salsa1877

Okay I am as tight as Scrouge McDuck today. I have had a TERRIBLE time with TERRIBLE pain everytime I eat. I called the doc today to reschedule my fill (they wanted me to come in on Jan 21- uhhh NO!) and talked to the nurse about how tight I am. Her suggestion is that I should come in. Again I am 5-6 hours away with a terrible snowstorm blowing in to the mountain passes as we speak. However there is a bariatric surgeon in the neighboring town so I may call them tomorrow and see how much it would cost for a tiny unfill. If it is cheaper than flying over, I may do it. After eating my egg this morning I thought I was going to die. I just got through with dinner and it wasn't much better. I was doing fine for the last few days, but today this band just tightened up like there was no tomorrow. I usually am not hungry but today I actually got hungry (growling tummy and everything) because I just couldn't get food down. It is funny, I don't normally feel hunger in my stomach, but I can tell when I need food because it feels like my eyes are starting to sink in to the back of my head. I know, BIZARRE! Hey but I am an odd duck anyways! I was at 348 calories before I got some chicken pureed in alfredo sauce down. Normally I wouldn't eat as much alfredo sauce, but I wanted some calories! I am going to go to mushies for a few days and see if I can get that to work. If I have to go to liquids at any point I am going in to get an unfill. I really don't see how people would want to be this tight. I guess to each their own. Pizzicato - So I think you got my opinion on being too tight. I just can't do this way tight thing. I think you are doing MARVELOUS! We are always going to have mental lapses and times when you are feeling down. I had that feeling just this weekend. Today I feel much better...well except the fact that I can't eat anything. GRRRRR Well I am going to sit and watch tv. I am taking a night off from exercising. I just don't have any energy after the first day back at school!

Okay I am as tight as Scrouge McDuck today. I have had a TERRIBLE time with TERRIBLE pain everytime I eat. I called the doc today to reschedule my fill (they wanted me to come in on Jan 21- uhhh NO!) and talked to the nurse about how tight I am. Her suggestion is that I should come in. Again I am 5-6 hours away with a terrible snowstorm blowing in to the mountain passes as we speak. However there is a bariatric surgeon in the neighboring town so I may call them tomorrow and see how much it would cost for a tiny unfill. If it is cheaper than flying over, I may do it. After eating my egg this morning I thought I was going to die. I just got through with dinner and it wasn't much better. I was doing fine for the last few days, but today this band just tightened up like there was no tomorrow. I usually am not hungry but today I actually got hungry (growling tummy and everything) because I just couldn't get food down. It is funny, I don't normally feel hunger in my stomach, but I can tell when I need food because it feels like my eyes are starting to sink in to the back of my head. I know, BIZARRE! Hey but I am an odd duck anyways! I was at 348 calories before I got some chicken pureed in alfredo sauce down. Normally I wouldn't eat as much alfredo sauce, but I wanted some calories! I am going to go to mushies for a few days and see if I can get that to work. If I have to go to liquids at any point I am going in to get an unfill. I really don't see how people would want to be this tight. I guess to each their own. Peaches - I have the barium drink everytime I go in for a fill. Since my doc does it under fluoro, we drink it everytime. It is bad, but not as bad as I remember it when I had an upper GI a few years ago. Plus I don't have to drink nearly as much! Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Janet- Thanks for the compliments about being a teacher. I hope that I have inspired some kids. I actually know that I have. Several students still keep in touch from last year and I have grown close to 1 in particular. Her brother died just before the beginning of school last year and it was tough on her family. I spent a lot of time with her and her family. They are wonderful people, but I was an outsider as I didn't live in the community so they could open up to me more. The town only had like 500 people in it and her brother died in a drunk driving accident (his friend was driving drunk and he was ejected from the car). A lot of people were very judgemental from that small town and so they needed someone to turn to. I happened to be that person and we have forged a great relationship. In fact I just went to see her at college the last time I went home. It is so great to see her so happy and successful after such a tough year. Mango - I hope those hives go away quickly. You probably have already said this, but what grade do you teach? Oh I have one more question. There is a lady that I am being "band buddies" with. Janet she is the one that I told you I PM'd because she was eating a cheeseburger with bun at like 11 days out. Anyways we have been chatting and she wanted to know if anyone had problems with their ports being irritated. Hers i being irritated by her bra when she sits a certain way and seems to be poking out when she walks at 3 weeks out. My port is below my ribs and is no where near my bra so I didn't have any answers. I pm'd her back to find out where her port is, but I said that I would ask if anyone had issues with this, and if so how long did it take to get used to it. Well I am going to sit and watch tv. I am taking a night off from exercising. I just don't have any energy after the first day back at school!:notagree

