salsa1877

My doc suggests 24 hours of liquids followed by 24 hours of mushies. If you are so tight that you can't get solids down without pain or PB'ing I HIGHLY suggest you get a small unfill. Sometimes it takes VERY little to be removed. Being this tight and PB'ing can cause damage to your stomach and the band. Something I am sure you don't want to risk. If it calms down after staying on liquids/mushies I would try solid foods again and see how you feel. If you are still too tight, you should contact the doctor.

Alright for the last day in May I did it up! I did 7 miles this morning and was done by 9 AM. Not to bad of a way to finish the month and start a Saturday!

I use Nioxin now. I wish I had been able to afford it the whole time, but alas...i couldn't. You really need to make sure you use it everyday.

Nuts wreak havoc with my hunger. I was worried about taking the fish oil capsules and I don't think I could get the liquid down. Did your hairdresser recommend Nioxin? Be careful with Rogaine. My PCP said NOT to use it. Yeah the fat girl mentality is a bitch! I can finally look in the mirror and see myself as thin, but if I just sit here and think about myself...I still picture me as fat. Hang in there. It has to get better...RIGHT?:wub:

You probably don't want to hear my answers...but check out my signature! So I am a bit more obsessive than the average person so this is what worked for me. But yes...I am a rule follower. That is just my personality. There are probably people that can be a lot looser with the rules, but I can't argue with my success. This is what worked for me and with my personality. The rigidity and strictness of my lifestyle would wreak havoc for others. The way other people still allow "treats" in their diets would have driven me insane and would have lead to failure for me. This is such an individual journey. You need to find the level of strictness that fits your personality and still allows you to lose weight. For me this was not about losing weight...I knew how to do that...It was about finding me. I think once we get that in our brains it makes losing weight easier.

Please feel free to use me any way you can. let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

I don't think anyone can answer this for you. I am 28 and my belly looks like Jabba the Hut and I needed/wanted a TT. Some things that CAN lead to the need. 1. Genetics 2. How quickly you lost the weight (though I don't think this would have helped me) 3. Age 4. Amount of exercise (though even a trainer told me it wouldn't have mattered) 5. How long you have been fat and the amount of yo-yo dieting. I tell you this much though...I will take my size 4, 150 pound HEALTHY self with Jabba the Hut stomach ANY DAY over the size 24W, 250 UNhealthy self I was 9.5 months ago! Good luck and best wishes on making the best decision for you.

I feel your pain. I truly, honestly do. I am going to be sad tomorrow when I don't get to step on the scale. I don't get my weighins any more. I am doing this on blind faith now...and it scares the crap right out of me. I am glad that you are working on your head health. It is important...I am just figuring out how to do that myself. I have not started adding the fats in. I will next week when I make my menu. Once the menu is written...I don't chage it. Just my personality! So next week... I will add them in. I tried adding in nuts earlier, but they trigger cravings so I had to take them out. They are still sitting in my kitchen...but I don't think I dare touch them. Maybe I will try again next week.

Why is mine taking 6 hours....Stomping feet and throwing temper tantrum. I am realllllly hoping she overestimated and I can get back some of the money from the anesthesiologist.

