salsa1877

Steph - I honestly think you made the biggest step of your life today. If you go back (WAAAAAAAAAAYYYY back in these several thousand posts) you will see that I opened myself up the very first time I posted here. I was a closet eater and a garbage eater. Not proud of it, but now proud that I can talk about it and that I am on my way to beating it. Have I beaten it totally...yes and no. I haven't eaten anything out of the garbage can lately, but I did eat cereal at school today as wasn't going to tell anyone...but alas I just did. There are always urges for me to just run and eat something for no damn good reason except that I just want the control. I fear that one day I will wake up and not have food (mother dearest issues!) but I totally understand the wanting to eat more and more and more. You are talking to the girl who would go in with a list to McDonalds with three different meals listed on it with other people's names next to them so that people wouldn't know that I was going to walk home to my apartment and stuff myself with that food until I was in physical pain. You have an addiction, I have an addiction, and most of us here have an addiction to food. And the hardest part about it...we can't just give it up totally. I am telling you that if I could find a way to nourish myself without food, I probably would just give it up, because I can do absolutes...it is the moderation stuff I have issues with I will admit, the last couple of days have been rough for me food wise. While I haven't gone over my calories (i don't think!) I have not made good food choices and I know it is stress. The end of the term is next week, I will be gone for 2 days and had to plan for a sub, my BF got a new schedule and my hair is falling out by the fist fulls, but today I renewed myself. I wrote down what I needed to do, why I was starting to follow the wrong path, and finally why I deserved to treat my body with the care it deserves. I do think that perhaps therapy would be a good idea. I know I need it, just haven't gotten the courage to call yet. I have been through the I don't give a )&$*(%)$ moods, but deep down we really do care and that is what makes it the hardest. We put up that front because we don't want others to see just how bad we are hurting. And sometimes we put up that front so that we can't feel how badly we are hurting. The mind is very powerful and if you can trick yourself into believe that you just don't care, the demons come out in force. Tomorrow is a new day and I never want you to think for a moment that we would ever be dissapointed in you as a person or love you any less just because you are struggling. I am just now learning that it is these times you have to lean on your family...and for me that family is here. I invited you into our family because I say that you were truly a wonderful person who deserved the love and support that I have gotten here. I have read and responded to many people on this board, and YOU are the only one that I have formally invited here. Janet was right in saying that her and Phyl and I have it easy when it comes to food choices. If it isn't healthy, it isn't in my house. My BF for the most part has been incredibly supportive (though he does have his moments!) in only buying junk food that I don't like or cant eat (like ice cream!). I don't have kids to make peanut butter sandwiches for, or get cookies for. For the most part, we don't even have food in the house, except for what I have cooked for lunches. I usually email my BF during the day what I want for dinner and he goes and picks up the ingredients that day. Most of my food is from the produce section or the meat section so I have no reason to have canned foods. You don't have that luxury. So now it is time for tomorrow. Focus on the present and not on the past. Learn to love yourself for who you are today and who you are going to be tomorrow. Do not hate yourself for your past, but forgive yourself instead. Eating something bad does not make you a bad person and I have really had to learn this. Big, big hugs and much love.:eek:

Name: Frangipani Weight loss from day of surgery: 81 lbs Total weight loss: 87 lbs Name: Candle Weight loss from day of surgery: 81 lbs Total weight loss: 111 lbs Name: Salsa Weight loss from day of surgery: 81 lbs Total weight loss: 81 lbs

6 hours and 19 minutes until I have a 4 day weekend. I will make this. Okay it will be longer than that because I have students coming in after school to make up tests, but we are going to ignore those hours. Then it is a matter of getting everythig ready for a sub. But I will happily do that as I don't have to be here on Friday or Monday. I woke up starving this morning too. Actually I woke up in the middle of the night starving but didn't get up and eat. I think that was a mistake. I layed there for at least an hour pissed because I was hungry. That rarely happens to me. I was hoping that I would wake up and not feel starved, but that didn't happen. So for Breakfast I ate my breakfast and half of my lunch. Fill on Monday, fill on Monday. That is my new mantra! Well better get back to lesson planning.

I'm here...just recovering from my day at work. We won't even go there. My car wouldn't start again this morning so I had to get a ride to and from work and my ride didn't leave until 6:15 tonight so I was at work for 14 hours today. AND DID I MENTION IT WASN'T A GOOD DAY! So I didn't get to go to the gym either and I really wanted to. OH well...tomorrow!

That works for me...I was thinking I would go with my real birthday which is July 1st but I like your idea better!

The volleyball game was fun, but I am paying the consequences today. My arms are all bruised up! I did my weight training tonight and a little cardio for a total of 1 hour.