So I got in another workout last night. Didn't get in the two that I wanted to, but I did find that one of the workouts on the Biggest Loser DVD will allow me to workout in the mornings before work and NOT wake up the entire building. So now I can workout 2x per day even during the work week. That will make my life easier. I am really starting to like working out. I feel bad and kind of ucky if I don't.

Janet- I too thought she was talking about us, but I didn't care. Someone needed to school those people. Jackie - I went to those boards before I had the surgery, but I thought well if something goes wrong then at least they can most likely fix it. If I had continued going down the path that I was with the weight, it was going to get to a point that I wasn't sure that I would be able to fix it. For me the benefits WAY outweighed the risks. Mango - During last school year I too got hives everyday for about the last 3 months of the school year. My doctor pretty much drugged me to get me through the end of the year. I was at a different school and it was HORRIBLE! The principal was the worst person I had ever met in my life. She literally walked into my classroom and in front of HIGH SCHOOL students told me outloud that I couldn't not take a sick day to see a psychiatrist. Yep that is right...she actually said that. But that was last year and my principals this year are phenomonal. Oh yeah, and what is a bathroom break? I don't think I have had one since I started teaching! I take my lunch early during my prep period so that I can tutor kids during actual lunch. I try to take a duty free 30 minutes but even as I type I have students from another class in my room. They are good kids, but still you can't escape them. I acutally am feeling much better about my job. I think part of the misery was the amount of time that I was putting in topped with the stress of being unfilled. I didn't realize how stressful that was. This is the first time that I have been back to work since being filled and it makes a night and day difference. Besides I am trying the three positive comments that Janet suggested to me to make me be happier. It worked for today...it WILL work tomorrow. Lunch is over! Chat later

Janet- I too thought she was talking about us, but I didn't care. Someone needed to school those people. Jackie - I went to those boards before I had the surgery, but I thought well if something goes wrong then at least they can most likely fix it. If I had continued going down the path that I was with the weight, it was going to get to a point that I wasn't sure that I would be able to fix it. For me the benefits WAY outweighed the risks. Mango - During last school year I too got hives everyday for about the last 3 months of the school year. My doctor pretty much drugged me to get me through the end of the year. I was at a different school and it was HORRIBLE! The principal was the worst person I had ever met in my life. She literally walked into my classroom and in front of HIGH SCHOOL students told me outloud that I couldn't not take a sick day to see a psychiatrist. Yep that is right...she actually said that. But that was last year and my principals this year are phenomonal. Oh yeah, and what is a bathroom break? I don't think I have had one since I started teaching! I take my lunch early during my prep period so that I can tutor kids during actual lunch. I try to take a duty free 30 minutes but even as I type I have students from another class in my room. They are good kids, but still you can't escape them. I acutally am feeling much better about my job. I think part of the misery was the amount of time that I was putting in topped with the stress of being unfilled. I didn't realize how stressful that was. This is the first time that I have been back to work since being filled and it makes a night and day difference. Besides I am trying the three positive comments that Janet suggested to me to make me be happier. It worked for today...it WILL work tomorrow. Lunch is over! Chat later

