salsa1877

You were most likely thirsty. I learned early on that if my stomach kept growling and it didn't stop when I ate it was because I was thirsty. Sometimes when you get like that you just need to leave the area where food is available. Believe me...you are not going to starve if you wait an hour or 2 if you have the chance. I struggle to do that at school because I can't focus on ignoring my stomach growling when I have a million and 1 things being thrown at me. But if I am somewhere that I can leave the presence of food...that is what I will do. If after drinking and waiting my stomach is still growling then I will eat.

All I have left do are the chicken breasts. The pork is trimmed and packaged, I ground one bag of chicken breasts and packaged it (some in a 50/50 mix with hamburger) and packaged the rest of the hamburger. Now it is just the last 10 pound package of chicken breasts. These things are HUGE. One half of the chicken breast will feed us. This is at least 2 months worth of meat and it only cost me 66$.

I had to run to the store to get some cold meds and HOLY COW they had a Meat Bonanza. Considering that our freezer is empty and has been for a while I went a little "hog" wild. Pun intended. I bought 45 pounds of meat.;) Hubby is probably going to kill me. But we have a food saver and I will be the one standing there grinding the chicken, cutting the fat off the chicken and pork, and portioning it all out into cute little 1 pound packages that stack very nicely in the freezer! I ate a protein bar on my way home from the store and it is NOT settling with my tummy. Not a stuck thing...just a "yuck" feeling. Well best get going with the meat. Then I promise...back to the couch!

Phyl - Most docs don't have a clue about the band. I had to go through 400$ worth of testing for my PS because she was afraid of absorption issues. If you can get your lap-band doc to write a letter it helps! I am glad that he mentioned PS. Hopefully this will get you what you need!! Well I am home sick today. The marathon, close to 10 hours of traveling, 3 consecutive 3:45 AM mornings, and an 18 hour work day yesterday did me in. So I am home and sleeping today. I am back to bed now!

OMG...sicker than a dog today. I am taking tomorrow off. I think I would have been fine if I had not been so run down from the marathon... Pun intended. I am about ready to kill my students. It really isn't their fault, I am just grumpy. I went to bed at 7:30, but I was up at 3:30 to work on school stuff. I just want to sleep in tomorrow and then try to get school stuff done for the rest of the year. That way I can relax a little bit. I am really burned out right now. This is the latest in the year that I have gotten burned out so I guess that is a good sign. Well SSR is almost over so I had better get ready to get these kiddos started on their project. I was hoping to go to the gym tonight, but I have to work at the play at 6:30 and probably should take a nap before then. Later, Karri

He did come and get me. He apologized before I even got to start in on him. I just cried. I am so exhausted. I am just going to finish cleaning up the house that is bugging the crap out of me and then probably just going to bed.

Today was awful. I left my keys in my hubby's car last night and then when I called him to ask him if they were in there he said yes and didn't even offer to turn around and pick me up. So instead....I had to walk to work. Now mind you it is only 1.25 miles, but seriously making me walk 3 days after my marathon is NOT nice. It is that TOM and I am weepy anyways, but I was so seriously hurt that I couldn't think straight. Plus... I am exhausted. Food was okay because I am still on mushies. Good thing is that I haven't been hungry...bad thing is that I still ate too much because I was so damn tired. Seriously I don't know the last time I was THIS tired. Now...I have been trying to get ahold of him since 1:30 to see if he could pick me up. He has not answered his phone, sent an email or replied via text message. He knows I don't have my keys so there is NO way for me to get into the apartment building. We have to have key to get into the building and then a key to get into our apartment. So even if someone could take me home or I walked...I have NO way of getting into the apartment. So ...hopelessly tired...I am stuck at school. Crying because he has apparently forgotten about me. He was in a bad mood this morning, but this is ridiculous.