For dinner I had my crustless pizza again, but this time it was much better. Pizza sauce: 1 can of tomato sauce lots of oregano (as much as you want) lots of basil (as much as you want) 3-4 cloves of garlic minced as fine as you can get it "Crust" I use chicken that I grind myself, but you could use any meat. Mix with a little of the pizza sauce Flatten it very thin in the bottom of baking dish. Depending on how much meat you have will determine how big of a dish you should use. Last time I did it in a square baking dish. This time I did it in the big 9x13 glass baking dish. Sprinkle any herbs you want on top. (I did italian seasoning and garlic salt) Bake in the oven until the chicken is done (10-15 minutes depending on the thickness. Add the rest of the pizza sauce (or as much as you want) Then top with your favorite toppings: I had onions, green peppers, mushrooms and turkey pepperoni (honestly couldn't tell the difference!) Top with low fat cheese (I use the new weight watchers cheese and it is really good!) Calories: Each 4 ounces of lean chicken is 100 calories (I think I used a little under 1 full pound but forgot to measure so I will count it as a full pound), and the cheese is 90 calories for 1/3 of a cup (which is what I used on the entire pizza). I think the pizza sauce is 70 calories total for the entire amount, and the turkey pepperoni is 70 calories for 15 pieces ( I used 30 on the entire thing). So obviously the amount of calories depends on the toppings and amounts that you use. This is a very healthy modified version from my atkins days. Before I made this with a mixture of hamburger and italian sausage, full fat cheese, pepperoni, canadian bacon, sometimes bacon, and everything else that is not healthy. And to tell you the truth, the veggie toppings are so yummy on their own that I REALLY can't tell the difference and this was a staple in my diet on Atkins. Healthy really can taste good. I did see that they had low fat canadian bacon so if you like that you could do a ham and pineapple pizza too. I also make a chicken meatloaf tonight but I haven't tried it so I don't know how that worked out. Will let you know tomorrow. I did my workout at the gym. It really did help my muscles feel better. Who knows how they will feel in the morning. Nighty night.

I think that is a HUGE number! Sure I have lost 80 pounds, but in percentages you are 7% ahead of me!! You have a great attitude and are really looking at it in the right frame of mind. You are almost there!! Congrats!

:huggie: Big hugs for my mommy. I know what it is like to hate your job!!! I hope things went a little better for you the rest of the day. It is alright to not be smiley all the time. We would think you were a little odd if you didn't have your rants sometimes. I don't think that I could have a mom who was perfectly perky all the time...It would weird me out:biggrin2: I think I overcame most of my food demons today. I had to come home and take a nap and now I am trying to convince myself to go to the gym. As you can see I am on here and not at the gym so I think I am losing this battle. It is just a weight training day and I have all the stuff I need at home so I may just do it here. I am just so sore. I know that I have to work through the pain right now, but DANG this body feels battered and beaten! Well I am off to finish my dinner (going to have to post the recipe when I have more time cause it is yummy and healthy!)

Holy cow! That is amazing. I am down to less than 20 pounds to go. I get my fill on Monday and I am hoping that it does the same thing for my weight loss as the last one did. This time I am going to be mentally prepared to be on soups for 3 weeks though. The last time I got a fill I was so tight and ended up getting slightly unfilled, but now I am back to being able to eat a horse! I hope horse is low-fat!

OMG:scared2::smile2::scared2:I am so sore today I can hardly move :cursing: The volleyball game went well last night...I had a diving save that scored us a point and gave me a prize floor burn on my knee!:biggrin: I love battle wounds. I have HUGE bruises on my wrists. Apparently I was passing the ball with the wrong part of my arms. Oh well more battle wounds to show that I actually did something.:thumbup: Oh and by the way WE KILLED EM! So the reason that I am sore is from the biggest loser workout that I did and I started at beginner!!!!I am scheduled to do another one tonight and the thing that they kept repeating over and over and over again was to just keep pushing yourself even when you are sore because eventually you will work the soreness out, but I can barely go to the bathroom:blink: I can already tell that today is going to be a struggle food wise. I didn't sleep well last night (even after all of that exercise) so I am exhausted today. I have really found that being tired is my worst food trigger. 6 days until fill...I can make it!! Need to check my other threads and then get busy grading! Almost the end of the trimester, so it is crunch time for me and my kids. Fortunately I am gone Friday and Monday!!!!!

So I wasn't going to count the game tonight as a workout, but after 1.5 hours of running around and hitting that damn ball everywhere, getting a bruise on my elbow from hitting the floor and a floor burn on my knee on an amazing save that by the way turned out to be the winning score for that game, I am counting it as an hour! I won't take the full 1.5 but I am certainly taking the hour! Nana, when I am on the treadmill I always do things in terms of distance. My knee has been hurting me a little so I haven't been running, but when I first started I ran for .25 miles and then just kept increasing the distance. The last time I was on the treadmill I did 1.25 miles. I've got to get back to the running, I just wanted to get the soreness out of my knee first. Hopefully by Wednesday I can be back in business.

