salsa1877

I still have a chalk board...Is it actually 2009??? I guess we are a bit behind the time. Okay to be fair I actually have a document cameral and a projector but still...a chalk board????

Holy crap! Apparently I have missed way too much! I can't catch up!!! Help...I've fallen and I can't get up...Oh wait...wrong commercial! Therapy is going good. One of the things that we are working on is how to nurture my 9 year old and 16 year old that are "within" me. No...not multiple personalities, but the ages that I feel when certain things happen. When I feel like I don't have enough of something (food, money, love, etc.) it is becuse I didn't have enough of those things when I was 9. My mom (for those of you who don't know) was f(@$#ing crazy. As a result I had to take care of the whole household and everything that I did felt like it was a life or death situation because in reality it was for a 9 year old. There has always been a part of me that feels like I am 9. So we are working on how to recognize whether I the feelings that am I having or the actions that I am taking are based on my 29 year old self or my 9 year old self. It has been a very interesting time thinking and working on this. I am not making much progress right now but I have just started so I have faith that I will. SO I do have some good news. I know...we always seem to be moving but it looks like we are moving AGAIN, but this time to Las Vegas. Yep...back to the Vegas. It will be after this school year, but you all know that I HATE HATE HATE the community that we live in. It is way too small, way too cold, and I don't like the people. I applied to the Clark County School District on Thursday of last week, by Friday they had contacted my supervisors at my current school, and by Saturday night had requested an interview time. I talked to my former roomate who still lives there and she forwarded my resume to her principal who said to contact him as soon as I had completed my interview. So it looks as it definetly could be an option for me. It will give my DH more opportunities to find a job when he finishes with his teaching degree also. There is no way in the tight teaching market here that we would both end up with a job in the same district or close districts. While I am a little apprehensive moving back to Vegas I am in a much different situation this time. I know people, I am married, I am not in a BAD relationship, and my crazy ass mother isn't trying to run my life from 1700 miles away. Also...i will only live 4 hours from my MOMMY!!!!!! Janet...we can visit when we want!!!!!!! So everyone needs to keep their fingers crossed that I can get a job and get the hell out of here! Well I have been stellar when it comes to exercise. Food...well we are doing better...but exercise...I have been running every night. I am in a challenge with some other LBT'ers and since I have lost the last 3 I REFUSE to lose this one so I have had some serious motivation. Guess dinner is ready and then after resting my tummy for a bit I am off to do my 5 miles tonight. Chat later, Karri

Yeah I hadn't been getting notifications for about 2 days and then...wham... my inbox is full!

The site has been down most of the afternoon! Well I am off to run for 2.5 hours (well...I will walk some) while I watch 24. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that show!

By goodness...with your ideas and my scientific background we could open up a walking liquor bootleg machine. Make the alcohol in the band and then serve it right out of our bellies!!! Instead of a needle we could put in a nozel!!! Pretty certain this would be a HUGE hit in Vegas. We could wear the big fancy feather hats and walk around in stillettos offering cocktails!!!

Tears are running down my face as I type this. That is the funniest thing...and yes while your response was hillarious, it was the responses to your response that caused the tears. If all needed was a meat injector to unfill me...hell I would have run down to Linens and THings before they closed down. Come on Denise you should share your story with everyone how you opened your belly up with a rusty ol' hacksaw to place your homemade band rigged up out of an old garden hose and pvc pipe. Denise...this is why we are education...we have to prevent people from ending up this stupid!!!

I really am glad that I came to the board tonight. I am right there with you all. I have been at the same weight for the last several months and it is higher than I want it to be. Part of me wants to fight to get it down, but another part of me says that I am at a comfortable and healthy weight and maybe this is where I want to be. I have been on liquids for the last several days and starving. I wasn't able to get my unfil because of the flooding but when I finally broke down and ate something tonight I seemed to be OK for restriction. Not great (stil a little tight for me) but perhaps doable. I know that this will always be hard, but I just want it to become more natural. I am not asking for easy...just natural. So I am going back to the same recipes that I ate all last year. I am not going to try and lose weight. I am just going to try and maintain. I won't let myself go any higher but I am not going to fret and stress about going any lower either. Yes there will be daily fluctuations, but in general I am done trying to lose. Right now I am going to maintain. This is never going to be easy but at least we are not alone.

