kookaburra

"I was having a rough time with the diet and was really just looking to find that I wasn't the only one who had made these errors and that others have given in too" Not that it matters now but I just wanted you to know that I meant given in to their hunger/cravings not given up altogether :thumbup: BetsyB I love the way that you support people on here and Amy thank you for caring enough to say what you think and dblex thankyou for your understanding and support. Take care everyone, I think that you are all a wonderful group of people and very strong and committed; all qualities that I truly admire.

Thanks guys, I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry that I've been feeling more sensitive than usual and probably took some of this stuff to heart as criticism when it was said in the context of offering support (and I really do and have appreciated the support). I think people on this board are amazing the way that they listen and offer suggestions to each other. I'll still be on here and when I'm back on the surgery list, I'll be coming from a much healthier emotional place so I give myself the best foundation for success. Take care everyone xoxoxox:smile2:

Hi Anne, thanks for your post. Absolutely nothing that's been said here has influenced my decision. I take full responsibility for my decision to postpone and it was a carefully thought through one. I really understand what you are saying about behaviour modification and to a certain extent I've found not delving into the why to be helpful but I have a 'nagging' feeling that there is something not right that needs my attention so that I can then release it forever - this strategy has worked for me very well in the past. I understand that Tough Love can be a good thing, I've just never responded well to it because I don't usually reach out at times when I'm tough enough to deal with Tough Love :thumbup: Thanks very much for all of your support. Take care xoxox

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your posts although to be honest I was shocked that some of you felt you knew me well enough to make some of the assumptions that you did. I was having a rough time with the diet and was really just looking to find that I wasn't the only one who had made these errors and that others have given in too (I'm sick of feeling like a weak person and it's always comforting to know that others understand and have been there too). Saying that you understand and have been in that position too isn't enabling someone, it's empathy. I've thought this through and decided to postpone my surgery. The fact that I've not been able to stick to my pre-surgery diet tells me that I haven't dealt with whatever things from the past I've been squishing down with food and a lapband isn't going to fix that for me. For years food was the only thing that ever comforted me during long episodes of severe OCD and Depression so I have some very strong associations to break there and I think I need support to do that before I get the band. Take care everyone xoxox

Hi everyone, I've got a surgery date of 30th April which is very exciting. I'm on Day 5 of the Pre-Op Diet and I'm not coping well at all. My doctor said to do Optifast. I've done shakes and bars (even though I think he only wanted me to do shakes) and I've had a few sandwiches and a can of baked Beans and a salad. I'm very hungry, angry, had uncontrollable diarrohea and I'm just basically so bloody starving. If I could do Optifast I would have done it to lose weight in the first place. I'm not looking for people to enable me, I'd just like to know if others have cheated (in healthy ways) and still had their surgeon willing to go through with the surgery? I know my liver is in bad shape and I also know that my head is telling me that I am ravenously hungry. I"ve done liquid diets in the past and the hunger DOES NOT go away after a few days. It might for some, but it doesn't for me unfortunately. Am I the only one that isn't sticking to this even though it's very important to me and I'm also self pay? Thanks everyone for reading, sorry for the downer of a message. xoxoxo

Hey there MaryRose, I haven't seen "Ruby." I live in Australia and I don't know if it screens here but I'll get on google right and look for her. Thanks so much for that tip and yes, I have gotten some wonderful advice and support. I'm very grateful. KInd regards,

Hi Bella71, Thank you very much for your lovely post. "Owning your femininity and sexuality" is not something that I've ever been great at. That's hard when it's always been used to make you feel ashamed or to please adults who should know better. You are absolutely right though, I guess for me and many others that I"ve met, it's a journey to get to that point and I appreciate you pointing out to me that sexuality and femininity ARE actually gifts rather than something to run from. Kind regards,

Thanks for your genuine care and understanding Betsy B. I truly do believe I've become fat to protect myself - that's quite a revelation really :thumbup: I really appreciate you sharing your experience and wisdom with me.

I meant to say I do have a beautiful counsellor that I see - she is wonderful. I don't know about her experience in dealing with sexual assault so I might ask her for a referral - there's absolutely no need to be concerned for me. Thanks.

Hi Betsy B, you may never know how great it was for me to read your message. I developed a serious obsession worrying about infidelity (have never been unfaithful, never wanted to be and never plan on being but that didn't matter to the obsession). The fat is insulating, just like you said - it's incredible the similarities in our stories. My mother made me feel very ashamed of my body from a young age and would talk to me like I'd done something wrong when I got sexual attention from HER husbands. She also allowed one of my step fathers to sleep in my bed with me when I was very drunk as a 16 year old (to make sure I didn't fall out of bed again and hit my head apparently). He didn't do anything that I can remember but I still find it very hard to forgive her for that. I've done so much work on myself psychologically in the past 3 years to the point where I actually WANT TO LIVE now rather than wishing an early death for myself but these things that I am absolutely furious at my mother for, keep rearing their head. It's so validating and wonderful of you all to listen to me and offer support. I don't expect it but I really do appreciate it and I hope that by sharing my story, it validates parts of other peoples lives that they feel shame from. Thanks again girls. Kind regards,

Thankyou. Your words mean a lot to me and I really appreciate them. What a lovely person you are!

Hi everyone, I'm getting banded in Australia on 23rd April. I'm really excited because it's something I've been thinking about for a few years and it's part of my plan for getting back to the real me this year. I do have something that worries me however and it's a reason that I believe I gained so much weight in the first place. As a young girl I felt very sexualised by 2 step fathers and also my real father and I also had a terrible experience at a high school graduation after party. As a teenager I weighed 50 kg, was really interested in clothes, cared about how I looked and loved going out. After that high school experience, I put on weight, became even more self conscious even extremely angry anytime someone gave me a compliment about my figure and tried to hide my body under big clothes until I got so big that I became invisible to men and no one noticed me anymore. I still feel enraged on the rare chance that someone compliments me on my appearance and I know it's pretty obvious that I have issues around sexual assault but I just haven't been able to find anyone that can delve deeply enough into the area that I'm needing to rid myself of this rage about appearances. I'm scared of being thin again and noticing men looking at me because it makes me want to vomit and yell at them all at once and I'm worried that I'll regain the weight to feel safe again even though I don't feel at all good or comfortable at this size (124 kg). I don't really expect any advice, I would just appreciate knowing if anyone else has ever felt this way? It's so good to be able to come on here, anonymously and say what is really bothering me. Thankyou. Kind regards,

Just needed to point out that I was talking about the surgeon, not anyone on here:smile2: