I've read many of the answers to this thread and I seem to find that I fall into several different categories. I've been fat ALL my life. I can't stand to look at pictures of myself at the age of three looking like I'm pregnant, with a huge stomach.
Why? Well, part of that must have been genetic. I have two brothers who were always thin. After we were all adults we found out that they were adopted. It all seemed to make sense. My parents were overweight, as well as my grandparents. The only thin ones were my brothers.
But I think my childhood environment compounded the difficult genetic situation. My parents always tried to get me to eat less junk, while keeping tons of junk in the house. Why should the boys suffer when they were fine? As a child, their comments and negative reactions only served to ruin what little self esteem I had. That caused me to turn to food more, as way to get back at them, and also as a comfort. I also began to eat out of boredom and lonliness. As I got older and my weight continued to be a problem, other kids as well as my family members' teasing and insults made my self esteem and eventual depression worse. I remember my mother screaming at me when we would have fights and calling me a fat f*ck. As with many of the other posts, when I look back at photos of my younger years I think, gee, I wasn't THAT fat. But back then I felt like the biggest, fattest pig. Most of the time I felt like it didn't matter if I ate junk, since I was so huge anyway. It didn't make a difference. I'd never be thin and beautiful like my friends.
When I became an adult and was on my own, I seemed to be more in control of my eating, although the damage of a life time of poor eating habits and turning to food for comfort was already irreparable.
My question, though, is now that I have children of my own, how do I prevent the cycle from happening again? I have several children and some are thin and some are heavy. I have a three year old daughter who is chubby and I see so much of myself in her that it kills me sometimes to imagine her going through what I went through in life. I try so hard not to make her weight an issue. I am always telling her how beautiful she is, and I believe it! I'd just hate for her to start to feel the way I felt as a child. My other kids who are heavy have been made fun of at school and I've tried to counteract that by talking to them about how what other kids think is not important. What is important is that they eat healthy foods, proper portions and stay active. Maybe I'm more worried about my daughter since she is my only girl. I think to some degree boys have an easier time, and my other overweight kids are just a bit overweight.
I try to create an environment where all of my children are taught to make healthy food choices and see food only as a means to nourish the body, not as a comfort or as something to turn to when other areas of life are not fulfilling. But she LOVES to eat. Even at this age, she is always asking for food and loves treats. I don't want to create an environment totally devoid of any junk food, for fear that she will seek it out eventually.
Usually when she says she is hungry I try to figure out if she is really hungry, or if she really needs something else, like something to do, or maybe just a drink. If it's been a while since she's eaten I offer her healthy choices, like fruit or veggies. Luckily, all of my kids like these things. But even apples have calories. Even with the healthy things she is still heavy. I don't know why.
With my other kids who are in school and going to friends houses, I worry that if they never get junk food at home, they will go the opposite extreme when they are on their own. I'm sure they see their friends at school having bags of chips and candy in their lunch boxes.
I don't want to make food a big issue with my kids, but I'm afraid it already is. After reading all these posts and thinking about my own history I just don't know how to help my kids avoid going through the same thing I went through to get to this point in life where surgery is the only option to be "normal" when it comes to weight. I guess since I've never had a "normal" relationship with food, I don't know how to give one to my kids.
