salsa1877

Didn't get to the gym tonight but going to try like hell to get there tomorrow morning. Assuming my behind will get out of bed at 4AM...it won't be a problem. Just in case you Wii people want to know...I burned 254 during 1 hour of boxing. BTW...I finally got my title of PRO at boxing. I don't get to play much though because it is a HUGE ordeal to get the front room ready to do so. Okay off to bed. A little freaked out over the food that will be available this weekend on our camping trip so I am going to go shopping tomorrow after the gym to get some stuff for me to have. I bought cherry tomatoes (my favorite snack food in the world!) and some quaker popcorn cakes. Trying to decide what else to take. I had kind of a melt down today because food is one of the reasons that I dont' like to do things with other people. I am not afraid of going to Janets because I know that food won't be an issue. But I am going with a bunch of people who are over weight and a couple that are normal size. But they will all throw caution to the wind and eat whatever they want this weekend. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to feel like the outsider. DH and I had a long conversation about this and I think it helped some. I just don't want it to turn into..."Oh, this is Karri's meal and this is our food." They all mean well, but I still feel akward. So I have to make the choice...is it better to feel akward or to eat too many calories. I know the most logical choice is to just feel akward and eat properly...but considering that I am still in my 20s (and do need some mommy advice every once in a while) I still just want to be part of the crowd sometimes. I have always felt like an outsider because of my weight and I thought that would go away after I lost the weight. However, I think it is going to take a lot longer for that feeling to go away. Cause I still feel like I don't fit in. I am a fat girl in my head and a thin girl on the outside. I don't fit in with either group. Hopefully this weekend will help me break out of that. Well I gotta get to bed if I have any hopes of getting up at 4Am

I am not mad at any one...I just wanted to let you all know that i don't paln on doing this for a long time, just long enough to get my mind back in the right place. Like I said...today my calories are higher. Now I just hope that I can actually get to to the gym tonight. Something just came up and the gym run might not happen. God I wish summer would get here!

Okay I have been avoiding the defense of my eating plan for the last couple of days because most of the time I have diarrhea of the mouth and if I would just learn to not share EVERYTHING then I wouldn't have to worry about defending what I am doing. First, this is my version of the 5 day "mind" test...instead of the pouch test because I frankly have no restriction. Like I said before they only filled my tubing not the actual band. So for the rest of you I am at what an "unfill" would be like. Normally they leave the saline in the tubing but because I got the flu, they took it ALL out. So my problem with food is that I have been feeling deprived. My mind keeps thinking that I am not getting enough at 1800 calories so I have been hoarding food and eating WAY more than I need to in order to feel satisified. So I went to 1100 calories just to show myself that I can eat plenty of food when I take the time to plan. When you only get to eat 1100 calories and you want to be able to be full at least once in a while...you plan well. However, I didn't take into consideration that I dont' have the fat stores that I once did when I was eating 1100 calories. So this isn't about starvation and I did up my calories today to about 1500 but to me it is no different that doing the pouch test, except this was about challenging my mind...not my pouch. I have been making INCREDIBLE food choices that are all healthy and eating very balanced meals. I am not consuming 1100 calories of protein drinks and bars, but rather 1100 calories of chicken, pork, veggies, brown rice, eggs, whole wheat toast, etc. Yes...I was hungry yesterday because I wasn't as well prepared. Today...I planned better and I don't think that I will be able to eat everything that I have planned so I will most likely be under the 1500 caloires that I set for a goal today. I do appreciate all of the concern and know that it is coming from your love, but this is something that I need to follow through on. I am going camping this weekend with a bunch of friends from work and if I had been eating unhealthy all week I don't think that I would be able to handle the type of food that will be there. However, by truly showing myself how good I feel during the day when I eat right (we are not talking when I am trying to workout...totally different story) I will be able to overcome the temptations that will be staring me in the face. The list of food that they are bringing is enough to make me cringe. But that is a totally different subject. Well I gotta run. Will check in later.

Day two of below 1000 calories and frankly I am trying to figure out how I did this before and worked out. My work out SUCKED again. I guess when I was eating 1000 calories I was almost 200 pounds so I had a bit more "spare" energy. Still trying not to increase the calories though. I am DREADING the 5 mile run tomorrow however. The thought of going that long after only having eaten 500 calories is about enough to make me cry. I can live with the hungry part, but the true weakness that I feel is not good. I think it is mostly mental and I am going to desperately try to block it from my mind when I am running tomorrow. I will be strong and I WILL have enough energy to make it through.