Did an hour at the gym and tonight I am going to play in a staff vs student volleyball game for charity so that should be fun. I am still pretty sore from that workout yesterday!

Judi - Isn't it great when we finally figure it out for ourselves. It doesn't matter how many times people tell us something it only sinks in when we figure it out on our own. My doctor stress from the beginning no soft foods and no liquids, so I never had that issue. I have had so many lightbulbs go on in the last 6 months that I don't even know where to begin. But I am so glad for you that you have found yours. This is such an individual journey, but one that I am glad that I have been able to share with others. and one last thing. WELCOME BACK NANA!!! WE MISSED YOU!!!

First...it is nice to meet you. I think you stopped posting right before I started posting! I have actually been off my depression meds since right before surgery and I refuse to go on them again because of the withdrawl symptoms that I had coming off of them. The main reason for my depression was my weight. But even now and then it would be nice to take some of the anxiety away. I still have bouts of depression. Right now I am in quite the funk because of different changes that have happened in the last week. If you go back a couple of pages you will see that I was a mess last week. I get depressed when I see some people eating and sick to my stomach when I see others. It really just depends on the day. My BF has just started now to worry about what he is eating (for the moment at least), but it was difficult when he was shoving a half of a pizza down his face when I was sitting there with soup. I do get envious of people eating, especially at restaurants. When I am at home I can ignore a lot by doing something else right after I eat, but when I sit there and watch people gorge themselves at restaurants I get bitchy! But then I just look in my wallet and see my six month and before pics and it gives me hope! About my goal weight. When I sat down my doc said I can't see you wanting to lose more than 100 pounds. I have a fairly muscular build. Someday I will take a picture of my leg definition! So he help me set the goal. (by the way , I am 5'5 on a day with good posture and big hair!, 5' 4.5 on a regualr day :drool:) Here is the thing though...I am not going to look like I want to at that weight. So I will get there and then do what I can to firm up this flab. I would stop right now if the two rolls went away! I will be very happy when I get there and really change my focus from weightloss to body shaping. Probably what I should have been doing from the beginning, but really I can't change everything. I figure it is easier to change the way my body looks after I have lost the weight. Otherwise for me it would have been too overwhelming! And the more questions the better. I think it helps each of us reflect and ask ourselves the questions we might not think about. Ask away.

Yes I am very proud of myself too!! It was funny I called by BF before he went to work to share the good news and after celebrating with me for a minute he then tisked me for weighin in early. Then admitted that he too had jumped on the scale this morning. We are both only supposed to weigh in on Saturdays. But he had lost another 2 pounds as well. We both laughed that we cheated on our weighin days but both had good results. As for beating yourself up, I do think that age does have something to do with it. I am not as good as you girls are about not giving myself a hard time. I got to the high end of my calorie range yesterday so was going to make sure to go way low today. How dumb is that. I was within my range so I should be fine. Guilt....GRRRRR still working on that one. Janet I too have found though that somethings are just not worth the calories. We went to some friends' house for a party and I was going to allow my self 1 dessert, but when I bit into it, it just didn't taste as good as it looked. So I just didn't eat it. Lindaa I too love food, but my tastes have really changed. A lot of it is mental, but I will take it. Because i don't eat a lot of sweets when I had 1 piece of Valentine's candy it actually made me kind of nauseous because it was soooooo sweet. If someone told me to choose between my pure protein bars and reeses peanut butter cups, I would probably pick the protein bar, because I just like it better now. Sonya - Good luck with the fill. I get mine in 1 week. I am a little nervous considering how tight I was the last time, but I am going tough it out. I REALLY want to lose these last 19 pounds. See ladies I am motivated again...so much for going into maintenance. Well I have to kick these kids out so that I can go to the gym before the volleyball game tonight. Talk about an NSV, when I mentioned in the emails that we were sending out that I needed to go to the gym before we could get together and practice as a team everyone else in the group said they were blowing off the gym tonight because they would get a workout in the game. It just isn't enough for me. Patting myself on the back for that one! Will check in later tonight or tomorrow!

You know I have thought a lot about this as well for both here and the July board as I post in both places. I was talking to my BF (has a psych degree) and posed a question...Do you think that we are more successful because we post so much here and are accountable not only to ourselves but to others...or are we successful so we post more? I don't know that there is anyway of answering that question now, but I have thought a lot about out. From reading the other threads I have noticed that there are a lot of separate threads and people don't seem to connect as much. In the July board there is one thread where most people post and here in the Auguest there are 3 or 4. I have seen some of the others months where there are 20-30 threads. Another reason for our success I believe is the timing. We were far enough away from holidays and picnics that we could set good habits for ourselves so we knew how to handle it when the triggers and temptations came around. Maybe we also were so sick of wearing long clothes and swimming suits that were made for my grandma that we just figured we had better get it done. But no I don't think you are imagining things...If you look at the busiest boards they are the ones that have the biggest losers (April, July, and August). I honestly believe that it is the bond that we have forged here or somewhere else on the board that has lead us to believe in ourselves and that is the key to this journey. I am blessed to have two families in the August and July boards. I don't stray away too often because these are the people that I am most comfortable with, and whom I consider my family. Great question and AMAZING weightloss!

