Obeasta

Hi my friends! I am back from my hiatus. Had a looot of thinking going on. Firstly thank you so much for all your support and being open and honest about your feelings. That is what good friends do. On the other hand though, this is the situation that i am in and no one can really fathom exactly how i may be feeling at this time, as my circumstances differ quite a lot from other people on here, not least of it living in africa and dealing with socio-economic struggles me and my people are facing in a daily battle. But i did come on here just to have a listening board and speak my mind, as i had no-one here in my life i could do it with. I appreciate all your feedback, and special thanks to those ladies who showed me empathy and who realised the utter hell i am going through. Long story short we decided to keep him or her! So the little kitten is saying hi every morning when i wake up feeling nauseous hehe. Friday is my first appointment with the gyne. Wish me luck and that everything is perfect and healthy with little one! Much love and light to all my sisters on here ????????????

So i found out i am pregnant! One year post-op today. What a day! Totally freaking it. This was unplanned. My partner and I just bought a house and was planning in getting married next year. Now with the possible baby it upsets all our plans - how we wanted it to be when we are ready for children. Only in about 2/3 years. So i am contemplating an abortion. But that is such a ghastly thought! But we cant afford a baby now! I dont know what to do!!!

Thank you girls! I appreciate your words so much! xxx

Since my op - 9 months ago - it was as if an ocean was opened and it flooded all over me. Mental issues!!! So much stuff! And to try and cope with it. But this horrible depression ans terrible anxiety, i dont even know what to say. It's like layers of myself just fall away more and more and i dont know perhaps i am afraid there will be nothing left of me! Weird feelings and thoughts going around and around and actually i just want to know - am I the only one? Is there anyone else reading this that feels like they are trying to swim upstream really hard, but just want to let the Water take you down the river? It's like an open wound. It's weird. Just saw my psychiatrist today, he amended my meds so that i take 150g of Sertraline (Zoloft) now daily. Also one Rivotril. Anyone else on these meds? I used to be Sertraline 100g plus wellbutrin XL. But i dont think it did much. Felt the same as before wellbutrin was added. I read up on it and the literature states clearly gastric bypass patients should not take extended release meds. I dont think much was absorbed. So now we are trying the sertraline at a higher dose. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Personally I feel I suffer from borderline personality disorder. But my psychologist insists not to "diagnose" yet - as she says this is me in crisis and symptoms mask stuff and this and that whatever - basically too soon to tell. She says though if she had to take a guess, it's probably bipolar disorder. But i dont know about that. I dint think i am bipolar. I know bipolar people, and i dunno, me going off my handle is much different from them going off their handle. Anyway, just wanted to share this with you and hear your thoughts on the subject. Also, is anyone out there also using sertraline, how much, and how do you find its effectiveness? Thanks dear friends!

My dearest friends. Today is my 1 year surgevarsary. I day i was looking forward to, but one which came with so much mixed emotions! So let me just spill it. I found out I am pregnant! This is my first pregnancy. ???? It is unplanned. Only told my partner yet, nobody else. And noe you guys. I am both happy and scared and a bit upset. And worried. Because it is not a good time now. We just bought our first house, moving in a month's time. But we're not married. But we have been planning it (our plan was exactly this easter weekend next year!). Although nothing concrete as we have to save up, this house is a big thing. And now the pregnancy. Honestly i dont know what to do. I cant speak with my mum about it, because if we decide not to keep it (a reality, unfortunately, due to financial circumstances), they will be devastated. I cannot do that to them. I cannot do that to us. But also, the reality of it happening. What a crazy day! I was looking so forward to the day i would get pregnant. And now, this day of all days, it's not as i envisioned. I am also worried whether it would be fair to a child seeing that i am mentally not at my best - although i am much better than 6 months ago. On the other hand, if i end the pregnancy, i am so mortified that it will have a dire effect on my emotional state especially with regards to my partner. What if i come to loathe him for it? We love each other very much. And i know i would be a great mum. And i know people say a lot of the times "it is never the right time", but now is honestly not a good time! Friends I dont know what to do! I am like a deer caught in headlights. Please give me some sound advice. And dont be too harsh on me, i am very emotional right now, and well, yeah. What an anniversary, hey? (Plus I am not yet at goal weight, have lost about 115 pounds if i'm not mistaken, need to lose about 40 more - but this wont have an effect on my decision, i am quite relaxed about the weight issue now).