I was an emotional eater, a closet eater, a garbage eater (yep...I would throw it away and then dig it out of the garbage and eat it), a compulsive eater, and a "you name the situation, I'll find a reason to eat" eater. To keep track: Food - I wrote EVERYTHING down that I would eat. Start now...this does not require dieting or the band to do this. I would go so far to write down "licked sauce off of fingers while cooking". Then I would go back and read it for the day to see if there was anything I could have eliminated. I also made a menu for the week so I knew EXACTLY what I was eating for the day. This is going to cover the "munchies" section as well. I had to treat my inner fat self as a defiant 5 year old. I don't have children of my own, but I raised my brother and basically raised the daughter of a friend so I know that you can't give into a 5 year old all the time or your life would be a living hell. So I learned to tell myself NO. I couldn't tell ANYONE No before this surgery...now I can. So I made the menu and I followed it. It drove me crazy at first that I couldn't just walk to the kitchen and get something to eat, but it gets easier. I still have days when I want to eat more, but if it is NOT on my menu...my fat person gets told NO. Exercise - I was broke when I first started this journey. I had just plunked down a crap ton of money to move and then I was a self pay for the band. Therefore I did what I could with what I had. I bought the biggest loser workout video and I did that for a while. I would walk or lift weights that I had around. In January I joined a gym and that is when the exercise really kicked up a notch...or 10. I started by walking on the treadmill. I would vary the incline, the speed or both so I wouldn't get bored. Then I started jogging. It was 0.1 mile at first...then I gradually built up. By the end of April I had run my first 5K...last week I ran 10 straight miles. I am currently training for my first 1/2 marathon that will be run on June 29...4 days before my TT! Running has gotten into my blood! I have done eliptical, weightlifting and the bicycle as well. It is about finding something that you can (at best) love doing or (at worst) tolerate. Don't start out too fast...injuries can happen and sideline you...too high of standards can cause you to be at the gym for hours, make you made, and make you want to give up (been there done that!) MUNCHIES: See first section for some tricks. I get out. I try NOT to be in the house as much as possible. I stay out of the kitchen! From our living room I cannot see the fridge or the cupboards so I try not to think about what is in them. I have my Water set out in the front room so that there is no reason for me to go into the kitchen. I don't have kids so I don't know if that is possible for you. I always follow the rules about drinking/eating so if I am drinking...I can't be eating! Again I would write down everthing that I was eating and I soon realized that you could eat 600 calories in 10 minutes but that it takes OVER an hour to burn them off in the gym. Even running 5 miles yesterday...I only burned off a little over 500 calories. For me (since I was a self pay) I put a copy of my financing bill (which is at 24% interest) on the fridge and the cupboard. It kind of diminished my appetite when I would see that! Finally...it takes some self-discipline. I know we all hate to hear it, but the band requires YOU to do the work, say NO, and take control of your life. The band has helped me become a more empowered person. Don't get me wrong...I still have issues, but they are different now. Stress without food This one is tough. I am a teacher and LAST school year was the worst year of my life...It was worse than teaching in the ghetto of Las Vegas...and I didn't think anything could be worse than that. So I ate last year...I ate and ate and ate and ate. This year...new school, new stress...no food. I found that I did feel the stress more. I cried more, I got angrier more. There were days when my students probably wished that I would just stuff my face with a snickers bar so that I would back off of them. I am not sure I have conquered this. If you can afford it...I would suggest therapy. They have WAY more coping mechanisms than I have. I started exercising, talking about my surgery, and coming to LBT. Try to find a hobby...something where you accomplish something...an online game (I play world of warcraft and I can "get lost" there), art, dancing, volunteering, puzzle books. Something that can make you feel like you have succeeded at something. Something that takes your mind away from the situation. I journaled early on and stopped recently....I have to go back and do it. You may find that as you lose weight...you have more stress. It sounds hard to believe, but for me it is most certainly the truth. This is really long and probably very overwhelming, but please feel free to ask anymore questions.

Hey...I grew up in Washington. My dad actually lived in Bellingham for years. I would love to chat with you. You can ask any questions, or I can just be here to lend you a shoulder. 10 days out...how are the liquids going?

I think 3.5-4 months. I know it happened when I was unfilled in Nov. That was what got me through that ordeal. When I lost 50 it meant I was in onderland and I think I got there before Thanksgiving. You are doing very well. Even at the rapid pace I was losing...I never thought it was enough! I think there are benefits to losing it slower. While I am very grateful to have the weight off, my body changed faster than my brain could keep up. It has caused some thinking problems. When I look in the mirror, I finally see a thin person, but when I just sit and think about myself...I still think of myself as a fat person. Without a mirror I can't tell you what I look like. I have no sense of how much space I take up. I hold up my clothes at home (all of which are too big) and I think there is no way I am going to fit in that. We have all been living with the fat for longer than we would like and are impatient to get it off...but it will come. Just keep following the rules, embrace your new lifestyle, and continue to strive for your goal. Karri

It is going to be lonely around here. But I want the accountability so I will start the June Challenge...but someone else will have to take the reigns back in July cause I won't be doing ANYTHING in July. I will be giving myself my birthday off AND my PS wants me to rest after the half-marathon so that it can be ready for the marathon of a surgery! I did get in my 5 miles last night!