Denise - I totally get it. I don't write referrals bcause there is no way that 1 or even 2 people can handle all the problems of the entire school. I handle the problems myself unless it is something big like a fight. I think if more teachers would do that it would help you focus on the real problems and teachers would actually find out that problems in their classes would diminish if they handled the problems themselves instead of just trying to pass it off to someone else. That is just my experience anyways and it has worked in every school I have been in...Vegas, tiny Central Linn, and here in Redmond. Okay onto my problem... I can't get an unfill Friday. It is MAJORLY flooding in Lewis County, WA and they expect to close I-5 (the major freeway) with in the next couple of hours. That means that I have no way through. There is no way to get to my doctor. So I called and cancelled. WIth my school schedule and the weather in the passes, it could be WEEKS before I get over there again. This totally sucks because it is incredibly difficult to workout when I am on such limited foods. I guess on a good note, my weight is dropping like a rock. 4 pounds in 3 days! Not the way I would have like to lose it, but it will work. Now I have to decide whether to stay home from work or not! I already have my sub plans done and my student teacher is ready to teach one of the classes, so I think I will stay home and play hookie! Well that is my pity party story today!!!!!!

Well I have been away because the school blocked the lapband site. Actually they blocked all "posting" sites. So now I can only get on at home and I have been SUPER busy! I am going in on Friday to get an unfill. I am at total liquids right now. Well...liquids and popcorn! I have to run into the neighboring town and get some things so I will be back later.

Oops I meant to add a couple of things. Steph- I hope your headache is better. Peaches - Those are beautiful quilts. It is something I have always wanted to learn to do. And yes that seems about right for a chicken leg if you remove the skin.

Good afternoon ladies. I am VERY sore today. I ran/walked (mostly ran) 10 miles this morning. It is the first Sunday in January and it is time to begin training for the marathon on May 3. I thought I was dying after 10 miles...that is barely over a third of what I am going to have to do a mere 5 months from now. Guess I had better get my rear in gear! I am getting close to my 150 mark. I was at 151.3 this morning. I need to fix my signature but I have to go into work tonight. We start back tomorrow but I have a lot to get done and didn't want to be there during the day because there were a bunch of teachers there and I didn't want to deal with them. Well I was just informed that my chicken for dinner tonight is still frozen solid so I guess we are heading to the store. Check in later.

There is a bariatric surgeon in town but they charge 350$ for an unfill and they are TERRIBLE! I did talk to my doctor's office today and they said to make it in whenever I can and they will make room for me. I just need to let them know when I am heading over. They are really great there. I am really tight this moring. REALLY TIGHT. I couldn't get down soft scrambled eggs. The last 2 mornings I have been able to. However, if I just have a protein drink I don't stay full for long enough. I get too hungry and then get grumpy. I miss my hearty meals...I just can't eat them now because I am so stinking tight. Hey Steph...I'll trade!! So far it looks like I could take time off of work either next Friday or the Friday after that. On a good note I have been below 1000 calories for the last 2 days. Well I am trying to decide if I should go to Costco or not. Either way I need to get something done this morning. I didn't get out of bed until 9:30!

Hope everyone had a great new year's eve. I fell asleep at 11:52! DH woke me up at 2 minutes after. Well I went to my therapist yesterday. I really like her and will be going back in 2 weeks. We didn't discuss much yesterday but we did the background work. We have been busy which is why I haven't been on much. I am really really sick of being this tight. I need to go to the doctor and get a bit of this fill taken out but the mountains are too covered in snow for me to travel by myself. So...I am not sure what I am going to do. So whenever the mountains are clear enough on a friday (when I can take a day off of work) I will head over there. That could be APRIL! Well I need to finish some lesson plans so I will check in later.

We actually got in late last night and we had a BLAST! We didn't lose or gain anything on gambling so I call it a win! I came back and weighed exactly the same as I did when we left so I will call that a win as well. Now that we are home though all I want to do is eat. I am so frustrated about living here. DH and I are really considering moving somewhere that he would have a better chance of getting a teaching job. The job market here is so tight that when we had a part time math position come up there were 200 applicants for it! So we have been talking about moving to Vegas. Since I have lived there before I now know where to teach and where NOT to teach. I so hate the town that we live in and the problem is that with all the terrible weather we get and the mountains that we have to get to civilization we are really stuck from about October to April. Right now we are just talking and looking at opportunities but I have several friends in Vegas so I would be moving somewhere I know. Well I am going to head for bed pretty soon. I am tired from all the late nights. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Yep..that would be the mountain. Things are looking good here right now. It was in the 40s today. The winds switched and we got air from the south which is blowing the low pressure front to the north of us. Let me tell you...I could become the local weather girl with as much weather I have wathched in the last week! We just got back from the gym. I would love to say that it was a good workout but it isnt'. My tummy is not feeling well. I have been having issues eating over the last couple of days. If I could have traveled across the mountains and gotten a partial unfill I would have. However, it isn't an emergency. I am just sick of getting stuck so often. I think when the weather shapes up I will go over and get some taken out. I honestly think being this tight is one of the reasons that I am NOT losing weight. I am so sick of that stuck feeling that I just avoid the real foods and go for the stuff that doesn't stay with you and goes right through the band. I did much better making good choices when I was looser because everything went down...not just the sugar. It took me hours and several tries to get my breakfast/lunch down today. Not even certain if I am going to attempt dinner. Right now I am going to drink some tea and see if I can get my tummy to not feel ucky. Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Eve.

