Thank you everyone. I feel welcome, which is nice. I should warn you, I'm a writer. Not professional by any menas, I just mean I LOVE to write, so my blogs, posts etc will rarely be short. If you don't want to read the walls of text I can understand but I alaways felt sharing my journey may help someone, anyone, in some small way.
So, I guess as the saying goes, I can't tell you where I'm going without telling you where I've been. So lets do this first...
So as you know I am just shy of 1 year, 8 months since my surgery. It really doesnt seem like it yet it seems like a lifetime ago. I suppose in essence it is. My life is nothing like it was. Its not just anbout losing the weight. Well no, it is, obviously but I mean its so much more then you can ever realize. The old saying of "until you've walked a mile in my shoes..." is really quite perfect. Except now instead of walking a mile in cobby cuddlers I can do so in heels HAHA! Sorry had to inject humor...this is VERY emotional.
Ok so lets do numbers first. My top weight was 332 lbs.
I lost 60, then gained 20. I was down 40 still by the time I began my journey. I weighed in at my surgeons office just before the surgery at 290 lbs.
Right now I weigh 153. That puts me at 137 down from my surgery and 179 down from my top.
ok, here is my first blog entry, it was posted Jan 24, 2011. Just shy of a month after the surgery...
Having been overweight all my life it was something I guess I just came to accept as an inevitability. Be happy with who you are. I convinced myself this was meant to be and I should look for the positives in me. If people don't like me cause I'm fat...screw 'em. Did some things bother me? Well ya, of course. Lots of boy friends growing up, but no boyfriends. Hell, try hanging out with a bunch of size 0 or 2 and look like me. Hard for a fat chick to be invisible, but to guys, I think I was. I remember too many times that I was with my friends and we got invited to a party but guys we just saw in the store or something. They would smile and flirt with my friends. I stood in the back, eyes down. I didn't need to see what I perceived to be disgust when they dared look at me. I was on line once at the Dairy Barn drive through with one of my friends. Suddenly the guy in the car in front of us got out and came to our car. He leaned in and looked at my girlfriend and said "I just had to come tell you that I saw you in my rear view mirror and I had to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen" This was the story of my teenage years. Sure, I think I had a great personality, but as the ugly chick saying goes...that was all that was said about me. Even my ex-husband told his mom when we met in college "I met a girl with the best personality" Man, even the guy I married thought I was the "fat chick"!
Both my kids were hard pregnancies. I remember when I was pregnant with my son the Dr. had written on my folder (on my very first visit) "Morbidly Obese"...WTF!!! But sadly my weight did complicate things. His delivery was easier. I was heavier by the time I had my daughter and it was just one thing after another. They used to laugh that they would name a wing after me because of all the Dr visits I had in the hospital. I don't know how many people I told this to, but as if things weren't bad enough I almost died giving birth to my daughter. Well thankfully and obviously I didn't. But thanks to all that went wrong in the pregnancy and delivery the Dr told us...another pregnancy would likely kill me and the baby I carried. WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I GET MY TUBES TIED!!!
I had contracted gestational diabetes with my daughters pregnancy. The worst part is, it never went away. It started with meds, but I never worried and just kept eating and getting heavier. I eventually went on insulin telling myself, oh this will fix it so I can still do what I want. Its awesome to be in such denial. I don't recall what started it, but a few years ago I suddenly went hmmm I want to lose weight. I swam every night with the family, we did laps and then played in the pool. Then we would go home and cook a healthy dinner. It was a great summer. But fall and winter came. Not as easy to get out and there was no way in HELL I would join a gym. Why is it the gyms are always filled with people who don't seem to need it? Can you see me on a treadmill next to some 120 lb chick? Excuse me, would you mind my fat butt on the treadmill next you? I could walk for 5 minutes and shamefully waddle away. So the 60 lbs I lost started to creep back. Thankfully only 20 returned. But there I sat for about 3 years.
Gotta run for now. More later ^^
Thanks for listening, so far lol
btw...here is my recently obtained new license, my first one since the surgery. I attached the old one on top (obviously)
I hope you all don;t mind if I keep going...
I haven't even begun if you'll listen