Wow...I got tears! Thank you!

There wasn't one thing that I did. I think the biggest mental change that I had was that I stopped making excuses. Let me clarify I finally realized the difference between an excuse and a reason. For example. I currently have a blister on my toe from running. In the past that would have been a "reason" not to run. Now I realize that is just an excuse...a reason to not run would be if I had a broken ankle. I am going to post here what I did do. You do need a combination of exercise and food... though I focused on food first. I lost 50 pounds before I started REALLY exercising. My secret...I followed every rule! 1. I NEVER, EVER drink while eating. 2. Proteins first, veggies next ...and then I was pretty much done! I put 1 cup of food on my plate and I ate that. I never learned to stop when I was full. So I still have to treat myself as a 5 year old child. I give myself what I can eat and that is all I do. Yes it takes a lot of self discipline, but the empowerment you get from telling yourself NO will change your life forever. It has made me a better wife, sister, daughter, teacher and friend. I would overwhelm myself in the past and spread myself to thin. Now I can confidently say no, and things are much better. 3. I never deprived myself of any food so as to eliminate any cravings. The only thing I eliminated was rice because I just can't eat it any more. It gets stuck. And milk and ice cream...gone as well...I became lactose intolerant. I would have spaghetti...mostly with just sauce and ground chicken (my secret ingredient in everything), but I would have 6 penne noodles, just so that I didn't feel like I was being left out. 4. I had chocolate everyday...in the form of a pure Protein bar(that is the name of the bar...but I would stay away from the fruit ones...I thought they were disgusting.) It is low carb, high protein and cut the cravings for sweets, because I had one everyday. I get them at wal-mart. Make sure to look for the 190 calorie ones...not the 300 calorie ones! 5. I ate at 4 distinct times everyday. For my schedule (I am a teacher) it was 6:30, 10:30 (my prep period), 2:30 and 6:30. The 2:30 was the Protein Bar. 6. Shhhhh...don't tell...I did NOT focus on Water. I am a scientist...you dont need 64 ounces of water everyday. Drinking makes me hungry, so I only drink a half hour before I eat. I have to drink more now because I am training for a half-marathon. 7. Exercise...Once I added it, I did walking, strength training, elipticalling and now running. In fact yesterday I just ran 10 straight miles. But that has taken me since January to do that. Take it slow...injuries will sideline you for a long time. Don't over do it because you will get angry at the amount of time you have to spend and stop. Start slowly and start to kind of like it. I still will never LOVE it, even though I train 6 days a week. 8. Set attainable goals. Little things that you can Celebrate. 9. Find what works for you. Not everything I did here will work for you. Find what does and you will have solved the mystery for yourself. 10. Make a menu for yourself for the week, and eat only what is on their. On Friday, if you have followed the menu exactly give yourself one food that you would not normally have, but that still fits in your calorie count. Make sure it is not something that will cause you to binge. I have 1 bag of popcorn. Good luck!

But is that faster than the first time you did it???? I bet it is! We have to look at the postives and I know that is easier said than done. When I first started, I couldn't get below a 15:00 mile. Now I am pretty consistent between a 11:30 and 12:00. I am a turtle...but I can go long distances! Find the positive and exploit that!

Steph - I am really sorry for the curt response that I gave you yesterday. I truly know that you were just trying to help. But if you have read the article above (which for the most part fits me to a T!) I hope you understand where my defensiveness came from. I think I have a place to start now. I really didn't sleep last night. I stayed up pretty much all night trying to find out what the hell was wrong with me. At least I don't think I am going crazy now. I need to finish planning my lesson for the day.

