hours and cannot eat enough of anything.
 
We dont find fibre gummies here and to import it I will have to permission from the ministry.Which I will tackle next week as why cant I just order it online and import it?There is a list of banned medications as long as life itself and I will have to check and see if fibre gummies is on the list...lol
 
I sometimes dont think people in the US realize how lucky they are to have all the resources that they do.Life is so much harder without some things.
 
At least the hotel food sucks so badly (really bad food for a 5 star) that I wont be tempted to eat too much.What is a challenge for me is the pina quiladas that I like way too much.Dont like other cocktails so am not tempted but this place makes a mean PQ.And the weather is stunning.Hot,but not too hot,clear skies!
 
This morning my weight was 188.Slow now,but at least coming down all the time.
 
I also finally arranged to work out with the personal trainer from monday next week as the holiday is around the corner and I am still like jelly!Hope I can at least tone some in the next 6 weeks.
 
Sometimes I do worry about the long term problems I see people have with the sleeve.Many have iron issues and others have GERD.I pray that the Lord have mercy on me as I dont know if my very expensive private expat medical insuarance will ever pay for anything related to the surgery.It is not always non compliance that causes complications sometimes its just bad luck.But it surely seems like a very fine balancing act to get enough protein,firbre and the correct amount of every vitamin we need.I think maybe drinking a protein shake every day forever might help some of the issues but not all of it.And not ever eating the food that I know will cause reflux (lots of experience with this and food does make a huge difference even though some people will not admit it)
 
Ok,long update.But quite necessary to see I have to go and get those protein pancakes with fibre that I made for breakfast (its almost dinner time here) and eat them.It feels somewhat aurreal to me to have to force myself to eat.Wish it could stay like this until goal!

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
 
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
 
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
 
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
 
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
 
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
 
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
 
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
 
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
 
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
 
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!

So here we are on our way for another weekend away at the beach.At the moment I have a bad cold and flu.Didnt take any meds until just now.
 
I got some loritadine with pseudo noreffedrine (or something like that) Wasnt sure what it would do to my tummy and an hour and a half later I know it still doesnt like meds.Will take some nose spray and panadols from now on as I dont like this full swollen feeling I have on my tum now.
 
The fabulous thing is I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE now for aver a week.I think for the first time ever.After the sleeve I never once didnt feel like earing,now I just cannot even look at food.The bad thing is for the first time I am not getting enough protein and seeing as my hair is still falling out at 8 months,this is a bit of a worry.
 
Because I have severe bathroom issues since the sleeve my main focus is protein with ispagulla husk and vitamins as I am not absorbing the vits very well at all.When some labs looks ok,others drop.After reading some newish studies on iron deficiency 3 years out,I am very concerned about this.Iron supplements causes constipation for me and I cannot take it at all as an addition.Now,trying to eat enough food with enough iron seems quite impossible at the moment.When I eat enough iron rich veggies,I cant get enough protein.When I add the fibre supplement,it keeps me full for hours and hours and cannot eat enough of anything.
 
We dont find fibre gummies here and to import it I will have to permission from the ministry.Which I will tackle next week as why cant I just order it online and import it?There is a list of banned medications as long as life itself and I will have to check and see if fibre gummies is on the list...lol
 
I sometimes dont think people in the US realize how lucky they are to have all the resources that they do.Life is so much harder without some things.
 
At least the hotel food sucks so badly (really bad food for a 5 star) that I wont be tempted to eat too much.What is a challenge for me is the pina quiladas that I like way too much.Dont like other cocktails so am not tempted but this place makes a mean PQ.And the weather is stunning.Hot,but not too hot,clear skies!
 
This morning my weight was 188.Slow now,but at least coming down all the time.
 
I also finally arranged to work out with the personal trainer from monday next week as the holiday is around the corner and I am still like jelly!Hope I can at least tone some in the next 6 weeks.
 
Sometimes I do worry about the long term problems I see people have with the sleeve.Many have iron issues and others have GERD.I pray that the Lord have mercy on me as I dont know if my very expensive private expat medical insuarance will ever pay for anything related to the surgery.It is not always non compliance that causes complications sometimes its just bad luck.But it surely seems like a very fine balancing act to get enough protein,firbre and the correct amount of every vitamin we need.I think maybe drinking a protein shake every day forever might help some of the issues but not all of it.And not ever eating the food that I know will cause reflux (lots of experience with this and food does make a huge difference even though some people will not admit it)
 
Ok,long update.But quite necessary to see I have to go and get those protein pancakes with fibre that I made for breakfast (its almost dinner time here) and eat them.It feels somewhat aurreal to me to have to force myself to eat.Wish it could stay like this until goal!

It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
 
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
 
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
 
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
 
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
 
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
 
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
 
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
 
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
 
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
 
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
 
We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
 
We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
 
Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
 
See you all next week!
 
 

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.
 
Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol
 
The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.
 
It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.
 
At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.
 
I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!
 
And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!
 
But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.
 
So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.
 
I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.
 
Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
 
But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
 
I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
 
And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
 
Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
 
And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
 
Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
 
I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!

this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.
 
Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol
 
The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.
 
It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.
 
At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.
 
I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!
 
And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!
 
But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.
 
So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.
 
I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.
 
Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.

I have not posted in a while. I have been pretty depressed with my weight lose. I know part was my fault because I was not exercising, but I have been so tired with no energy! I finally forced myself this week to join the gym. I have my best friend and my sister join with me so if one is unable to go the other will be there sooooooooo that makes me have to go!!! I am only able to do 1.25 miles right now but that is better then nothing and OMG the elliptical is WAY!!!!!!! out of my league right now. I was only able to do 2 minutes on that.
 
I went out and bought 5 new shirts (1x size) WOOHOOO.... because my best friend told me I was starting to look like dumpy because they were getting to big on me LOL...... so I found some good sales! and teased her when I lose some more weight she will have some new shirts! I just hate to buy items when I wont be wearing them very long ( I hope!!!!!)
 
We have planned a trip in January for 10 days to Kauai!!!
I am so excited to go to Kauai, but I sit here and worry about clothes and what I will have to order because there will not be any stores that will be carrying shorts and swim suits in Dec. I dont know what size I will be and if I order items off the web will they fit, will I have to return them or what??? I don't like to order off the web much because unless you try them on you dont know how they will look or feel. Crossing fingers my goal is to be under 200 by then!
 
All I have to say, don't give up! All the other post and blogs from people about how much they lose and how fast! I think as long as I am losing even 5lbs a month is better then nothing!