Umm...fish...well...we don't eat much. I like it if I don't have to cook it and if it doesn't get to dry like when DH makes it ...then I like it. I have never eaten catfish...so I don't know if I like it. Right now rice goes down alright. First time since I have been banded that I can eat rice. That should tell you how wide open I am. Even though I had a fill they pretty much only filled my tube back up so that I wasn't under negative pressure. I know I need to be careful today, but I am so damned determined to stay under 1100 calories this week that I am just getting witchy instead of eating. I am starving right now though. I have enough calories left to have 2 pieces of dry toast before my workout so I think that is what I am going to do. Today is strength training... I really like that the training that I am doing for the half marathons includes weight training. The guy who wrote the book firmly believes in strength training and not running, running, running. Okay...school is over for the day. The next couple of weeks should be easy as we wind down. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works out this way. Off to the gym to get warm. I work a skirt with no tights,a short sleeved shirt, and sandals and they turned the damn AC on here. I thought we needed to be SAVING money. BRRRRRRRRR

I am exhausted and hungry. That is all that needs to be said

My food today was fantastic...will be at or below the 1100...however it may have caused my workout to be lackluster. I am just going to chalk it up to just being a bad workout because you can't make a decision on one piece of data...well unless you are the government or the school board! I did my 4 miles, but it really sucked. I had to walk to much. I am trying to increase my speed so that is part of the issue. But at least I finished 4 miles...I really wanted to stop at 3...but the training schedule says 4 so I stopped at 4. Well DH has dinner almost done so that is good. I am hungry for the first time today!

Could it possibly be that less is MORE??? I have had very little to eat today and frankly I am less hungry than I normally am. Now every single thing that I have eaten has been fresh with NO processed foods...Hmm...do you think that could be the reason that I am not hungry. Anyways I had the following Breakfast 1 piece WW toast 1 egg AM Snack 2 oz chicken 1/2 cup broccoli Lunch 2 oz chicken 1/2 cup broccoli 1 piece WW toast So far total calories = 460...I normally would have eaten close to 1000 by now. I am going to try and stay under 1100 this week, under 1200 next week, 1300 and so forth until I see where I drop the most weight. I really want to lose 10 pounds. Then I will be back to my normal BMI and from there REALLY focus on maintaining and proper nutrition for training. Believe me...the guy that wrote the training plan that I am using would probably have a heart attack if he knew that I was eating this few calories in prep for a race. However, I did just fine when I was this low before and my running life is a hell of a lot easier when I am 10 pounds lower.

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Exactly 3 weeks until school is out. 3 weeks and 2 days until I see my mommy!!!!! I am clamping down on the calories for the rest of school. Training starts today (well it actually started Sunday but I went on a hike instead of a run so today is my first official run of the training season). I have a pretty good meal plan for today. It is very balanced and I am trying to obey the 4th commandment of marathon training. "Carbohydrates are thine friend, not thine enemy." So I have a complex carb with every meal today. Well, I like Karla have a TON to grade so I had best get going. Just wanted to check in. Feeling particularly upbeat today. Let's hope I can keep it that way!

You are too tight. I know because I have been there WAY too many times. Some of us lap-banding patients are VERY sensitive to fills. I have NEVER had problems getting down liquids even when I couldn't eat. When I got filled after Christmas in 07 I couldn't eat anything except popcorn and crystal light. I lived on that for 2 weeks because I couldn't get across the mountain passes. I live 6 hours from my doc and across a mountain pass. You are going to find that if you don't get unfilled a bit that you are going to start searching out foods that go down easy (and those are NEVER good foods). No...I am NOT telling you what those foods are. You are talking to the queen of procrastinating when it comes to getting an unfill so don't put this off if you can help it. You can usually get in immediately for an unfill. They don't have to completely unfill you...just a bit. I have mine done under fluoroscopy and I still get overfilled. Now don't freak out about an unfill. Frankly I lost most of my weight completely unfilled. So it can be done. The band itself usually gives most people SOME sense of restriction even if they don't think it does. When you try to eat REAL food with the band (even unfilled) you will get that fullness feeling. I am confused about your docs. I thought you were switching? which one did you WANT to go to? Call him and see if he will at least give you an unfill or see if you can switch to him. Then demand an unfill when you are there. My doc will fit ANYONE in for an unfill...even if you are just visiting from Switzerland. I say that because the last time I was there, a lady was getting an emergency unfill because her band tightened from the flight in and he was unfilling her. Good luck! DON'T push the foods. Stay with mushies or thick liquids.