No injury...just rest. Warning...Long post...This is the detailed account of my marathon. Still haven't written my reflection on the marathon yet. Started it several time but haven't quite got it the way I want it. The 26.2 So this is the best description that I can give of the marathon, remembered through my delirious mind. Pre-Race We will start on Saturday, May 2, 2009. We arrived in Eugene and went to the Hilton for the expo, which was TERRIBLE. They had no vendors except for their sponsors and nothing for sale. I was hoping to get some new shoes since they usually have really good sales at the expo and I am in need of new shoes. After getting my t-shirt (long sleeve, technical shirt…which means that it wicks away moisture but is 2 sizes to big as a SMALL J), bib number, and goodie bag we headed for lunch at one of our favorite restaurants and then went shopping looking for some running tights that had pockets. We didn’t find any, but did find 2 pairs of shoes at Joe’s Sporting Goods’ going out of business sale. 2 pairs for the price of 1!! Lee was on fire finding all of these good deals. He found the CUTEST running skirt at Ross that was perfect for Eugene…a green polka dotted skirt. Then we found a running jacket that I could use as a shirt at Wal-Mart. This was a great deal but will turn out to be very painful by the end of the marathon. After all the shopping we headed to the hotel for some shut eye! Fell asleep and sat straight up TWICE freaking out about missing the starting gun. Woke up at 2:15 and 4:45…grr. I finally got up at 5:30 and got ready in my running outfit. I put on my tennis shoes for the last time, as they would be officially retired at the end of the run. These shoes carried me through my first official 5k, 10k, half marathon, and were about to carry me through my first marathon. They deserve a proper retirement! As I was getting ready I looked out the window into a parking lot that was being drenched by rain…but nothing was going to deter me. The butterflies were finally starting to set in. RACE TIME We arrived at the starting line at 6:30 and the corrals were starting to fill up with runners. I took my place in the corral #2 which was designated for those who were running 10 minutes per mile and slower. I took my rightful place amongst the rest of the runners and waited for the race to begin. At 7AM the gun sounded and the front racers took off. I gave my hubby a kiss goodbye and then waited for the runners in front of me to take off. It took me a little over 4 minutes to cross the start line and I was off. Mile 1 came so quickly that I didn’t even have a chance to take the picture. It took a bit to get my breathing under control but once I did there was no stopping me. I kept telling myself that I was going to walk at the next mile. I said that for 8 miles. The course was so fast and was pretty much downhill. There was no way I was going to walk when it was downhill! After I crossed the 5K mark I realized that I ran my 2nd fastest 5k ever. That should have been the clue that I had gone out too fast, but I could have cared less. I was going at a GREAT pace and I wasn’t going to stop. The best mile by far was mile 8. Pretty much the entire track team from South Eugene High School was there and they were giving high fives and cheering like there was no tomorrow. In fact it was such a party atmosphere that I forgot to take a picture of the mile marker. As I rounded the corner just past mile 8 I say a fairly substantial hill ahead about .5 miles. So I knew at that point I was going to be walking for a bit. I walked up the hill and then ran to the point where my hubby was waiting (just after mile 9). I kept running because my legs felt so good. By the time I reached mile 11 I knew that I had gone out way to fast but I was on pace to destroy my half marathon PR and I figured that even if I had to crawl the last mile, I was going to get this PR. My determination kicked in and I ran like there was no tomorrow. When I crossed the half marathon split mats I just about cried I was so happy. However, I was actually laughing, because just as I was crossing the half marathon line Bon Jovi’s “Livin on a Prayer” came on. For those of you who don’t know, the chorus goes: Whoooah, were half way there, Livin on a prayer Take my hand and well make it I swear Livin on a prayer Could it have been any more perfect??? But I kept telling myself that my race was not finished. I just needed to keep going. The next several miles were uneventful and by the time I reached hubby at mile 17 I knew I was going to have to walk most of the rest of it. My legs were cramping up and I had to stop and stretch for a bit. Then I started to power walk and I walked faster than I knew was possible. I was walking 12-13 minute miles. In fact…I was passing people that were running!!! At mile 20 I had to fight back tears. I had done a 20 mile run before but I knew that every step I took beyond that was a PR. But I couldn’t cry. I still had too much to accomplish. So with one more snap of the camera phone I kept putting one foot in front of the other. The only doubt that I ever had was not even a doubt…but just a sigh that I still had ONE HOUR to keep moving. But I flushed that thought and by mile 22 I just kept saying only 4 more miles. The next 4 miles were the fastest that I have ever come by. I could believe how fast they were going by. I didn’t even seem to have time to savor them. Along the way I saw some creative cheering techniques. The first was a man who put signs in his front yard that said “Too lazy to run…Hell, to lazy to stand.” Then he had a bell stuck on a pole next to the sign and a long string that was stretched to the front porch where he was sitting. He would pull on the string each time a runner went by. Then at mile 22 there was a guy with a bike that had a sign that said “Pride or 10000…either way you finish the race!” The funniest moment came at mile 25. Again it was all about the music. I swear…it wasn’t planned (Couldn’t have been cause I way underestimated my ability!). From mile 25 on here was the music · Rocky Theme Song (Thanks Christine!!!) · Bruce Springsteen: Born to Run (Why yes I am) · Elton John: Pain (Ummm…ya think??) At mile 26, the tears started flowing. I couldn’t stop them. When I rounded the corner and saw the finish line, every pain went out the window, there was nothing but me and the sweet sound of the cheering spectators. I started “sprinting” all the way to the finish. When I see the video I wasn’t actually sprinting…but it certainly felt like it. Just a few steps before the finish line I pulled out my phone for one last picture. As soon as I crossed the line my shoes came off and I was greeted by my wonderful hubby! I cried like a BABY!!!!