Well I am back at work this morning and actually am a little relieved to be here. While my job isn't the greatest, I do like the rigidity of the schedule. It forces me not to have to think as much about when I am hungry, when I should be drinking, etc. Actually, to my surprise when I came back to work, my principal had followed through with some of the promises that he made. He is desperate to keep me here next year. So I know have 2 TA's that I know are reliable which will help me with the amount of time that I will spend at school, because they can do the copying and cleaning. Also I was given a 2500$ budget to order new supplies because WE HAVE NONE which will also make my job a bit easier as I will not have to modify every little thing that I want to do. And finally, they are sending me to a conference to help with the new grading system that we are implementing. I really do work for great people. That has never been the complaint here. My principals are the best I could ever hope to work for. Wow I am tight this morning. I am typing here while I am trying to eat some eggs and holy cow they do not want to go down. I just had to throw them away because I am having TERRIBLE pain in my chest. Oh well, I wasn't really all that hungry anyways. Well I will check back after school. Normally I check during my prep period, but I have a lot to do. I didn't grade tests during break so that is what I am going to be doing for the next few days.

Thanks, I needed a little support. Yesterday i just felt ugh, for lack of a better word. I really do think that most of it has to do with the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow. As for eating out, we go out a lot. My BF and I just share a meal and I never eat very much because I can't account for all of the calories. He does most of the cooking and most of the time he will fix things that work for me. It is just the last couple of days that he has done nothing but gorge himself and it is probably due to the fact that he is very very sick. He seems to be back to normal this morning. But Janet you are right, I know the struggles that I am going through because of my unhealthy eating habits and it frustrates me when other people just sit there and stuff an entire medium pizza down their throat. It will be better after I get through the first day back to school. Also, I am not craving anything specific, especially ice cream. I love ice cream but ever since surgery I can't eat it. If I do I have a lactose intolerant reaction to it. I can't drink milk either. cheese, cottage cheese, and yogurt are alright, but milk and ice cream are a NO NO for me. It is more that I just want to get to a point that I dont have to over analyze every single thing that goes in my mouth. And actually it does get easier. I was on Atkins for 2 years and I guess it did start getting easier for me. I am sure this will too. As for my body type I have 2 VERY distinct rolls with my belly button tucked neatly between them. I would really like to lose that damn top roll. All of the shirts just seem to cling to that one roll. So I can't wear my pants at my waist because otherwise my top roll sticks out like a sore thumb. So I have to find high waisted pants that will help mold the two rolls into one! Camp shirts are my favorite too, but again mine are all too big. I really don't have many clothes left that I can wear and I can't really afford to go buy new clothes right now. I need to go get a presser foot for my sewing machine and see if I can attempt to tailor my old clothes. I usually go through my clothes on Sunday's because I try to lay out my clothes for the week. I am too tired to make decisions at 4:45 am. And you are right about the thin material that just shows off everything. I really need clothes with structure. My back fat has almost gone away I have a few little bumps around my bra line, but most of my weight is front and center. My skin is starting to take a hit too. Yikes! My belly looks like my grandma's belly did when she was 95! I have read and heard that it can take up to a year for the skin to catch up, so there is hope. There is no way that I can afford to have plastic surgery nor do I really want it. As long as I can find clothes that make me look alright I will be fine. Here is a funny NSV. I told my BF to sit on my computer chair last night because I thought there was something wrong. I thought there was a lump because my butt hurt when I sat on it. He said, no there is nothing wrong with the chair, and I realized that it was that I had lost so much fat off my butt that I was sitting on my tailbone. I didn't even think I had that much fat on my butt, but I had to fold up a blanket on my chair because it was painful! Well I have to finish getting lessons ready for tomorrow so I will talk to you all later.

