salsa1877

OMG Steph...you look like a totally different person. WOW!!!

She actually can't get me in until early tomorrow morning but her suggestion...just eat the sugar. She told me that because the sugar actually makes me feel fuller for a longer period of time and stops the intense hunger pains to just not fight it right this second. She said it might actually result in lower caloric intake because I was inevitably going to break down and eat the sugar anyways. So instead of adding to the calories from the healthy foods she said to just stick to the foods that cut the cravings and hunger...which I guess means crap food. NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT! She was going to call me PS to see if we could lift all exercising restrictions 4 days early so that I could counteract the influx of calories and said she would let me know tomorrow. I think my PS will understand and will be alright with it. We are past the 6 week mark which was her main concern. I know I don't have to absolve my sins! but I needed to get it off my chest. I felt HORRIBLE about it and I haven't even brought myself to tell DH. I know he would completely understand as he was the one that was really pushing to me to see my PCP because something was off. I just feel like such a failure right now. How could I have gone through so much and paid so much money to just let it all slip away. Fortunately now I know that there is a VERY real reason and it takes so much off of my shoulders. So much so that I have just finished the entire first standard (unit) for my class. Once I got the news I busted through it in no time flat. All of my worksheets, keys, tests, rubrics, projects, labs and activities are already to go. Now I am going to start on the next standard and my goal is to be done with it by this weekend. We were supposed to go berry picking across the mountains this weekend but I have 2 jobs to plan for, a classroom to finish painting, and effexor withdrawls to deal with so we decided not to go. Plus DH has a paper and a power point due for his class so it just isn't going to work out. Oh well...maybe next weekend!

So my PCP called me this morning because she has a c-section that she needs to do tomorrow and wanted to know if we could push out my appt. She wanted to know what was going on with the medication and I told her that I was having UNBELIEVABLE food cravings. All I want is simple sugar. I couldn't sleep last night because I was starving and all I wanted was sugar. I tried something with splenda in it because I thought I just wanted something sweet...but that didn't cut it. Well we don't have anything in the house that has sugar in it so I ate 2 tablespoons of pure sugar. Yep...right out of the box. When I told her that she said...you are coming in and we are getting you off that medication. "The next step will probably be alcohol." Those were her exact words. Turns out that these are not just food cravings. It is a severe reaction to the medication but it usualy manifests itself in alcoholism. But since I don't drink alcohol EVER my body craves the simple sugars that alcohol breaks down into. She told me that whatever I do NOT to have any alcohol (including sugar alcohols or cooking alcohol) until we get me off this medication. I cannot explain to you how debilitating these cravings have been. I have been incredibly quiet around here because the food issues have been devastating and I was trying to wrap my head around them. In the last week I have had 3 candy bars and 2 pieces of cake. This is the first time that I am admitting to them. It is the only thing that will make the hunger go away. Imagine going for about 12 hours without eating and think of the hunger that you would feel. That is the hunger that I am feeling constantly. How do I know that it was actual hunger and not head hunger...well...I went for 8 hours without eating yesterday just so that I knew that whatever I felt in my stomach was actual hunger pangs. Then I ate. I was so full that there was a lot of pressure in my pouch and my nose was running like a faucet (sure sign I ate too much). Lo and behold...the feeling in my stomach was EXACTLY the same. When I told the doctor this she just kept apologizing that she put me on it. She said it was a rare side effect but one that is VERY real. I said that when I was put on this medication the last time I had very similiar reactions. I was eating 3-4 candy bars a day and doughnuts by the dozens. I told her that I never said anything to the doctors because I figured I was just a fat slob that didn't know how to control her eating. But now...this is WAY off. I am usually very content with the food that I eat. I love my veggies and proteins and right now I can't hardly stand to eat them because all I want is sugar. So thank you for all of your advice, but it turns out that I have not lost total control over myself like I feel I have. I felt like my world was spiraling out of control and that there was nothing that I could do about it. I now know how a drug addict feels. I am sneaking food again and doing whatever I can to get my next fix. She did say the cravings usually went away pretty quickly after we get off the meds but that it will take about 2 weeks to wean me off. I am not sure what we are going to do but I honestly believe I would rather be uptight, anal, obsessive and throwing chicken sausages across the kitchen then going through what I am right now. Sorry to ramble, but I had to get this out there. Love you all and thanks for the encouragement.

