M'Lane

Your concerns are valid. A bad marriage will only get worse. A good one will be tested. I'm sure your husband loves you for YOU and not your size. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open, and reassure him often when you do lose weight, because he may get jealous of the new found attention from others (mainly men). Make sure he understands you aren't going anywhere, no matter what. M'Lane

I've been in your shoes. I too, have a son who is on SSI and he gets very little every month (under $300) He has a variety of mental health diagnoses (since he was born I knew something was different about him) and has been in and out of psychiatric institutions his whole life (10 times since he was 4 1/2, he's 10 now) He takes phychiatric meds too and that process is a tricky one because he is a child, growing, and they often need to be changed/adjusted. It was very, very difficult maintaining a job when he was very young and he was thrown out of the 3 daycares in our area where we lived. I was always getting called out of work (I was a customer service associate at Walmart for 5 years) and was lucky to keep my job as long as I did. Good luck getting SNAP benefits. Its been my experience that it can take a while (which is STUPID) because even after you submit all of the necessary paperwork, they come back at you saying they need like 3 more things! URGH!! Frustrating to say the least but perservere and you will get help. In the meantime, go online and research food pantries in your area. Often local churches will have them and you usually just need to supply a current bill (proving address) and your license. Cooking homemade saves money too. I used to buy so much pre-made stuff when I worked for convenience but it did cost more. I make everything home made now and it does save on $$$. You can easily learn crockpot cooking (if you have one) all you do is throw the ingredients into it in the morning and by dinner--you're done! So easy and so much healthier too. I used to do bulk cooking one day a week and make a big batch of meatballs, spaghetti sauce, meatloaves and pre-cook Pasta, usually on the weekends. You can freeze stuff in ziploc bags (I always buy storebrand) and flatten them out to save room in the freezer. Do you have a support person you can talk to? Is individual therapy something you could explore? Many insurance companies (including medicaid) have a mental health benefit and I suggest using it. I used to go to weekly therapy while the kids were all in school during the day and it does help. I used it to unload my emotional crap of the week and I'd feel so much better. Good luck sweetie in getting through a difficult situation! M'Lane

I'm sorry you are having marriage problems. As someone who grew up in a household with an alcholic father, I know how much this sucks. (((HUGS))) I understand it's difficult in this economy and many people stay together for many reasons. You have to decide what is right for you and I don't want to come across and harsh, but what message are you sending your children? Ulimately, when I finally got out of a very, very abusive marriage (physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive) and I decided to throw his ass out, I never looked back. I was a single mom for 10 years to my five young children (I had twins and then 3 years later, triplets) and became a single mom when the triplets were just a year and a half old. In the end, it came down to my happiness and what my children were exposed to. I was not willing to allow my children to see us fight anymore (horrible, physical, screaming fights) and there was a lot of infidelity too. My ex-husband never did any household chores, diaper changes or child care so I figured, well, I was already a single mom AND married so why not do it all on my own. It IS tough, but there are options. If you don't already have one, get your own personal bank account and start squirrling money away. I didn't do this and wish I had. Even if things work out between you and your husband, you can use that money as your plastic surgery fund. If you have a trusted friend or family member that knows your situation, ask them if they can put the account in their name, especially if your state is a community property state. Good luck in whatever you decide! M'Lane

The first few weeks are the hardest for sure! Unfortunately, most of us suffer with this. You need to treat your Protein drinks like medicine--just take it. Hold your nose (sometimes the smell makes the taste worse), use a closed container or shaker bottle, and just do it. Protein is necessary for healing (as is walking). The first few weeks though, none of us make our daily protein requirement. Concentrate on staying hydrated and try and find a Protein Powder that is tolerable. Its tough, because your taste buds are likely very sensitive and most things will taste way too sweet. I'd buy unflavored protein powder and add your own flavorings to it. You can also mix it with chicken broth, Soups and sugar free pudding for added protein. GNC makes a clear ready-to-drink Protein Drink that are fruit flavors that aren't too sweet (Isopure). They are pricey, but you could try a few flavors and see if they work. I used Isopure vanilla flavored powder as an early post-op mixed with skim milk. It's costly ($50 a tub) but I could use it as a base and add things like crystal light mix, sugar-free Jello and once my diet was progressed and allowed it, frozen fruit in the blender. Good luck! Congratulations on your recent surgery! M'Lane

I have had a catheter at least 10 times for past surgeries. It has never hurt to have it taken out. If you're having this much anxiety about a catheter, perhaps you should speak directly to your surgeon prior to the day of surgery. It has been my experience in the past (for the countless tests, procedures and surgeries I have had, that the fear of the unknown can be worse than the actual procedure. An example I can give you that I experienced was the extreme anxiety I felt over having my mamogram for the first time. I heard so many horror stories about how painful it is and that they squish the breast down to a flat pancake. I equated it to having your private parts being run over by a mack truck. I put off having this important test for 2 years out of fear. The day of my mamogram, I had an anxiety attack and ended up sobbing and crying out of fear. Let me tell you--do I feel stupid! It was NOTHING! No pain, the technician was gentle and respectful and when it was over, I laughed about it with her telling her about the intense fear I had. Thankfully, everything is completely normal and I have no problem getting one yearly. M'Lane

Are you keeping up with protein, water, exercise and vitamins/supplements?

This is where the majority of my pain was post-op. It lasted the longest too and gradually went away at 6 weeks postop. After the first two weeks, it was more a nagging, 'stitch' type feeling on the left side. This incision is the largest during your RNY procedure and where the staple/cut tool the surgeon uses to create your pouch goes. It has to pass through fat and then a lot of muscle which is why there is the most pain there. Try applying a heating pad to the area with a towel/facecloth in between. M'Lane

So sorry you are feeling lonely. My best advice is to vent your frustrations (just like you did) and talk with others who have been in your shoes. Unfortunately, this is a very personal thing and unless you have done it, no one really can understand. Are you in talk therapy? If you aren't, I suggest looking into it. I found it extremely helpful to 'unload' all of my emotional crap that was new to me after having wls. I was a food adict pre-op, and it was the only way I could figure out how to actually learn how to FEEL my emotions because for so long I just ate them away, which is why I ended up very, very sick at 38 years old, and weighed 320 lbs. You need to find alternatives to food as comfort and unfortunately, only YOU can do it. It has taken me nearly 3 years to realize this and even though I was in therapy, and did learn some great coping skills, I had to do it on my own. Do you have a pet? Is it possible to get one? I love animals and have always kept at least one pet (I like cats and dogs, but cats are my favorite. We have 3 now and I love them so much and treat them like my children) If it is possible, it may help ease some of your lonliness. Sometimes, even in relationships (marriage, boyfriends, and platonic friends) you can be around someone a lot and still be lonley. This was the case when I was married. We were really just roomates who had sex. We had children together and after my 2nd pregnancy (and the children were a year and a half old) I made the decision to kick his ass to the curb because I deserved better. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I met my fiance and partner that I learned what a healthy realtionship looks like. I gravitated toward the same type of man, one that abused me and cheated on me. Take some time for yourself and do some self-discovery. This is a very tricky time (after wls) and you are going to experience many, many changes which can be detrimental to marriages/relationships. Do not make any decisions right now though, because you are likely in an emotional upheaval. Good luck sweetie! It will get better. Look into therapy. Perhaps give your surgical practice a call (whoever did your RNY) they may be able to recommend someone. M'Lane