Don't get me wrong, he was 1000% behind me having the surger and is very proud of what I have accomplished. It is just that in the last couple of weeks he has made some bad choices on what to bring in to the house to eat. Not to mention that we have eaten out WAY too much. He got a couple of bonus checks from work and loves to eat out. We haven't gotten to do much since we moved over the mountains and the town that we live in sucks. We don't even have a bowling alley! I am just frustrated with how much food he is eating and the types that he is bringing in. His feeling toward the surgery is that it is perfectly fine as long as he didn't have to change anything about the way he lived or ate. Up until this point there hasn't been a problem. I am just feeling tired and want the eating and exercising to come a little bit easier. I am afraid to put my guard down for a single second. I analyze everything that goes in my mouth and I am just wondering if there ever come a time when we don't have to put SO MUCH thought into everything we do. Does it ever just start coming naturally? I seriously have not had a single meal that is bad for me. I have had a few cookies, some pie, a piece of cake and part of some cheesecake since August 9th. I have never had a meal that wasn't completely band appropriate except for the pizza that I attempted to eat tonight. And even then, pizza is food, and I ate the meat before anything else. I just didn't want the pizza to be honest. I wanted something that was heatlhier and ended up eating some chicken that was left over from the homemade chicken noodle soup last night. I think part of my issue right now is the apprehension about going back to work on Monday. I didn't do any grading over the break which means that I have hours of it to do Monday and Tuesday. Plus my BF has been sick for like the last month and I am slowly coming down with it. I have been depleted for energy. I got in my workouts today, but I also had to take a nap both yesterday and today. I have only taken a nap once or twice since having surgery. Before then it was my weekend ritual. I am sure I will feel better tomorrow. Today is just one of those days.

Two more workouts in today. It was tough getting them in with my football today but I got them in anyways. DVD is getting much easier. Still not easy, just easier.

Janet - Yeah on the jeans:whoo: :clap2:. I tried on a pair of size 12 jeans and they fit, but didn't buy them cause I needed shirts more than pants. To prevent losing my posts (cause mine are normally long) I usually highlight everything and copy it before I go to post. That way if I lose it, I can paste it back in the window and try again. Oh and you mentioned earlier that you didn't want to just settle at the weight that you were at now, and I feel the same way. I just think I was becoming too obsessed with the scale and in reality it is now about the size that I want to be. I can comfortably wear size 14's and I still want to get to at least a size 10. I can pretty confidently say that I am out of plus size clothing, but I am still large in the chest area so that is where I am having the problem finding shirts. The plus size fits through that area, but is waaaaaay to big everywhere else. The regular size shirts are snug through that area but fit perfect everywhere else. I have gone down a bra cup size and I am hoping for one more, but I don't know if it will happen. Phyl - Go SEAHAWKS!! It was getting to the point that I was going to start throwing shoes, but Hasselbeck finally got his butt in gear and prevented me from flinging my shoes Lindaa - If the seahawks don't win next week I will be rooting for Brett, but not a moment before. BlueEyedBaby - I don't think that anyone on this board has an exercise challenge going. My exercise numbers are from the August board, but that doesn't mean that you can proclaim whatever number of days or sessions that you want and then have us hold you accountable. I have decided to do exercise sessions because I want to do 2 a day when I am not working. I didn't do a great job the last 2 days but I did get my exercise in today. I only did 1 exercise session each the last two days. I just put the numbers in my signature. Feel free to copy mine and change it to fit your needs. Well I really wish that whoever has decided to camp out in my brain and tell me that I need to eat would just wither and float away. I have had MAJOR head hunger today. Janet today is my day to feel ugh about the situation. Basically I just feel tired of always fighting the good fight. Sometimes I just want to rest. Don't worry I won't. It isn't that I want to eat bad foods, I am learning to really like the foods I am eating and enjoying exercise, I just want to not always be worrying that I am doing something wrong, or eating too much. I have read that it takes six months for new habits to set in and be natural. Maybe once that happens I won't feel like I am always on the defense against food. I know it will be a life long struggle, but I am hoping that maybe it won't become such a struggle. Also doesn't help that BF decided to order pizza tonight. I tried to eat it, but after 4 or 5 bites I got stuck and decided it wasn't worth it. He is actually kind of pissing me off right now. He won't exercise with me, eat healthy with me or do really anything that would support me, besides listening to me babble on about the band, and even that he is getting sick of. Fortunately I am not a big candy eater, because he has done nothing but hit the after Christmas candy sales. It seems that all of the pounds that I shed he gains. It shouldn't frustrate me, but I just feel like he is almost trying unconsciously to sabotage the work I have done. He doesn't want me to get very skinny because he is more attracted to thicker women. He told me from the begginning that he wouldn't change his behavior. He doesn't care if he gains weight and he said he did enough exercising in the military. So I knew this going in and up until now it hasn't bothered me one bit. I think it is because I am feeling tired with all the work that I have done, and just wish that he would do something to help me out. Thank god I have you guys, cause I don't think I could have been as successful without you.