Honey you know what is really great? After this surgery you dont have that strong crazy urge for certain food anymore. Given, right after surgery you do, but it is in your head - you crave the comfort of these foods. But after time of not eating it and getting comfort from other non-food options, you dont need the same fix anymore. It is wonderful! So so so exhilirating! I was a hectic emotional eater. I was a zombie to go get a bacon and cheese sandwich and TEN samoosas every day at 11 at work. I would hate myself and promise myself i wouldnt do it the next day - but in the end i would give in and go. I couldnt help myself. It was horrific. And the coolest thing now, it is like shackles was removed - i have no craving or need for those foods whatsoever and dont even care that i dont eat it anymore. It is like a weird reprogramming that happened. And can i just say - i am one of those women that have tried everything under the sun to lose weight and be healthy. Every diet, every gimmick, pills, everything. Nothing worked for me. This is the first time ever. On another note, after about 6 months you will be able to eat those foods again. But only a little. And also test it one at a time, because people and their pouch react differently to certain foods. Some things make me dump, and others not. Good luck and enjoy the journey!

Heya all! So sorry about being quiet. So much stuff happening! Firstly, we had a public holiday today, yay! We are in Johannesburg for the long weekend - one of my university friends is turning 30. Our country is totally up in arms about our paralympian Oscar Pistorius who killed his girlfriend - thinking she was an intruder. Shot her through the toilet door. Everybody is freaking out. With the first time ever a court case being televised. You have never seen such mayhem, wherever you go you hear people talking about it. Our crazy southafricans! Also, my partner and i bought a house! First time ever! Extremely excited but also nervous as hell. We are moving in the end of May. It's 10 minutes from the beach and now we can get a dog, yay! Have been having some health issues lately. I have either an ulcer or gallstones. Contacted my surgeon's office and i need to go in for an endoscopy on 7 april. I think it might be an ulcer though. Constant burning sensation right in the middle below my boobs... Really horrible. And when i sometimes eat or drink tea, then i get terrible cramps and have to go to the loo. TMI, but my tummy is runny and yucky. Ofcourse my surgeon's assistant emailed me saying that Doc is asking whether i still smoke... ???? Of course i still do, as this i see as my coping meghanism currently - you know about the hectic paychological problems i have been having. Working through major issues. I dont overeat or drink alcohol at all - i smoke. I know know know it is bad and i really want to quit in the near future, but i know if i am dead honest i wont be able to do it now. I will go off my handle. Of course if i am having a stomach ulcer as i am suspecting i know how terrible smoking is for that. So i have cut down a lot on it. But i am preparing myself for a serious crapp-out session awaiting me on 7 april... Oi vey! My weight has been standing still for months now almost ;-( But i havent been diligent with exercises and also meal planning. I basically eat the same things over and over - quite boring. Dont think i've been getting enough protein in. I am upset with myself yeah. But i am also learning to be kinder to myself. So i will be getting back on the wagon diligently doing everything i should and working out menus and such. And get on with those damn exercises! I really hoped i would get addicted to it and have the high as some people report - but this has yet to happen ???? At least i am not gaining. Ok time for bed for me almost 1:30 in the morning over here! Hope you are all well, my dear friends! xxx