Woweee...You look fabulous!! Hey...we finally broke into non-freezing territory today...for 20 minutes. Yep...we hit 33 degrees at 3:30 this afternoon and by 4:00 we were back down into freezing territory. Now we are supposed to get hit with a heavy storm again. Vegas is not going to get here soon enough. Hopefully the storm doesn't cause problems with our flight. On the weight front I am holding steady at 152. I am making good food choices, but can't get to the gym. So if I can keep up with the food and finally get to the gym perhaps I can get below 150 and stay there. That is my goal. Get and stay below 150. I did get new jeans tonight and they are still a size 4! Well we are going to play a game so I will chat later.

Well it is -8 degrees here and our pipes have frozen. I am done with this weather. When I was fat the cold didn't bother me. Now...I can't handle it. I had my electric blanket on HOT all night and still couldn't get warm . We have 2 heaters on and it still won't get above 60 in the house. On a good note the new way of eating seems to be working. I am starting to become okay with my weight (between 150 and 154). Yes it is higher than I wanted but I seem to maintain really well there without too much effort. I haven't been able to get to the gym because we have over a foot of snow on the ground and frankly it is not work risking my life to go to the gym. I have been doing the wii but in reality it isn't strenuous enough for me. I have been writing in my food journal not just what and when I eat, but why I have been eating. It is interesting. I have had 1 cookie each night and I realize I am eating it not because I necessarily want it but because I see DH eating them and I don't want to feel left out. I think that is why I have a hard time with food at the monthly parties that we go to. I see everyone eating and if I don't then I feel left out. Since I have always felt "invisible" my entire life, I feel like if I do the same thing as everyone else then I won't be so invisible. Wow...I have a lot of work to do with the therapist! Well I am going to clean the house in case we need to call the owners! Keep your fingers crossed that the pipes don't break!

So I only had 1 cookie yesterday before I typed my message. But we will not talk about what happened afterwards. I kind of had a melt down. I was frustrated after watching DH eat a BUNCH of cookies and when he went out to get milk, well...I ate and ate and ate. Then I went to bed feeling terribly guilty and horrible about myself. But knowing that I didn't have to get up early today I read the entire book that was on the website I posted yesterday. WOW...did it hit home. I am still a fat person. Not physically anymore...but I am still a fat girl in a thin body. My attitude toward food really hasn't changed. I pick better choices usually and I physically can't eat as much but the reasons that I eat have not changed. My motivation to eat has not changed. And lately even the food choices have not been good. So I read the book with some hope and by the end I realized that this is definetly what I need to do. I am glad that I am going to a therapist cause I don't think that I can do this on my own. But I am going to try to start in the next two weeks. The major point of the book is that we often eat for comfort and not true hunger. To be honest, I haven't felt much real hunger since being banded...but in the last 4 months I have been hungry for a lot of things. Mainly I am bored and frustrated. Even though I spend hours and hours and hours at work doing something, it is not challenging my mind...just my patience. The work doesn't challenge me. It is just monotanous and tedious. I love working with students and when I am actually teaching and doing something that I feel is productive then I have no desire to eat. However the last 2 days the students have been doing research in the library and I have been "starving". I have eaten WAY more now than I normally do because I am so damn bored. Then there is frustration. I am frustrated with so much right now. Mainly the people that I work with, but also with what is going on at home. DH is going to school and trying to get his teaching license and the program is so terrible that it frustrates me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and when things aren't fair or just I get frustrated. I can feel the frustration in my body. I am always tense and non-confrontational me has yelled at several people over the last several weeks. I am pretty certain that there are some customer service agents that wish that they had not taken my phone call! Things are really bad at work and any time I try to say or do anything to fix it, there are a couple of people who tell me that I just need to "play nice in the sandbox." Well I am sick of it and since I can't really say anything anymore I turn to food because at least when I am eating I don't have to deal with the problem. The issue is that I am consuming WAY more calories than I need, I am eating more than I want, and I am reinforcing the use of food to make me feel better. There was one major part of the book that I really liked and that was the part about being selfish. Basically it says that we have come to believe that being selfish is a negative aspect, but in reality, thinking and caring about yourself is more imporatant than anything else. We don't consider babies to be selfish and yet they exist for themselves only. I can't ever remember a time when I put myself first...except for last year when I was losing weight. My PS changed a lot in me. Others made me feel selfish for having the surgery because it wasn't necessary for health. Comments have been made at work and as a result (because of my upbringing) the negativity caused a shift in my thinking and I began believeing again that putting too much time into me was a bad thing. So over the next two weeks I am going to spend a lot of time on me. I do need to do some work for school so that I can continue my current work hours and not be at school all the time. But other than that I am going to start working on the mental shift that I need in order to maintain the hard work that I have put into me. I have already started my food journal and each time I eat I write down what it is and why I am eating. So far today...boredom and frustration have won out.:biggrin: Well I should go.. class is over and I have to get ready for the next one.