Dave I saw news reports on freezing weather and Florida and thought of you out there walking. I don't like walking outside anyways and where I live it rarely gets above freezing during the winter months, so I REFUSE to do it. Got in another workout with Bob and the folks with the Biggest Loser. I am getting much better with that video. I didn't get in the second workout, but I will tomorrow. My BF is pretty sick right now and I am thinking that I am starting to come down with it myself. I took a nap for the first time in a LONG time. Before surgery I took a nap everyday. Now they are pretty rare. I guess that is a good NSV! Everyone is doing great. Keep up the good work.

Dana I too am a teacher and I am a little worried since I got my last fill. However, if you find that it is taking too long, maybe you could spread the food out a little bit. I teach high school so I can eat during my prep period. However, if you don't have that time, maybe you could take some softer foods that you can eat a little quicker: refried Beans, pureed tuna fish and mayo, split pea Soup. That way you can eat a little faster and they should stay with you for a while. I know that I have had tuna or refried beans for the last few days during lunch because I need to test how this is going to work when I go back to school on Monday, and I don't seem to get any hunger than I did with eating regular foods. Also, for the first few days I would take some things with you that are small and that you KNOW you can eat in case lunch doesn't go down as smoothly. I KNOW that you need a lot of energy to teach so maybe a little Peanut Butter or a Protein Drink or anything that will keep your body energized if you can't eat. That way you won't be worrying the entire morning that you aren't going to be able to finish your lunch. Believe me, for those of you who are not teachers, anything that adds additional stress to the job makes you feel like you are NOT going to make it! There is enough stress in teaching that you dont' need to worry about starving! Hope this helps. Let me know if you find something spectacular that works. I may need some suggestions next week. Enjoy the last 2 days of break!

I am sure that we have all had this feeling. But here is something that I can attest to from first hand experience. When I had to be completely unfilled, it was a great eye opening experience. I always thought that maybe I just paid 17000 to get in a mind set. That maybe this band wasn't doing anything because I had never felt restriction. Then after 42 days of being unfilled, I realized that this band is a tool that we SHOULD use. Are we going to abuse it? At times probably, but I think that we do that with all tools. Our car is a tool that we use often, and abuse a lot, but I don't think that I would stop using it because I was afraid that I was going to become addicted to it. I live a mile from work and should just walk, but I don't. That in a way is an abuse of the tool (the car). Our washing machines are tools. We could wash our clothes in the sink (I did this during a very POOR time in my life) but does that really make sense? I could list the tools that we abuse, but I am certain that you get the point. Fills are a very personal thing (just like the entire journey). They are both physical and psychological. For me they instill fear. I don't ever want to be as tight as I was after this last fill. Some people LOVE the fact that they can only eat 1/4 cup of food. IT MAKES ME MISERABLE! I did this for health reasons and from a scientific point of view, eating that few calories and that little food is not healthy. I saw on one post that if we are 35 pounds overweight that we have an additional 126000 calories to spare. However, despite the phrase "calories in, calories out" there is a lot more to food than just calories. There are other nutrients (sugar, fat, protein, vitamins and minerals). So what I am trying to say is that if you feel like you need a little fill, then I think that is fine. Remember with all the last diets we relied so much on ourselves and we couldn't do it. We need help. We need the tool. Does everyone? Nope. Does that make us weak? I don't think so. I just think that means that we have different needs than other people. Some people need to use a wheelchair because they are amputees (my grandma was) and I don't think she was weak. She could have used crutches to get around like some of her friends, but that wasn't what was going to work for her. It is just a tool that makes our lives more normal. It helps us reach our fullest potential. As for plateaus...they will probably come and this is where the band is so helpful. Remember those 42 days that I was unfilled and whining like a baby about the scales being stuck? Yeah it sucked. But I knew with the band that it was not going to be like this forever. I have had dreams where I have gotten on the scale and it has actually read (175 lbs and you ain't goin' any lower). Seriously I have had that dream and that fear. But then I wake up and realize that while it MIGHT happen, it most likely will not. Here's the thing for both of us to realize. We are getting pretty close to our goals so the weightloss is going to slow down. In fact I am at the point that I am ready to throw my scale away because I really don't care if I lose any more weight. If I stayed at this exact same weight but I lost size I would be happy. So my advice is that you get a little fill. If it is too tight you are fortunate enough to go in and have a little taken out. Your doctor seems supportive so if you go back to him and say "Mentally I can't handle eating 1/4 cup of food and this is going to derail my efforts" I think that he would take some of the fill out. You have amazing dedication and you should be proud of that. There are going to be lapses in judgments and moments of despair. We are human. Doubts are going to creep into our heads, but this is when the band needs to be the tool that we rely on. Think about what would happen if you didn't have the tool and were worrying about similar issues that come with dieting. I know I always turned to food. When I got to my lowest on Atkins I had a night where I thought, what happens if I stop losing weight eating like this. For a couple of nights I wondered and worried and then got in my car, drove to Dairy Queen and Burgerville and consumed more food and carbs than you can imagine. My fear not being successful with the diet literaly drove me into failure. Fortunately with the band, it is not going to let you do that. Oh and thanks for saying that I was articulate. I always feel like I am rambling. Remember though I have to translate complicated topics like chemistry into everyday "teenage" language on a daily basis. Well 900 people will probably have responded to your response since I started typing this novel, but I just had a lot to say. You have been a major inspiration in my journey and I am hoping that this will give you a little support. :confused: I believe that you can do this, become healthy and lead a normal life, leaning on the band when you need to: some days it will be more than others.