My doctor has never told me to chew to liquid, but the nutritionist that runs the support group in my hometown has said that. I disagreed with Dr. V on the salad issue, but I do agree with him on this. If you are chewing or blending things to a liquid to just get them down you might as well just be drinking your calories. Yes...i have actually heard of people blending a Big Mac. (gagging now!) The beauty of these forums is that you can post your opinion, read about others opinons and suggestions and use them to formulate questions to ask your doctor. I would NEVER take life changing advice from anyone on here without consulting my doctor. However, for a lot of people (especially those researching the band) it allows them to ask their doctors questions.

Steph - My favorite smoothie is frozen mixed berry and Atkins vanilla shake. I have one for dessert if I have calories left.

Steph my toes are killing me. I have a meeting after school so I had to wear dress clothes and I am standing on my feet all day making pizzas for my kiddos. My TOES ARE KILLING ME!

So I am up early this morning to prep for my FAVORITE lab of the year. My stoichiometry pizza lab. I will explain stoichiometry at a later date. But I did something this time to REWARD myself instead of punishing myself with either total deprivation or binging. When you get done cooking over 100 english muffin pizzas you are going to inevitably give in and eat one. So I prepared for it this time. I got some low cal flat bread, LF cheese and turkey pepperoni so that I could make my own pizza and not succumb to the unhealthier stuff. Well I just wanted to post my good thing of the day...Steph I sent you a copy of the lab if you haven't checked your email yet. Talk to you all later. Today is my rest day and my legs need it. They are a bit sore. Then tomorrow official half marathon training begins. Steph you may beat me because I think I only run 18 miles the entire week. But please don't do anything to hurt your back!

So I read this before I left for my hike and I was going to respond...but I decided to meditate on it while hiking since DH decided to not go with me cause he was too lazy. I wanted to find the right words to say to you, because they are not just words to you...they are words to me too. We are both very much in the same situation when it comes to food. So I put on my theme song and I walked for 5.5 miles and thought and thought and thought. I listed to the same song about 40 times on the way and I think I have decided what I want to say to us, and to anyone else in this situation. First...I want you to go to itunes and download the song Change your Mind by Sister Hazel. It has become my new theme song and I want you to listen to it. I want you to REALLY listen to the words. The very last part of the chorus goes like this. If you want to be somebody else, If you're tired of losing battles with yourself If you want to be somebody else, Change your mind, change your mind. Change your mind, change your mind. Second...I am not going to slap you and I am not going to punish you because guess what...that is what we want, that is what we have been doing to ourselves EVERY damn moment before the band. I am going to use my story to illustrate this. When I was younger I pretty much knew nothing BUT punishment. If something was wrong I was punished. If I did something right it was normally ignored. So I began to think that punishment was the norm. I never realized that you could be rewarded for something or the rewards didn't always have to come with strings. I didn't realize that rewarding me for just being the best that I could be is what we SHOULD be doing. So as I grew older and things didn't work out I thought that I was rewarding myself with food but in reality I was punishing myself. Every time I ate something unhealthy...I was NOT rewarding myself. How is filling my body full of unhealthy chemicals a reward. But it was easy to punish myself. Punishment was natural, punishment was what I felt comfortable with. So when I would eat that dozen doughnuts I would feel so terrible about myself that I was doing nothing but punishing myself for something that may or may not have been in my control to begin with. While maybe not conciously punishing myself I just did what felt natural and since punishment felt natural that is the way that I would proceed. It wasn't until I decided to reward myself for no other reason than to do something GOOD for myself and got the band did I realize the difference between reward and punishment. After all...if punishment WORKED we wouldn't have jails and prisons anymore. Lately I have slipped back into that mode of self punishment. I dont think that it is as much that I have slipped into the bad habits of eating too much or the wrong things as much as I have slipped back into the habit of punishing myself. After all, when I eat crap I feel like crap. I get bloated, gassy, and all sorts of other nasty feelings. When I am filling my body with all that crap I am just punishing myself. So now it is time to reward myself. Reward my body for doing its job with proper fuel. Reward myself for taking time out for ME. So I am NOT going to give you what you WANT. I am NOT going to slap you. You would feel better if I said..."Steph...get off your lazy ass, get that food out of your house. Don't ever let yourself do that again." Why would you feel better when people are yelling at your and tell you that you are bad. I am not going to condone the poor eating and the poor choices, but I am NOT going to let yourself punish you either. From now on "Change your mind" Don't fight the battles...win them by rewarding yourself with health. Yes... I know this is easier said that done. But look at it this way...if you are like me, you have been punishing yourself for years....and did that really get you where you wanted to be? Didn't you get closer to where you wanted to be when you REWARDED yourself by getting the band? In reality the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well haven't we been punishing ourselves for long enough. When I continued to punish myself all I did was get bigger. Same thing is happening right now. I have been punishing myself for the stupid things that other teachers and the school board have done...but not now...I am rewarding myself. I rewarded myself with the hike this morning. DH didn't want to go and I could have punished myself for HIS actions and not gone as well. But then I would have missed out on the beautiful weather, the spectacular scenery and the GREAT sense of accomplishment that I felt when I finally got to the top of misery ridge. So I am NOT going to step on you (cause you have allowed yourself to be stepped on too much which is why you punished yourself into being fat in the first place), I am not going to slap you (because the sting will go away too fast and you won't remember it anyways because you will find a way to punish yourself in a way that will hurt more than any slap I could muster up), I am not going to punish you because that is what you want. Instead I am going to challenge you. Do something today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life that will reward you. If one day that reward IS a piece of chocolate cake, then so be it. But make sure it is a reward and NOT a punishment. So stop losing the battles and just change the way your mind thinks about you. Reward yourself for being a loving, caring mother, friend, daughter, sister, and human being. Reward yourself for being you.

