I am new here and I am sorry this sounds so negative but I am desperately in need of help or advice. My husband had the RNY surgery at the beginning of 2012, He has lost over 160 pounds. He has become very fit and works out hard and follows a very healthy diet. This has done miracles for his health and for that I am very thankful, but unfortunately it seems he has also sunk into a very bad depression. He was depressed before the surgery as well and I honestly believe when he was speaking to all the health professionals before the surgery that he may have lied about his true feelings and thoughts just so they would go ahead with the surgery. He had a very abusive childhood that he never got help to heal, he has carried a lot of anger around and I tried to encourage him to seek help and was always rebuffed by him saying that only the weak see counselors and that he is a man and he dont need help. As the surgery date got closer he became happier and more excited for his new life. Even the first several months after surgery were wonderful. But now almost a year later it has turned into a nightmare. I have done a lot of research about this surgery because I always wanted to support him and I had read many terrible stories about couples getting divorced. i was determined to stand by his side and help him through everything. I myself am fit and live healthy, so I know that aspect is not getting in the way. I have also read depression can be pretty common. I wish I could understand this more, but I only know what I have read in articles. I am looking for advice on how to help him when he refuses professional help. Our marriage is on the brink of divorce. Because of his anger towards me and him treating me very ugly the last few months I have also become very depressed. I feel worthless. He constantly comments on how all these women pay attention to him. I literally kiss his butt. Seriously I do EVERYTHING for him and he just doesn't see it. He says I neglect him, which is absolutely not true. he says I am never there for him. He says I dont understand. Now Im not perfect by any means, but even my family and friends are very concerned about the way he treats me. I recently returned to my hometown which is several hours away because he said he needs time and he doesn't feel like himself. I told him I understand he has gone through a huge change in a short period of time and I wanted to help him but he refused. I didnt want to leave but he wanted me to. He rarely contacts me anymore, matter of fact I know when he is ignoring my calls and all my other commuication. He even blocked me on all the social pages. I know this sounds childish, but he is my husband and I love him and this hurts so much. Have any of you experienced this anger and depression after surgery? If so what helped you? The more I try the more he hurts me with his words and gives me the silent treatment. I am also in counseling and basically everyone is telling me to divorce. Divorce is not my option. I told him I would stand by his side no matter what and that is what I intend to do, but he just keeps pushing me further away. I am very concerned about him. But he is so angry that if I contacted his family or a counselor for him it owuld just enrage him. He pretends he is happy around everyone else when he clearly is not. I wish he could see it is okay to cry, it is okay to talk to me about his feelings, seeking professional help is okay too, but he thinks he is a man and can handle it. I want my husband back. How do I help him? Im sorry I am not trying to play the victim or anything, I dont even care about myself I care about him but cannot understand why he wants to hurt the person who wants to help him. This has become 10000x worse since the surgery.