Holy crap...yes the biggest loser works, but you have to be willing to push yourself because there were times when I wanted to cry. I bought the Biggest Loser Fitness program book. I really like it because it gives you three workouts to use for each level, and gives you a quiz on where to start based on your previous workout level. (My suggestion...start at the beginner level, becuase these are tough!) Also, it describes each exercise along with giving full color pictures and tips of what your form should look like. I am a big fan of the program and the philosophies behind the program so it works well for me. So now for my good news. I broke into the 160's today. To be exact...169.5, but I still saw that 6. Well I best get back to work.

Sooooooooo......Guess what......I know I wasn't supposed to weigh until Saturday but:tt2:......I did anyways:tt2:.... and I AM IN THE 160's. 169.5 to be exact. :thumbup::thumbup::cursing: I was so excited I almost peed my pants. It is a good thing that I had just gone to the bathroom or I just might have! Well I am major busy and I actually started this VERY short post about an hour ago. Prolly won't be on until late tonight because I am playing in the staff vs. student volleyball game for charity. FUN!!!

THey are all correct. Being too tight will slow weightloss just as much as being too loose. If your doc says to tighten the band, tell him NO. This is your body...not his/hers. But you have to do something, because this is not healthy for you. Good luck

My opinion...your cruise lasts for a week (at most), your life much longer. I wouldn't get that unfill. I was totally unfilled for 42 days in November and it was hell. I managed to lose 10 pounds but that was because of serious will power and staying away from anything that could deter my weightloss. You are putting yourself in the middle of a feast and even the most steadfast person would be tempted. At least the band won't let you go too far overboard. Again my opinion...but you asked for it! Plus for a lot of people it takes a lot of work to get to their sweet spot, so my saying would be...if it is not broke, don't fix it.

OMG just look at that ticker. You are almost to onederland. CONGRATS!! You are doing fabulous!:cool2:

There were times when I had only lost 5 pounds but the clothes that I bought just didn't fit anymore. The last time I bought clothes I didn't think I would be close to fitting in 10s because I hadn't lost that much weight, but alas, the 12s were WAY too big. I found that I only shopped at thrift stores when I was really losing weight. Now I will splurge and go to department stores because I think my size has stabalized for a little bit (as I sit here in jeans that I have only worn 6 times that are falling off my rear!:biggrin2:). However go to a department store and try on several different things just to see what size you are. You can't go by the sizes at a thrift store because things have shrunk, been altered, etc. But it will help give you an idea of where you are. That was always helpful for me.

Well of course I am in. I know backwards logic...longer month and less hours of working out! Okay I became more realistic. 30 hours is just not doable for me and my schedule. So I wanted to set a goal that would challenge me but not overwhelm me. This goal means I average 1 hour 5 days a week with some days being longer. I bought the biggest loser fitness program guide today so that I could really learn some proper weight lifting and toning workouts. The gym I go to doesn't offer personal trainers so that is not an option for me. So tomorrow will be my first workout and it is going to be a good one. I am going to beat this body into submission, but shhhhhhhh don't tell it. It is going to be a surprise. Good luck and welcome to all those that are new to us. This is a great and motivating group.

We went out to dinner tonight and I had some chicken fried steak, but it just didn't taste good so I didn't eat very much. But then my BF wanted to go for dessert and I figured that I hadn't eat much so I would share what he had. However, once we got there I really didn't want pie...I wanted fruit:w00t: So I had a fruit bowl instead. Look a mom and daughter healthy food NSV:thumbup: No I don't have to be on soups for 3 weeks (technically only 2 days), but after the last fill experience I had I am just planning for it mentally. That way if it does come down to that I won't be blindsided. And unless it is a fill that is so tight that I can't get liquids down, I would have to wait three weeks because that is when spring break will be. I am so far behind on grading right now that I am taking Monday off to get caught up. I can just feel this terrible headache coming on as I type :cool2: Because I have had to take so many sick days this year I am almost out. As for the gym I went out and bought the biggest loser workout book that shows you all the workouts that you need. I balked at the price of 21$ but then said to myself, you bought a tummy slimmer for 26$ to hide your flab, perhaps you should buy something that will just get rid of it:biggrin: Wow for once I had a logical thought.