Oh and Janet i will take NO out of my vocabulary but I will insert another KNOW in there. I don't KNOW if I want to spend that much time training. That seems like a lot of work. I love running and I don't want to turn it into another job. Those ladies looked in like they were in agony. I will just be proud as all can be if I just finish the entire thing.

I have tried the gum and unfortunately NOTHING is working right now except plain ol' will power. I am not letting myself eat what I want and I am telling you it is INCREDIBLY hard. I haven't struggled this much the entire time I have been banded. I am waking up in the middle of the night STARVING. Last night I woke up every hour hungry. So at like 3 AM I got up and had 1 low cal string cheese and 1 WASA cracker. I made sure that I ate slowly because I didn't know how tight I would be in the middle of the night. Lo and behold I couldn't even eat the whole thing because I am not actually hungry but I feel hungry. I know this sounds BIZARRE and sounds more like head hunger but it isn't. I have become very in tune with my body and I know what is head hunger and what isn't. For example I am sitting here right now with this feeling in my stomach that I am starving. My mouth is watering because I am nauseated from feeling hungry. My stomach is growling so loud that my Asst. Principal told me that I should probably get some breakfast a few mintues ago. But I just ate about an hour ago and I know that if I tried to eat that my band would not be happy because my pouch is still pretty full. It is like the signal from my stomach to my brain is malfunctioning. Well just a couple more days until I see the doctor and she might have some suggestions. On a good note I did get all of my tests written, my desk organized and almost half of my room done. So now I going to start working on putting the lessons together. This is the fun part!

That would be a NO!! Do you see how fast those women run??!?!? They literaly run twice as fast as I do. They average a 5:20 min/mile. I am LUCKY if I get 10:30 min miles. You all are invited to Eugene, OR on May 3 to watch me run there though!! I actually called my PCP today and set up an appt to talk with her on Friday. My schedule gets WAAAAAAYYYY hectic starting next week so I want to see what she has to say. She may agree to wait until I can start running or she may have another alternative. I figure I am going to fight this head on.

food has been sucky for me lately. I have really good restriction but I have way too much of a sweet tooth (and that is rare for me). I am being really strict about my diet right now but I am hungry almost all the time. I think it is my anti-anxiety/depression meds. This is what happened the last time I was on it before I was banded. I was hungry all the time and made really poor food choices. I am going to hold off going to the doctor until I can start running again and see if it goes away. If not we are going to have to change the medication. This is true hunger feelings. My stomach growls and I get nauseated if I don't eat. However when I feel it I wait for at least an hour to see if it will go away. I drink during that time to make sure that I am not thirsty. I didn't have these feelings before I was on the meds so I am begining to think that perhaps this is the problem. I haven't been under too much stress (except yesterday and this morning with the class numbers!) so I am not sure what is going on. My weight is fluctuating like crazy depending on what I eat. If I eat very many carbs I retain Water and the scale jumps up 5-7 pounds. If I don't eat any carbs then I lose the water weight and it drops back down. My clothes still fit just like they did when I bought them so frankly I don't khow what the heck is going on. I finally told DH to take the scale out of the bathroom and I am back to just weighing 1 time per week. The PS wanted me weighing everyday after surgery so that we could monitor swelling. But I think the swelling is pretty good now so I can safely go back to 1 time per week. Hopefully that way I wont see the wide swings. Serious on Saturday I was at 148 and then Sunday morning I was at 141. Go figure!! I try not to read the side effects of medications until I start feeling something being off and then I will go check them out after I have tried to eliminate everything else. Lots of people claim to have serious hunger issues and weight gain on Effexor as well as water retention. So it could be a possibility that it is the meds. But like I said I am going to hold off and see if the running helps. I don't want to go back to the obssessive/anxious feelings that I had before, but I certainly don't want to start gaining weight. I am going to be working 2 jobs for the first part of the school year so I am not going to have the time to frantically count calories and be as obsessive as I was at the end of last school year so I need to find a happy medium. Well best get back to test writing. I have 1 and 1/2 tests to write and then I am done with the crappy part. The fun part is putting together the lessons and activities. Test writing...not so much fun!