The biggest loser DVD volume 1 is a GREAT video. It will kick your butt, and you will most likely not get throught the whole thing your first time (or the first 5 times) but it does get better. There are 4 different workouts and Bob (the trainer from the Biggest Loser) is great and pushes you very hard. Today I am going to go get a yoga video so that that I can continue to do 2 exercise sessions on the days that I don't work. However, I can't do push ups and sit ups everytime because my abs are so sore that I could barely get out of bed. I will be doing more abs and sit ups this afternoon, but I still want some variety. As for the gym I am to CHEAP!

While I no longer follow strict atkins, I find myself eating mostly protein. Right now that is all that I can eat and still hit my protein. I am still pretty tight. Here is what I have been doing before the tight fill. If we were having spaghetti, I would have mostly the sauce and the meat but would have like 6 noodles just so that I didn't feel deprived. I can't eat rice (even when I was unfilled). When it comes to carbs, I know that I don't respond well to them, but I will be d*mned if I am going to give them up completly. So now it is just about having a tiny amount. If we went out to eat and there was bread on the table, I would have 1/2 a piece. For potatoes I would have a tablespoon. That way the carbs aren't so high that they are going to derail you, but still allows you to have a somewhat balanced meal. Maybe you could do the same thing with rice. This is just what works for me and you are talking to the queen of Atkins. Before I did the Taliban version (less than 10 grams of carbs) but now I make sure that I get enough so that I don't eventually go on a binge like I have before. The small amoutns are enough to keep my cravings at bay while not derailing the weightloss plan.

I second Janet that you are hillarious. But no problem, I can fling a brick your way any time you need it.

I waited 3 months, but I was overly cautious. I would ask your doctor! Congratulations on making the choice to exercise. Feel free to post here anytime. This is a very motivating group.

Well the pocketbook exercise didn't seem to be very fruitful but I did get in another workout. Despite the sore legs, arms, belly, back and any other body part that is so sore that it is numb, I am getting better at the workouts! I got through the whole thing today. I just need to go get lighter weights. The ones I have are 10 pounds each. They work fine when I am just lifting weights and not using them in cardio! So I am going to get some 5 pounders. I think that will be better so that I can go the whole distance without dropping the weights.

As you can see, I didn't bite my tongue! My band mom (IndioGirl from July Board) and I really felt after much PMing between the two of us that we couldn't not say something! So we did. We may get a bit of flaming for this but I didn't care. Sometimes the decisions we make can now be dangerous. I mean our poor eating habits were dangerous in the past, but they were long term dangers. Some of the things these people are doing are putting them in immediate danger. I was scared to death the first time I got to eat real food. I can't imagine eating after 1 week. Oh well, we all now my stand now!