This is a very long article that I found...But I think that it really sheds light on what I am going through. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: Don't Break the Rules! Obsessive compulsive personality disorder, or OCPD, is one of the more prevalent personality disorders in the United States. Approximately sixteen million adult Americans meet the diagnostic criteria for obsessive compulsive personality disorder—that's 7.9 percent of the general population. Rigid adherence to rules and regulations and an overwhelming need for order and personal control are the primary characteristics of obsessive compulsive personality disorder. People living with OCPD are inflexible, perfectionists and unwilling to yield responsibilities to others. OCPD Vs. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) The term obsessive compulsive personality disorder implies a relationship with obsessive compulsive disorder. Some personality disorders are considered to be less severe versions of a particular mental disorder. Schizotypal personality disorder, for instance, is considered to be a mild form of schizophrenia. While OCD and OCPD share some symptoms, the two disorders are unrelated. Obsessive compulsive personality disorder has certain important differences from OCD. People with obsessive compulsive disorder are often aware that their obsessions are abnormal, but are compelled to perform them anyway. People with obsessive compulsive personality disorder, however, believe their need for strict order and rules is perfectly normal. Obsessive compulsive disorder often interferes with the OCD sufferer's success in social and work environments. While people with obsessive compulsive personality disorder certainly have difficulties with social relationships, they usually tend to perform well in work environments. Five percent of OCD cases show evidence of comorbid personality disorder (a personality disorder that occurs along with OCD). Interestingly, obsessive compulsive personality disorder is not the most commonly comorbid personality disorder found with OCD. Avoidant and dependant personality disorders are much more commonly associated with OCD. Symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder OCPD symptoms tend to appear early in adulthood and are defined by inflexibility, close adherence to rules, anxiety when rules are transgressed, and unrealistic perfectionism. A person with obsessive compulsive personality disorder exhibits several of the following symptoms: abnormal preoccupation with lists, rules, and minor details excessive devotion to work, to the detriment of social and family activities miserliness or a lack of generosity perfectionism that interferes with task completion, as performance is never good enough refusal to throw anything away (pack-rat mentality) rigid and inflexible attitude towards morals or ethical code unwilling to let others perform tasks, fearing the loss of responsibility upset and off-balance when rules or established routines are disrupted. Causes of OCPD Men appear to be more susceptible to OCPD than women. A possible genetic cause has been suggested, as OCPD often runs in families. Family dynamics and parenting styles may also explain the frequency of the disorder in some families. One theory suggests that as children, people with obsessive compulsive personality disorder were consistently punished for negative behavior, failure, and rule-breaking, while receiving no praise for success and compliance. To avoid punishment, the child develops a habit of rigidly following rules that lasts into adulthood. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder at Work Obsessive compulsive personality disorder, on the surface at least, often leads to success in work environments. People with OCPD require routine and need to know where they stand in the social hierarchy, and nowhere is that hierarchy more obvious than in the workplace. People with obsessive compulsive personality disorder are deferential and polite to those in authority, whether that person is a police officer or their work supervisor. This characteristic, coupled with their compliance with rules and tendency to devote themselves to their careers often earns OCPD workers the praise of their supervisors. To those seen as beneath them on the social or work hierarchy, however, people with OCPD can give harsh criticism and seem to exhibitself-righteousness. When OCPD creates problems in the workplace, it is often due to two causes. First off, perfectionism and a need to repetitively check minor details for errors can prevent OCPD employees from finishing projects by their deadlines. Secondly, an insistence on observing even the most insignificant regulations, the need to micromanage projects, and obvious criticism and contempt for subordinates, can lead to conflict with, and alienation from, fellow employees. Family Life with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder At home, the obsessive compulsive spouse and parent are often domineering and rude, usually as he or she attempts to hold family members accountable for conforming to rules and unrealistic expectations. Financially, the OCPD individual tends to be thrifty to the point of miserliness, hoarding money for some imagined future catastrophe. This can create financial arguments in the family, in addition to constant conflicts over personal control and independence. OCPD and Internal Strife From the descriptions given above, one might think that the obsessive compulsive personality disorder individual was entirely in agreement with inflexible compliance about rules and regulations. Evidence suggests, however, that OCPD patients subconsciously want to break free from and rebel against rules and conformity, but their intense fear of social reprisals, punishment, and ridicule is too great. Instead, people with OCPD adopt rigid adherence to rules to avoid punishment, even as their subconscious minds rebel against such restrictions. OCPD Complications The conflict between outer conformity and subconscious rebellion is rarely recognized by people with OCPD, and can manifest itself as psycho-physiological conditions, including stress-induced muscle tension, anxiety, and impotence. These unsettling conditions are sometimes the reason the obsessive compulsive personality disorder sufferer initially seeks treatment. People with obsessive compulsive personality disorder are also susceptible to major depressive episodes, due to stress, tension, and social rejection (people often become frustrated with the OCPD sufferer's obsession with rules and behavior). The natural physical and cognitive limitations that come with aging are difficult for the OCPD sufferer to handle, and can also trigger depression. Diagnosis and Treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder OCPD is diagnosed based on symptoms and personal history. As other medical conditions can mimic obsessive compulsive personality disorder, it is imperative to rule out other causes, including: antisocial personality disorder chronic substance abuse narcissistic personality disorder obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) schizoid personality disorder underlying medical conditions. Overall prognosis for obsessive compulsive personality disorder is better than for many other personality disorders. The deference to authority and rigid self-control of OCPD patients can help during therapy, as they are less likely to abuse medication or cease treatment. Therapists need to bear in mind the hidden rebelliousness of obsessive compulsive personality disorder may lead to a subconscious rejection of treatment, even as the conscious mind accepts it. SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, may help reduce compulsive behavior in obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and may also be used to treat depression caused by OCPD. Long-term psychotherapy is the primary treatment for obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Combinations of medication and therapy may be more effective than psychotherapy alone. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is often used, with an emphasis on learning to accept change, uncertainty, and lack of control over certain events. Ideally treatment helps the patient make a transition from obsessive compulsive personality disorder to a conscientious personality type (a non-clinical personality type that closely resembles OCPD). Like obsessive compulsive personality disorder, the conscientious personality type values hard work, thrift, strong moral values and attention to detail. However, the conscientious personality type is more flexible, less rigid, and better able to function than obsessive compulsive personality disorder. While individual talk therapy can be beneficial for obsessive compulsive personality disorder, group and family therapy is more problematic. The OCPD patient will attempt to identify his or herself with the authority figure (the therapist), much as the patient would act towards social or work superiors. In doing so, the obsessive compulsive personality disorder patient distances himself from other group members. He or she may treat them with the contempt and harsh criticism reserved for subordinates and the therapy will be of little benefit.