I ate 1 cookie and then stopped there. I am working out really hard right now. I was sent a link by the lady that I went to the support group to a website that has an online book. This is the lady that gave me the name of the therapist that I am going to and this is the book that she had her read. So I figure that I am going to get a head start. It is www.foodsanity.com. I will let you know if it is any good. It focuses on the relationship between you and food. That is truly something that I need. Welll I am going to go read and then go to bed. We have a 2 hour delay tomorrow. Everyone go out and do a snow dance for me so that we can have our first snow day in ...30 years!!!

Congrats Phyl!!! Way to go!

I too had some difficulties. I lost 110 pounds, had plastic surgery and then started creeping back up. Please know that you are not alone and that we can do this together. The best place to join would probably be the main board as we don't generally stray from that page which is why it has taken a while to get a response. You are not in this alone. This is a great group

Well I have never really done soups since being banded because of the whole "no liquids" thing. I brought some of those Green Giant steamers today (cauliflower in cheese sauce...only 150 calories for the entire box) and it is soft enough to get down. Now if only I didn't have 16 dozen cookies sitting behind my classroom calling my name. We did a cookie exchange yesterday and I am going to be giving them as gifts and handing them out to my kiddos tomorrow so I am not going to be eating them!

I take tickets at the game in order to make money! We get paid 33 dollars per event that we work at and I am REALLY trying to pay off my lap band surgery by August. It means paying it off a year early and saving a HELL of a lot of money. The game was really good. I guess I should take soup but since I am really trying follow the rules I never even considered it. 2 days left of work and then we are on break. That is when I REALLY start looking out for me. I am going to set up schedules and work on me. Gotta get to work. It is getting hot here...28 degrees!

Yeah...pretty sure it is because I am eating too fast. But then again...maybe not. I got stuck on dinner last night though it is that TOM and I do get tighter during that time. At lunch though I have about 35 minutes scheduled to eat, but in reality after copies, helping students, walking students to lunch recovery, and dealing with whatever else is going on...I have about 4 minutes to eat. Last year my prep periods were schedule so that I could eat lunch at that time and not during lunch. now my prep period is from 7:30 -8:45 so I can't exactly eat lunch then. As a result...I think I try and hoover it down. Well I am going to go to the gym for about an hour, run and get my glasses, and then come back and take tickets at the basketball game. I still need to write a quiz for tomorrow and set up a lab. Guess I should get off my lazy (yeah...I wish) hiney and get busy. DH will be here to pick me up in 10 minutes. My car wouldn't start now if I begged it to! Plus I don't like driving in the snow. Though I did last night when I wanted to go to the gym and DH did not. Thank goodness it is only 4 blocks away!

I swore I postd this morning! Anyways I stated in my disappearing post that I was stuck for 3 hours yesterday because I couldn't really leave my classroom to go pb. I kept sneaking into the room behind my classroom and sliming in the garbage can. I had to be very quiet so I couldn't put the effort that I needed to get it unlodged. But it finally went away. Now I am stuck on lunch. I think I am a little too tight,but travel over the mountains is too dangerous right now. I am hoping that some time during winter break the weather will clear enough for me to get to the doctor's. It is a little warmer here today. We are suppoed to get to 29 degress...but then we are going to get hit with a bunch of snow. Maybe just maybe we will get a delay tomorrow! They haven't closed school in 12 years so I have no hope of that!