OMW I am soooo not happy right now. This is in no way related to the band or weight but I just have to complain. I have been monitoring my class numbers for the last few days and they have been steadily rising as registration has been happening. Regular registration was Wed/Thur of last week and late registration was last night. When I came in this morning my class numbers were up to 45!!! My teaching partner's numbers...down to the low 20s. Why you ask???? Because parents are refusing to let their kids have him. He taught freshman biology last year and then moved up to sophomore chem this year because we needed another teacher as I was the only chem teacher last year. Ummmmm....I think there is a problem. Obviously if his teaching is that bad (and I personally have never witnessed his teaching) then perhaps we should get rid of him. After all it appears that I am going to end up with all the students anyways. I have a meeting with my Asst. Principal at 9 this morning to discuss it. There was actually an email from him when I got in this morning. He knows me too well. He told me to meet with him at 9AM because he was certain that my head was about ready to pop off if I checked my numbers. Well he was right. This district has a policy that if parents request a certain teacher that they will put that student in that class no questions asked. So while the other teacher has a class of 6 (yes a total of 6 kids) in one class I am figuring out how to hang chairs from my ceiling so that I can fit the little cherubs in here without them sitting on each other's lap! One a side not my classroom is looking great. I promise I will post pictures when I am finished. I still have a bit to do but it should be done by this weekend!

Good luck Monday! Will be thinking about you.

Right now the room is just white...but it is better than the 1970's off yellow that it was! But then tomorrow DH is putting up a mural and I am going to be painting the squares from the periodic table across the top of the wall. Then one of the students that was helping me paint today is going to go to college for cartoon drawing/animation so she is going to come in and make cartoon characters out of the chemistry equipment that we use and paint that on the empty spaces. I will post pictures when it is all done. I should have taken before pictures. My room was hideous!

I had an extensive TT with vertical incision and I lost 4.1 pounds of skin.

I am painting my classroom today and...it is interesting. I have 2 students here "helping" I am pretty certain they are making more of a mess than anything, but it is fun to have them around. They are great students and have a good heart which is always heartwarming as a teacher! Phyl it is hot, hot, hot here too. Once we finish here around 3 we are going to go watch Mamma Mia in the air conditioned movie theater! Then we are going to a brewfest thing at the park next to the theater. That is for DH since I think beer is DISGUSTING. Well I had best get back to painting. I had to stop to eat lunch!

Frangi you are very different from me in your feelings towards more surgery. My girls need to be lifted BADLY but the thought of going through another surgery just isn't appealing to me. It really is the fact that I couldn't run that has me dreading the up coming surgery. My PS told me to wait 2 more weeks before starting running and then I have ZERO restrictions on exercising. So as you can see from my signature...I have my runs already planned out. I am really going to have to push myself. I had a pretty easy recovery with very little pain but you were AMAZING with how easily you got around. I had a wonderful DH who hovered perhaps a bit too much and wouldn't let me do anything. Almost 3 weeks before he would let me drive and then it was just to the grocery store down the block! I am excited to hear about your upcoming surgery and I think you should just stay here. I think you have a great support group on this thread...and plus I won't have to add to my subscriptions!!!

Yes anything means that too. Poor DH. He has been so great and has gotten NO reward!

That is right...check out the new signature. I just got permission to race in all of the following races from my PS today. All I had to do was promise not to run more than 1 mile per day and no more than 3 times per week for the next 2 weeks. Then on August 27 I have permission to do ANYTHING I want as long as it doesn't hurt. I can hold off on the running for a bit if the result is running in three more races within a year!!! YIPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Sorry I have not responded. I have been out of town and now I need to get to work but I will post when I get home tonight.

Technically I still have 2 weeks left of summer vacation...however I go back to work today to get started. I haven't done much and I have a lot of planning to do. I am actually looking forward to going back this year. This is my 5th school year and the 1st year that I am actually excited about school starting. Glad to see that you are back safe and sound. Hope you had a good trip.

I am back and incredibly exhausted...but Michael Phelps will be swimming soon and I CAN'T miss it. I know he already swam but don't tell me the results! I could DVR it but it just isn't the same. I did have a good time and SHHHHHHH I ran a 5K!!! Yep and I did it in 34:32. That is actually a very good time for my first time back. I ran it on my bandiversary as my way of celebrating. Then we went to a Mariner's baseball game. I didn't run the rest of the weekend cause DH got mad that I ran that far and told me that I shouldn't be pushing myself that far. So I start running 2 miles per day tomorrow and we will see how I feel and decide from there when I can progress. I read a lot of the posts but my head is kind of throbbing so I will write more tomorrow.