So this is a post that I made on the July Board, but I wanted to share with my August Board Family too. The people on the Dec board are really having a tough time. Last night I was reading through all of the posts and was amazed that they were eating a week after surgery...and not good choices either. Not to mention the infighting on the board is NOT good. So I sat at my computer for a long time last night and tried to figure out what I had done that made me so successful. And I do consider losing 66 pounds in 5 months a success. After a while of reflection I came to this conclusion. I GAVE UP THE EXCUSES AND STOPPED BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE. Could I have justified eating right after surgery? Yep... I was 5 hours away from home and hungry. I was staying at my brother's house where I had NO TV, NO RADIO, NO PHONE, NO INTERNET and he works 16+ hours a day. But I decided that was no excuse for eating. Could I have chosen to not exercise? Yep...I work VERY long hours and in a very stressful environmnet. But again, not a good enough excuse. Could I have gained a lot of weight during my 42 days of being unfilled? Uh huh! But I knew that I could do it. My doctor and my nurses EXPECTED me to gain weight during that time, but I had made the decision that no matter how hard it was (and it was VERY VERY HARD), I was going to do this for me. This journey is not for anyone else...it is for me. And I am worth any amount of hard work that it took. So this is more to any of the lurkers out there or even those of us that are regulars but need some motivation. Really look inside and decide what you have to do to become successful. This is a lifestyle change and only you can make the change. Your doctor, your spouse, and your friends can be there to support you, but you have to make that change for yourself. I love my band, but more importantly I love the way I have changed. I love the fact that I am responsible for my decisions now. There have been things in my past that may have caused me to make poor decisions, but in reality, I am here because of choices I made. Now I am successful because of the choices I am making. When we blame stuff on others I think in a way it can diminish what we accomplish. I know this is heavy stuff, but I just had to say it here, where people really understand how hard this journey is. I am so glad that there is no fighting on this board. The support here has helped me so much.

So Janet and I have become the tough love givers all across this site! The people on the Dec board are really having a tough time. Last night I was reading through all of the posts and was amazed that they were eating a week after surgery...and not good choices either. Not to mention the infighting on the board is NOT good. So I sat at my computer for a long time last night and tried to figure out what I had done that made me so successful. And I do consider losing 66 pounds in 5 months a success. After a while of reflection I came to this conclusion. I GAVE UP THE EXCUSES AND STOPPED BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE. Could I have justified eating right after surgery? Yep... I was 5 hours away from home and hungry. I was staying at my brother's house where I had NO TV, NO RADIO, NO PHONE, NO INTERNET and he works 16+ hours a day. But I decided that was no excuse for eating. Could I have chosen to not exercise? Yep...I work VERY long hours and in a very stressful environmnet. But again, not a good enough excuse. Could I have gained a lot of weight during my 42 days of being unfilled? Uh huh! But I knew that I could do it. My doctor and my nurses EXPECTED me to gain weight during that time, but I had made the decision that no matter how hard it was (and it was VERY VERY HARD), I was going to do this for me. This journey is not for anyone else...it is for me. And I am worth any amount of hard work that it took. So this is more to any of the lurkers out there or even those of us that are regulars but need some motivation. Really look inside and decide what you have to do to become successful. This is a lifestyle change and only you can make the change. Your doctor, your spouse, and your friends can be there to support you, but you have to make that change for yourself. I love my band, but more importantly I love the way I have changed. I love the fact that I am responsible for my decisions now. There have been things in my past that may have caused me to make poor decisions, but in reality, I am here because of choices I made. Now I am successful because of the choices I am making. When we blame stuff on others I think in a way it can diminish what we accomplish. I know this is heavy stuff, but I just had to say it here, where people really understand how hard this journey is. I am so glad that there is no fighting on this board. The support here has helped me so much.