I am thinking of you, Dorigirl xx

Dearest Krystal, i am so much thinking of you! I wish I could make it better! But it is a horrible thing to feel physically horrible! You poor darling! I am sending you love vibes across the ocean, and that they can fix what is not right soon, so that you can start living your life like you planned when you took the first step on this journey. Please come and rant anytime, we aprilsisters are here for each other. For the rest of ya'll, i copy here something i jsu wrote in a new post about mental health. That has been a big issue and obstacle on my journey so far. Would like to hear what your thoughts are on this. Here goes: - Since my op - it was as if an ocean was opened and it flooded all over me. Mental issues!!! So much stuff! And to try and cope with it. But this horrible depression ans terrible anxiety, i dont even know what to say. It's like layers of myself just fall away more and more and i dont know perhaps i am afraid there will be nothing left of me! Weird feelings and thoughts going around and around and actually i just want to know - am I the only one? Is there anyone else reading this that feels like they are trying to swim upstream really hard, but just want to let the Water take you down the river? It's like an open wound. It's weird. Just saw my psychiatrist today, he amended my meds so that i take 150g of Sertraline (Zoloft) now daily. Also one Rivotril. Anyone else on these meds? I used to be Sertraline 100g plus wellbutrin XL. But i dont think it did much. Felt the same as before wellbutrin was added. I read up on it and the literature states clearly gastric bypass patients should not take extended release meds. I dont think much was absorbed. So now we are trying the sertraline at a higher dose. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Personally I feel I suffer from borderline personality disorder. But my psychologist insists not to "diagnose" yet - as she says this is me in crisis and symptoms mask stuff and this and that whatever - basically too soon to tell. She says though if she had to take a guess, it's probably bipolar disorder. But i dont know about that. I dint think i am bipolar. I know bipolar people, and i dunno, me going off my handle is much different from them going off their handle. Anyway, just wanted to share this with you and hear your thoughts on the subject. Also, is anyone out there also using sertraline, how much, and how do you find its effectiveness? Thanks dear friends!

Help. Friends help. I am freaking out and all alone! So a week ago i was diagnosed with hectic bronchitis. GP booked me off and put me on antibiotics. As well as cortisone. Although the terrible chest pain went away, i still felt sickish. So through this whole week of meds and sick, of course i became constipated again. But i was hardly eating and didnt realise it ad much. So Monday my meds were done but still not feeling fine. Took a laxative, nothing happened. Took laxatives again yesterday, nothing happened. However i did start getting the feeling that i have trouble to pee. And my mouth is burning up, my tongue and insides as if acid was thrown on it - very weird. So today i went back to work for first time. Took laxative again and really got worried now. And at long last it felt like a hippo morphing from my body - very painful and rockhard stool (sorry). There was some blood involved. And i continued to go throughout the day - now only sluggish mud with some blood it seems. Do you think the blood is from when i hurt myself with that hippo? I hope so and hope it is not an ulcer. I am also quite feverish and feeling a bit nauseous and just really unwell. Plus I am itchy in my lady parts. And my mouth is burning! Is it perhaps because i wasnt given probiotics? I got some probiotics now. Will it help friends?? Is there something else i also need to take? I am very freaked out. Has any of you been on heavy antibiotics and cortisone post op?? Please give me some advice!

Friends please help me. I've been seriously constipated the last week. Only pooped once and it wasnt a lot. It was kind of like clay and greenish in colour. I've been having a fee stool softeners, but it isnt doing the trick. Is it safe for me to take a laxative like laxa? I am 9 months post op. never had a probem like this. Please help!!! Tried flaxseeds as well, nothing, feel so bloated!

Help. Friends help. I am freaking out and all alone! So a week ago i was diagnosed with hectic bronchitis. GP booked me off and put me on antibiotics. As well as cortisone. Although the terrible chest pain went away, i still felt sickish. So through this whole week of meds and sick, of course i became constipated again. But i was hardly eating and didnt realise it ad much. So Monday my meds were done but still not feeling fine. Took a laxative, nothing happened. Took laxatives again yesterday, nothing happened. However i did start getting the feeling that i have trouble to pee. And my mouth is burning up, my tongue and insides as if acid was thrown on it - very weird. So today i went back to work for first time. Took laxative again and really got worried now. And at long last it felt like a hippo morphing from my body - very painful and rockhard stool (sorry). There was some blood involved. And i continued to go throughout the day - now only sluggish mud with some blood it seems. Do you think the blood is from when i hurt myself with that hippo? I hope so and hope it is not an ulcer. I am also quite feverish and feeling a bit nauseous and just really unwell. Plus I am itchy in my lady parts. And my mouth is burning! Is it perhaps because i wasnt given Probiotics? I got some probiotics now. Will it help friends?? Is there something else i also need to take? I am very freaked out. Has any of you been on heavy antibiotics and cortisone post op?? Please give me some advice!

I had so much chocolate this weekend I am so mad at myself. Felt like pre-op me again. I dont like that obeast! Why oh why??? Why did i do this?? I craved it so much though and i just gave in! It doesnt make me dump (but breadstuffs and pies does). I am so mad at myself. So afraid that i am self sabotaging myself. And i have been so good this whole time. Always eat like i should. Just struggling to get into a groove with exercise, really dont like exercise. Sigh. Just allover depressed and mad at myself and mad that i have to feel this way now i thought i was over and done with with this self-loathing after self-indulging. Just want to cry a bit and be done with this whole journey. Be at goal weight. But i am only two thirds there. Still a third to go! Oh man!