Becky...So happy to hear to hear the good news!

Updated now that I hit that magic 100 pounds gone mark! Name: Frangipani Weight loss from day of surgery: 91 lbs Total weight loss: 97 lbs Name: Candle Weight loss from day of surgery: 102 lbs Total weight loss: 116 lbs Name: Salsa Weight loss from day of surgery: 100 lbs Total weight loss: 100 lbs Name: Pammycakes Weight loss from day of surgery: 94 lbs Total weight loss: 96 lbs Name: Ceradad Weight loss from day of surgery: 85 Total weight loss: 105 Name: KarenG. Weight loss from day of surgery: 85 Total weight loss: 85 Name: NanaRenan Weight loss from day of surgery: 52 Total weight loss: 72 Name: TexasBecky Weight loss from day of surgery: 98 Total weight loss: 108 Name: SPEBSQSAlady Weight loss from day of surgery: 57.8 Total weight loss: 57.8 Name: Brandottie01 Weight loss from day of surgery: 23 lbs Total weight loss: Name: Bergdorfblonde Weight loss from day of surgery: 32 lbs Total weight loss: 32 lbs Name: Gometros Weight loss from day of surgery: 52.9 lbs Total weight loss: 74.9 Name: Pizzicato66 Weight loss from day of surgery: 71.5 Total weight loss: 83.5 Name: Valstar Weight loss from day of surgery: 52 lbs Total weight loss: 57 lbs Name:Gweniper weight loss from day of surgery: 50 total weight loss: 84 Name: purplegirl1818 weightloss from day of surgery: 73.5lbs total weight loss: 90.5lbs Name: LessNLess weightloss from day of surgery: 56lbs total weight loss: 62lbs Name: JudiM weightloss from day of surgery: 62lbs total weight loss: ?? Name: hf2havefun Weight loss from day of surgery: 35 lbs Total weight loss: 50 lbs Name: Nikki S Weight loss from day of surgery: 102 Total weight loss: 102

