Nykee

FEBUARY 6th So, yesterday I felt like I could hardly eat at all. I never had a meal. I sipped on milk and broth all day.. and around 6pm I was able to chew and spit some chicken and then I had some applesauce and pop and milk and almonds and candy. BUt it all added up the same as every other day.. About 2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 300 carbs... So I didnt like that. It really goes to show how things can add up.. Like I had chocolate chips, two at a time.. but WOW the calories really added up and I had the smallest amounts of pop and those calories added up too.. Had I left out the pop and chocoalte chips, witch would of been so easy. I might of had a lesser calorie day for once.. Its been 4 days since I been loging my food.. and it seems like two weeks for something.. I think tomarrow I may break down and weigh myself.. I wanted to wait till the 14th but tomarrow I will be in the town that I can weigh on the real accurate scale. Maybe if I see how far I am from Goal (75 pound of loss by Feb. 14th) than I will kick it in this last week?? I MUST BE 340 POUNDS... I JUST MUST. I could drop 10 pounds in a week, if I really tried.. BUT whats the use? Just to say I made goal? I would just gain it back anyway. AS USUAL.. I cant get a fill cuz I am too tight in the AM. PLUS I am eating around the band anyway I can.. how obvious is that!

FEBUARY 6th So, yesterday I felt like I could hardly eat at all. I never had a meal. I sipped on milk and broth all day.. and around 6pm I was able to chew and spit some chicken and then I had some applesauce and pop and milk and almonds and candy. BUt it all added up the same as every other day.. About 2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 300 carbs... So I didnt like that. It really goes to show how things can add up.. Like I had chocolate chips, two at a time.. but WOW the calories really added up and I had the smallest amounts of pop and those calories added up too.. Had I left out the pop and chocoalte chips, witch would of been so easy. I might of had a lesser calorie day for once.. Its been 4 days since I been loging my food.. and it seems like two weeks for something.. I think tomarrow I may break down and weigh myself.. I wanted to wait till the 14th but tomarrow I will be in the town that I can weigh on the real accurate scale. Maybe if I see how far I am from Goal (75 pound of loss by Feb. 14th) than I will kick it in this last week?? I MUST BE 340 POUNDS... I JUST MUST. I could drop 10 pounds in a week, if I really tried.. BUT whats the use? Just to say I made goal? I would just gain it back anyway. AS USUAL.. I cant get a fill cuz I am too tight in the AM. PLUS I am eating around the band anyway I can.. how obvious is that!

Feb. 5th Today was a fickle day, I felt like I ate nothing.. and yet my calories and such are the same as every other day.. 10am 1 serving almonds 2 hard candies in middle of night. I think these are giving me problems for the day. So I moved the jar away from my bed and put it in the kitchen cuppord.. I will got his morning with no almonds and see if my band opens up easier for some afternoon liquids. 10am to 5pm bout 8 ounces 1% milk bout 1/3 cup broth bout Half cup of chocolate chips This was me all day trying to sip milk and broth and sucking on chocolate chips like 2 at a time.. Later and later it got and I just couldnt have anything much with out feeling it wasnt ok yet. MAYBE because I am sure to start my period anyday now??? I tend NOT to think that has anything to do with it.. Thats why i am going to try to be real dedicated to this food log, to understand my band.. I mean I just told sandie yesterday that my band acts the same everyday and then I see thats not really true.. is it??!! 6pm BBQ chicken skin and some bits of chicken.. 3 ounces in my guess OK, this is how that happened. My son came home and reheated a plate of BBQ, KFC chicken from 6 days ago. When he was done, I took his plate (he didnt eat it all) and I decided to would do some chew and spit cuz I was hungry and frusterated wanting to eat. So I picked the bones and the skin and I sucked on it and I spit it out, and in the process, I think about 3 ounces of the goo, went down.. and I realized I was OPEN.. so I tried some milk and BEEHOLD, I really WAS open,.. but plenty full on that thick coated skin 4 ounces 1% milk AND the rest of the night till bedtime at 10pm 3 cup nesquick chocolate milk for the night (thats 6 dixie cups) Applesauce, 1/2 cup 3 teaspoons brown sugar 6 ounces root beer My child got this from our complex's pop machine and I felt thirsty and we had no juice and milk wasnt cutting it.. so I had some pop, usually I dont have pop cuz I dont like it all that much.. 6 ounces MOUNtain dew Then the other kid got a dew and I did the same thing. I had two dixied cups (with ice) of each.. I need to grocery shop and buy me some juice. I grocery shop tomarrow. One reses Peanut Butter cup pack (2 cups) Well, a kid had to go buy some milk at 7-11 and I told him to get me a PB cup and he said no and I said "pleeease" and so he did.. I KNOW HOW I CAN STOP getting these every night on milk runs.. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TELL MY SON "DO not get me ANY candy, NO matter if I ask you or beg you or make excuses like "its all i can get down"... DO NOT buy me any..and guarenteed he wouldnt do it..HE would never ever buy me any candy again NOW, my daughter still would...( I have tried all this before) ohhhhh grrrrrr blah Milk 1%... like 3 more cups And another serving of almonds at my bedside. Looking at it all.. I wouldnt have guessed I got in so much.. BUT I DID. NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER DAY.. seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee FITDAY calories 2610 fat 121 carbs 304 Protein 93

