This was something I blogged on another forum site that I used to use quite often.....
It was dated October 30, 2010......
So I am the one that a month out from surgery was pushing to be able to drink. Just a little I said. Just a glass of wine I said. Well they are not kidding when they tell you it is not a good idea. I started drinkin a month out and did not quit until last Saturday. And that is after being put into detox and then into the mental health unit at u of m. I was in detox before this and tried tried tried but just failed at quitting. It took me being sent away from my kids, my husband (who is now on his last straw with me), my job, and my life. It took me feeling like I was at the end of my rope, considering and partially acting on taking my own life.
Dear Alcohol, I love you. I LOVED you. You were there when no one else was. You were there when I needed to feel better. You were there when I was sad and wanted to be happy. You were there when I was uncomfortable and you gave me comfort in my self. You gave me self esteem. You helped me be more social, more alive, more of a person with a personality. But I must say good-bye as I have opened my mind to the possibility that perhaps you are the most fake love of my life. You made me believe in you yet you tried to take everything away. You tried to make me fail, and guess what.....I am not gonna. I may have caused my loved ones much grief, much embarrasement, much resentment, and I cannot change that, but I can turn it around starting now. Everyone makes mistakes right? I cant change what has happened but I can only choose to try and be better now. So farewell my beloved fake friend. I hope to never see or feel you again. God grant me the serenity.....
Love/Hate,
Mandy
This was a few days later.....
Thank you all for all of the encouragement!! There was another thing that I had wanted to add. During one of my "detox stays" my blood alcohol was .39 and that was at least 4 hours AFTER I had stopped drinkin!! AND, I was semi-normal acting/feeling.......dont get me wrong, I was drunk, but didnt feel or act THAT drunk! I could have died. I could have left my young girls motherless and my husband a single dad. Alcohol really does affect us different now!!
And yet, I still had more episodes, one even harsher. This would have been in December, my birthday weekend, of 2010.
That was my last time I was kept in the hospital. I did some more outpatient, some aa, and here I sit today. A little more in control.....
Just, BE CAREFUL friends! IF you think it may not be a good idea, SKIP IT! IF you think it may be something you can handle.....DONT RISK IT!!!!
Much love