This is something that I have sent a few people about what I did. But in reality it was the mental change that happened. That is what made everything below possible. I finally made the distinction between an excuse and a reason. Here is an example. I have a VERY small blister on my foot. I don't want to run so I say I can't because of the blister on my toe. That is an excuse. A poor reason. Now if I had a broken ankle...that is a REASON not to run. Once I clarified that for myself and realized that I had been making excuses my whole life...my life changed. You do need a combination of exercise and food... though I focused on food first. I lost 50 pounds before I started REALLY exercising. My secret...I followed every rule! 1. I NEVER, EVER drink while eating. 2. Proteins first, veggies next ...and then I was pretty much done! I put 1 cup of food on my plate and I ate that. I never learned to stop when I was full. So I still have to treat myself as a 5 year old child. I give myself what I can eat and that is all I do. Yes it takes a lot of self discipline, but the empowerment you get from telling yourself NO will change your life forever. It has made me a better wife, sister, daughter, teacher and friend. I would overwhelm myself in the past and spread myself to thin. Now I can confidently say no, and things are much better. 3. I never deprived myself of any food so as to eliminate any cravings. The only thing I eliminated was rice because I just can't eat it any more. It gets stuck. And milk and ice cream...gone as well...I became lactose intolerant. I would have spaghetti...mostly with just sauce and ground chicken (my secret ingredient in everything), but I would have 6 penne noodles, just so that I didn't feel like I was being left out. 4. I had chocolate everyday...in the form of a pure Protein bar(that is the name of the bar...but I would stay away from the fruit ones...I thought they were disgusting.) It is low carb, high protein and cut the cravings for sweets, because I had one everyday. I get them at wal-mart. Make sure to look for the 190 calorie ones...not the 300 calorie ones! 5. I ate at 4 distinct times everyday. For my schedule (I am a teacher) it was 6:30, 10:30 (my prep period), 2:30 and 6:30. The 2:30 was the Protein Bar. 6. Shhhhh...don't tell...I did NOT focus on Water. I am a scientist...you dont need 64 ounces of water everyday. Drinking makes me hungry, so I only drink a half hour before I eat. I have to drink more now because I am training for a half-marathon. 7. Exercise...Once I added it, I did walking, strength training, elipticalling and now running. In fact the other day I just ran 10 straight miles. But that has taken me since January to do that. Take it slow...injuries will sideline you for a long time. Don't over do it because you will get angry at the amount of time you have to spend and stop. Start slowly and start to kind of like it. I still will never LOVE it, even though I train 6 days a week. 8. Set attainable goals. Little things that you can Celebrate. 9. Find what works for you. Not everything I did here will work for you. Find what does and you will have solved the mystery for yourself. 10. Make a menu for yourself for the week, and eat only what is on their. On Friday, if you have followed the menu exactly give yourself one food that you would not normally have, but that still fits in your calorie count. Make sure it is not something that will cause you to binge. I have 1 bag of popcorn.