Is there are cruise out of the gulf of mexico (leaving from texas) around Dec 13 because I will be there to run my half marathon with losingjusme?

Just checked my voicemail...I AM WORKING FULL TIME AT THE CHARTER SCHOOL. No more working 2 jobs. It is a pay raise, I teach less students, work with AMAZING people and will have PLENTY of time to RUN, RUN, RUN. I am lovin' life right now. This is so much weight off my shoulders. I am going to resign as late as possible though so that it doesn't come public until after school is over. Then when the nasty phone calls start coming in about "abandoning" certain people and students at the school...my mommy can protect me! The plan right now is to clean out my classroom on the last day of school, check out as early as possible on June 10, drive over to the district office to drop off my letter of resignation, and then drive to Indio to spend a week with my mommy. So when people find out that I have "left the building" I will be a state a way havin a blast! Thank you for all the well wishes and patiences while I dealt with this.

Well we were not able to complete the full 32 miles...but not because of the distance. The weather was supposed to be beautiful...and it was...when the sun was out. But last night I didn't sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time because I was so f'ing cold. Finally Lee got up at 2AM and made a fire so that we could get a little warm. We actually considered hiking out at 2AM...but figured that we would be fine. Finally I fell asleep and it lasted for about 2 hours before I was up every 10 minutes again. The last time I woke up I was shivering so hard that I started panicking ( I now know what people who have hypothermia feel like and why they make dumb decisions. ) I sat straight up and screamed for Lee. I was shivering so hard that he thought that I was going into convulsions. He got out of his sleeping bag and put me inside of that as well. Then he quickly heated some water to make one of our dehydrated meals. You pour the water in and then seal the bag for it to rehydrate. We put the bag inside my sleeping bag to try and heat me up. I seriously have NEVER been that cold in my entire life. He was miserably cold too but he has a bit more insulation than I do. I couldn't use my fingers to even get out of my sleeping bag which made me panic even more. Fortunately I was able to thaw out and we decided that we couldn't make it one more night. Though it turns out that it is supposed to be 20 degrees warmer tonight, but we couldn't chance it. Besides we were so tired from not sleeping last night that I slept the entire 2 hour drive home and then we both slept for 5 hours when we got home. Plus I could go to bed right now and probably sleep the whole night. On a good note...I can now have the official PANSY title removed from my description (:scared2: to my mommy). I slept outside underneath the stars. I did buy mosquito netting but there were not trees to tie it from (and fortunately no mosquitos attacking me.) I am EXTREMELY sensitive to mosquitos and they seem to love me. We went camping a couple years ago and in a matter of 2 hours I had over 150 mosquito bites that we could count. That doesn't count the ones that were indistiguishable from each other. We finally had to go into the tent and we could hear them hitting the tent. So we now have the netting for future use Tomorrow we are going to go hiking at one of the more local hikes. We have done all of the trains there except one because it is a MONSTER. Going up will be difficult...coming down will be AWFUL...but the view will be soooooo worth it. Well I am going to plan out our meals for the week so that we can go shopping after our hiking trip tomorrow.