Dee, you are AWESOME!! This kick in the butt is just what i needed!! Thank you so much! And thanks for understanding. It helps to know i am not alone with this feelings and this whole scenario. It gives me hope that I CAN DO this! Thank you so so so much! I dont know you, but damn, i love you!!

Hi there, thank you so much, but i dont know where to get that. Did anyone get an expressed instruction not to ever use a laxative? Even in emergencies as last resort? That is what i want to know. If it can cause something terrible in us or not. Please help out, friends!

Yay so glad some of you gonna join in!! What an improvement girl, wow!! Would like to see you all's photos! I am going to copy a question here i just asked on the main page. In case you miss it and you can perhaps help me out with advice, please. Friends please help me. I've been seriously constipated the last week. Only pooped once and it wasnt a lot. It was kind of like clay and greenish in colour. I've been having a few stool softeners, but it isnt doing the trick. Is it safe for me to take a laxative like laxa? I am 9 months post op. never had a probem like this. Please help!!! Tried flaxseeds as well, nothing, feel so bloated!

Will go check immediately! You are also welcome to read my blog. If you're on pc, it is in my signature, if you're on your phone, just google "obeasta" and "wordpress". ❤

Oe, i want to say another thing. Let's do a group activity. My challenge is this for us all: when you are on the exact date of your surgery this month, take a pic of yourself on that day and post it here. Let us all see how far each have come in 9 months. Post a before pic as well. I will do mine on the 17th, as i had my surgery on the 17th. If your date has already passed, please so it soon as you can! Please please please ladies, join me in this??? xxxx

Loves you all too so much! I am sending you all much love far away from Africa ???? I hope this week will only get better for all of us! xxx

Sorry i accidentally pressed send, wasnt done! Anyway, you can read about this journey on my blog. I have been struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety since my early 20s. But it was never nearly as bad as after i had the surgery. It is as if it cane at me full force, like a tornado. And not immediately, only a few months out. I am 9 months post op and this has been my greatest battle, mentally. I recognise now that i used food in the past to "numb" these feelings. And now that i dont have food anymore, i am forced to stare it squarely in the face. I am seeing a psychologist now every week and regularly i see my psychiatrist as well, to find the right dose and meds. Currently I am on Sertra, Rivotril and Wellbutrin and it seems to do the trick. I am coping much better, but i do think my counselling is helping A LOT as well. Obviously I have suppressed issues from way back. Anyhow, i dont have any answers. And i do recognise that you have the added stressor of HIV and i am so sorry about that. All i can say is focus on yourself. Research "mindfulness" and apply it. Go for counselling. And get into meditation. I found an AWESOME app called 'simply being' and put it on every night when i turn off my light. I am thinking of you, my friend, and I hope things get better soon. You are not alone in this struggle. Much love from Africa.

I have been struggling through this.

OMF!! I also had a day of almost non-stop snacking! What the hell?? Had loads of litchis during the day. Some watermelon. 2 pieces of chocolate. Some rice crackers (quite a few). ???? Maybe it's the 9th month curse?? I can also eat a lot more than before. Usually i am very good and stick to my meals and up my protein and dont snack. Just dont know what went on today.

Shame Dori man. Remember, one day at a time. You do what you can on every new day. And focus of how far you have come. This road is leading you somewhere, some place good. And how you get there is taking one step at a time, everyday. You'll be just fine in the end. Thinking of you and Kris! xxx

Guys, i just found an awesome app that only tracks protein! And it is free! Search for Protein-tracker.

Ok, enough of this bullshitting myself already! It stops NOW! I am almost 9 months out and only managed to lose 107 or so pounds. I still have 60 to go!! And why? Exercise and the LACK thereof. But this is stopping RIGHT now. So here are my goals for January: * gym 4 times a week (20 min treadmill, 20 min elliptical/rower, 20 min weights) * Saturday and Sunday: stationary bike for 30 mins * work on mindful meditation. Anyone joining me on this fitness crusade? It is our surgaversary in 3 months!!