Thank you. I just got off the phone with DH...he really is wonderful. We are putting the scale away. I can't keep weighing three times a day. I am beginning to think that I am more addicted to the scale than I am food! And that takes a lot. There really is no way that I am going to gain weight with all the running that I do if I am only eating 1800 calories. This will be much easier to tell when I have my surgery and get to a stable size, but I am going to rely more on just how my clothes fit. While this is a bit dangerous right now because my clothes are all too big, I will be maintaining the running workouts and 1800 calories until surgery. Once the surgery is over, I will be at a consistent size...and this process will become easier. We had a lunch meeting today and we were talking about my size 4s and someone asked me how much i weighed if I didn't mind sharing. I said 150. She said..."I weigh 135 am taller than you and am in a size 6....How does that work?" Right at that moment I realized that the SCALE was really my enemy right now. Weight and size don't necessarily go hand in hand. If I weighed 135 right now...eeek...I don't think it would be pretty! So away goes the scale. I am sure I will have some anxiety and panic over it, but right now I feel calmer than I have in weeks. I needed the "approval" of that scale for so long and now that I am starting to come to the realization that it doesn't matter the number as long as my size stays the same...I can finally breathe. Thank you again for all your patience and concern. You have no idea how much it means to me. I am going to the library tonight to find books on anxiety and see if I can get something that will help me. 2 weeks left of school and then that part will be over for a while. I do need a break. I had surgery just 3 weeks before school started so on top of dealing with all the emotions of the surgery, I had a rough school year (which has gotten much better) and adjusting to life in a new town. It is amazing that I am still sane at all!

Thank you. I think you will be fine if you follow the general accepted guidelines of drinking 1 hour after you eat. Try not to be too scared. I would follow the same rules that you had after your first fill.

I know this is going to come across as defensive...and I don't mean it to be. I know that no one here is qualified to help me and that is why I didn't post it here...or anywhere on LBT. As for my insurance I have a 2500$ deductible of which I have used NONE. So therefore, any treatments that I have for ANYTHING cost me full amounts. I am not kidding you...I have 0.47 in my checking account to last until Friday. DH is frantically trying to find a job, but things just aren't working out in that arena. I would love to go to therapy...but it is NOT in the budget right now. I have 1000$ in medical bills every month, rent, 2 car payments and internet. Money really is a huge issue right now. Not to mention that I have called 3 therapists since being here and after playing phone tag for a couple weeks, they just stopped returning my phone calls. I figured that was a sign. As for UNDEReating...I am not. I eat 1800 calories a day whether or not I like it. As for bouncing around for the last 9 months...I didn't. I never gained a single pound on my official weigh in days. I was down at least 0.5 pounds every official weigh in day. I know that I need to accept that I will gain and lose weight, but yes...even at a size 4 you can still gain weight. I am very happy with my body now...my fear is what will happen tomorrow. When I asked at my in person support group how they handled maintenance they said they gain 15 pounds, lose 15 pounds, gain 15 pounds, lose 15...that is not healthy. I want to be healthy. Yes I know I have an eating disorder. I am addicted to food. But unlike other addictions I can't just quit mine cold turkey. And what is the worst thing about gaining 5 pounds...that I keep gaining 5 pounds...and 5 more pounds. I guess I would ask anyone what is so bad about gaining 5 pounds. Would anyone here want to gain 5 pounds? I don't think anyone would want to go up a size...whether from a 4 to a 6 or a 12 to a 14. I am the same as everyone else...just at a smaller size. LJM and I have a plan to keep each other in check. I am going to send her my daily weight and she is going to send me her daily menu. Then as long as we are both within the guidelines that we have set for ourselves then we are not allowed to panic. I am working on positive thinking. I dug out my cognative behavior books from when I was in Vegas and I have started journaling again. I am sure I will get through this, it is just a momentary lapse. I appreciate everyone's concen and hope that our insurance is better next year. We really have CRAPPY insurance here.

Jody me too...Only I am up 4. For some reason I always weigh more on Wednesdays...then throw in the TOM and it is all whacked out. I ran 4 miles last night followed by a 1 mile walk. My legs are sore today so I think I am going to take the night off. I run 4 miles tomorrow, do eliptical on Friday, run in a 5K race on Saturday, then do an 11 mile run/1 mile walk on Sunday. Yeah I think I can take today off!