So it is set. I WILL be running the Eugene Marathon on April 25, 2010! The biggest loser constant just beat my time and I am determined to beat her. I WILL beat 4:54! Training starts May 17 after the 2 week muscle repair.

you are talking to the queen of mother issues. I will share a bit just so that you know that you are not alone. My mom was crazy (spent time in a mental facility) and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She was extremely abusive, both mentally and physically. She denied my brother food and once didn't feed me for 7 days because I got a C in middle school. I coped through food. Thankfully she is dead. I know that seems harsh, but she destroyed my life and set me up for a world of failure...but guess what...she isn't winning anymore. I have won...and I will continue to win each and everyday that I am alive and moving forward. I have to say that I am a bit more sappy and sentimental than usual, but I think you need to hear that people can recover from extreme situations. There is no one more important in the world to you THAN YOU. That is right...you are not less important than your mom or your kids. If you don't care about yourself or put yourself first you can't be the best to anyone. We often think that we are much better people if we put others first...but if you neglect yourself, everyone else will suffer. It took a couple of years after my mom died for me to realize this. That is when I took control and had surgery. For the first time, I realized that I was nothing to anyone if I wasn't everything to myself. God knows that is the hardest transition you will ever make. There are still days when I forget it and those are the dark days that I have. But they are fewer and fewer. You CANNOT allow anyone to stomp on you. They are not worth it. I don't care if it is a mother, or sibling, or child. If they do not treat you with the respect and love that you deserve then they should not be in your life. After all...your family to you is just another person to me. They are no more important than anyone else. I am lucky that I got to pick the best "mommy" in the world. Janet has been more supportive and more of a mom to me than my mom ever was. Even though we have never met face to face, or even spoken on the phone, she is more of a mom to me than any other person could ever be. Just because a person gives birth to you or passes on DNA doesn't mean that they are meant to be loved. I know it sounds harsh but after living through all the shit that my mom put me through...that is just how I feel. So now... you have to look at what happened to you in the past and realize that you made mistakes, you allowed people to treat you improperly and that you allowed yourself to mistreat you. You need to acknowledge that, forgive yourself, and move forward. You can change NOTHING about your past, but your future is a blank slate that you get to paint. Do not let dreams just be dreams. I dreamed for so long before I realized that dreams are meant for sleep and life is meant to be lived and conquered. 2 years ago a marathon was something SOMEONE ELSE did...not me. I was the smart one. My biological mom told me that I better find something where I could use my brain cause I was pretty enough to use my looks and I was too fat to do manual labor. So I believed it. It wasn't until I realized that listening to others just limited me. There is absolutely nothing that I can't do now (unless it is physically impossible). Could I run a run a marathon in under 4 hours? Yep...if I put in the training time, ate right and quit my job to focus only on running. I am choosing to NOT do that. Not because I can't but because I don't want to. That is fine if you say "I don't want to run a marathon" but to say I CAN'T do a marathon...I don't believe it. That is not a goal everyone should have...but what I want you to see is that you CAN do whatever you want. Don't let others put up roadblocks. Whenever people treat me questionably anymore I ask myself "would I ever treat anyone like that". If I answer no then I try to do something about it. I don't always succeed, but at least I am now aware that I don't need to take it. Okay I rambled a lot here, but I just want you to know that we are now your family. Realize this is the beginning of YOUR life. The one thing I hope you take from this is that you can't change your past, you can't change your family, but you can me the rest of your life as amazing as you want it. This is YOUR life, no one elses. Big hugs!

I am back and exhausted, sore, and plain worn out. The fill went great. It was a new fill nurse who really listened about what I needed and wanted. I told her to be VERY conservative because I would rather have to come back over to get a little more later, than have to come back in an emergency to get an unfill. So they filled my tube to the band and then added .1 cc. I have marathon letter that I formulated along the 26 miles that I ran that I will post on facebook and here tomorrow. I still need to actually get it written down but it will be posted tomorrow. Gotta go to bed...have to work tomorrow.

According to my body bugg the treadmill is the BEST for cardio and calorie burning. I did a little experiment. Running on the treadmill the best, followed by walking at an incline, eliptical, nonrecumbant bike, bike, rowing machine, and then stairmaster. The stairmaster is FANTASTIC for a thigh/butt workout and will build muscle. And we know that when we build muscle we burn more calories throughtout the day. Okay...gotta finish packing and finalizing lesson plans.

The tattoo will be on my shoulder. I posted on fb what it was going to be of. It is a running turtle. On the shell it will say 26.2 and then on the belly of the turtle it will say Eugene '09. This is something that I want. There is a purpose to the tattoo. It will always be there as a reminder that if you put your mind to something and you work HARD at it, that anything is possible. Just 2 years ago the thought of running a mile seemed like an impossiblity. Now there isn't a question in my mind about being able to finish 26.2. As we have all found out, there are up days and down days and for me, there have been a lot of down days lately. I want to be able to look to my left and remind myself of what I have accomplished. I don't think that in 30 years that I will regret this tattoo. I think in 30 years I will still be proud of what I accomplished. I am sure that my brother is going to have a heart attack! I don't think that I would get a tattoo for any other reason. I am getting carbs in. We had chinese food tonight and I had some stir fried veggies and noodles. Tomorrow we are going to a Hawaiian rest that we love. I can't do the gooey things...it is like eating raspberry flavored snot! I get these jelly bean like snacks called "sport beans". I will eat those on miles 3, 6, 12, 15, 21, and 24. (Though I don't know if I will need that many!) DH is meeting me at miles 9 and 18 to give me a power bar. I can only drink water when I am running. Otherwise the liquid sugar makes me nausous. I will also eat begin eating power bars at 5AM and try to get 2 in before I start running so that I start the race on positive calories. Based on my other runs I should burn around 3000 calories during the race. I am so excited that I am about bouncing out of my chair. I have been downloading music for the last several hours to fill up my ipod. Do you know how much music it takes to last 5:30???? A ton. I am ending on a cheesy song...but it is appropriate. I will cross the finish line listening to Whitney Houston's "One Moment Time". I will most likely break down in tears when I finish. Some from pain, but mostly just from elation. I will be on cloud 9 when I finish. Well I guess I have diarrhea of the mouth tonight so I had best get ready. I need to pack and then go to bed. I am taking my laptop with us so I should be able to check in tomorrow!

Mommy - I can bring my wii when I come and if you like it, you can buy the wii fit (we will keep our wii) from me for DIRT cheap. We don't have the room for it. No I will not RUN the entire way. My plan is run .75 miles then walk .25...repeat 25 times:w00t: The biggest news right now is that I am getting a tattoo. Yes...I think I have officially gone crazy! I am going to get it on the upper arm/shoulder area so that when I wear my running tanks everyone will be able to see that I finished a marathon. I went for my last run today...it was pretty good. We will leave tomorrow morning and going to the expo. Then we are going to a birthday party for a friend of ours. I am running the marathon in the city that we lived in before we moved to hell..uh..I mean Redmond! After that I am going to go to the gym...no..not to work out but to take a shower. I belong to Anytime Fitness which is a network of gyms. I will be able to take a shower there and change into comfy nonsweaty clothes. Then we are heading up to WA to get my fill the next day. Things are getting exciting. Lee will be posting my progress on facebook. I am going to call him every 2 miles to let so that he will know where I am. There are a lot of people following my race. I would love to take a picture at each mile marker but I don't know that I want to waste the time. I REALLY want to finish under 5:30.. Don't know if it will be possible but I am going to shoot like hell for it! Well I am off. Don't know what I am going to do, but I need to get my sub plans done for Monday. Chat later

This is why I don't teach middle school. At least in high school they have some sense of dignity!! Tomorrow was supposed to be a work day to send home 6 week report cards. However, when the district ran out of money this year we ratified our contract to take a 1.61% pay cut which is equivalent to a 3 day cut from the year. They only cut teacher work days and no student contact days. So I would normally have to work tomorrow, but the beauty of it is that I can work tomorrow WITHOUT dealing the other teachers. Students fine...teachers bad! I will need to get my sub plans ready for Monday. No one stole my lunch today!!! Chat later!

I totally get it. My 1.5 pounds did turn into 10! Somedays if I am REALLY retaining water it is 15. As for the fill...I have NEVER had a sweet spot. I have either been too tight or unfilled. Nothing in between!!!! Well today has been better. no one stole my lunch so I have been nibbling on my sandwich for breakfast and AM snack. The sandwich will feed my all day long and it is only 700 calories. I am running my last 5K today so I should be within my body bugg calorie target. DH has agreed to start working out with me more and we are going to lose the 10 pounds together. It is actually easier for me to lose the 10 pounds than him because I am determined and he kind of half asses it! Wel i had best get back to work. Grading, grading, grading. MARATHON IN 3 DAYS...YIKES!!

Here is the Mantra you repeat to yourself over and over. I WILL feel a difference, I WILL not be able to eat as much. Here is what you DO NOT do. DO NOT try to push it to see just how much you can eat. That is what a lot of people do. They complain that they can eat to much but the don't stop when they are satisified. One time they will eat as much as they can, realize that they can eat a significant volume of food, and then do that EVERYTIME and complain that they can eat too much. Unfortunately I am in the is category right now. My food choices are pretty healthy when my lunch isn't stolen, but I can just eat WAY too much. Problem will be fixed on Monday with a SMALL adjustment. (See oath from earlier!) Well off to work. Last day due to budget cuts. :thumbup: I will work tomorrow but no students and most teachers won't be in on a day where you don't get paid so it should be pleasant!

Karla - I have had more problems with my fills than anyone on here and I am still one of the biggest champions of the band. I would do it all over again if I had to have 10 surgeries. This tool has changed my life. The worst that can happen is that you have to have the fill taken out. My doc is 6 hours away, in another state and across a mountain pass. Sometimes it has been treacherous getting to him, but there is NOTHING that has happened that would make me have changed my mind about doing it. You will be fine. POSITIVE thoughts. I know easier said that done! Great job on the weight loss though. You are doing fab!

It is one year. I talked to my principal (not the asst. principal that I will be working for but the actual principal). He is taking care of things. There was an emergency staff meeting called and he set the record straight on all of the rumors floating around. He said any reports of people harrassing other will be investigated and that it could potentially weigh on the lay offs. I was told to stay in my room and avoid conversations with people who are abusive. I was given a copy of the contract between the Redmond School District and the charter school which clearly states that I CAN work at both schools. I made it known to my principal and the asst principal that next year WOULD be my last year at the high school. I will either be at the charter school or somewhere warmer. It really is that simple. So I said that tomorrow would be a better day and it will be. The janitor installed a locking cabinet in my room so that I can put my lunch there, I will not be talking to certain people, and it is the last day of the weeek. If I had to think about staying at this location for more than one year...then I would be freaking out. But this a ONE YEAR DEAL. That decision has been made. Now if the charter school takes off...I could go full time. I am not counting on it...but there is a glimpse of hope. Thanks for caring about me. Sometimes I just need to vent. I know that I can make it one year. I will just sometimes need to vent.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Just as I got done saying that no one publicly supported me and there was a shouting match in the chemical storage room. One of the teacher's in my corner finally stood up for me and shot the other one down. WOW! Cat fight!!!!!!! Makes me feel a little better. I swear...I am in the middle of a soap opera...nerd style!