I havent noticed any difference at all I wish

I am going to weigh in on the 14th... I KNOW I have lost weight.. I feel it Plus I have been weighing at the ymca, its a scale not to be trusted but it HAS been moving.. lol PLEASE oh PLEASE.. let it say 340 AT leaste

nevermind.. i didnt see the '06

This is a really nice Journal.. Great Job!

I found two long lost videos of my son and my boy on the internet. I am so happy about that. Now I got to find the ones of cry and amb.. I write this incase this is the brightest point of my day. Havent done much thinking yet, cept of food .... it is almost 3pm and I am not open yet.. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr ME want JUICE!! From fitday: Current Weight Your weight is 345 lb as of 02/05/2006. Weight Goal Your goal is to weigh 315 lb by 02/14/2006 Goal Progress You are currently 30 lb above the target weight. The deadline for your goal is 9 days (1 weeks, 2 days) away. To meet your goal you need to lose about 23.33 lb per week. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL GOOD LUCK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I found two long lost videos of my son and my boy on the internet. I am so happy about that. Now I got to find the ones of cry and amb.. I write this incase this is the brightest point of my day. Havent done much thinking yet, cept of food .... it is almost 3pm and I am not open yet.. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr ME want JUICE!! From fitday: Current Weight Your weight is 345 lb as of 02/05/2006. Weight Goal Your goal is to weigh 315 lb by 02/14/2006 Goal Progress You are currently 30 lb above the target weight. The deadline for your goal is 9 days (1 weeks, 2 days) away. To meet your goal you need to lose about 23.33 lb per week. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL GOOD LUCK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I get what you describe and I dont think they are dangerous..

Yes I did it too.. I made a will of sorts as well and I took my kids to the zoo and bought them suvineers... all while in my mind I was thinking 'what if i die" and I owed it to them something

My fill doc can feel my port and access it immediately without flouro.. Its a good thing

I was poked like 10 times once.... But lately its like one poke and we got it.. My fill doctor can find/ feel my port BUt no matter how hard I try, I cant feel a thing. and once I was poked several times with a spinal needle (ER was trying to get my fill out as I was choking on my saliva and they never did it before) None of it reeally hurts all that much to me.

I want a work at home Job and cant find a way to get connected to that.. All my searching on the internet doesnt seem reliable.. Like medical transcription.. I could do that.. I have a few friggin degrees

HEy, we are practically twins.. lol

NOTHING, NOTHING at all.

Feb. 4th 7am Almonds, 1 serving 12pm- 2pm 3 hard candy 15 cheetos Nesquick with 1% milk. 2 ounces chocolate chips 1 cup regular milk 1/2 Cup chocolate peanutbutter icecream 5pm to 6pm One bite of a butterfinger candy bar Middle of a flour tortilla 1 ounces shredded cheese 1 tablespoon sour cream 1 tablesppon salsa 1 ounce chicken One sardine 10 to 1am 2 cups milk 1 serving almonds 2 servings reses peices (my son came in with a bag or I would of made it) Fitday Calories 2254 fat 116 carb 225 Protein 91 I really though I might of done better this day,.,. NOPE

Feburary 4th I got up off my ass and went to the Ymca. I took chase and cry. We played and I worked on my arms for 15 minutes. I sat in the Hot tub twice. They got a treat afterwards, and I took one bite of a candy bar and I didnt go to the store for any reses or cheetos.. It was hard. I also thought about getting that spinach cheese dip from Applebees and I didnt do that either, even though we drove right by it. I am bored. I wish I went to the coast. But i went last weekend and I have a weekend date this coming weekend.. and so I think I should of stayed home and I am BORED off my ass.. Prolly take some valium and go to bed. (at leaste my food intake will end around 1000 calories today IF I do) I am freezing. The electric Bill was 270$ something and Heat is a thing of the past.. NOt really, but it should be! I dont know how I am going to pay these bills. I want candy.