Hope you don't mind an intruder from the August board. I was unfilled for 42 days and just had my fill redone on Dec 21. During that time, I just kept telling myself that I was not hungry and really focused on fufilling the band rules, even though they really didn't need to be followed. I actually switched to a low-fat version of atkins to kickstart the weightloss. I only did it because I plateaued and was getting hungry by the end. One of the things I had to do was throw out any foods that I shouldn't eat. If my BF wanted them I told him he had to put them somewhere that I didn't know where they were. The band is a tool, but we are always in charge. I am assuming that your lack of fill is not permanent so you have to focus on the present and not on what has been or what will be. It is tough, I KNOW. If you are hungry, eat more veggies. If you do eat things that you know are great, exercise more. I am very proud of my weighloss with the band and the 42 days without the fill showed me that so much of this battle is within our heads. I lost 10 pounds while being unfilled and that was shear determination. I had incredible support from my lap band family on the August and July boards, and their encouragement kept me going. Yes it is terrible to be without a fill, but don't let that excuse keep you from getting to your dream. Hope things get better

Amen to Janet. In reality, we have been reading your responses and were so concerned that we really wanted to add our thoughts in here. There is NO way that I would be as successful as I have been without my lapband family. I actually post on both the July and August boards because I know that I needed help. I have been a very independent person my whole life and it took a lot for me to come and get the advice, help and support that I need. It is very humbling to finally admit that I NEEDED help. Don't burn bridges within your group, someday you may really need them. So I have read most of this thread and I do think that some of you need tough love. Yes some people need to be comforted, but I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive. I am not going to tell you that I think it is good that you are eating after 1 week of surgery. I will tell you that I think that it is good that you are not eating as much as you did in the past, but there are rules out there for a reason. I asked my doctor why some have certain rules and why others have completely different rules. He said some of it is based on their traning and some of it is based on their techniques used. So doctor's have their rules for a reason and what one doctor says may NOT be worth listening too because of the techniques that your doctor uses. Support sometimes does mean telling someone that what they are doing is counterproductive and sometimes downright dangerous. I fully believe that once you are on to regular foods that you need to live life like a thin person. A cookie, A piece of cake, A piece of pie is alright once in a while. But instead of living for the moments to have that piece of food, learn to embrace what you can have. This band is not some new year's resolution that we make and if we fail oh well there is always next year. This is a lifestyle change and YOU have to make it. Your doctor, your spouse, your friends can support you but they can't make the change. This healing time is not just for healing your stomach and the incisions, but it is also a time to start healing your mind. We had major surgery for goodness sakes. There had to be something in our minds that have caused us to want to take this step. For me it was that I didn't want to end up dead like my mom at age 53. I was on the express train to the ill fate if I hadn't changed anything. As you can see from my signature, I have been very successful. What is my secret? GIVE UP THE EXCUSES AND STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE. Last night after reading the posts here, I sat and contimplated for a long time what was making me successful, and I finally came to the conclusion that it was because I stopped making excuses. Could I have justified eating right after surgery? Yep... I was 5 hours away from home and hungry. I was staying at my brother's house where I had NO TV, NO RADIO, NO PHONE, NO INTERNET and he works 16+ hours a day. But I decided that was no excuse for eating. Could I have chosen to not exercise? Yep...I work VERY long hours and in a very stressful environmnet. But again, not a good enough excuse. Please take this opportunity to reflect on the reason you had this surgery and determine what excuses you are ready to give up in order to have the life you WANT. If you feel like you need some tough love, please PM me or visit us at the July and August band. I love my band, but more than anything, I love the new me. I love the choices I am making and I love the fact that I take complete responsibility for my actions. The restriction from the band has been more liberating than anything I have every experienced.

I've decided to really up the ante on the exercising. I only have 35 pounds left to lose but my belly is still not even CLOSE to where I want it to be. So I figured the only way to change that is to up the exercise. My body is really sore this morning, but I will make it work in a little while. Right now I am going to try to exercise my negotiating skills and try to refinance my surgery. Right now I am paying 667$ per month and 24% interest. That is a huge interest rate on a now 16000 bill!

200 sit ups, 60 pushups and some other weights. I am pooped and going to bed. Talk to you all in the morning.