I have very few people in my corner...and NO ONE that is willing to publicly speak up. They all just tell me to hang in there and keep my chin up because I am a good teacher. Well they aren't the ones that are being screamed at and called horrible names. A human can only take so much without breaking. I have been fighting tears all day. As for the food...there is no reason for anyone to steal food for me. My cupboards are stocked with food for my kids. Pretzels, crackers, peanut butter, bread, fruit snacks, and granola bars. All of which I don't eat because it isn't healthy choices for me. Though it is better than giving them candy. All they have to do to take food is to write a note about one positive thing that they will do today. They don't even need to write their name on it as it is supposed to be done on the honor system. However, I don't know if it was my students or students from the teacher that uses my room during my prep period. Oh well...that is done and over with. I am just emotional today. We burned popcorn in the microwave last night and so our house was smelly so we opened the window in our bedroom to let the smell out. It is the only window in the entire apartment and it is right above our heads. Well I didn't sleep very well last night because there were all sorts of noise that I am not used to. There was a car accident at the intersection and cop cars and fire trucks came roaring with sirens blaring. This is about 20 feet from our window. Then it was garbage day. The gas station across the street got a fuel refill and some drunks got into a fight. I would have shut the window but DH sleeps on the side where the window closer is. Just one thing after another. I am going to go to the gym, go home, eat dinner and go to bed. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Today is a HORRIBLE day. I had my meals all planned out and everyting was going to be great...and some a-hole stole my lunch. No I am not kidding you. Some kid literally just walked out of the classroom with my entire bag of food. On top of that there is even more drama with the school with some teachers going to the school board to mandate that I either teach at the charter school or at the high school...not both. The hot headed me almost quit. Right there on the spot. So my food choices will not be good today because I just have to eat what is available. I don't have time to go get anything and I don't get paid until tomorrow so I have 1.24$ in my account. Sigh...life sucks today! But Steph...I will be going to the gym today to work out my frustration. Did you ever figure out how to calibrate it?

I HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO ONLY GET A SMALL FILL! 3 fingers raised...scouts honor. In addition I am going to take going back to solid foods slowly. We are supposed to do liquids for 2 days...I am going to do it for 3 or 4 (if I can stand it that long!) Then I will go on to mushy/soft foods for 2-3 days. I ALSO PROMISE TO IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR IF I AM TOO TIGHT! It is so great to know that everyone cares about me! Mommy- I will be starting with my trainer 2 weeks after my marathon. She wants me to be rested from the run and on solid foods.

When I get the fill I am just getting a small fill and I am having it done in the morning. My last fills have all been done in the afternoon which is when they can get you the tightest since most people loosen up. Since I am opposite I requested a morning fill and then they are giving me a small one. If I need one after I visit my mommy then I can just keep driving up I-5 and get one. Right now I am under negative pressure which means that all of the fluid is out of the entire system...including the line to the port. When my doc does an unfill he takess everything out except what is in the line which leaves the silicon in the band slightly inflated. However since I had such problems the last time when I had my student teacher, they took everything out and boy can I feel it. My calories are so high because I am starving. Now they are no where close to what they were before banding, but higher than I have ever been. Pretty certain that I could swallow a bagel whole right now! Well I need to keep working on school stuff. Chat later.

OMG...I am always starving!!! I have been so hungry for the last several days that I thought I was going to die. So hungry to the point that I can't think straight. I have been making good food choices...it is just that I am above my calorie totals!! But I am getting a fill on Monday so it is almost here. I just don't want to see the number on the scale at the Dr.'s office. I dont' think it is going to be pretty. But I am getting a personal trainer, have the body bugg and will have a fill. That WILL do the trick. I am trying something new at work too so hopefully that will help the stress. I am putting more of the pressure on the kiddos. Okay off to finish dinner. Can't complain about DH not cooking tonight...He cleaned the entire apartment.