Feburary 4th I got up off my ass and went to the Ymca. I took chase and cry. We played and I worked on my arms for 15 minutes. I sat in the Hot tub twice. They got a treat afterwards, and I took one bite of a candy bar and I didnt go to the store for any reses or cheetos.. It was hard. I also thought about getting that spinach cheese dip from Applebees and I didnt do that either, even though we drove right by it. I am bored. I wish I went to the coast. But i went last weekend and I have a weekend date this coming weekend.. and so I think I should of stayed home and I am BORED off my ass.. Prolly take some valium and go to bed. (at leaste my food intake will end around 1000 calories today IF I do) I am freezing. The electric Bill was 270$ something and Heat is a thing of the past.. NOt really, but it should be! I dont know how I am going to pay these bills. I want candy.

ok but I am still confused.. good luck of course, I hope you get everything you want!!

I went on prozac (same as Zoloft pretty much) when I was litterally going crazy with post partum depression/psychosis.. I was 19.. I was on it for 6 months and it changed the very person I was. I cant even imagine going on the way I was.. I have always said I would do a commercial for Prozac.. I would Marry it too. I hear so many good things about Zoloft.. Maybe I should get some.. YA never know, it could only help.. right? Good LUCK and best wishes!!

So, we had her Birthday Party. All of us and my sister, neice and her new man. Plus Ashlee's friend. It went better than I could of ever hoped for. She was totally surprised by her ID bracelet and very happy to have it and beemed expressions of feeling lucky and special. That was my intent. She loved her Roses as she has never had any before and we are not a flower or jewlry kind of family. The dinner went well at Applebee's, I had tomatoe soup and some Spinach dip and got alittle choked up but it subsided. Everyone else had HUGE and delicious meals. Sure would be nice to eat like that again.. NOT!!! My sister went and paid the bill, The TURKEY. I tried to pay and it was already paid. THE SNEAK. I called her and she said "thanks for doing my taxes" OH BROTHER, it took me all of 5 minutes to do those taxes. But she did get a hefty refund.. So, HEY, Now I can pay the water bill!! Ashlee then took off for the coast. She is staying in a motel with a HUGE jacuzzi hot tub in the room (this is a 99$ deal in Lincoln City we are fortunate to get in the winter months) With her boyfriend.. I KNOW I KNOW.. that sounds terrible.. But they been dating for 4 years and well I had to get over that a long time ago. I wonder what the first "I am an adult" thing she will try to pull on me??

So, we had her Birthday Party. All of us and my sister, neice and her new man. Plus Ashlee's friend. It went better than I could of ever hoped for. She was totally surprised by her ID bracelet and very happy to have it and beemed expressions of feeling lucky and special. That was my intent. She loved her Roses as she has never had any before and we are not a flower or jewlry kind of family. The dinner went well at Applebee's, I had tomatoe soup and some Spinach dip and got alittle choked up but it subsided. Everyone else had HUGE and delicious meals. Sure would be nice to eat like that again.. NOT!!! My sister went and paid the bill, The TURKEY. I tried to pay and it was already paid. THE SNEAK. I called her and she said "thanks for doing my taxes" OH BROTHER, it took me all of 5 minutes to do those taxes. But she did get a hefty refund.. So, HEY, Now I can pay the water bill!! Ashlee then took off for the coast. She is staying in a motel with a HUGE jacuzzi hot tub in the room (this is a 99$ deal in Lincoln City we are fortunate to get in the winter months) With her boyfriend.. I KNOW I KNOW.. that sounds terrible.. But they been dating for 4 years and well I had to get over that a long time ago. I wonder what the first "I am an adult" thing she will try to pull on me??

I have received a certified letter from a doctor kicking me out of care.. And I deserved it.. It had nothing to do with the band or weight (or drugs) It was because I wouldnt take care of myself, I hated going to the doctors, I didnt take my meds and I always hid everyting.... I would break my foot and be black and blue for months and never go to the doctor.. I wouldnt take my pain pills and gave my self injuries by doing too much when I was told to stay in bed.. blah blah blah.. I was totally unrealiistic back then and didnt see it one bit. This was years ago and I am a goooooood patient now. I know how to listen and heal myself VS, abuse myself.

I tried to read all this over and over to see what I was missing. what I see, is someone who lost like 35 pounds and needs to lose another 20 or so.. and thinks she is obese (but obese is 50 pounds or more overweight) I cant imagine have even gotton the band to begin with much less even considered a gastric bypass.. I Would LOVE a BMI of 30. She already got the tummy tuck.. And she is like in panic mode.. I dunno.. I just dont get it..