Well I am headed off to WA for a while. I will be back Monday night. Going to spend some time with my brother. He took today and tomorrow off from work so that we could spend some time together (that means...get up here and help me paint my garage and fence!) Yeah he tried to make it sound sweet but I know better.

Here is the training schedule. I included some of his comments from the book which is titled Run Right Now by Joe Henderson. If you don't have word or it won't open let me know and I will convert it to something else. Half marathon training schedule.doc

Jacqui I just bought a book that is written by a running professor (yes that is a true position) from the University of Oregon. He firmly believes that unless you are a super-elite runner (top 5% of runners in the world) that you should not try to run LONG distances without walking parts of it. He said that is the major reason for injuries. Our bodies were not designed to run for huge distances day after day. So he suggests that you should run no more than a 10K before walking parts. I am going to try this during training. He believes that when running in a race it is alright to run the full distance because it is a one time thing that you don't do often. But during training we put so much pressure on our bodies that we have to give them a break in the middle of the run. I am going to try and do this when I start training for the marathon. If you want I could post his suggestions for the half-marathon training schedule. Sorry to hear about the knee. Take it easy. I was going to run tonight but my tummy is kind of sore so I am going to back off for the day and run tomorrow morning...that is if I can sleep tonight and get up before it gets too hot out.

I absolutely know that running burns more calories than walking. I am living proof of that!! That is why I couldn't stop losing weight when I was training for the half and why I struggle to not gain weight now that I am recovering from my TT. Never did believe the whole low intensity = fat burning myth. Otherwise...I would have been thin as a rail without the band!

Whosya yes it is. Yours is tomorrow! Mine will be on Saturday. I think I am going to break all rules and run a 5K that day as a celebration. I will be back in WA where I had the surgery done!

Janet I am so glad to hear the news. I have been anxious all day and glad that I didn't have to wait until tomorrow to find out. Peaches - If you shake the crap out of the bottle when it is really really cold it should go back to perfectly clear. If it gets too hot the protein starts to coagulate together. If it doesn't go away just strain it out and it will be fine. That is all I used right after surgery. You can mix it in with sugar free jello instead of water and it is actually pretty good. Shhhhh...don't tell....I was a naughty girl today and ran 1 mile with DH this morning. I couldn't help it. It felt so glorious. My lungs were burning, my knees felt a little rusty and my thighs were tingling by the end. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! I will not be running tomorrow as I want to start slowly. I had zero pain and no extra swelling. My binder was on EXTRA tight. Well school doesn't start for us for another month (day after labor day) but I was back in my classroom today. I am hoping that I can get more done if I am sitting there as opposed to my home computer. So far the tactic has worked out. Better get going. DH is waiting for me. I guess we are going somewhere!

Thank you for the kind words. I wrote this once but apparently it got lost somewhere in cyberspace. The worst part of the TT was not being able to exercise. The first week or so I wasn't hungry at all...then watch out. I felt like I could eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. My PS has me on low carbs because for me carbs=swelling. That is how I have managed to keep my weight down. Low carb always worked for me. My PS said to expect a 4-5 pound weight gain because of the lack of exercise. Of course for me that was completely unacceptable so I pushed myself on walking and dieting to not gain the weight back. So far I am fluctuating between 140 and 150. Yes that is BIG swings. When I eat low carb I am around 140...when I don't...well you get the picture. I figure I will be able to go back to more carbs when I start running. I don't eat processed carbs just my Kashi go Lean, WASA crackers, whole wheat bread, and yes...my downfall...popcorn! Congrats on the running. You will be running your 5k on my bandiversary. I am not sure how I am going to Celebrate but it won't be with food! I will be visiting my family in WA without my wonderful DH who has been stuck to me like glue since my surgery. SO perhaps I will sneak out and run a 5K to celebrate! Shhhh...don't tell but I ran 1 mile this morning and it felt FABULOUS. Uggghhh...I missed running soooooooooo much.