You know what a public school is. A school that is funded by the government which all students in the district zoning area can go to. A charter school is a school that is usually founded on a specific theme (technology, art, music, and in our case...proficiency...the ability to demonstrate your learning without doing meaningless and pointless assignments). Charter schools are usually funded by grant money or money from private businesses. Since they are usually run from a business perspective they don't have all the red tape of a state run school. However, the do significantly differ from a private school which costs money for students to attend and are usually religious based. Charter schools are free for students and are not religious based. I am sure that is not all the differences, but those are the major ones. Hope that helps

No...I was not up this morning. Couldn't get my hiney out of bed. I was exhausted. Still am. Kari - I will NOT be chomping at the bit to get back in the classroom. Maybe if I get to go full time at the charter school...but not if I have be at the high school AND the charter school. While it will allow me to support my running habit...I don't know when I am going to find the time to actually run. Well we are going on a 32 mile hike this weekend. It is supposed to be 86 degrees here and I have been anxiously awaiting to really get out in the weather and move. So we are going to travel about 2 hours north of here and then walk into the wilderness. I, however, will not camp without a tent. DH says to just throw a pad on the ground and sleep under the stars...Umm..NO. I don't want any bears sticking their tongues up my nose. I need to have that 1/100 of an inch piece of nylon between me and the wildlife. I love nature...I DON'T love wildlife!!! Then there is the water issue. DH says that we can just purify water with the little tablets that you can buy...UMM...NO!! I don't drink fish pee. So...it is a good thing that I am in good shape because I have to haul my tent and extra water because I am a "pansy". Well I must get ready for next period so I had best get off my butt and get it ready.

Wow...I didn't make it on here yesterday. Things seem to be a little better at work today, but basically because I have created lesson plans that let me "check out" becaes I am DONE! May not be able to go to the charter school full time next year because of staffing problems at the high school. They already made the staffing list and now they are telling my principal that if any of us leave...he can't replace us. That would leave no one to teach the physical science classes. So I may be at both places next year. Part of me is freaking out that it will be too much work. The other part of me is seeing $$$$$. I could pay off my surgeries, get my girls done AND support my running habit (traveling and race entries get expensive). I just told losingjusme that i would do the White Rock half marathon in Dallas when she does the marathon in December. We have both been pushing each other the entire time and I would LOVE to meet her. She is MY running inspiration. Perhaps next year we can all meet up somewhere there is a run going on. Then I can meet all of you and run at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone! As for sleep...I am doing better. Though I did get up at 3:30 this morning so that I could be at the gym by 4AM. I am so frustrated and pissed off by the end of the day that I can't seem to make it after work. So I go early and it seemed to work for me today. I REFUSE to get up at 4AM anymore for work though. These kids just aren't worth me killing myself over. I did finally realize that SuperWOman is a myth...not a reality. I think we are going camping and hiking this weekend. It is FINALLY supposed to be gorgeous here this weekend. Steph I heard that it was snowing in Eastern Montana this morning. Is that where you are?? I HATE HATE HATE snow. Well I had best get going. I need to print out my state testing stuff for my students next period. That should be fun.

Wow...salad has been my life saver as I have been unfilled through most of my weight loss. I eat it before I eat the rest of my meal so that I don't eat as much. I don't usually eat a lot of salad dressing but use salsa instead. It turns out that hair loss is not just attributed to lack of protein. Despite getting at least 100 grams of protein a day on average during my 95 pound weight loss, my hair was coming out in clumps. However after I reached goal and started adding fats back into my diet...my hair started growing back. I get less protein now and eat a way more balanced diet (including salad) and am healthier and fitter than ever. Not all fats are created equal. A balanced diet is a much better approach.

Can this school year just be over please? I am so burned out it isn't even funny. I have so much grading to do that I can't get anything done. The kids have been horrible!!!!! I am not going to make it to the gym tonight because I have so much to do. The charter school hit its goal of enrolling 150 students so hopefully I will be there full time next year!

Happy Mother's Day to everyone. A special hug to my very special mommy!:wub:

Phyl - Try contacting the University of WA medical center to see if they can do it cheaper. You have one of the best medical schools in the nation in your back yard (practically). THey often do it at significant discounts. Also, check with your bariatric surgeon that did your lap-band to see if they know any PS that may take medicare. Some PS are also general surgeons and if it is documented as medically necessary you may be able to get it. If they don't pay for it, remind Earl that it would be tax deductable because you would have your ortho and PCP saying that it is medically necessary and therefore tax deductable. Another question...would your ortho be opposed to having the knee replacement AND the ps done at the same time? That would again SIGNIFICANTLY reduce your repsonsibility. This is what I am hoping to do with my breast reduction. I need to lose about 15 to 20 pounds more and then we might be able to get the girls covered which will significantly reduce what I would have to pay for the reverse tummy tuck.