SusieB29

Death by chicken nuggets and chocolete,
by the age to 24 I was hitting 500lbs. Depression was by source of pain and food was the medicine I perscribed. It did two things: I felt better at the moment and it validated how much I hatted my self.

One day something changed in side of me and I wanted a life; but i could bearly walk and could fit in nothing. My family did a trip to Disney world and it took two first class tickets for me to fly there and a seat belt extension. I no longer wanted to die. I wanted to live. So I persued a new weightloss method: Vertical Banded Gastroplasty. The surgen told me I would lose 50% of the weight an estimated 250 lbs.

Prior to the surgery we had no rules, it was an experiment at the time and I ate like there was no tomorrow. I was topping 544 the day of surgery. I had to put my self on the OR table, I saw the instriments (scaples, streachers etc.): I still have panic attacks in a DR office no matter how hard I try no to. BUT I lost 250lbs. I managed to stay at 290-320 for 10 years.

I did not have to buy new clothes every year, I was a solid 26/28 at all times. I had my winter weight and summer weight and never felt so normal: because I was not trying. My body had found a new normal. Now, to some this sounds large but for ME, I had been unable to walk, sit in normal chairs, work...they said I would die soon so THIS WAS LIVING! I was so happy. I married, had a child and I maintained my weight.

A few bumps in the road, (BIG BUMPS) and for 3 years clothes were getting snug. I got to thinking about my son and my disire to ride a roller coaster with him and go bike ridding again....but I was still too big. So I called the surgen and began the second leg of the trip. I had been told from day one that a second sergery would be required. I would need the bypass at some point after children (they were scared to do it 12 years ago).

I was labled a failure from the door. It hurt, it unmotivated me. I struggled. I did not feel like a failure. I had gained 60 lbs over 3 years. I had kept it off for 10 years. WHAT and WHO failed?! But medically, I never got out of the obese zone and there for I was a Failure. Oh well, insurance was eager to pay so I accepted the term.

Today I am 3.5 weeks out of my revision. I am losing weight slower then I would like (at 550 I lost 10 lbs a week for months! so this was a let down to me) I weigh less now then I did a year ago (go me) and i have 30 lbs before I consider it a new success. When i get under 310 im on my way. That weight was my regain; the new me is anything under 310.

Like my first surgery, i have a hard time with food. I don't mind not eating; i prefer not to eat...once i eat a trigger is pulled and I feel emotional. I like not eating and the control it gives me.

My goals this time are simple: Ride a Roller Coaster with my son, Start Riding a bike again, I love cycling through a state park ( want to share that with my boy), to wear boots and a jean skirt for my husband and last be able to buy jeans off the rack at Old Navy.... What the scale says, is of little importance this time. I want to feel better and have the ability to do more.

I have a gal pal who did the operation with me: she and I support eachother but i am a revision and it is different. My Husband plans to get it next year. I will be supporting him as always.

Beyond questions and answers this is a journey of life and basic emotions. This is not easy, im changing everything in my life and there are struggles. Emotions pop up and that is difficult for me personally. To have support for that; and offer it for the emotional struggles......I hope I can do that here.